"Reflection or Reaction", "Good Choice", "Potful of Poem"
October 19, 1999
"I Might As Well..."
"I Might As Well..."
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with all the strength I possess? On such corner I can't see, will She be waiting for me, holding out a choice, hard assignment to test me deep? Or do I run down the street, screaming, fear flight pounding? He who runs, another will catch, bringing all that was forsaken, and heaving it into his unwilling arms. Hard now, or worse later, I might as well stand ready.
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"Those Tomatoes Flew"
(NOTE of October 21st - This was the entry that was in my head as I was sewing yesterday. So being the actual conception, if not the creation, occurred on the 20th, that's where I'm placing it.)4:00am - cup of water - not up that early, just the usual 'let it out and let it in'....
This word loomed large in my mind. The ache in my fingers forced it there. The large bold black letters evoked a deep resentment. 
I envisioned tomatoes.
Those tomatoes flew. 
LOTS of tomatoes. . .
~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~
The world has gotten filled with Weighty Matters my hands and wrists have trouble grasping. But fortunately, these weren't my only thoughts today.
Oh, yes, I made time for fun. (segueing into what WAS written and not merely conceptualized 10-20) I got so sidetracked with Might and Magic VII after doing the sewing, I made no dietlog. (Boring stuff, anyway, right?) Dawson's Creek is on in five minutes. You know that's having greater priority. But I did photograph the cool wizard pin a co-worker gave Julia today! Have a look!
October 21, 1999
"Reflection or Reaction"
On the "Spilled Beans" discussion list about creative writing and journaling, the moderator presents some very thought provoking questions. This particular one got me answering:
>> ********************
>> My question for all of you:
>>
>> Are the worlds you create by way of your writing a reflection of reality as
>> you experience it, or a reaction to it?>>
>> --Reflection or reaction? Why not both? Even the reaction I present is only a reflection of the reality of my reaction. The mirror's only good if I look into it, and if it's clean. (IE, am I trying to be objective, and present myself as truthfully as I can, rotten tomatoes, harsh notes, and all....)
Joan....
A reflection of a reflection of a reflection. . . I happened on this quote. For some reason, it makes me angry.
"... autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying ..." - George Orwell
Why is that? It buys into a whole judgmental value system that pisses me off. How did Orwell determine what is a 'good account'? How did he determine what is 'disgraceful'. I can almost hear my Gramma use that word, directed at most of the revelations in this here autobiography in progress. It implies so many icky things.. Sure, I try to give this reflection of myself the greatest reality possible. Yes, I try to show me, not 'air-brushed', with all my warts. But I don't feel there's anything 'shameful' or 'disgraceful' about those warts. Revealing them unites us with the rest of humanity. We all have 'warts'. We all struggle. There's something beautiful and powerful about that truth. How are we ever to ascend, if we don't acknowledge where we've been?
The only 'good account' is the honest one.
October 22, 1999
"Good Choice"
5:30am - one slice of multigrain toast with peanut butter and honey, glass of cran-grape juice
7:15am - cup of willowgreen tea
7:45am - cup of willowgreen tea
8:00am - cup of willowgreen tea
8:15am - cup of willowgreen tea
8:30am - half a cup of willowgreen tea - I polished off the whole pot. By the way, a standard coffee maker works very good as a tea maker, so long as you never use it for coffee. Three rounded teaspoons of the loose, flaky dried leaves in the filter cup, water reservoir filled to the top, push the magic button, and ten minutes later - TEA!
12:00pm - sandwich with ELK MEAT on multi grain bread, barbecue sauce and onions - Laura's brother got lucky in hunting and shared some with us.
"Good Choice", that tea!I made a pot of willowgreen tea for Julia earlier this morning. Then, this chilly house and my achy sinuses convinced me, lots of the steamy hot liquid would be most beneficial for me.
And it is quite soothing. It warms the back of my throat, easing my sinus discomfort. It warms me all over. It's so good!
Looking at the cup of tea picture, you might have noticed that mouse is on the LEFT of the computer. Although I'm a 'righthander' with pen in hand, with the mouse, I'm a leftie. This began twelve years ago, when Leftie Laura first introduced me to computing. Now I'm so used to mousing with the left hand, it feels awkward placed in the right hand. I wonder if I only write with my right hand, because as a child, that's the hand into which they placed the pencil. I'm just agreeable that way, I guess. For I have taken those tests which determine whether you're 'right-brained - left-handed' or 'left-brained - right handed' and I always come out 'right-brained'.
See, I always knew I was in my right mind!
I'm happily full of 'wild' meat, and I've had a pleasant morning scanning a few photos and processing them for Anton and Cynthia. I do love playing with all the photo editing tools to bring out a picture's best. Also, Cynthia's mother is a professional photographer, so I had good material to work with. They want to make a web page of their own, but I did add two to our family photo album. Of course, I had to brag that Anton's Renaissance costume was designed and made by me.1:30pm - mug of 7-up over ice
3:30pm - mug of 7-up over ice
4:30pm - mug of water
6:30pm - bowl of green and vegetable salad, two slices of multi grain toast with butter, mug of water
"Potful of Poem"
5:00am - cup of water
Drip, drip, drip goes the tea maker this early morning. Yesterday was the best I've felt in some time, and I think the green tea was the reason. I'd read somewhere that it's good for arthritis. I didn't take it much seriously, as all the ibuprofin, aspirin, shark cartilege and what not scarcely touch the pain. I've heard about Celebrex, which has popularity, and read an ad about it. However, it's contraindicated for those who are allergic to sulfa based drugs. Sigh. One too many courses of Bactrim for a bladder infection gave me my first taste of 'arthritis' many years ago. It GIVES me joint pain. Sigh.6:52am - the last gulp from the pot of tea! - I don't get '10 cups', as the fill line on the reservoir says, though. Their standard must be a smaller cup than my "Star Trek Voyager" metal cup. The first time I saw Janeway holding her stainless steel 'futuristic' mug, I laughed. Bought from the camping supply area at 'Walmart', their set designer did, same as I. Hah!But the tea is simmering, and I'm happy. I woke up with all sorts of deep thoughts simmering, earlier. "There might be a potful of poem awaiting me."
I found a large yellow pad of paper, stretched out on the sofa, and listened. When enough of the lines had dripped down through the creative filter, I looked at the brew. "Odd, odd beyond odd!" I don't know WHERE this is coming from." Just what 'jar' did those 'leaves' come from? And then I heard a soft little whisper. "Mischa . . ." Oh. Those of 'woo -woo' mind might think I am really channeling some beautiful feminine seventeenth century castrato. Surface mind yells loudly, "It ain't me, dude. It ain't me!" Humph! Mysterious.
9:30am - elk meat burger, french fries, mug of waterInteresting horoscope today:
Fantasy land images prevail in play today. It's in the stars that Mischa should visit today?
Give yourself permission to "space out" a bit and enjoy the show!
2:00pm - mug of 7-up over ice
I know this is eight days early, but I was playing around with these images today, and I want to celebrate early. It will be three years this coming Halloween since I began my online journal. I'm not waiting for the WHITMAN award, or the Diarist.Net award. I think three years of persistance deserves an award, though.My, oh my! I have idea what I ate this evening. I vaguely remember several green olives with pimentos, but can't recall anything else. I had no idea the following day would be so busy.And I'm giving MYSELF one!
These trophies are mine, mine, MINE!!!
Thank you very much! I've enjoyed the ride and all the people I've met through this medium, one way or the other. And I'm looking forward to the next three years!
Go Forward...
