September 29, 2003 C
"A Few Small Imperfections"
3:18pm
So one pamphlet was about preventing cancer, one was about hemorrhoids, and one was about diverticulosis. Apparently Julia has both hemorrhoids and diverticulosis, which are small pockets in the lower colon. To simplify matters, for all three of these conditions a high fiber diet full of whole grains, nut, fruits and vegetables is recommended. She was advised to chew the nuts thoroughly to avoid any possible irritation. Not only is the vitamin and mineral content more rich in these foods, the fiber makes for softer stools, which makes for easier passage.
It is a healthy diet which should benefit me as well. I learned calcium/magnesium not only does joints, muscles and nerves good, apparently these minerals benefit the lower colon as well. So we are all primed to do healthy things. Oh, one thing we need to avoid is too much 'saturated fats'. Some fats are good, and some are bad. Julia, overcoming her wooziness, told me what the difference was. The molecular chains have alot of hydrogen atoms completing them, so it makes them more like lard. They remain solid at body temperature. Olive oil, on the other hand, has a lot of UN-saturated chains, and tends to be liquid at body temperature.
Julia is always good for advancing one's education. We shall become so healthy. We will make this habit, or at least do our damnest.
And now to things more mundane. The tiles arrived, but without the wooden frames I had expected. I don't mind too much, as I was not charged for them. The craftsman did a good job of calibrating the color balances:
Original design on left, Tile on right
Someone's FINGERPRINT!
Yes, I know I'm picky. Maybe the craftsman just wanted to add 'that personal touch', heh.
September 30, 2003
"On The Way"
8:53pm
Driving home tonight was crazy, and I was part of the craziness. Twice, I barely stopped in time, and once when turning left, I was caught on the shifting light, over too far to the left, and all the oncoming cars had to swerve around me. It was scary.
The early evening wasn't all bad. At the grocery store, it was nice chatting with our friends Darin and Kat who were leaving as we were coming in. But then craziness returned once we entered the store. It was hard to find anything in such a huge store. And after we'd been in an buying line for some time, I know the light was on when we chose this line, as soon as we got near the front, the impersonal man shooed us away anyway, despite my pleas of ''Please, can't you do just one more, I'm so tired!''
An old man, even crankier than I was, resolutely stood took our old place and would not be moved until he had given the place a thorough condemnation.
Oh, we were glad to get out of there! But groceries did get put away and turkey ham sandwiches on fluffy wheat rolls, with one cheese slice and mustard were made and eaten. Notice, no mayo, and I am choosing the more fiber rich WHEAT breads. Always, when growing up, my family chose the chewiest, thickest most multi-grain bread they could. I always thought it was because it was the best type of bread, with the most vitamins. I didn't know about this 'fiber' thing. And I got almost five servings of vegetables and fruit today. Let's count: the raisins on the morning oatmeal, the dab of avocado on my noon six inch double meat tuna sub, the big glass of pomagranate juice, and two plums. So we're on the way to improving.
I'm continuing to make sure Julia and I get lots of fluid, too. We will do all we can to battle the degradations of aging.
''Exercise!''
''What? Who said that? Ugh, LATER. We'll get to that . . .''
. . . SOMEDAY. Perfection can't be attained all in one day.
Meanwhile, I'm glad we are on the way to a new month. Maybe that page in the calendar won't merit shredding when it's over.
October 1, 2003
"Better Start"
6:17am
I wish all problems were so easy to solve. I awoke to the awareness of numbness in an arm that did not regain full circulation until half of an hour had passed. In my slumber, I had slept upon it, and awoke with it painful and unable to bend at the elbow. This is the morning of the alarm. My feet and my hands easily know numbness by day, even when there is nothing stressing them.
It is 'poor circulation', and I know in addition to lack of exercise, twenty five pounds of obesity added to twenty five pounds of simple overweight have added to this difficulty. When I was younger, I could bear it. Perhaps others my age can bear it. But now that I'm getting older, I am finding it a burden. I must really learn new habits.
I pray to the divine within me for wisdom. It is quite sobering. At forty five is when Laura had her heart bypass.
I promise I will get to cheerier subjects soon. I don't want this to be a depressing record. When I was young, I thought those older around me were obsessed with their health. I did not know it to be provoked by subtle and not so subtle signals within their bodies.
They all had their thing they swore by. My one aunt, it was allergies. She thought allergies were to blame for everything. My Dad swore by a grape diet. And vitamin pills by the dozens, they all swilled them. That is one habit I've continued to this day.
So forgive me, you young readers, and this obsession of my age. You might learn from us older folks. ''If only I had known . . .'' is such a sad song, and one I won't be singing long. I'll be on a cheerier note soon.
Today will begin the beginning of the new, clean, stripped down, simplified song I will learn by heart. I'll write it down as I go.
|
Let's start at the very beginning
Do-re-mi, do-re-mi
Maria:
|
Let's see if I can make it 'easy'.
October 2, 2003
"Some Success"
9:45pm
But it did allow me earlier to obtain two back-up discs, one for off site storage, so for that I am grateful. Already there are new files not recorded on those discs, for I've been busy at mandala-play. This time I couldn't decide between seven different variations and chose four:
 |
 |
|
 |
And I had a most interesting visit this morning with Inner Self. In it, self speaks to self regarding reincarnation and Laura's role as a teacher. The skeptic in me is not convinced, but that is good, for she keeps me honest. The skeptic's opinion is that this current 'channeling' is an aid to moving on from grieving and looking towards the future. Concentration on being 'a magician and a healer' means to the skeptic thinking about about those practical things which with I can engage my mind NOW.
