Part Five

A Patch of Light

Joan Lansberry

February 7, 1997

A sunset view from our yard

The last glowing embers of the sun are setting in the west. This daily event is special today. for it inaugurates the beginning of the Chinese New Year, the year of the Ox. The new year begins at sunset of the second new moon after the winter solstice. I wonder what year 4695 will bring. I have been aware of the cycles in my own life. Often a life change occurs in February. The most serendipitious and major life change was in 1987, when Laura and I joined our lives together. Life hasn't been the same since!

We've packed so much into these ten years. For the first four years, it was just the two of us living in a cozy one bedroom mobile home. Laura made it a love nest. I remember our first Christmas, when I came home from work, and Laura met me at the door with bright eyes, and a cute, shy smile as she bashfully apologized for 'spending some money', even though money was tight.. Before she let me in, she said "I hope it was worth it." Upon entering, I found a magical wonderland of Christmas decorations. A green christmas tree was covered with red bows, red hearts and strands of opalescent stars. Tiny twinkling lights added their glow of romance. They were not only on the tree, but festooned on the walls as brilliant jeweled garlands. She had also prepared a tasty candlelight dinner which we savored while gazing into each other's eyes.

The second summer we were together, Laura taught me how to ride a bike. She succeeded in this, where my father had failed, because she started me out on a small child size bike. This bike allowed me to still touch the ground with me feet while sitting on it. This made me feel secure, and learning was easy. This accomplishment enabled us to broaden our horizons one turn of the pedals at a time. We were without a car that year, so we rode everywhere. Time seemed to slow for us in our own little world, while the rest of the world whizzed by.

My most amazing bicycle feat occured when we rode out to San Xavier Del Bac Mission. The fifteen miles to this important cultural site were all uphill. Not of great stamina, I needed frequent breaks. We had brought plenty of water and snacks so we wouldn't 'bonk' (biker's parlance for that ready-to-pass-out feeling). Such a feeling of triumph awaited us when we finally arrived. We enjoyed looking at the place and resting a bit. On the way home, we stopped for a while to visit a friend, Nancy, who lived in that area. Laura often rode out there to comfort Nancy. Nancy's husband had committed suicide recently, and she appreciated each visit.. . Nancy fed us hamburgers, which refueled our bodies. We began the return trip with renewed vigor. To my surprise, the way home was easy. It seemed all I had to do was sit on the bike and, wheee-e-e! we rolled!

February 8, 1997

I woke up very early this morning feeling energetic and of a mind to do some sewing. I got a few jobs done, then POOF!, all went dark and silent. The electricity was off for twenty minutes. I took this as a message from fate that I should go with Laura to the 3-D shoot of the Central Arizona Bowhunters. So I put aside the work until tomorrow. There were five of us in the group, Laura, her son James, and Josh, a thin, animated teenager we met through the SCA. They shot at twenty-five "McKensies", three-dimensional sculptures of various animals designed to be shot at with arrows. They were placed in situations as one might find them in the wild: behind bushes, besides trees, at the bottom of a hill, and even a couple out in the open. Julia and I helped keep score and retrieve stray arrows. Josh, competing in the traditional youth division, won first prize and a small plaque to commemorate the event.

Afterwards we had quite an appetite and went to Ricardo's Mexican restaurant to satisfy it. They make the best guacamole. I got a huge bowl and spread it thickly onto my chicken taco and cheese enchilada. In the evening, we watched Riverdance: The Show. How that legion of young bodies could leap with graceful fast feet in perfect unison! It was awesome to see such physical feats. It's too late for this fat, weak-kneed body, but in my next life I want to dance like that, with elegant, seemingly effortless agility. But oh, my soul flies high with them. How it flies!

February 11, 1997

Sunday, all the sewing I didn't do Friday or Saturday kept the machine roaring and fingers moving for long hours. But I did have time to visit with Laura's Mother and Glen when they came down. They are hoping to purchase a fancy organ and wanted the guitar back that she had loaned Laura. They want to trade it and other items in to reduce the price of this ultra fancy instrument. Its beginning price is $10,000! James had lots of questions for them about their window-cleaning business. They have gotten quite busy, with three teams of cleaners. James would like to start one here in Case Grande. Time will tell how it goes.

