Part Thirty
What Keeps Us Star Gazing
Joan Ann Lansberry
February 22, 1998
The great Taoist master Chuang Tzu once dreamt that he was a butterfly fluttering here and there. In the dream he had no awareness of his individuality as a person. He was only a butterfly. Suddenly, he awoke and found himself laying there, a person once again. But then he thought to himself, "Was I before a man who dreamt about being a butterfly, or am I now a butterfly who dreams about being a man?" |
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After the rain,
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February 23, 1998
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Rainbows are visions They're only illusions...
What's so amazing,
Someday we'll find it, from Rainbow Connection, by Paul Williams and Kenneth Ascher
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Rainbows are beautiful, but remember, there must be rain to see one.
February 25, 1998
But why must there be so MUCH rain?
The normal rainfall for this area of the country is 1.42 inches. The actual rainfall so far this year is 3.25 inches, over twice the usual. But we have nothing to complain about, compared to those living in other parts of the world. California, the state neighboring us to the west, has had more than $475 million in rain-caused damage. Thirty- five of fifty-eight counties have declared a state of emergency. The latest west coast drenching killed nine people.
This is still not anything like what's happened in other parts of the world. In Ecuador, flooding and landslides have killed 108 people and left 28,000 homeless since winter began. Peru has seen more than 200 die, and over 234,000 become homeless because of storms and flooding. Not to be outdone, Somalia has had a toll of 2,000 people dead and several hundred thousand homeless.
Northern Tibet hasn't had flooding, but snow is their bane. Two hundred thousand nomads are stuck in an area where it hasn't stopped snowing for four months! Secret Chinese relief crews are bringing food, clothes and firewood to them.
Doubtless the people who have endured such misery have scarcely been concerned with whether or not there were rainbows. They might not have been comforted by the rare sight. But then again, maybe it's in the face of such awful tragedy that we most need a glimpse of the beautiful.
February 28, 1998
I learned from Starnet that Friday, March the 6th, is a special world-wide Day of Prayer:
The article then gave places and times for the various services. I'd like to think that for once, they will be really turning their hearts and minds to what brings peace in the world. That they will really stop and consider who their neighbors are, all of us. That they won't turn an eye to some of their neighbors and shudder with contempt. Perhaps they will stop and consider a true compassion that breaks down impenetrable fences of fear. The proverb is true. All of humanity is connected by infinite invisible strands. Who knows the total effects of the flooding in California, for instance? It has initiated a chain of events which could culminate ten thousand miles away. Or perhaps there is no culmination.Tucsonans will join millions around the globe Friday in the Church Women United World Day of Prayer.
The day of prayer, which marks its 111th anniversary this year, has grown into the world's largest grass-roots, ecumenical, international worship service, according to sponsors.
This year's service - ``Who Is My Neighbor?'' - was written by Christian women from Madagascar. A Malagasy proverb says, ``Whichever hand is cut, the whole body feels the pain.''
How I wish my own heart to grow in compassion. I have too often given the judgmental glare. I have felt my ego stand separate, believing itself superior. Fragile illusion, but still it enslaves the higher self. Charles Shultz, the writer of the comic "Peanuts" gave one of his characters this line:
I love mankind, it's PEOPLE I can't stand!
Too often I have embraced lofty notions. However when it comes to bringing them down into the real world, I have flung them aside. We used to have a neighbor who collected old tires. They made tall piles all over their yard. That, mixed with the disorderly storage of trash made not a pretty sight. I despised it. I would rage inwardly about it. The ill-kempt and stinky person at the supermarket would provoke revulsion and disdain. The extremely obese person seen leaving the video store would cause me to swell up with thoughts of "How could they do such a thing to themselves?" Having heard many people make such pronouncements when I was growing up, I thought I was taking the moral high ground. I did not understand it was ego strutting not on high ground, but upon a very thin wire.I did not understand how quickly this wire can become a garrote. For it is these thin contempts twisted together that make the larger hatreds. These large hatreds fuel the flame raging in others, until it combusts. Thus, engines of war are ignited.
From such misery comes more misery until the whole feels like the flames of hell brought down. From whence comes one healing drop of kindness?
Let it come from me, I pray.
March 1, 1998
The British isles are filled with thousands of ancient wells. Most are natural springs or open pools. A few were contained by stone edifices. Once considered holy, the majority are in ruins and no longer visited. Greatly popular during pagan times, the conquering christians did all they could to stamp them out.
The presence of certain minerals in these waters are salutary, but there is more than that which attracts people to these wells. In ancient times, before the invention of indoor plumbing, wells were the only source of water the people had. Their very existence depended upon the wells. That some should metaphorize into more than that is understandable. Mara Freeman in her article appearing in "Parabola, the Magazine of Myth and Tradition", Spring 1995 issue, says:" But, as is the way with an unsuppressable archetypal force, the form changed while the essential mystery continued unaltered: the well as pagan temple metamorphosed into a Christian shrine. . . many, like St. Madron's, still continue to be a center of pilgrimage as they were from pagan times."