So even the skeptic sees merit in this morning's mental meander.
Yes, it's quite a crew I have within me, a Prince, a Queen, a Skeptic . . . In time, I may discover more.
|
"Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
Walt Whitman,
|
With such a lively inner crew to entertain me, I am rarely bored. It all brings a new meaning to 'talking to oneself'. Yes, the slow process of my thoughts does entertain me while I stitch the long hours on this jacket and that. Most satisfying it is to have a job done and well, but oh, the nagging feeling of one that doesn't go right.
I count it all learning. Hopefully, the man upon whose coat I learned yesterday will be patient. And, too, by some small miracle, I may have actually gotten a collar 1 1/2 inches (3.81C) smaller than the original to fit in the large opening designed for the wider collar. I always leave open the door of possibility.
And thus, this is what I do with such concepts as reincarnation, as well. Flexibility is a great resource. The 'joints' of my mind will never become rusty. The connecting factor, thought to thought, is the endless willingness to examine them all, never flinching from finding fault.
But so exists as well, in that process of examination, the joy of finding occasional brilliance in one's mental results. Always, the balance exists.
And so there I was, earlier this evening in such a happy marvel when that darned computer flashed its screen black and off.
But I am not to be stopped. There's this thing called pen and paper. Now, I'll find out if I can read what I've scratched here so hastily with such hideous scrawl in the morning. If you are reading this, you may assume I translated it with some success.
October 4, 2003 A
"Figuring It Out"
6:22am
I decided to forgo the butter on the vegetables and have an ounce of peanuts instead, with 2g of saturated fat, which at 9% of the recommended limit has a whole lot more nutrition in them.
I don't want to get too little fat. Back when Laura was trying so hard to lose weight, she cut fat totally out of her diet and it messed up the chemical balance in her head. It took a long time to regain mental stability.
In a reaction to that, besides my own natural love of indulgence, I went in the opposite extreme. A little understanding greatly enriches me, and I can see more what I should be eating. Really, it is much like my healthy family, always slender, ate when I was growing up. They, while not abstaining totally like Laura did, were quite sparing of the butter, whipped cream and this and that.
Enlightment comes at last, and hopefully I can make something good of the knowledge.
But enough of such possibly tedious matters, and get on to FUN. Last night I had fun creating a mandala. But I do not know what to call it. It has both an oriental flavor and a tribal flavor, combined with a sense of modernity.
Julia suggested 'Chrysanthemum'. Do YOU have any suggestions?
''Unnamed''
October 5, 2003
"Two Sad Doodles"
6:31am
I think I might be capturing a subtle mood of myself. The sad, ready to cry, emotions at the surface portrait is my inner child always close to my emotions. The lady observing out the window is my inner parent, looking for what lies ahead on the horizon, and she is worried. Tomorrow we learn the results of Julia's biopsy. Let's hope these doodles are only recording my inner worried state.
October 6, 2003 A
"The Morning of The Morning"
5:37am
Julia promises I will be ''astonished at the simple magnificence'' of the omelet she is preparing for me. No doubt I shall. She is quite good at making omelets.
It is now before me, a thing quite colorful with red pepper pieces throughout. And, yes, it is tasty.
On my one day off, besides doing one load of wash, I mostly just relaxed. We watched the three part Children Of Dune. Lavish and beautiful, it was none the less complex, and Julia, who has read the books, had to explain things to me. Alice Krige, who was the Borg Queen, renders another magnificent regal figure, and Susan Sarandon outdoes herself in a regal figure wishing to regain her power.
It's a lot about power. One who has it, doesn't want it. One who later gets it goes mad with it. Balance gets restored at the end, of course. James McAvoy, the actor who played the son of Paul Atreides has the most beautiful lips.
Their beauty shows more when he's talking . . .
In the evening we watched a Japanese anime called BLOOD, The Last Vampire. The special effects were very well done. I like how they handled lighting, It all looked realistic. I would have liked a fleshing out of characters, such as what the heroine, the last remaining ORIGINAL, was like. Flashbacks into her long past would have been interesting. They only hinted at it, with a photo of her in the 1800's.
Still, it wasn't bad. Any movie which advances the idea of not all vampires being bad gets points with me.
And now it is morning. I do not want to go to work. I want to play. There are so many more good movies we can see. We would have seen Under The Tuscan Sun Saturday night, but the film projector broke. To console the disappointment of my inner child, we then went to Hastings, and I racked up some expense in new music CDs. The most surprising of the three I selected was Crossing The Stone by Catrin Finch, the UK's 23 year old Royal Harpist. There's quite a lot of variety and pep on that album, which I thought would be only all soft and soothing.
For soothing, one of Julia's picks fits. It is the choir On Wings Of Song doing Om Namaha Shivaya. It's the music to tame the wildebeest, or whatever beast you have.
Some times we NEED soothing. I take a deep breath as I remember today we learn the results of Julia's biopsy. Yes, some times we NEED soothing.
