Laura came into the bedroom this morning, bright, animated and full of things to talk about. She'd been up early, as usual, and had been surfing the web. She found a page listing the quotes of famous atheists and agnostics, and was happily telling me names of all the famous I would not suspect, including the Dalai Lama. She wants to make such a quote page for one of her own, and told me some of the people she wants on it. She doesn't want Ayn Rand quotes, however, for she feels Ayn Rand set up a religion of her own, with her as its infallible "pope". I thought back to my high school days when I avidly read all her books and those of her cohort, Nathanial Brandon. Possibly what impressed me more than anything about Ayn Rand was learning a woman could have that much power. Having been raised to believe women should be meek, silent and not dare to compare themselves with men, her strength was a challenge. I remember the freehand drawing of her on the back of each of her books. I will never forget the piercing eyes that would not shy away from the onlooker. She seemed a small titan in a photograph of her in a black cape. Part Seventeen
This Soul Flies Just Fine
Joan Lansberry
September 16, 1997
Laura seemed surprised at this recollection. She said that I have never challenged the ideal of the meek and soft woman in any of my web-writings. I have not bridged controversy. I have made nice showings of our life, but have not said anything challenging. Laura said there are countless New Age "feel good" web sites on the net, as abundant as dandelions and as short-lived, their fluff dispersing into nothingness and forgotten. Only the challenging endures, she avowed. I ponder her comments this morning with wonder.
Through out the past few days I have done much pondering. Laura's somewhat critical comments of my writings had been inspired by my critical comments of her writing. She has placed a quote by Thomas Jefferson at the beginning of the introductory MAP index to our website. September 20, 1997
"They (the christian clergy) believe that any portion of power confided to me, will
be exerted in opposition to their schemes. And they believe rightly:
for I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every
form of tyranny over the mind of man."Thomas Jefferson, to Dr. Benjamin Rush, 1800
After the quote, Laura comments:
The words in bold appear on the Jefferson memorial and are used by many Christians in an attempt to deny his adamant opposition to organized religion and in particular to Christianity.
My initial reaction was one of horror. "You don't want to say anything that strong. You'll only offend people." It was rather a conditioned response. We live in a curious age. Our society, for all of its hedonistic excesses, has enormous fear of IDEAS. It is though we are all composed of straw, and any idea which even in the slight may oppose someone else's pet theory (loosely so termed) may blow them away, and the world will be a flurry of straw in flight.
One thing Laura's research into the published words of various atheists and skeptics has shown is just how boldly people in political positions once expressed their opinions. They were not the two-faced, two-mouthed spineless examples of human mediocrity we are blessed with today. The thin veneer of civility is false and hides something much worse. It accords to IDEAS even more power than they already have, and accordingly takes away from human beings their own power. For so long as human beings are free to ponder a idea, to turn it around in their minds and really examine it, the idea is the servant of the human, rather than the human being held helpless captive by an idea.
But so many people don't think we can be that powerful. Several events in the news and the comments they generated prove that. Starnet's story of a prisoner in Arizona clearly shows the reporter's bias:
PHOENIX AP) - After five years of waiting, a self-proclaimed satanist and state prison inmate got his day in federal court yesterday to accuse prison officials he's being unfairly persecuted for his religious beliefs.The Starnet readers reacted in various ways. Sue Dye's comments represent those who in the name of protection of the people would deny them freedom of thought:Jason Paul Doty, arriving in prison blues and leg shackles, took the stand in U.S. District Court to proclaim he has a constitutional right to worship Satan behind bars and to employ the necessary religious items so he can elicit the powers of underworld demons and gods.
The items in dispute include black and white candles, incense, a tapestry rug depicting a goat's head and spell-casting books like the satanic bible and Necronomicon - books that glory selfishness, brutality and human sacrifice.
``Plaintiff cannot engage in his religious exercise without these items,'' said Doty, acting as his own attorney.
A state prison warden, called to the stand by an attorney for the Arizona Department of Corrections, said the paraphernalia would pose a serious security risk for prison staff and other inmates.
Darla Elliott, warden of a state prison in Winslow, said candles can be used to start fires, incense can mask illegal drug use or confuse narcotic-sniffing dogs and tapestries or rugs can be used to hide things.
