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November 25, 2003
All the guilt comes piling around us whenever we feel vulnerable. Anyway, it was a bad morning. I was rotting away, feeling ready to sleep. At 2pm, I laid my head down on the sewing machine. I haven't felt this exhausted since learning how to energize myself. No, I was certain I wasn't getting astrally drained, it was something else: depression! Okay, so I analysed my thoughts. Clearly, the wheel of my 'xeper' (willed conscious evolution) was trying to go backwards, like car wheels when they're stuck in snow. I asked myself, ''What can I do to change this horrid strand of thoughts which are causing me to feel so dreadful?'' I thought, "Surely the magical metaphysical underground can be influenced by this. Maybe I can even influence Julia, who also gets into that 'woe is me, life is hard' frame of mind too often for her own good." See, I had STILL been sulking over that 'no darkies allowed' website. How DARE he assume I'm evil??? Enough of that crap. And crap it is! Meanwhile, just the act of asking myself ''What can I do to change this horrid strand of thoughts?'' lifted my mood. By three o'clock, I was feeling my usual cheerful fairly energized self.
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