That the people have taken this archetypal symbol and ascribed to it supernatural healing powers is also understandable. While there is inherent in the water no magical properties, faith alone can raise the spirits. Doctors today have researched the power of placebo medications. The sugar pill, or various other elixirs have nothing in them to effect a cure, but that the user believes they do has been proven to raise endorphin levels. Such is the power of faith. Hope is priceless, our emotional health depends on it. As our emotions can have an effect on the physical body, perhaps strengthening the immune system, our physical health may owe some to it as well. In the days before modern medicine, such hope of a miraculous cure was all the ailing had."The well itself was viewed as a shrine dedicated to the miraculous emergence of living water, in all cultures a symbol of generation, purification, and the matrix of life itself. To quote Mircea Eliade, "...water symbolizes the whole of potentiality; it is fons et origo, the source of all possible existence."
March 5, 1998
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Is this wall protecting or is it only hiding me from realms beyond?
JAL, 3-5-97
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March 6, 1998
In a second letter, he reveals:"This site of yours is incredible! Where were all of the enlightened people when I was growing up in Casa Grande? You know what it was like to grow up gay in a small community like that?"
Now he's spent his adult life avoiding the town. His relatives want nothing to do with "the faggot" of the family. This, sadly is not a unique story. It is told by gay and transgendered people all over the world. Those people asking ``Who Is My Neighbor?'' , are they willing to consider neighbors like him? Are they willing to consider the effects of such hatred? We have received so many letters from people who grew up terrified, who ate guilt daily and who forever are fleeing the towns in which they grew up. There are some signs of hopeful change in the world. But mostly the hatred has been devastating."I used to be ridiculed and hated for even being suspected of being gay. I can count dozens of times my peers went out of their way to make the point that I was somehow different. I remember such things as "queer dog" and "pansey ass" being spoken as I walked down the halls from class to class. I even found a way to avoid Phys. Ed. due to complete intimidation. . ."
On a message board of gay spirituality I found:
Why do we not feel "safe" within many traditional paths? Listen to the words of real people:"On PNO, MSN and AOL I keep seeing folks saying they're in need of a local safe spiritual space."
Another person tells:" I remember when I was 16 and came out to my pastor, he gave me a book on casting out demons. I guess he thought that my sexuality was a direct result of demonic possession. It is so frustrating for me to be a Christian and yet see that within God's church there is no room in the inn for me."
Someone else says:" I came out to my best friend and his family in College. (His mom was a DoC minister.) Things came pretty much to a halt. So much for Christian understanding. . ."
Yet another relates:"Currently I am leaving my job, but I wonder how I can possibly try to make my work place a better place for those that work there and are forced into their own private closets. Please pray for me as I seek a new job and try to resign from my current job with dignity."
People tell these stories over and over. One person putting an optimistic slant on it said:"I have recently begun to attend Unity and yet (even with the New Age Religion...I continue to experience the age old doubt and fear of condemnation for innocent love for my mate...I am 27 and have married (for the first "and" only time another woman). We have remained faithful and loving to each other for 2 years and it get better every day! She is my best friend, soul mate and mate. However, due to my SOUTHERN BAPTIST upbringing....I find myself having nightmares of hellfire and brimstone. When I was a youth and the preacher pointed his finger to accuse and condemn homosexuality...I ALWAYS thought that he was pointing his finger at me (even before I knew what a lesbian was).
Even with the innocence, passion, and unique love that my mate and I have for each other..I continue to experience the fear of living as a sinner..."
"It is perhaps our role to challenge the small, narrow views of God held by those who oppress us. If I can make myself into an example of the goodness which is God perhaps it will lead one or two people to think again when making judgments..."
March 8, 1998
Busy ants who come and go.
We too, from far sky.
JAL, 3-8-98
Sealife:
Cool currents caress,
Whales asleep
--Laura
Stones:
Watermelon green and pink:
Delectable gem.
--Julia
Ruby red as blood,
--Julia
Stones now rolling along
--Laura
This rock too heavy,
--Joan
Facets sparkle silently
Dark fire glows inside.
Gathering dark moss,
Different drums rolling.
Sweat gathers on brow and drips:
Rain for ant with load.
Fruit:
Some are kinda sweet,
Spotted blouses
--Laura
Apricot tartness
--Julia
Oranges juicy and sweet,
--Joan
Dried in congealed radiance,
Sundrop manifest
A wedge of life for me, please--
Pre-peeled, sweeter!
Dreams:
Phantom slide shows of our mind
Filled with meaning.
--Laura
Images of mind's eye
--Joan
Sleeping or waking wonders:
A feather to the real earth.
Aliens:
Coalescing, throbbing, pulsating:
Life vibrating in the void.
--Laura
Hot silver watchers
--Julia
Eyes seeing all time
--Julia
Is there another world like this,
--Joan
Spanning starspawn in the night,
Brothers sisters all.
Disks of darting light puzzling--
Skeptics doubt your dust.
In another galaxy?
There, do THEY wonder?
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