And the two devil-worshiping books teach a Darwinian, inhuman philosophy that clearly would undermine the state's rehabilitation efforts, Elliott said, after reading excerpts from the books.
Given these concerns, Elliott said it would be foolish to allow some like Doty to have access to the books and religious items. The books and the rituals would make him meaner and the spell-casting would enable him to manipulate other inmates.
Doty, 25, is serving an eight-year sentence for burglary and theft in Pima and Cochise counties that began in 1991. He sued the department over the religious freedom issue a year later.
Doty is in lockdown 23 hours a day at the state's highest security prison in Florence. In court, prison officials said Doty has been cited 31 times since 1992 for possessing makeshift weapons, fighting and disregarding authority.
Sue uses one right-infringing law to justify the use of another law far more dangerous. The attempt to protect people from torture is laudable, but we already have sufficient laws to protect people from torture. Her proposed law would have us afraid of the IDEA, the SYMBOL. I easily saw the error of her "solution" and posted thusly:Burn him at the stake
By Sue Dye
Satanism is a modern revival of the tortures of the 15th through 18th centuries when people, mostly women, were accused of witchcraft. A lot of men really got it off by seeing women tortured, same way they do in the pornography films today. Satanism imitates what the religious pundits SAID people did, in order to have an excuse for torturing them. Millions of people were killed in Germany and Switzerland, a bunch more in England, although I'm told England forbade torture, and a few in Salem, Mass., here in the states. People practicing satanism are using it as an excuse to torture animals and people. It should be outlawed. If the law can throw people in jail for using peyote in a religious ceremony, it can certainly throw them in jail for using religious symbols that represent the torture of other people.
I took the stance that Satanism should be allowed to people who aren't criminals. The article made me question the wisdom of allowing prisoners access to it. There are reasons why some of those items he is requesting would be denied to any prisoner. But still the question remains, would Doty become a more violent prisoner if allowed to possess the Necronomicon? Prehaps the solution is still the same: Judge them by their deeds.Satan worshipper shouldn't be allowed his "tools"...
By Joan Lansberry
I wouldn't go as far as Sue and outlaw Satanism. But certainly prisoners shouldn't be allowed it. They've proven by their actions that their worship of power and selfishness have made them unfit for society. Whether or not Satanism is used as encouragement for acts of brutality remains to be seen. But I have seen their websites, and they do glorify power-seeking and selfishness. Judge them by their deeds.
Peter Vokac, one of the CFP's resident skeptics, had this to say to me:
Yes, Peter is right. My axiom "Judge them by their deeds" certainly points a finger at many of the wolves in sheep's clothing that are so accepted by society. The historical sections of our web site, in particular the damning inner circle very clearly shows a list of deeds most reprehensible. We can't stuff this 'under the rug' by saying let's not offend current Christians with the history of their forebears. The sins of the past must be acknowledged. Any sincere Christian must own up to the history. To make valid their faith for now, a fearless exploration is necessary. How else can they answer their opposers?Millionaire preachers do a LOT of damage. Doty is nothing,
By Peter Vokac
relatively speaking. A little burglary and theft doesn't compare to ripping off hundreds of old ladies' retirement benefits. Joan I think you went off half cocked on that one, and I think you agree with me on this.
Any other response is dangerous. One can see if Sue Dye's sort of solution were to be adopted, there would be no religious liberty indeed. For some could certainly use the Bible to justify all manner of violent deeds, by the particular passage they quote. For instance David's Psalm 144, verse one, in which he says: "Blessed be the Lord, my Rock, Who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle.", could be used as encouragement for every war ever waged. Of course, they would counter that it is a Holy war, and all the slaughter justified. And the Bible could go the way of the Necronomicon.
FEAR of IDEAS is the danger. Another example which exemplies freedom of thought and expression in danger is occurring in Russia. During the Soviet era, which had an official ideology of atheism, much religious activity was criminal and stories came to us of all the Christians imprisoned and tortured for their beliefs. Now shed of Communism, they are still trying to prescribe religious expression:
MOSCOW (AP) - Despite criticism from abroad, Parliament's lower house overwhelmingly adopted a bill that would curb the influx of religious organizations that proselytize in Russia.It seems Russia has an infestation of missionaries, and the authorities want to rid the country of their nuisance.The bill - revised after President Boris Yeltsin vetoed one version of it in July - enshrines Russia's Orthodox Church as the country's pre-eminent religion but also pledges respect for such religions as Islam, Buddhism and Judaism.
