Oh, yes, here we are again, it's morning. Today needs to be a serious work day. Yesterday I mostly played. I felt I rather had the right, it being my birthday and all.

Julia, though, will have a play day. I've always joked through out the years that the November 11th holiday isn't about veterans, they really are celebrating my birthday, just one day late.

This weekend we'll install the CD-Writer I got for my birthday. By the looks of its size, it''ll have to go in Laura's computer, as the 'dummy' hole in my computer is not tall enough. But soon, I'll be making backups of the websites, and my own music mix albums.

Later this day . . .

Laura's been sick from a salad gone seriously bad. I figured it was just me being finicky when I thought it stunk like garbage. I shouldn't have let Laura eat it. I need to trust my judgment more.

Finally this evening, she's a tiny bit better.

Earlier today, in the middle of a fight with tan pants, this poem came to me.

How Else Truth it be, that only in the reach I can learn my strength, hard pull of heart, hard pull of faith. But strength needs rest. How else will I know the joy of letting go? I want to fall into an invisible net, with no thought, just for today, a floating song. JAL,11-11-99

November 12, 1999

"Historic Day"

um, yes, shamefully STOLEN image!

While at the fitness center waiting for Laura, eating my donut, I read the newspaper that's thoughtfully provided as well. Several articles intrigued me, including a review of the Joan of Arc movie that opens today. But something a little more special than a movie also opens today. It's a historic day in Arizona, for at last the Kartchner Caverns have been opened. The Arizona Republic devoted a full page to it, with several pictures. There's all sorts of fantastic formations in this still living cave. Reservations must be made to see it, as they are being careful not to let so many people in the cave that it will dry up.

We will wait until after the holidays, probably to see it. I'd just be happy to go north to Oak Creek Canyon this weekend and see the fall colors before the leaves all drop.

November 13, 1999

"Spreading It Out"

When I was younger, I used to rush through opening birthday and Christmas presents. If they'd arrive before the event, I'd open them as soon as they arrived.

I must be getting older. I'm not like that anymore. A very large box from my mother showed up the day after my birthday. I was in the middle of work, and just sat it on the chair beside the sewing machine so I could marvel at it, and wonder what it contained. I wasn't sure how long I'd stretch the anticipation out.

This morning, I got some belated birthday wishes in the e-mail, and after reading a couple of journals, decided THIS would be the day!

What's in there??

~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~

Why, it's another BOX!

No ordinary box, though, for its beautiful wood, and delicate scrollwork. Perhaps I'll set it in the sewing room, on top of the large jewelry chest, and keep that area all neat. Can I do neat, instead of piles of papers and flotsam and jetsam? I have one area of the bedroom, on top of my chest of drawers, that I manage to keep sancosanct. Can I do two? I'm going to try.

Thanks, Mom, for the lovely gift. (She does read this, you know. I print each week's worth out, using which ever printer is most ink-filled, and send them her way. Some day, she may venture out into the web, but until then, she gets a paper version.)

~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~

I've been busy with all sorts of boxes today, computer boxes to be specific. We knew the CD-writer wouldn't fit in my computer. It happens you can see in the box picture above, my computer with its too small dummy slot. So we figured Laura's computer would work, as the slot below its CD-ROM was exactly the right size. Carefully, Laura detached all the peripheral plug-ins and unscrewed its case. Then gently easing it off revealed only mystery. No way in from the back, she popped the plastic slot holder in front out. But there's a metal cage like device behind it. If a CD writer can be added, it would have to be done by a professional who would need to take the entire computer apart. But that's not even likely, as the necessary 40-pin connector is missing. We'll have to return to Fry's Electronics and exchange it for an external model, which plugs into the printer port.

We almost bought the external kind in the first place, since simpler is usually always better. But we thought we'd be fancy. The external writers are not as fast. I can do without the speed.

~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~

Non c'e amore piu' sincero di quello del cibo

That's what the Carrabbas menu said.

"There is no love more sincere than the love of food", is the translation. Most of us human animals do love our food. Gourmet food, of course, is even better.

