Imagining the Future:
"During the last years the _BoL_ has basically been about
Working with past layers of one's path in order to Remember
oneself and via that to be more able to Become in the potential
future. This has meant Working with all past year's of one's
life and writing an initiatory autobiography."
--- Tapio Kotkavuori
I am not putting everything public which I did during this time, but there is quite a bit of these reflections already journalized, so I'm just gathering them all together on one page.
From
the Havamal (Bray
p 103)
How strange, the parallels to my thoughts of my future selves, also part of this year's Book of Life project. The first
Friday Illo theme this week was 'Aging'. THEN it was changed to 'sacrifice', (probably because aging was already done a year or so ago. How appropriate both are! The first one reminds me of the future, which will if I'm 'lucky' entail aging.
And then the next begs to me the question, as I envision a future me I'd like to see come into being, and hear mySelf asking myself, "So you have this vision of your future self and all that you'd like to accomplish? You want all this knowledge, this creation, this magnificent body of work, bringing down from the heavens the Fire? You want all this, and you want it by age 72, if not sooner? Then just what are you willing to do to GET this??? Would you be as Odin? Would you sacrifice self to Self?".
What will I give up, in order to have these? I suspect I must answer this moment by moment.
How ya doing? Hot this day? So that is probably so. But how are you doing? HOW ARE YOU BEING? What's your 'state of being'? That is, after all, the most important thing. All the studies, creations, workings are not to just feel 'hum drum' about your life, but ALIVE, vitally alive.
Are you feeling VITALLY ALIVE?
That is the point of seeking always the most meaningful use of your time, isn't it? The sleepers who vaguely watch the TV and surf the web are no more than observers of life, they do not feel vitally alive.
So how have you done this? How have you sacrificed self to Self? Have you given up the small wastes in order to uncover the deeper riches? Have you listened to your inner voice? Have you listened to whispers from within the Matrix? Have you picked up on all clues?"
(And then I take a more gentle tone with myself:)
"Have you loved yourself, really loved yourself? Have you reminded yourself daily just how wonderful you are? You know with this reminding, you create the conditions that bring this into being. You do remember the lesson of the water, don't you? If a molecule of water can be so effected by the thoughts we think, how much more so can we ourselves, whose bodies are 98 percent water?
Only you can create the excellent KA. Begin by loving yourself and all the possibility that you entail. You are a creature of possibility.
As I sit here writing this, I wonder what you would tell the 'me' that I am now. What 'shortening of the way' would you give me? I shall listen for any clues that you might be sending along to the 'me' of now.
As I sit here writing this, I contain within my memory all the moments of my past, the forty seven years of it. Each moment has revealed itself to the next so that I am sitting here now, wondering about you, my future Self. I want to say I love you, my future self! I shall more than 'want to'. "I love you!" You contain within your memory all the moments of your past, the fifty two years of it. I'm going to do my best to make sure each of those moments is the best it can be.
I shall begin with this moment now."
The movie's website gives the scientific facts as well as things ordinary citizens can do to change the global warming. If you don't go see the movie, at least go see the website.
So what will the world be like in twenty five years? I like to remain confident that we will wake up in time to change things for the better. Gore shows how we have rallied to change many injustices in the past, so it is not rosy optimism to have this hope, as long as action is being taken. Julia and I, although we tested well below average on carbon dioxide emissions, could do more to recycle, reuse, etc.
What will I be like in twenty five years?
Seventy two! Only twenty five years away!
What will I have accomplished then?
Shall I have written books?
I am looking forward to see.
I'll hold each moment and try not to waste it.
Twenty five years ago,
Did I know I was as young as I was?
I like to see myself that way.
But the details!
This present, in which I breathe and
(In case you didn't know, briefly, Xeper means 'willed conscious evolution'.)
If we take thought of what our future will be, it inevitably leads to what it will be like the day we die. This has been made more vivid for me via intuitive drawings and dreams. At first I had trouble imagining this. Initially, I imagined a possible world in which that hopefully 90 something year old would live. But I could get no clue on the 'me' who is dying. So I tried an intuitive drawing, which has revealed some things.
There I am, the about to die, on the threshold. I am the Ba Bird with a sort of starburst head, (maybe representing that I am an energy being), who asks herself, "Can I fly??"
