November 22, 2003

"Good Timing"
8:13pm

Uncharacteristically cold, it is to reach the low 40's tonight. The cold air is brought in on a strong wind. My hat almost blew away this afternoon, but that strap contraption which the maker advises put to the back of the head when not windy caught on my ponytail and I did not lose it. I then arranged it for the windy day, one of the twin strips to the front under my chin and it held fast.

There weren't a whole lot of people in Old Town for the 'Arizona City' days late this morning. And not all of those few were there to enjoy the festivities. Some fundy choir was trying to outsing a country western singer. But I think they were ushered away by the police. Last week, the booming voice of a preacher could be heard echoing down Main Street. But then, no other group was scheduled to perform, so he screamed freely. Each week, other associates of this annoying group try to press pamplets into your hand as you pass.

I shake my head vigorously, ''No!'' Do they really think they will influence people in a positive manner?

We dashed quickly into Villa On The Main, to avoid any more pamphleteers. ''Boom, boom, boom!'' a skit-gun shot off several times. Knowing it was only an old west re-enactment, I joked, ''Maybe they're shooting the preacher!'' Julia replied, ''Yes, he's truly HOLIER than thou now!'' He would have been well perforated, indeed. As we were sitting enjoying our lunch, I heard the family behind us. The man, with a pleasingly deep voice suitable for radio broadcasts, led his family in a prayer before they plunged into their food. However, he couldn't have been fundy, for I heard him discuss their plans to go to the nearby wine shop and buy some Zinfindel wine.

''Zinfindel for the infidel,'' I thought in a rhyming association. Of course, an infidel is merely one who doesn't favor YOUR particular deities. Oh, so much warring over THAT. Wearisome, tiresome, and so utterly pointless.

Anyway, he felt his meal blessed by the prayer and there's no harm in that. Meanwhile pagan Julia and I enjoyed our Gyro sandwiches, fries and five berry pie, aware of the Mystery and Power's presence, but no need to noisily make our awareness known to those around us.

There are websites for that!

After I slurped up the last of my raspberry tea, we had exactly enough time to rush to the theater for the 12:30pm movie, Matrix: Revolutions. We didn't see the second Matrix movie on the big screen on the advice of a brainy woman who said it was horrible. So we waited until the DVD was available, and found it surprisingly not as wretched as this intellectual claimed. But this proved to our benefit, as it happens to be the first part of a two-parter. We didn't have to wait so long to see that movie's conclusion, for it is in the theaters now. Matrix: Revolutions was quite good. The plot twist was surprisingly satifying. The ancient concept of 'balance' is maintained. And the music through out the credits is quite powerful.

Maybe we will buy that soundtrack. We did buy the soundtrack for Master and Commander. As soon as we left the theater last week, we went straight to Hastings and nabbed it. That's also a satisfying movie. You definitely have the feeling like you're a stowaway on that ship.

After the movie, I felt exhausted and we headed home. I had a long nap and woke refreshed in time to check several of my discussion groups and then get ready for the Thirteenth Annual Colorado River Balloon Crossing's nighttime 'Desert Glow'. You may remember I've captured pictures of last year's early morning balloon rise. However, it was too windy for the balloons to be displayed at night. Many years ago, Laura and I had gone to such an evening event at the UofA's 'Spring Fling'. Balloons in many sculptured shapes were standing stationary. All that could be done this windy evening was to have the balloons' fire devices shoot tall flames into the air.

Now, eight or ten shooting, dancing feathery flames were of some interest, but not what we expected. Julia had forgotten to wear a hat, and the cold was making her suffer. The announcer said they were going to move up the fireworks display, but Julia didn't want to wait for it, so we walked back to the car. Our timing was perfect, however, and as soon as we got into the warm car, big exploding expanding 'flowers' of fire began to rain down over us. We were in the perfect position. I felt as though we were directly underneath the marvelous explosions.

I waited until I was sure the last fiery bloom grew and shrank for us, despite Julia's complaints of a full bladder. Then we exited the parking lot, and met many cars entering. No doubt those people, unaware the fireworks had been rescheduled for an earlier time, were about to be very disappointed.

But we caught them, and in the most perfect non cold and windy place to see them!

November 23, 2003

"Graceful In The Shadows"
8:09pm

Our modem on the flaky computer went out before I could get this photo up to the web. I was originally going to use it for the 'three' item in the scavenger hunt.

Julia played with the cables, tightening this and that, and now that computer's modem works. That is, until we are without notice powered off according to that computer's capricious whims. But at least the modem works.

And this picture is up.

November 26, 2003

"Thanksgiving Eve"
10:58pm

It is 'Thanksgiving Eve', and the smell of someone's traditional cooking smells are wafting over to us via the heating system, perhaps. The smell of their delicious stuffing makes my mouth drool. But we will not be having traditional dinner tomorrow. We will go out to eat, and maybe even eat something other than turkey.

It was Laura who cooked the delicious turkeys. She'd rouse us early from bed for a taste of the most moist dark meat. And then we'd have Thanksgiving breakfast later. That's when the turkeys were best. As good as they tasted, we didn't care. Happy memories, all of those. Except for the year I ruined the turkey, that wasn't so happy. But we managed to make the best of it, anyway. Our friend Serena's baked salmon was delicious. I'm glad I've recorded those days.