A Most Memorable Meal:

Caesar salad, "MEZZALUNA - Delicate half moon ravioli stuffed with chicken, ricotta and spinach in a tomato cream sauce", tastes of the various fish dishes Laura, Julia and Shayna had, half of a "SOGNO DI CIOCCOLATA 'CHOCOLATE DREAM' - A rich fudge brownie brushed with Kahlua, crowned with chocolate mousse, whipped cream and chocolate sauce", three glasses of perfect iced tea

Later This Day . . .

Quarter after ten, and I'm still full. A new external CD writer awaits installing. I've read the rather thorough instructions. It's possible I can do this one by myself. It is just as fast as the internal model, but, of course, ninety six bucks more expensive. Nothing, including that gourmet food, is cheap these days. Still, occasionally, an indulgence or two is worth it. Talk to you tomorrow.

November 14, 1999

"Sorting It Out"

Both Laura and I were extremely keen to see Messenger, the Luc Besson film about Joan of Arc. Julia was vaguely curious, while Shayna only wanted to go so she'd know what we were talking about when we later discussed it. She fled the theater before the movie's end, not wanting to see the burning. Laura had a feeling she might be disappointed, but hoped to be surprised. The movie trailers had rather impressed me with goosebumps, and I was optimistic. I've always felt some sort of kinship to this my namesake, perhaps at least in the intensity of her passions. Possibly I could gain insight into this character, national hero of France and saint to some.

Laura, declared at movie's end, while tears were running down my face, it was the worst rendition she'd ever seen. My search of the web proves others are also disenchanted. I was certainly perplexed. Besson's view of Joan was that she was a little tetched in the head. Obviously, this is HIS view of her inner reality.

So I took to the web to learn what I could of the REAL persona. Yes, she did claim to have visions from God and Saints Catherine and Margaret. Were they in the nature of a tetched person 'hearing voices', or in the sense of true inspiration? I have known it myself how a person could claim to be 'channelling' exterior forces, when they are, at most, that Divine aspect of one's own self. A person not well educated could sincerely think the 'MUSE', or whatever impelling inspiration is exterior. Exterior, or interior, I'll not debate that here. Was Joan of Arc NUTS? That's what fries my bacon.

What did the people of the time think of her? In the retrial to clear her name, twenty years after the first fatal one, 115 spoke in strong defense of Joan. Clearly, she was a person the people loved. She couldn't have been merely an ignorant foolish peasant nutcase.

Laura believes the Church to be more at fault than was depicted. In the documents of the second trial, in which are recorded the words of those 115 people defending Joan, the fault is definitely laid at the doorsteps of the English. "The Bishop of Beauvais held with the English" Also "The Process was carried out by the English at their expense. " She was held in an English prison. Besides declaring her a 'heretic' for falsely declaring to have visions by God, the matter of wearing men's clothes was also clearly an issue for which they tried her. She had stated earlier that she preferred this form of dress, it being "...more lawful and suitable for me to resume it and to wear man's dress, being with men." It's kind of hard to do battle in dresses. They wore her down, of course, and towards the end, Joan swore to give this up. "If the Judges wish, I will resume a woman's dress; for the rest, I can do no more. " But then English soldiers beat her, raped her, and stole her women's garments, where upon she was forced to put on men's clothing. Finding her again clad thusly gave them the ammunition they needed. Even this much is acknowledged by the church approved renditions. How much was instigated by the English, and how much was church-edict driven? It is certain the church has had a history of not wanting women to have such power and authority.

Yet it a matter of record that Joan of Arc wasn't the only female military leader of that time. ". . .There were actually a number of women who led armies and/or wore armor during that era, including Countess Jeanne de Penthièvre, Marcia Ordelaffi, Jeanne de Belleville, Lady de Châtillon and Countess Jeanne de Montfort. "

What is important is the PEOPLE loved her. She gave them hope and they adored her. But adoration wasn't what she sought. She was acting in accordance with what she perceived as God's will by battling the English. Her words indicate she had no love for killing, she just wanted the English to go home and leave them alone. She is a heroic person passionately fighting to end injustice. Certainly she would have had doubts, as "The Conscience" played by Dustin Hoffman queried her while imprisoned. Any person of strong vision has them at times. But Besson isn't just showing her weaker human side. He goes beyond that to hint at a woman driven only by utter madness. Besson's movie robbed Joan of Arc of her rightful heroism.