Supporters of the bill say Russia needs to protect itself from foreign sects and cults which have been coming in since the 1991 breakup of the Soviet Union. Their growing popularity has alarmed both the conservative Russian Orthodox Church and communists - who sparred throughout the Soviet era - and driven them into an unlikely partnership.
Archbishop Sergiy, a top official for the Orthodox Church in Moscow, told the Interfax news agency the new legislation blocks pseudo-religious sects and ``lay down the rules for the activities of new preachers coming to Russia.''The bill, which is expected to be passed, is quite severe:But critics say the Orthodox Church also is backing the measure as a way to prevent other Christians, such as Catholics and Protestants, from operating freely in Russia.
One clause says that religious groups must be present in Russia for 15 years before they can publish or distribute religious literature, or invite foreigners for preaching activities.I commented thusly:Such groups cannot hold worship services in hospitals, senior citizens' homes, schools, orphanages or prisons. They could not form educational establishments, found newspapers or magazines and their clergy would not be exempt from military service.
Only a handful of religious groups were allowed to operate during the Soviet era - which had an official ideology of atheism - and therefore most do not meet the 15-year requirement.
But however annoying the persistence of the proselytizers is, the Russian solution is NOT the answer. It is again the FEAR of the IDEA that reigns here. In a free society, the missionaries can express their ideas as they wish, and the individual is free to slam his door in their faces if they are unwelcome guests, or invite them and their books in if he is curious.Same ol' Russia, same ol' missionaries...
By Joan Lansberry
Russia just seems to be bent on making rules to proscribe religion, one way or the other. On the other hand, I can see where all the proselytizing missionaries wouldn't be popular. They came to every culture, determined to infest their beliefs on the entire world.
May our society be free, not restrained by FEAR of an idea, a concept. Let us all bravely test each idea as to its merit. The testing will tell of the truth and its worthiness to endure..
After I sent today's journal entry up onto the website, I checked the e-mail for new letters. Serendipitiously one letter we received had as its ending signature another quote by Thomas Jefferson: later this day...
"To suffer the civil magistrate to intrude his powers into the field of opinion, and to restrain the profession of propagation of principles on the supposition of their ill tendency, is a dangerous fallacy that at once destroys all religious liberty."I want my liberty to proclaim my joyous sensuous spirituality, and so must accord to others their full liberties as well. If I don't agree with them, I have the glorious freedom to say so.
One night coming home very late from a Desert Voices choir practice some two years ago, the music of the radio helped keep me awake as usual. However, this night, for four minutes and fifty-three seconds, I was transported to reverie. A women's voice I had never heard before electrified me, and I have never since forgotten Sarah McLachlan. She seemed to sing right to my very soul. I have since bought a couple of albums, but never chanced to see one with the song that originally enchanted me. Last night, at WalMart, I found it on a $1.96 single as the extra to a current song. Such inexpensive elation! September 26, 1997
A form letter came a few days ago from my cousin Renée. She and her sister Sharmon are having a special 50th anniversary party for their parents, and they want people to send in a page of remembrances of their parents. "...I will remember you,
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by,
Weep not for old memories...."by Sarah McLachlan, Seamus Egan and Dave Merenda
October 3, 1997
Uncle Bill figures in one of my very earliest memories. I am three years old. It is night, and I am in a large truck with a man I do not know. I didn't fully understand what was going on. But the awe of the situation impressed itself very clearly on my young mind. I knew this night was significant and important. I studied the man with his hands at the wheel. "Who are you?", I blurted, for my curiosity would hold no longer. "Why you should know ME, I'm your Uncle Bill!", he replied in a baritone voice. Oddly I felt guilt feelings. " I should know him, yet I do not." This mystery bore itself into me, and it is perhaps the intensity of it that wedged itself into memory.
Uncle Bill is now a thin man with a distinguished looking gray beard, very much the gentlemen, but with a quiet fire. That he could be impassioned was evidenced one day when I was quite young, perhaps seven or eight. I was over their house one day, perhaps for a piano lesson. My cousin Renée taught me the piano. Only this day, other things were going on. Uncle Bill and Renée were having an argument. I don't recall the specifics of it. Renée had made some choice he didn't like. But, oh, the screaming, wailing and gnashing of teeth! I had never seen anything like it. My parents had not yet begun to argue. Their arguments would be mostly ideological in nature. No, the only thing in early family life that would ever approach this in dramatic tension was The Day My Mother Threw The Bible On The Floor.