Then I answer:
(arrow pointing)
An unidentified thing is there before her. There is no sun nor moon, for these belong to earth. So too, does my past life.
It, and I go "to the currents of futurity". I, conscious Self, look towards the horizon of the unknown.
Meanwhile, on the "-Earth Plane-":
As I ponder also the past, exemplified by "Urdhr, Keeper of all that has been," I realize that all of my past is like this:
What I keep with me in consciousness now is the Memory of all that. If something I did in the past exists as an object or effect from that deed to remind me, it is because that object or deed has a life of its own.
Meanwhile, the main gist of my intuitive drawing is to remind myself that I will find the courage on that last day.
And I get clues also from my dreams. Now this is a magical thing. At the same time I am pondering my future, I've been also trying to pay attention to my dreams. I can recall only one, but it is significant, for this dream took me in imagination beyond the threshold.
So perhaps this is my subconscious mind telling me that in this Ultimate Unknown Realm I won't be alone, there will be a
mentor. Just another way it is telling me not to be afraid of these events of the future.
Dream #2
(This dream also has significance concerning 'imagining my last day'.)
There is another section to the store, a room with different stations
set up, each with items to explore. They are items
there to help us explore our lives. I look at one, and think it will
be a shame that this room, which does have other people
in it exploring it, will be lost.
One station has computer stuff. One of my co-workers shows up, G.,
who shows me the Disney programs on her black laptop
computer. They do all sorts of things, teach you how to type and
what not. She rests her laptop on a pine wood station, which
has wooden fruit with messages pinned to them, "What are you going to
do about your future?" was one question, attached to a
piney pear
Another woman, thin, in her 60's with short brown hair comes out and
announces a new celebration. The seller is entering a
new phase of her life, is going to do something she's never done
before. It seems strange to me, as if it is an artificial
and strained joy, but perhaps I am perceiving it wrong, so I rejoice
for her.
Julia and I prepare to leave, but I am still sad.
Just before we leave, I see one more of these stations, off in an
area by itself. The artistic seller lady had something about the Ka
and Ba in an display. I thought of myself and the Kemeticists. This
was done according to Kemeticist standards and I was looking at it,
trying to ascertain the significance of each aspect of the display.
I pondered the similarities and differences between their approach
and mine. Me not being rule bound, doing "as I Will," was
nevertheless fascinated to see how they did things.
This particular display involved a ritual to be done at time of
person's death, for the health of their Ka and Ba, I think. It
showed the various symbolic elements involved in this ritual, and
would be readily understood by the Kemeticist.
The next part of dream is a transitional element, a shot (as if in a
movie) of some stairs leading upwards, I believe the
stairs at my Gramma's house, just as she had them, piled with stuff
at the side to be taken upstairs at a later date.
Then a radical change of scenery. I am alone, outside in a parking
lot. I was walking, but then got hindered by a huge red
truck. I am caught on the side of that red truck as it keeps backing
up, and I cannot loose myself from it. I cannot make
more than a squeaky voice. Of course the driver does not hear me,
despite my squeaking constantly. It is so frustrating,
but I keep trying to pull away. Finally another trucker, also in a
red truck, sees me and yells to the first driver, which
then angles himself further away. I am at last able to break free.
There is a loud sound of that truck as it backs away from
me.
I wake with such relief to at last be free. I wasn't sucked into the
truck's vortex. I feel such gratitude that other
driver saw me and yelled out, thereby saving me. I was very glad I
needed no 'at point of death' ritual, and was still among
the living. Was this "the red truck of death?" I believe it was.
I think my dream is expressing the idea that CONTEMPLATING death is
way different than actually experiencing it. Also, in this dream too, I wasn't alone. Someone came along to help me.
So it's also suggesting the role of community in our lives.
Then I felt in the mood to draw a picture. In contrast to the earlier one, I gave it bright, cheery colors and wrote:
"Drink a toast to you"
Smiling balloons grin, perhaps they represent friendly spirits. Set's there, urging to "Be prideful".
And an epiphany occurs to me. This drawing, this message isn't just for when I'm in my 90's and could kick off any
time. We've seen all too well how death could come at any time. So this message is for me, now. This message is for you,
now, for all of us. In celebration, count only the 'wins', and remind ourselves of what we have achieved. "Be prideful", and Hold Fast!
