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EPILOGUE hrough out my life I have been amazed at the
number of times I have been asked, ``Were you born a
man?'' The question demonstrates the widespread naivety of
this society and the extent to which we, as a society, fail to
understand the dynamics of sex and gender. Even with my
inclinations, I don't have all the answers, but perhaps I have a
few clues.
``Was I born a man?'' No, nor was I born a woman. No one is born a man, nor are they born a woman. ``Man'' and ``woman'' are gender words for those roles which human beings become as they grow and develop into adulthood. Yes, at least externally, I was born a male. Virtually everyone, save for a few hermaphrodites, is born predominantly male or predominantly female, that is to say, with the ability to impregnate or to be impregnated. This is what we mean when we label a child male or female. However, a difficulty arises when we try to make male and female mean something more. When, for instance, we try to make male and female mean ``man'' and ``woman.'' Each of us is an infinite mix of male and female characteristics, a diverse blend of biology that incline both body and mind to those idiosyncrasies peculiar to each individual. Sometimes these genetic traits incline us to be a nurturing man, sometimes they incline us to be a world conquering woman, and sometimes the blend of male and female characteristics is so thoroughly mixed that, in a society where the gender roles are a dichotomy, a male finds himself unable to fit in the gender role of a man, or a female finds herself unable to fit in the gender role of a woman. There are many theories why this happens; birth defect, brain damage at birth, a dysfunctional family, environmental causes, or perhaps simply a perverse nature. These theories fail to take into account that societal attitudes are prejudiced and simplistic. In our current society we have set up two roles and only two roles as right and proper for all human beings. No other possibilities are given consideration. Small wonder then that some people, with an unusual concentration of male and female, struggle with their identity. All people, with few exceptions, want to fit into their world, to be liked, to be respected, to be a part of the grand pageant in which they have been born. When society fails to provide a place for each individual, respective to their biological diversity, both society and the individual lose. Fortunately, for some individuals and some societies, this failure hasn't always been the case. Traditionally, in over 130 American Indian tribes, the person of mixed gender was held to be an extraordinary person. A person who could cross easily between genders was believed to be extraordinary, spiritual in nature. These people, called berdache by anglos, were the cultural specialists of their tribes, helping to heal the friction between men and women. Male\women, with their greater strength, also aided in the often strenuous labors of women, just as female\men, with great ferocity, assisted the men in their wars and in the hunt. With the arrival of the anglo came the prevailing Judeo- Christian theology which forced the American Indian to recant much of their culture and tradition. The berdache role, despised by Jew and Christian, was among the first to be attacked. However, the berdache haven't disappeared, not in the Indian community, nor in the anglo community. Denied a place in the scheme of things, they struggle to survive and to find their rightful place and purpose. When ``man'' and ``woman'' are established as the only emotionally healthy and satisfying roles the stage is set for tragedy, both in the lives of the gender diverse and in the society that rejects other roles. Gender variants, having no proper role, seek to physically become the other gender, suppressing those things which deny their wholeness. Some, those who can afford it, are motivated to seek corrective surgery which, while assisting the individual to live more comfortably in a sexually separate society, does nothing to heal the gender dysphoria in that society. When male\women and female\men are forced to suppress their nature, attempting to conceal their insights, talents, abilities, and strengths, we all pay a penalty. Having surveyed other gender variants, I believe that, with rare exception and if not for the negative attitudes, we would be comfortable living openly as gender diverse, without the need to ``pass'' as the opposite sex. Many of us already do live openly despite the negative attitudes surrounding us. Still, many transsexuals have gone through confusing times seeking their maturity. Boys need role models to become men, girls need role models to become women, and gender variants need role models too. In our fear of gender, fear that we might encourage some boys and girls to cross the ``sacred'' gender line, we deny gender diversity. The American Indians could often identify a ``berdache'' as early as three or four, and they encouraged each child to develop according to his or her nature. There were no ``throw away'' people. In failing to do likewise, our society fails gender diverse children. When an author writes something as personal as an autobiography, it's difficult to be objective, and, even if the author manages a certain objectivity, it's difficult for the reader to believe the author hasn't exaggerated the positive and minimized the negative. This influence is more pronounced in a book where the author is the member of a vilified minority. Sometimes, in frustration, ``this author'' wanted to scream, ``Look, look at the good things I have done. Look at me, I'm a good person, smart, strong, generous, everything you could want in a friend.'' But I know the close-minded few would scream back, ``Lies! lies! You are an abomination! No matter how nice you seem, no matter how many good deeds you do, you are still an abomination. God says so!'' Furthermore, when a story crosses gender lines, other authors tend to hide those things that conflict with their adoptive gender, even the positive aspects of their dual nature. Desiring people to see me as womanly, I could easily have played down my masculine characteristics. I resisted this impulse, and resisted the impulse to embellish, confabulate, and otherwise adorn my narrative. I wouldn't have written this book at all, if not to present the whole picture. Over time I learned to appreciate what I am, to feel empowered in combining the nature of a woman and a man. People have opened their hearts to me in ways they would never have done had I been only a man, or only a woman. I have seen the excellence in people, the grandeur of what it means to be human, the splendor in a species that too often views itself in a negative light. Had I to do it over, to choose my life, the people I would meet, the people I would love and who would love me, the world I would be born into; I would ask only to change those few people who lack the perception to appreciate diversity. It is my hope that this book may ease the Rites of Passage for other people who come into conflict with the naivety of our society. Hopefully, it will encourage them to live their lives consistent with their own passions. Certainly, in that we harm none, those that would prohibit us are a far greater danger to society than any of us, for as they would forbid us, they will prohibit others after us. It is in the nature of the beast.
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