Julia asked me this morning ''Do you want oatmeal or an omelet?'' Every morning, it is similar. Yesterday, it was ''Do you want oatmeal or pancakes?'' A brief struggle of conscience goes through me. I should want the oatmeal. But I don't want the oatmeal. I almost NEVER want the oatmeal.

I tell myself I should want the oatmeal because I am overweight, okay, 'obese' is the not-nice word people attach to a weight of 189 lbs for a 5ft 4in female, but I don't want the oatmeal. I tell myself I am master of my beautiful body, and it could be more beautiful if I did not seek to indulge myself and ate plain things like oatmeal. But I do not want the oatmeal.

We are in a restaurant and I tell myself I should forgo the dessert. The lure of exotic tastes call me and I eat the dessert. I do not want the oatmeal.

We are in Smart And Final and I say ''Just once we will get out of here without bringing home six different kinds of sweets.'' Maybe there is a small victory, and we only bring home four different kinds of sweets. I do not want the oatmeal.

Having brought such indulgences home, I tell myself, ''Okay, I will have only ONE piece of cake.'' But, dam, that first piece tasted so good. Wouldn't a second be even better? I do not want the oatmeal.

I might be full, having eaten a large meal, but more lies on my plate. I tell myself, ''I can save the rest for later.'' But it's 'such a little bit, I'll finish it off'. I do not want the oatmeal.

I am a person of power and reason. I should be able to exercise control over my appetite. But I do not want the oatmeal.

What am I to do? I am the one in charge here. I have put hand to mouth all these years with food I should have resisted. However I am now learning my power. Can my resolve be bigger than my appetite? But I do not want the oatmeal.

What shall I do? I am the one in charge here. ''Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets.'' But I do not want the oatmeal.

'Lola', my 'inner dragon'
From Laura's wonderful cartoon A Hero Lies Within You!