Xeper, Alethia, Seize the Moment!
(This year it is a different focus):
" Instead of year-by-year Working we will Work this year during that one week (13th-20th of July) with three special sections of our future's. The first of these includes the coming next few years. This means years that one can potentially fairly well plan, hope and dream about, and to Work towards these fairly well-defined goals and dreams. The second of these sections refers to the time between this near future and the very final part of one's physical life. The third, the last section deals with Working about facing physical death and reflecting on what kind of life you Will to live, with what kind of path/book of life you would feel most satisfied with on your body's deathbed as an Initiate, a human being."
"What Am I Willing To Do?"
"To Yggdrasil bound, Odin for nine days..."
©JAL, 7-14-06
137. I
know I
hung on that windy Tree
nine whole days and nights,
stabbed
with a spear, offered to Odin,
myself to mine own self
given,
high on that Tree of which none hath heard
from
what roots it rises to heaven.
138. None
refreshed me ever with food or drink
I peered right down
in the deep;
crying aloud I lifted the Runes,
then
back I fell from thence.
"(excerpts) "letter to myself at age 52"
"Hello, Self!
""Imagining Me at Age Seventy Two..."
Tick, tick, tick,
the minutes crawl there faster than you think.
Will poem upon poem stack like tiny bricks to the heavens?
Will my art flower in every style and form?
But not TOO forward.
I don't want to rush this time.
There seems in me two people,
one that watches everything unfolding,
and the one doing the unfolding.
Do they change places at times?
where was I?
I was twenty two, and just mastering a job.
I was proud to learn the alteration methods,
getting into a daily flow.
Could I imagine myself then at forty seven?
I can't recall that I ever did.
Will I at seventy two know myself to be old,
or will the crisp bounce of youth still
manifest from time to time, besting the aches of age?
I like to see myself finding more and more ways to
find 'flow'.
The Will pointed to Xeper will be sure to find it.
That much I can be sure of.
This is the hazy thing.
The only way to work on the future
seems to be by working on the present --
occupy space, in which my tummy
digests its good meal,
and I am sheltered from the heat.
""Imagining My Last Day"
©JAL, 7-18-06
"On that day I will fly,
because I must...
Ba Bird with KA arms..."
"...horizon towards the unknown..."
"A life in word and deed given its own life...
..independant of the one who created it now swims the currents."
"A life in word and deed given its own life...
..independant of the one who created it now swims the currents."
I find myself in the entrance room of what appears like a huge museum. (Imagine on the scale of NYC's Natural History
Museum. Maybe even there were gigantic dinosaur skeletons.) I am carrying baggage, which must be checked. Even though this seems like a museum, it is also totally unfamiliar.
I realize it is the 'underworld', the place you go when you separate from physical body. The checked baggage represents my
past life and all memories of such. After I was finished checking the baggage, a mentor came forth to guide me. After that, it gets hazy, and I don't remember anymore.
"Stations of the Living and Red Truck of Death"
First part of dream is at a magical/artistic shop. The lady owner is
selling it. She looks exactly like the owner of the
magical/new age shop here in town, who we hear is selling her shop. I think this resemblance is just a coincidence, not with any significance other than my subconscious mind supplied the most ready image for this scenario.
She is tallish, long blonde hair, average weight, in her
sixties. Julia and I are there, looking around. The owner asked, "Do
we want to help me with this or that?" This is in regards to helping her clear out her shop for moving out. I'm looking at
a large speckled green resin dragon head, strange cut up pieces of paper have been
placed in its mouth, as if it were chewing it. I was
thinking about buying it. but it doesn't call to me. The owner
grouses, "This is why I am selling the shop, no body bought
anything." I thought to myself, "We shouldn't be made to feel
obligated."
"A Toast to You!"
"Ooh, when
I think what to write the 90 something year old me, I think just to enjoy what ever is left, be prideful of what I did
accomplish, drink some good white wine, eat some good dark chocolate and relax. I mean, what's the point of nagging your
ancient self? Either you did what you've dreamt of all your life or you haven't. There's not much you can do to fix it now.
That, and to remember to hold your KA and BA together real tight so you don't disperse."
"count only the 'wins'"
WELL DONE!
hold fast!
A Toast to You!
© JAL:
X B G D M