Part Eleven

Living Life with Zest

Joan Lansberry

June 4, 1997

I sewed fast and furiously the past couple of days. Not all of it was for other people, though. I had been looking at the wares of a mail-order fabric company, thinking "Why bother sending for fabric? It just hangs in the closet and never gets sewn. I never make anything for myself." So I dug out my bright royal blue, kelly green, gold and orange red plaid fabric, and over the two days made myself a matching skirt and tank top. I wore it today with delight.

June 7, 1997

Inspite of an awful sinus headache, I got a good amount of sewing done. And I did my article on the Goddess Brigit today! I had sent for a five inch brass statue of Brigit from jbl statues, and I recieved it this week. She is beautiful! The snippet of information I had about this triple Goddess inspired me to do some research and learn more. The photo of jbl's clay Brigit statue (from their web site) will be replaced when I draw a picture of her, utilizing some of the knowledge I have learned.

 

June 8, 1997

Today was another productive day. I still had the wretched sinus headache in the morning, so I did an unprecedented thing. I took the full two pill Actifed sinus medication dose. I only take 'heavy medicine' when it's bad. It was bad. I slept a lot in the morning, but I managed to get a bundle together for my mother. I put a book on San Diego, a packet of Sea World postcards, a memo pad with an hologram of an airplane in flight, a brass bookmark of an airplane, a paper bookmark with Siamese cats, the print-outs of parts nine and ten of the journal, and my Brigit article in the package. I was feeling pleased to have finally assembled a nice package, having missed Mother's Day. My mother must have known I was thinking about her, for she called me this morning.

She told me she had a nightmare about me and was very worried, and so she had to check and see if I was all right. In her dream, all four of us, including Helina went to Joliet to visit her. She had a different house which was much larger. For some reason, we had brought a dog along with us. Mother told us she would put him in a room that had a linoleum floor, so she wouldn't have to worry about him fighting with the cats or making an awful mess. Somehow this decision made everyone but me mad, and they declared we would leave. I was crying hysterically, but no one would listen. Then my mother woke up with a 'funny feeling'.

At first the dream sounded good. I figured she had sensed I was thinking about her. But the rest of the dream showed a mother's worry. She asked, "Is everything going alright? You're not being overpowered, are you? I mean, it's three against one!" I reassured her everything was fine. But her worries are definitely understandable. A mother worries for her child when it is an ordinary relationship, but a triad relationship is quite unique. She's done very well in being understanding and accepting, so an occasional bit of concern is to be expected.

Our triad relationship IS quite extraordinary. In a day when two-somes can't make it, that we are all mature and fit together so well is remarkable. Laura is the dynamic element, the definite leader. She has a lively charisma that draws people to her. She makes up jokes easily, and they are usually funny. She comes up with most of the innovative ideas. Astrology may be bunk, but she seems to personify the fiery Aries. Laura's energetic nature sometimes comes at a cost. She will push herself harder than any human alive. The gradual weakening of her body has been hard for her, for she remembers the strength of her youth. But she never gives up. Her chest can be hurting, she may be gasping for breath, but she doesn't let that stop her from doing what she loves. Laura can sometimes lose her temper, but the storm passes quickly. Laura cares passionately about the people and causes nearest and dearest to her.

Julia seems to be the typical Libra. Very indecisive at times, she is the social butterfly. She has a soft glow when in a social setting, totally in her element. She makes puns incessantly. A few are really gems. The label "lazy Libra" is one she understands, not being a high energy person. Sitting and sipping tea leisurely while listening to classical music is her favorite activity, next to cuddling. She can be flighty, getting flustered when overwhelmed. But she does a good bit of the housework tasks, and all her efforts are appreciated. You have no need of a dictionary when you're around Julia. She has nearly flawless spelling and has almost encyclopedic knowledge of all sorts, in particular ancient history. All this vast knowledge base, but she gets lost real easily while driving the car! Julia has a basically calm approach to life. We all appreciate her gentle touch.

Me? My temperment is somewhere in between. While I'm not good at making jokes, I have a good sense of humor and laugh easily and often. Neither very placid, nor explosive, I sometimes cry in tense situations. If I remember correctly, Scorpio is a water sign, and so I can produce copious amounts of 'water'! I'm rarely as agreeable and eager to please as Julia, having certain passions of my own. I have been known to flare up if provoked. I can be stubborn and moody at times, but if reasoned with, I try to see the other person's point of view. I have a balance between practicality and idealism. Laura likes to see no limits, while Julia is usually cautious and apt to worry. Again, I'm somewhere in between! When Julia did our horoscope charts a couple of years ago, she said we fit together as this perfect harmonious Pythagorean triangle. All of our approaches enrich each other. I am so incredibly blessed to have this much love in my life! I would have never imagined it could be possible.

