September 24, 2002

"Eternal Longing . . ."

I am here again, determined to see where my mind will lead me. 'Extra-sensitive and subject to changing moods', my horoscope warned me I'd be. Hah, so I'll see where I'm led. Aye, I've just watched the first 'Buffy' of the season. Vampire Spike deals not well with his new soul. He may be more lost with it than without it.

What is 'soul'? Why does the mythos require vampires not to have them, unless, there's, for instance, an old gypsy curse, such as in Angel's lot?

One could imagine a vamp mythos with quite soul-filled immortal raw bloody meat eating creatures in it. I like to. I imagine them vaguely bluish, ala the Everquestian Dark Elves, but with not such a Smurfish blue. Imagine them BLUE bloods with BLUE blood coursing through their veins so their flesh takes on a bluish tone.

And, of course, all they really want is to be loved, besides that terrible hunger for freshly killed bloody meat. And if they seduce a poor beautiful human, and in the act of lovemaking, make that innocent one of their own, well they hope the newly ex-human won't be too mad at them. For all they really want is to be loved . . .

Ah, the eternal longing. And for a vamp, lonliness could make their many centuries seem a lot longer than they are. So they really don't want to be lonely. And if you meet one somewhere pleasant on a night when the moon is just descending, you might find him or her rather SEXY . . .

Ah, yes, these are the thoughts I think of at work, while I'm shy, and can't initiate conversation with my co-workers.

September 25, 2002

"Elven Heart"

Most pleased, I was, when I took an online test, Which Middle Earth Race Are You? I am indeed, an ELF!

''You're an elf. You're all mysterious and artistic, but in the cool way, not the shitty way. Well, maybe sometimes it's kinda shitty.''

Could I be anything else? What did the test maker mean by 'shitty'? It couldn't be ME? Nah, never happen . . . , well maybe . . . .

Bonevivant fighting a gorgehound

Bonevivant says rumors of 'shitty Elves' were created by jealous weaker types. And it's not all just the 'lone wolf' fighting the 'lone wolf'. Some times it's the 'lone wolf' fighting a set of wolves, or evil eyes or griffawns . . . Well, you get the idea.

And some times we're not 'lone wolves' at all. Why just the other night, there was quite the Elven gathering in the LAVASTORM, a region just off of the Nektulos forest, haunt of the Dark Elves.

Let's see, from left to right, there's either Mortediem's skellie pet or Diemmorte's skellie pet, Marishka's earthern elemental pet, Diemmorte, Mortediem, Zenboy, and Marishka

Our friends Rick and Lisa had their Necro twins up, I was Marishka and Julia was helping us younger folks as Zenboy. It was a fun night.

 

September 26, 2002

"Dangerous?"

Before I headed off to work, I took some time to see if the Muse had anything to say:

You in the softness embrace easy voice. Hard truths require courage. What would make our souls lean, better able to fight? But you are always wanting rest. Easy voice could give way to rich harmonies, layered depths of mystery. But you are always wanting rest. Surely, the truth is calling. Are your bags packed? Are you at the intersection? Surely, the truth is calling.

My thoughts, as I finished penning the above were ''I am curious about those 'layered depths of mystery'.''

At work, while the hands were busy, my mind was busy pondering what the poem meant by 'easy voice'. It reminded me of something Laura once said to me when giving me advice about my writing and creativity in general. She felt I leaned too close to 'safe' subjects. After various attempts with Google, I have found the exact words she said, back in 1997:

''Laura seemed surprised at this recollection [of a fiercely strong woman]. She said that I have never challenged the ideal of the meek and soft woman in any of my web-writings. I have not bridged controversy. I have made nice showings of our life, but have not said anything challenging. Laura said there are countless New Age "feel good" web sites on the net, as abundant as dandelions and as short-lived, their fluff dispersing into nothingness and forgotten. Only the challenging endures, she avowed. I ponder her comments this morning with wonder.''

Since 1997, I think my writing has become somewhat toothier. Was it ever in danger of being 'fluffy bunny' meek? I don't know. But, still, the desire 'not to offend' so much that it hampers our message is no good. 'Easy voice' is 'safe subjects' that wouldn't 'offend' anyone.

Also, just to open our own eyes and examine these 'hard truths' takes courage in and of itself. We don't know where these mysteries might lead us. It could be dangerous. We might have all our old preconceptions blown away. And yet the thought of the freedom, letting loose of old crutch-thoughts, is exhilarating. I want to let loose of the 'soft', 'easy' and 'safe'. I'll dare. I'm curious.

Visioning soft bunnies being swatted on their butts and sent flying, I let the most non-fluffy images come to me: skeletons and skulls and nasty scary things of death. And then an inspiration: why not make a mandala using just such frightening imagery!

So, this evening, I did!

Click on Thumbnail to see full size version.