Approach it, but never reach it, for I was well bewildered. Sister Sharmon gently suggested I go home, a short three block walk, explaining "These things even happen in Christian families."
That day was really quite the exception, though. Most often the house had a peaceful air to it. It was White House décor elegant, with every thing in its place, carefully chosen for total effect.
Aunt June, too, seems like the perfect "First Lady", with impeccably tailored suits, worn even for a simple trip to the shopping mall.
I'll always remember the Christmas feasts at their house. The tall tree densely packed with decorations reached to the ceiling. The whole house was decorated with lights, glittering angels, silver bells, tiny reindeer; everywhere you looked had the special touch. And the food was gourmet. Christmas Eve featured a buffet with all sorts of delicacies. My favorite was a crab and cheese soup in tiny bowls of toast. The memory of dozens of varieties of fancy rich cookies all made by Aunt June still makes my mouth water. She'd make huge quantities and freeze the remainder. They would be parceled out at each dinner, two to a person. This treat lasted until March. Christmas Eve everyone opened their presents. They would be passed out one at a time, and each person would open theirs with all as audience, oohing and ahing. It would get quite late at night, especially the more children there were as my cousins' families grew. Christmas day was not neglected either. The tradition was a dinner feast with standing pork crown.
We did share some special times. I remember when Aunt June told me about her first memory, an image of her mother washing her long red hair. She told me how Gramma told her how babies were made. She pointed to some rabbits that were in the yard, and tersely said "like rabbits do".
Aunt June helped to awaken my young imagination. She and Sharmon explained a way to relax by imagining things. Sharmon said she would visualize a boy she liked. I did experiment and found I could indeed, imagine all sorts of things. It set me on an imaginative path that often soothes my mind.
They tried to educate me in feminine matters. I remember being told, when I donned my first bra, about the proper care of such garments. "Never wear it more than twice before washing, otherwise it will get gray." A book called "Fascinating Womanhood" which they gave me to read rather perplexed me. It told all about the special ways a lady should behave. I never followed the advice of the book. I always sat in any manner I chose, to Gramma's and Aunt June's displeasure. It was only a hint of my later "rebellion".
While I am certain my life choices have horrified them, I know they love me as best they can. I'll always remember when I fell sick at college, how much they helped me. Aunt June advised against running to doctors, believing the natural way best. She gave me a beading kit for making Christmas ornaments. It was good therapy for nervous hands and mind. When I got so discouraged at the restaurant job I had taken in my father's small town, Aunt June encouraged me to stay with it. Wisely so, for she knew that the mastering of the job skills would do much to improve my self-esteem and banish the depression that haunted me.
We went to many "Concerts on the Hill", a local talent show that went on every Thursday at the Bicentennial Park. The outdoors concerts were fun. I looked forward to every Wednesday during summer vacation. When I lived with Gramma, I went with them on the Wednesday outing to various malls in the Chicago suburbs. We'd have a good meal, and then each would go their own way to explore, agreeing to meet at a specific place. We even went into Chicago a few times. I remember seeing "Annie". When we were thirteen, Aunt June and Gramma took my friend Debbie and I to the big Marshall Field's, where we dined in the Waldorf Room and had Frango Mint pie.
Now Aunt June is 75 years old. She's been taking care of Gramma for two years now. It isn't easy taking care of a Mother who gets easily confused. If her garments aren't laid out in the order they should be put on, Gramma will end up with her bra over her blouse. But she does it well, making sure Gramma retains all the dignity she can.
Aunt June's days are also filled with many visits from grandchildren. She and Uncle Bill help them with all their projects. I wonder what I will be like when I am seventy-five. I hope to have as full a life.
October 4, 1997
Time Travels of the TubI, a wee three year old,
and a wingless cherub
stares back at me as I am bathed,
standing in the bathroom sink.Ten years later,
wallpaper of clouds
as I float.Now, a rectangular patch of heaven
holds my gaze
as I ponder inner angel.
I realize
I don't need visible wings.This soul flies just fine.
JAL, 10-4-97
Continue Forward in Time. . .