Someday, I'll be rereading today's entry fondly. Meanwhile, tonight, we watched a PBS special on jaguars. Oh, such magnificient creatures they are!

They told all about the works of the people who are trying to preserve them and their habitats. Alan Rabinowitz has an unusual story. He was a studderer as a child. He would freeze up and the words wouldn't come out. But he learned he did not studder when speaking to animals or singing. He collected all sorts of critters and poured his heart out to them. Eventually this good rapport with animals led to his work with jaguars.

I think of his difficulties communicating and how he used it as a motivating force to overcome his limitations by focusing on what he could do. Now, he speaks easily and eloquently. These many pages here are more than just a 'monument to ego', though they may be certainly that. They are also an attempt to express all the things I have difficulty verbalizing orally. But there are the benefits of a lasting record of my days.

I know I will be more grateful for this record as the years go by. I've gathered what I could, although some worthy memories have slipped through unrecorded. At least, however, I have these gathered bits and pieces. I am grateful I have this outlet. And I am grateful for you patient readers!

If I want to start listing the things for which I am grateful, it could be a long list: new experiences, loving looks, tender kisses, easy smiles, happy laughter, triumphant rushes, pretty flowers, true love, good memories, good mind, good appetite, good friends, good conversations, beautiful sunsets, rainy days, cool breezes, deep breaths, long soaks in the tub, good music, beautiful artwork, absorbing worlds in books, engaging others minds by whatever method, getting feedback, refreshing sleep, awakening with thoughts that need explored, kindred spirits, accomplishments both small and large - the deck of cards life has dealt me has been a good one.

May you be able to truthfully say that as well!

''Happy Thanksgiving!''

November 28, 2003

"Pensive"
8:40pm

November 30, 2003

"A Lovely, Relaxed Weekend"
5:09pm

What will I say here? I dunno. I have discovered today a rich, deep oasis in the desert. It's been there all along. Oh, I'm not sure when it was first made. I do not think the pond is naturally existing. But it is home to lots of happy ducks: white ones, tan ones, ones with glossy iridescent green necks. And there is a feeling of peace in its secluded area. It doesn't matter I can hear the cars from the road not very far away. The designer has managed to make it peaceful.

Thus it was, maybe 15 - 20 Unitarians gathered for 'hobo stew' at the Yuma Conservation Gardens. It is a 28 acre botanical garden and environmental center operated through the Yuma area Natural Resources Conservation Districts. Julia and I will be back, me with my umbrella. Oh, how embarassing it could be, to have to haul that darn umbrella everywhere. If I let such things as 'false pride' hinder me, I might not show my sun sensitive face anywhere in daylight. It is all part of the learning and growing to determine between 'true pride' and 'false pride'.

Self sufficiency of esteem lets one travel unencumbered by fear of 'what will people think'. So I will 'haul ass and umbrella' on the sun dappled trails of life. We need to do more walking. All we could manage this weekend was half a mile on the Smucker's walking path. Bad! Now that the busy season of work is over, we need to adjust our priorities a bit. And it was so good seeing some of our pagan friends at the coffee shop yesterday. I'm back out in the real world, with real people. Not that I don't deal with 'real people' at work, it's just that those associations seem different. For one thing, I don't share anything much personal with them.

Am I stand-offish? Communication barriers don't help, for one thing. Long in depth conversations on politics or 'esoteric' religions are surely not suitable topics. So I keep a pleasant face and nod and grin and hope for the best.

But this weekend has been a good one. The grand music from Master and Commander entertains us. Speaking of another able sea-man, I have pre-ordered Pirates of the Caribbean, so I'll soon enjoy Depp's sexy and dark 'Jack Sparrow' again. Ooooh-h-h, sexy and dark! Yes, I know it may be an 'acquired taste', but one that comes so naturally to me.

I've also found a new treasure trove of 'interesting books', and I sent for three. I'll soon be learning more about the 'Germanic' pagan tradition. Much of it is said to be the basic for 'modern' Wicca. Here is one intriguing quote:

''The Gothick offspring have always sought to pry into the Mysteries of Life and Death, to penetrate to the depth of the self and to the outermost reaches of the darkened and chaotic world. Boldly forging into the Darkness to seek the Grail of Undefiled Wisdom, to Seek the Mystery, is the highest Quest of the Gothick Children of the Night. There is great power in the Quest, and the Quest alone. from The Secret of the Gothick God of Darkness, Edred Thorsson, Yrmin-Drighten

'Gothick' is as in descended from the 'Goths', ie the Visigoths and the Ostrogoths. I believe the 'Yrmin-Drighten' title equals this tradition's equivalent of 'Magus' or 'Grand Poobah'. Okay, I can't quite keep off of the religion, can I, even in these here mundane pages? But I find that quote a fascinating teaser. Besides that package to look forward, my mother will soon receive a happy package which I hope will be heartwarming.

