''I do not know how I can conceive the good, if I withdraw the pleasures of taste, withdraw the pleasures of love, withdraw the pleasures of hearing, and withdraw the pleasurable emotions caused by the sight of a beautiful form.''

Epicurus believed that ataraxia (peace of mind) is attained when the mind is no more under the influences of desires. Unlike the Stoics, who seek ataraxia by destroying the passions which disturb the soul, such as fear, greed, grief and joy, the Epicureans seek to eliminate the desires by giving into them:

''He who understands the limits of life knows that it is easy to obtain that which removes the pain of want and makes the whole of life complete and perfect. Thus he has no longer any need of things which are troublesome to attain.''

Does a 'raging discontent' inspire us to action more than a pacified mind? What IS 'the most exalted state'? Wouldn't it be that which inspires us to action, that which goads us into the 'willed conscious evolution' that takes us beyond the simple consciousness of animals? For it is only in this striving that we can approach the divine. If we want to chew our cud with the cows, we can, but we are of the minds that can ask 'Why?'. Should we not do so? Shouldn't we strive and be discontent and know unhappiness, so that in this knowledge and pursuit of action, we should then thereby find a greater happiness? All great invention was not brought about by contentment, but by a sense that something was deeply wrong and needed fixing.

The calm tranquillized meditator may take to his pillow in times of discontent, while the man of action is out there fixing the broken wheel so that he can get somewhere. Which will do humankind the more good in the long run? Meditate only so long as to obtain the energy for action. It is a necessary pause in the pace of life, but it is not the end goal. If you think the pillow is the goal, then you are sleeping and while you dream, a thousand doers shall dance by you with their great strength of limbs.

Do you want to dream of the dancers or do you want to get up off the cushion and join them? These are the two approachs to life. One leads to easy contentment and one leads to irritating discontent. But the grain of sand which so irritates the oyster is what causes him to produce the pearl.

Can we learn to live with our discontent and love it?

It is a question I have asked of myself:

It Lets Me Know I Am Alive Another visit with the 'all-that-is' Within Me, and moments for gathering the subtle wisdoms. I do not know yet what I am. I think I know, the clues gather every day, but I am possessing only pieces of the puzzle, just pieces. 'Why so hungry?' I ask. And the inner voice says soundlessly "To whom much is given, much is required." So I feed. I am not sure why it is this way. I am certain in ages past it was, there are hints in old writings that point their bony fingers of accusation. All 'read between the lines' for those seeking a clue. "To whom much is given, much is required." As it was then, so it is now. Secrets will only be revealed so much, in hazy sketches, a dot here, a tidbit there, I must fill in the spaces, which I do by visiting here with the Space that is in me. I am so hungry, I am left with that. Epicurus was wrong, at least for me. I am left with desires which rarely can know fulfilment. I cannot destroy desire by giving into it. It is Immense. It defines me, refines me, never lets me 'be'. Fine for them, those who seek the 'ataraxia'. This cannot be my life's 'highest goal'. It is the next step on the road to the nearly unconscious 'one with the all' so many seek. Not for me, that. For me, the raging hunger that ceases not, that lets me know I'm alive and for which in an odd way I'm grateful. Say that to the seekers of 'annilation', the death-worshippers at every corner, 'And just how is it do you expect to give it up?'   There are those who hunger at every corner. They are not the beggers in the street, they just take. If you have read this far, do you have any clues? I am not saying more, I cannot say more. But the hunger rages on and will not cease until I cease, and for that, I'm oddly grateful. No 'unconscious' life for me. You can have your 'ataraxia', tranquilizers of the mind. I will be the one here raging and writing in the night. I will devour secrets like babes devour milk or hungry men eat steak. I will tear them apart with a certain viciousness of purpose. I am the hungry one. I will always be the hungry one. I smile with its keen torment. I smile if you do not understand. I smile if you do. Let 'ataraxia' be the end result of those seeking simplicity. I passed simplicity a thousand miles ago. Does that sound like boast? Think it if you want. I am the one who hungers in the night and smiles. Remember only the smile. Forget all else. Say I was the grinning one, and leave these secrets here for another to find. JAL, 3 - 18 - 04