New Letters From the Earth

(Acknowledgment for the concept to Samuel Clemens)

Laura Darlene Lansberry

Having seldom travelled outside the United States, and no more extensively within the borders of this nation, or outside of Arizona, I had relegated my intellectual curiosity to second hand revelations obtained studying old and dusty tomes in the University of Arizona library. Imagine my incredulity then when, in an unused and dusty part of that honorable institution, I happened upon a packet of letters addressed to Jesus Christ sent from an Archangel by the name of Ariel. I, of course, am no fool and am fully cognizant that the United States Postal service is neither prepared for, nor capable of posting these dispatches. It is my perception that I was intended to find and publish these letters in order for Christians the world over to have equal pride, with their Lord and Savior, in the centuries of accomplishments accrued to their credit.

The letters are translated as they catch my interest and not necessarily in chronological order. Besides, these writings often jump forward and bacward in time in a manner much confusing to those of us who live in a linear time frame. Often allusions of times to come are discussed as if they already had occurred, while writing about the distant past. We must remember these letters were not written by a mortal hand, nor meant to be delivered into a mortal hand. Viewed with this knowledge we gain insight into the mind of the divinities.

Read the lyrics in time to the music! Keep them in mind as you read the letters!

A Crusader Hymn

(A song that could have been sing by the crusaders while riding into battle!)
Kill-in' and Rap-in' and a War-rin',
Most times, it doesn't get too bor-in'!
Don't like them filth-y heath-ens, who we call Greek,
we'll be plumb out-ta heath-ens next week!

Ur-ban, poor ol' Ur-ban,
Why'd they have to piss - off Ur-ban?
Red-faced, and he's angry,
Someone called his e-dicts sleazy ...
Kill-in' them is easy!

Kill-in' and Rap-in' and a War-rin',
No one escapes our "Swords of Fury!"
Let the Good Lord sort friend from foe, and so then,
We can get to our Kill-in' a-gain!

Kill-in' and Rap-in' and a War-rin',
Come sun, or when it's really pour-in'!
We are a peace-able people, gentle of mind,
'les-sen you just ain't one of our kind!

Kill-in', lots of Kill-in',
Murdered all the oth-er pagans!
All of - us were willin',
We don't care that blood was spil-lin' ...
Long as it weren't our-in'

Kill-in' and Rap-in' and a War-rin',
Until there's no one left but us-in',
Give us a promise to join us, sweetly and meek,
And we might let you live 'til next week!

The First Letter
In the beginning, a bit of a rough go for Jesus's kids.
The Second Letter
The First Council at Nicea and establishing the Catholic Chruch.
The Third Letter
Destruction of the Great Library and the Start of the Dark Ages.
The Fourth Letter
The Crusades: A Brief Overview.
The Fifth Letter
The Inquisition, the Dark Ages, and the Promise of a Bright Tomorrow.
The Sixth Letter
The Denunciation: Mythos and Superstition.
The Seventh Letter
Concerning Christian Love and Compassion.

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