Moviegoers will be rightfully offended.

Now understand, the above review came with the understanding of church approved documents. Even by those, this movie is an utter sham. What then, might those documents lack? What other insights might there be? Could perhaps there be a transgenderal aspect to Joan's character, which they regard as myth? Did the wearing of men's clothing have more than a practical value for her? Laura presents a few possibly neglected facts. In any case, Joan of Arc did not persue a traditional women's role.

November 15, 1999

"After All"

> A few days ago, Catherine of Naked Eye posed a question about national identity. How do we feel about being American, Canadian, English, Australian or whatever? I answered that I had no special feelings about being an American.

". . .It's such a big country. In all that bigness, I find myself identifying with my particular region, the Arizona desert. And I am proud to be an Arizonan. There is something about the land here I gain strength from. There are so many beautiful nature areas. . . "

What the leaders do in Washington seems so distant. Yes, it affects every American and those in other countries as well. American history is too often not pretty. But then, what country hasn't had a spotted record? That doesn't seem to be central to what it means to be an American, Australian, Canadian or Englishman. What does seem central is what's particular to their region, their environment. What makes that unique? To me, being an Arizonan, as I stand on the Hohokam Indian grounds, if I listen real close, I can almost hear their voices on the wind. But there's another historical region south of here, the Tumacacori ruins. I can hear voices there, and the voices of those Indian slave laborers who were forced to build all those edifices aren't happy. They didn't like their land being invaded, and their lives being disrupted. "Go HOME, Spainards," they no doubt thought many times. That was until the Americans came, bringing even worse trials. And yet for every soldier 'doing his duty', there's been no doubt an answer to that spoken or unspoken cry. How many of those English soldiers in earshot of Joan of Arc's demand, "GO HOME!", thought of their little cottage and the wife and children at home, and longed to do just that? But they had to follow orders. Perhaps if they refused, the only other option was death.

And so they did what they were told. The leaders, in their sumptuous castles, never see the horror of carnage. They make the war plans and those drafted citizenry must comply.

Didn't I just say earlier, that what the leaders do seems distant? It's surely not distant to soldiers. Am I contradicting myself? Why does what the Washington leaders seem distant to me? I can think of plenty of instances in which their decisions would impinge uncomfortably on my little world here in the Arizona desert. So far, they haven't made any such decision. Oh, they could improve things, such as installing a national health plan. That would affect me favorably. But for the most part, I'm not rich, I'm not a criminal, I'm not hideously poor, I'm not affected. But if the wrong people got in power, and enacted dictatorship, they surely would. This freedom of speech I love so much? It could be gone with just a few votes. That's uncomfortable to ponder.

Most of us in English speaking countries, we're lucky. There's a reasonable amount of freedom for us, be we English, Canadian, American, or Australian. Those other countries, like in the Arabic world, for instance, that's truly another world, and sometimes hellish. The life of a female in many of those horrid places, oh, I can barely stand to think of it. They may find themselves enured to it, and accept all their restrictions with not much complaint. But then, they're not allowed to complain, at least not audibly.

Yes, I'm quite grateful to be an American, and not a Saudi Arabian, or from any other horribly repressive place. I'm lucky to have been born here, I'm lucky my parents were born here. PROUD to be an American? I don't know, what have we done that deserves pride? I look to the NASA space program, and we've surely done some good things there. That's worthy of pride. Back in July of '97, when I spoke of the mission to Mars, oh, I glowed with pride. And as an Arizonan, too, for the camera that gave us eyes to see Mars was designed by scientists at the U of A in Tucson. Team America has done some good things. And, I do I feel so good when we do well in the Olympics. I cheer 'our team'on and rally when we win. Maybe I'm proud to be an American, after all.

November 16, 1999

"What We Cannot Touch"

Deep in thought amidst the complexities of a mauve ultrasuede coat, a feeling came to me so strong, I put the coat down and knew what it might be. I then picked up a pencil.

November 17, 1999

"This Is All I Have to Say About This Day"

It SUCKS!

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