The addition construction is coming along. They have the roof on and are putting the pipes in. Perhaps it will really be done by the first of March.

In the evening, we watched "Kingpin". It was a very funny, yet also heartwarming movie about a former pro bowling champion who lost his bowling hand. He discovers an Amish bowling prodigy who he trains to enter in a winner-take-all tournament. His charming Amish naiveté evoked many howls of laughter.

February 13, 1997

Seán Fitzpatrick from Starnet interviewed all of us yesterday for a Valentine's special about love stories. I had a bit of stage fright at first, but then relaxed as he is easy to talk to. We all did good. Laura and Julia were radiant. Helina expressed herself well. The story will appear Sunday.

In the evening the three of us went out to return a video and drop off some film. On route, we saw another spectacular sunset. The whole sky was a blaze with orange and pink light. Even the darker side was streaked with deep pink. This blessing echoed our warm inner glow of a successful day.

This morning...

Maybe it's the anti-climatic blues; I'm feeling out of it. This blah mood at least inspired a poem.

WEATHER REPORT Losing the center, a sadness overtakes me, like rain that soaks the air. Gray chill all about me. I am cold and wet, like a lost kitten, longing for a warm place. I search the sky for a patch of light. JAL, 2-13-97

At Day's End

That blue morning seems ages ago. We fit so much activity into today, it seems two days long. I got the few items of sewing done, and by then I was feeling quite a bit more chipper. At 11:00 am, we headed down to Tucson to meet with the Triple Nine Societies (a "super-brain' society) past and present members. We gathered at a table at La Parilla Suiza, and discussed all the problems of the world. Three of us discussed receiving inspiration from Henry David Thoreau. Grady, however, didn't speak of the "Follow your own drummer" quote. He spoke of Thoreau's aim of simplicity. He said material possessions own you, rather than you owning them. Thus he has never sought prosperity in his life. Why bother, for you may lose it all? I spoke of my large CD collection, and how I enjoyed it. If it were to be all burned up, I would certainly regret it. But the important thing is that I have enjoyed them while I have them. On the way home I was composing my journal entry mentally, and the remembrance of this conversation brought memories of past possessions to mind. I thought of several garments I wore in school. Even if I hadn't gained over fifty pounds, those items would have long ago wore out. I had a dark green Scottish plaid accordion pleated full length skirt I felt so elegant wearing. I usually wore it with a deep yellow silky blouse and a dark olive green wool vest. Another favorite was a blouse of various patterned fabrics. The sleeves, and each section were split into two sections, giving it a patchwork effect. And how I loved the wool royal stewart plaid vest I had made. The turquoise crepe blouse I had made with a full body gathered into a circular yoke was yet another delight. The "Baroque and on the Street" vinyl record long turned to scratch, as did Cris Williamson's "Live Dream". But these possessions are not lost to me, as the memories remain.

We did enjoy the lively conversation with the intelligentsia, and will plan to meet again with them in April. That would have been a full enough day, But I followed it with a visit to the annual Tucson Gem and Mineral Society sponsored Gem and Mineral show at the Tucson Convention Center. The featured exhibit mineral was copper and its relatives azurite and chysocholla. One display had native copper forming large tree-like graceful swirling ribbons. This effect is sometimes found in native silver, these specimens no larger than two inches. But the copper piece was a good foot high. I found two more small tourmalines, a quite translucent grey-green crystal, and a deep rose crystal, both well-formed. An unexpected find was an amatrine quartz crystal. Amatrine is a swirling mix of amethyst and citrine. I'd been eyeing several of these at various booths, but the forty dollar price tag was discouraging. The piece I did choose had its swirls artistically strewn within the polished translucent whole. It only cost ten dollars.

Laura, Julia and Helina had no wish to traipse about rocks, and so visited Sharlene, a friend in Tucson during this time. When they returned to pick me up, I found myself glad to go home. I was surprised that the big city seemed vast and overwhelming. The simplicity of Case Grande was strangely inviting. I must be adjusting to my new home.