There I am, the about to die, on the threshold. I am the Ba Bird with a sort of starburst head, (maybe representing that I am an energy being), who asks herself, "Can I fly??"

Then I answer:
"On that day I will fly,
because I must...
Ba Bird with KA arms..."

(arrow pointing)
"...horizon towards the unknown..."

An unidentified thing is there before her. There is no sun nor moon, for these belong to earth. So too, does my past life. It, and I go "to the currents of futurity". I, conscious Self, look towards the horizon of the unknown.

Meanwhile, on the "-Earth Plane-":
"A life in word and deed given its own life...
..independant of the one who created it now swims the currents."

As I ponder also the past, exemplified by "Urdhr, Keeper of all that has been," I realize that all of my past is like this:
"A life in word and deed given its own life...
..independant of the one who created it now swims the currents."

What I keep with me in consciousness now is the Memory of all that. If something I did in the past exists as an object or effect from that deed to remind me, it is because that object or deed has a life of its own.

Meanwhile, the main gist of my intuitive drawing is to remind myself that I will find the courage on that last day.

And I get clues also from my dreams. Now this is a magical thing. At the same time I am pondering my future, I've been also trying to pay attention to my dreams. I can recall only one, but it is significant, for this dream took me in imagination beyond the threshold.

I find myself in the entrance room of what appears like a huge museum. (Imagine on the scale of NYC's Natural History Museum. Maybe even there were gigantic dinosaur skeletons.) I am carrying baggage, which must be checked. Even though this seems like a museum, it is also totally unfamiliar. I realize it is the 'underworld', the place you go when you separate from physical body. The checked baggage represents my past life and all memories of such. After I was finished checking the baggage, a mentor came forth to guide me. After that, it gets hazy, and I don't remember anymore.

So perhaps this is my subconscious mind telling me that in this Ultimate Unknown Realm I won't be alone, there will be a mentor. Just another way it is telling me not to be afraid of these events of the future.

Dream #2
"Stations of the Living and Red Truck of Death"

(This dream also has significance concerning 'imagining my last day'.)

First part of dream is at a magical/artistic shop. The lady owner is selling it. She looks exactly like the owner of the magical/new age shop here in town, who we hear is selling her shop. I think this resemblance is just a coincidence, not with any significance other than my subconscious mind supplied the most ready image for this scenario. She is tallish, long blonde hair, average weight, in her sixties. Julia and I are there, looking around. The owner asked, "Do we want to help her with this or that?" This is in regards to helping her clear out her shop for moving out. I'm looking at a large speckled green resin dragon head, strange cut up pieces of paper have been placed in its mouth, as if it were chewing it. I was thinking about buying it. but it doesn't call to me. The owner grouses, "This is why I am selling the shop, no body bought anything." I thought to myself, "We shouldn't be made to feel obligated." There is another section to the store, a room with different stations set up, each with items to explore. They are items there to help us explore our lives. I look at one, and think it will be a shame that this room, which does have other people in it exploring it, will be lost. One station has computer stuff. One of my co-workers shows up, G., who shows me the Disney programs on her black laptop computer. They do all sorts of things, teach you how to type and what not. She rests her laptop on a pine wood station, which has wooden fruit with messages pinned to them, "What are you going to do about your future?" was one question, attached to a pear? Another woman, thin, in her 60's with short brown hair comes out and announces a new celebration. The seller is entering a new phase of her life, is going to do something she's never done before. It seems strange to me, as if it is an artificial and strained joy, but perhaps I am perceiving it wrong, so I rejoice for her. Julia and I prepare to leave, but I am still sad. Just before we leave, I see one more of these stations, off in an area by itself. The artistic seller lady had something about the Ka and Ba in an display. I thought of myself and the Kemeticists. This was done according to Kemeticist standards and I was looking at it, trying to ascertain the significance of each aspect of the display. I pondered the similarities and differences between their approach and mine. Me not being rule bound, doing "as I Will," was nevertheless fascinated to see how they did things. This particular display involved a ritual to be done at time of person's death, for the health of their Ka and Ba, I think. It showed the various symbolic elements involved in this ritual, and would be readily understood by the Kemeticist. The next part of dream is a transitional element, a shot (as if in a movie) of some stairs leading upwards, I believe the stairs at my Gramma's house, just as she had them, piled with stuff at the side to be taken upstairs at a later date. Then a radical change of scenery. I am alone, outside in a parking lot. I was walking, but then got hindered by a huge red truck. I am caught on the side of that red truck as it keeps backing up, and I cannot loose myself from it. I cannot make more than a squeaky voice. Of course the driver does not hear me, despite my squeaking constantly. It is so frustrating, but I keep trying to pull away. Finally another trucker, also in a red truck, sees me and yells to the first driver, which then angles himself further away. I am at last able to break free. There is a loud sound of that truck as it backs away from me. I wake with such relief to at last be free. I wasn't sucked into the truck's vortex. I feel such gratitude that other driver saw me and yelled out, thereby saving me. I was very glad I needed no 'at point of death' ritual, and was still among the living. Was this "the red truck of death?" I believe it was.

I think my dream is expressing the idea that CONTEMPLATING death is way different than actually experiencing it. Also, in this dream too, I wasn't alone. Someone came along to help me. So it's also suggesting the role of community in our lives.