I love buying things via the web. It's so easy to point and click and then wait. Today was supposed to be International Buy Nothing Day. I don't know how large of a movement this is. Well, rebel soul that I am, this just encouraged me to go out and BUY! I also finally got new printer cartridges and more floppy disks, too. I want to return to that desert oasis and take pictures, and now I have unspoiled disks just waiting for this purpose.

So I wrap up a lovely, restful weekend feeling more joyful and relaxed than I've felt in some time.

A new possible page background . . .

and another, more subdued . . .

December 3, 2003

"The Three Dragons"
6:17am

I saw this pendant yesterday and couldn't resist. The three dragons seems to symbolize the triad. Laura definitely had her 'dragon' power. Not lacking for pride, it was she who came up with this description of herself:

An Elemental Force Loosed Upon A Tame And Tawdry Mundane World!

I like to think I possess a little of that myself! Julia is not so 'forceful'. Maybe her inner dragon is only a baby. But she was born in year of the Dragon, so she counts, too!

December 3, 2003 B

"Focusing On The Simple"
10:04pm

The ISP broke down in the middle of my web rounds. Perhaps they are installing those changes they warned us about. So I cannot chat with my little groups. Fine, then, I will 'talk to myself'. You, too, when at last I get a chance to send this up.

How I dislike delays of any kind. I want to know right away the progress of my thoughts. I want the world to know right away, too. 'World' being smallish perhaps, but a world it is. And a world I value.

I shared deep thoughts and revelations with Julia today. How wonderful it is, she loves ALL of me, even those parts of me 'that go bump in the night' and winding tendrils of thought and other such greedy little tendrils. Ever so tenderly, though, those tendrils. Anyway, I shout it loud. She loves me for me, not because I'm 'phat' like Cindy Crawford, or whatever those pop song lyrics I can't research now. I'm just fat like Joan Lansberry.

She loves me for me! What greater gift can one have bestowed upon one? There isn't any. Kings can stuff their riches and their worries, too. I rule just 'me'. Pleased as punch I is to do it, (who ever punch was.) What a silly saying. We say these things, passed down through the ages, with nary a thought to their origin,. Well, I'd look THAT up, too, but can't. Oh how dependent I have become on Google. WHAT ever did I do before the era of the web?

I know I had thoughts and even wrote some of them down. Books, I read a lot more books then. Ah well, back to the scene of the . . .

. . . this is no 'crime'. And another cliche floats to the top of the mental soup. I was originally going to say 'pudding', but nothing can float in a pudding. Anyway, back to that most important thought:

She loves me for me!

Are complicated philosophies needed for this? Tonight, I shall focus on the simple.

December 5, 2003

"If I Were Truly Goddess"
6:10am

The results of a quiz I took:

"Which Mythological Form Are You?"

You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.

"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life. She cried a single tear and shed a single drop of blood upon the earth where she buried it. From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into the world." Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek), Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian). The Goddess is associated with the concept of creation, the number 1, and the element of earth. Her sign is the dawn sun. As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic individual and people are drawn to you. Although sometimes you may seem emotionally distant, you are deeply in tune with other people's feelings and have tremendous empathy. Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your own self. Goddesses are the best friends to have because they're always willing to help.

But I can relate to all the various forms the quiz maker offers. Perhaps that's why I'm 'the Goddess', because I can be 'all'. You mortals, can start bowing before me, Queen Illuminaria, ruler of the Universe! Seriously though, I don't model my inner divinity after that power mad dude Jehova. A great deal of trouble can result when one does.

If there's any mythical power I could have, I'd stick with teleportation. I'd love to be able to pop here and there, anytime I wanted. I could use that device mortals have, the PHONE which connects us to people in far places, but I'm rather pathetically shy on the phone and so rarely pick that device up. With that said, I should at least try to call my mother and Laura's mother more often. At the very least, I could do that.

Speaking of things travelling via the phone lines, I'm getting quite pissed with our ISP. Before the new changes they've made, the connections were always steady and never a disconnect. Now it is extremely flaky and I'm frequently severed mid posting some great thought of mine.

I'm seriously thinking of changing to another ISP. Our current one is also rather expensive. I'm willing to do 'expensive' for 'reliable', but NOT 'unreliable'. The Queen is not pleased.

But it is Friday, and so weekend plans continue apace. My divine self may be showing up in as yet unexplored territories. That is, if they'll have me. But how could they refuse ME?

GOD: "Hmmm, let's see! First Commandment ... love me! I'm so gorgeous how could you not? Second ... make no idol of me! They couldn't possibly do me justice, anyway! Third ... Don't even think of badmouthing me! Nobody pops my bubble! Fourth ... Devote one day in seven to me and only me, and how much you groove on me!" Jehova's Afterthought: "Let's see, let's see! I've covered the most important ones about yours truly, moi ... so, listen to your mom and dad, don't murder anyone, don't fuck around if you're married, don't steal, don't lie under oath, and don't envy others! For Christ's sake don't do anything to embarrass me!"

That's one of Laura's priceless Cartoons. Gosh, I sure miss her Divine self!

You all keep your sense of humor, now! Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps us sane.