That we would expand our home and hearts to include a fourth person is also something I could never have imagined. Helina fits very well into our home life. Curiously enough, as a Virgo, she completes the wheel of elements with earth. Usually quiet and shy, she has created a rich interior world of her own. The fantasy has an amazing depth to it, so we gifted her car with the bumper sticker "Reality is for those who lack imagination". Her Idyllia tales on the web offer a view into that world. She is grateful for the opportunity to express her feminine side among loving friends and has paid us back with incredible generosity. So we are quite a team here. Possibly there is none like it in the world. If there is, we would like to hear about it!

June 12, 1997

We had a bit of a reminiscent mood last night. Laura drank 'Black Russians' and read from her book. Even I had a few sips from a tiny bottle of Irish Cream liquor. That stuff was tasty, another good product out of Ireland! Laura relived certain events as she read various passages. One particularily potent section is from the introduction:

I climbed the fringes of the rickety latticework that holds society together,
those far flung fringes of what it means to be a human being.
Trembling, confused, bewildered, in agony,
I crawled upon its crown.
On hands and knees,
bruised and bleeding from the razor sharp thorns,
I crawled, and I crawled, and I crawled.
Ultimately, soul sick
from crawling,
I thrust myself to
my feet.
Standing, I cast my gaze upon the earth;
then I screamed:
I stood not upon the summit,
but at the base,
and there was all humanity crawling, standing, screaming.

This poetry speaks of deepest essential truth: Life is painful and scary, but we are all in this together. You might think you are the only one to ever experience the struggles you have. You can fall into the illusion of alienation, feeling cut-off and distant from other people. I know I have at hard times of my life. But the singular saving grace of the knowledge that you are not alone! can be a lifeline. Had I fully understood that I was not the only one who felt so frightened, and overwhelmed, it would have been a comfort. I might not have been so ashamed of the turbulent emotional seas that tossed me about. The sense of being so utterly lost in this sea might have given way to a tiny faith that I might reach the shores of stability and the welcoming arms that awaited me there.

June 14, 1997

Oh eternal Flame,
Goddess of Inspiration,
Inspire me, fire me
to words that are real.
From sound and syllable,
what can I create
never heard before?
What untried visions
might I spawn?

JAL, 6-14-97

June 15, 1997

This, besides being Father's Day, is the one year anniversary of our move to Casa Grande. One year ago, after the final Desert Voices concert, I headed back to the home in Catalina for the last time, loaded the car with the remainder of the things left there, and headed to our new abode here. The finale just like that, so final. The mountains here were puny, nothing like the majestic Catalinas. Everything here looked small. I had learned my disdain of the small town in my birthplace. And Casa Grande was one third the size of Joliet.

It took a while to adjust. But day by day, the clean air and simplicity seduces me. The serenity of these wide open spaces is beneficial to well being and creativity. Maybe in the plain places I can hear my own voice better.

I wonder how the inhabitants of the earliest homes in this area felt about their community. The Casa Grande Ruins were among the first of ancient Indian dwellings to be perserved as a national monument. Our city forefathers had that much wisdom.

later this day...

Work has slowed down a little, to my relief. Yet it pays for all my materialistic habits. And do I ever have materialistic habits! Besides rocks and music, I also collect coins, and have been indulging in that. I sent for some English coins. Some have arrived. I got the 1970 pre-decimel coin set, and the last farthing ever made. Still to arrive is a set of 1997 current coinage. I have some loose English coins that Jani gave me when she was here. I also have a set of current Australian, a beautiful set of bird coins from the British Virgin Islands and some New Zealand coins. The English coins are much prettier than American coins. I like holding a piece from another country, thinking, I can't put foot on the land itself, but can touch this much from it. These symbols of those countries are also small works of art.

still later this day...

The days fun hasn't ended yet. The three of us and Anton went bowling. I haven't gone bowling in nine years! I forgot how much fun it is. Julia and I used the ball we had had specially made for me. Laura found her old ball too, and it helped. There are only twelve lanes at the bowling alley here. It seems to be enough, though. Both the Arizona state flag and the U.S flag were displayed on either side. Watching the other bowlers was recreation as well. One family with a boy about eight years old was fun to watch. The father got a gutter ball, so they were coaching him. "Get mad! Show your anger!", they urged. Some men were able to make strikes which almost seemed to cause the pins to explode. The Zen approach works better for me. I slowly approach the edge, taking a couple of deep breaths. I concentrate on relaxing. Then I focus on the point I want the ball to go. I didn't do too badly, either. On the first game, I tied with Laura for second place, and on the second game, I came in third. Not too bad, considering I was certain I would get nothing but gutter balls!

