The Mask

The Mask

The hard pride is
only a mask
covering the fearful being
underneath.
It is I,
trembling in the marketplace.
Am I here
hoping to impress?
I know under this cover,
I am blocked, walled in,
and what can I do to remove it?
Come down the barrier,
it is just me,
shivering and trembling.
Are you surprised I twitch so?
All glamour gone
with a single baring.
Do you stare at the
odd pale jelly like thing
that has not ever seen the sun?
It would not be this way
if . . .
if . . .
well, that's what I've got to learn.
I've taken off the mask,
this is a good beginning.

JAL, 4 - 21 - 03

I wrote this poem over three years ago. And yet it was the first thing to come to my mind for the Friday Illo theme of MASK. I've changed a lot since then. How has my understanding of this poem changed? I think the operative words are 'hard pride'. There is something about 'hard pride' that is a sort of defense mechanism. I've seen a few who walk 'the prideful path' that seem like this. They are fluffing themselves up to look big in others eyes.

Are masks useful? Perhaps, only if we realize they are masks. A mask of 'glamour' is like putting on a fancy dress. We may feel 'different' in that dress. We may feel more 'well dressed' in society. We change 'face' for the different roles we play. Meanwhile the Essence does not change. The sense of vulnerability comes not from Essence. It is a mutable thing of the moment, an awkwardness of expression, a loss for words. The 'hoping to impress' can bring a sort of vulnerability. There are many approaches to it. An easy humility, that relaxes and is okay with whatever others think, the ability to laugh at oneself. And an easy pride, that is content with one's own opinion of one's Self, content that no one else need share that opinion. Perhaps these two, hand in hand, not contradictory, is the best approach.