Now we are relaxing by watching a couple of Highlander shows. I must say that Sean Connery and Adrian Paul who plays the McCloud character on the TV Highlander show are among the finest specimens of manhood out there. They have a cat-like fully alive animal quality to them, but with an integrity. Laura's son Anton has that quality. James is less intense, more of a friendly puppy-dog type, but equally fine. Another male personality I like is the Show-Lin priest named Cain that David Carradine played.

June 22, 1997

butterfly . . .

I may not have made any journal entries this week, but that doesn't mean I haven't been involved in web-work. I updated the celtic music page and scanned and edited two pictures. Both the butterfly and the bluebird were scanned from a National Wildlife calender I received this week. I altered the photos quite a bit, though, toning down distracting backgrounds and bringing other areas out more. For instance, the butterfly's background is dreamy and hazy.

June 24, 1997

Work has been slow the past few days. I've finding it a welcome vacation. I made myself a plaid seersucker skirt and let out one of my cool summer tank tops that was too small for me. I will give the sewing room a much needed thorough cleaning, a task left undone when there is much sewing.

Last night we had laughs aplenty. The local Blockbuster's provided entertainment again with two comedies. "Mars Attacks" is a spoof of cheesy sci-fi movies and was quite hilarious. Featuring a cast of all well-known actors, it had a cartoonish aspect, and so the violent episodes were no more disturbing than a Tom and Jerry cartoon. You'd never guess he ultimate weapon against the Martians!

That movie rewound and back in its box, we began "My Fellow Americans". James Garner and Jack Lemmon play two former Presidents. These bitter rivals must become a team when they discover they are assasination targets because of a cover-up for the current president. That sounds seriously violent, but it is nothing but fun. We howled with laughter. I recommend these movies highly.

later this day...

Laura has been doing real well with her archery. She took home the second place trophy in the Central Arizona Bowhunters "Spring Fling" tournament. Her enthusiasm has got all of us trying our skill. I was the last hold out. Today I shot the bow and arrow for the first time. Most of the arrows hit the bottom of the cotton bale and bounced off, or soared over it, but a couple made contact with the bale and stayed in. One arrow was only 3 1/2 inches from the dead center of the target!

June 26, 1997

Jacques Cousteau died yesterday at 87 years of age. His life was legendary. His explorations of the undersea world, invention of the aqua-lung, assistance in inventing the submersable submarine and concern for environmental causes has earned him a place in the annals of history. It was an accident that set him on this path, for originally, he was in the French Naval Academy, studying naval aviation. But a near-fatal car crash when he was twenty-six changed all that. He was then transferred to sea duty, where therapy of swimming strengthened his badly weakened arms. From his own words:

``Sometimes we are lucky enough to know that our lives have been changed, to discard the old, embrace the new, and run headlong down an immutable course,'' he wrote. ``It happened to me . . . on that summer's day, when my eyes were opened to the sea.''

He first began filming the undersea world during the war. In 1950, he acquired an old minesweeper named Calypso and transformed it into a floating laboratory, outfitting it with the most advanced tools for studying and filming the ocean. His documentaries have earned forty Emmy nominations as well as three Academy Awards. In his later years, he worked in defense of maintaining the delicate eco-balance, saying "The future of civilization depends on water."

Cousteau had his critics, however. Some said he lacked scientific training. And one biographer, a Bernard Violet, said he mistreated animals during the filming of some documentaries. Also his irascible nature often got him into fights and legal disputes with family members. But those faults can be overlooked, for he accomplished so much good. He lived his life with zest until the very end. E!, an enviromental magazine, interviewed him at age eighty-five. They reported: At 85, Cousteau is trim, very alert and smiles constantly, seeing the world in a spirit of amused forebearance. He's enormous fun to be around. If Cousteau is thinking at all of retiring, it's going to have to wait until he's finished the many projects, travels and films he has planned for at least the next five years. One project was replacing Calypso, which had been damaged after being accidently hit by a barge. The new Calypso has Turbo-Sail, a revolutionary system to power it, as well as conventional diesel power.

All of Cousteau's efforts will be long remembered. Even in song, he is spoken of. In the seventies I would play John Denver's Calypso on the piano, singing my lungs out: "Ah Calypso, I sing to your spirit, the places you've been to, the stories you tell..."