"This Time, Nightmare", "Perhaps It's Something From Within", "I Have Come A Long Way"
September 23, 1999
"This Time, Nightmare"
"This Time, Nightmare"
It started with an odd clicking sound. I awoke with a startle, but determined to rip myself awake. The last time, if only I had awakened more deeply, I could have chased after the invader and learned his identity. Maybe walloped him with a nearby sharp pointy object. So, eyes tore open with fear, I saw a camera placed into a small opening in our wall. "This man has been taking pictures of us while we sleep!" I pulled the camera out of the tiny window, and saw a light brown haired man, possibly in his thirties. While pulling his nose, I screamed loudly. No one woke up. I screamed louder. With Laura's help, this creep would not get away. Screaming louder, and gripping his nose harder, finally Laura came.6:30am - yummy omelet with mozzarella cheese, olives, onions, green peppers, a few french fries, glass cranberry juice, mug of waterShe put her arm around me and held me close. There was no man and no camera. The wall had sealed itself whole. If I could scream loud enough in a dream to bring Laura running, perhaps in real life, I could scream loud enough to bring help. I could pull myself out of the anesthesia of sleep well enough to ACT, instead of merely freeze with fear. Her secure embrace let me surrender again to sleep, and this time, there were no disturbing dreams.
I don't know if I'll have something chatty today or not. I've got to get busy and sew. The past few days I've sloughed off. Monday I had that 'hit with a brick to the head' feeling, and couldn't focus well. Tuesday I was so tired, I slept a lot. I did some sewing Wednesday and Thursday, but not much. Today I feel ready, alert, able to the task. I'll stay away from Might and Magic VII until I've done a full days sewing. Besides, my heroes need a rest, now that they've proved themselves to the path of light, and are 'level 30'.
September 24, 1999
"Ready To The Task"
Before I get to that sewing, I had a feeling I should take some time to check in with the Muse. Here's the odd results. The question part was 'transmitted' afterwards, but seems to belong better at the beginning.
How can I know
what end is mine?Is it not at the reach
of a long road
from where you were, until
the point of knowing where you're at?
You may be there and not know it.
In any case, I'll soon have a tasty lunch to eat. There's no worries about 'ends' when a full plate of delicious food is in front of me.
LUNCH MENU
Boiled potato with butter, grilled chicken bits in salsa with a wee bit extra garlic and LOTS of olives - my OWN cooking, and it was yummy!
September 25, 1999
"Loud Food"
1:00pm - spinach, feta cheese pie, mixed vegetables, mug of water
3:00pm cup of water
5:00pm - bowl of brightly colored vanilla wafers -, two glasses of milk
7:00pm - cup of water
7:15pm - potato, smoked fish salad with lots of various ingrediants like olives, celery, etc., cup of water
8:15pm - cup of water
9:00pm - cup of water
I don't like loud food. Food should be quietly the color it comes in nature. So when Laura brought this can of rainbow colored vanilla wafers home, I was determined to stay righteous and not touch them. But there's my sweet tooth. It's not so fussy. I tested one of the orange ones. The taste wasn't affected by this unnecessary color. Filling a bowl with all but the green ones, for I still have some standards, I went at them. I didn't have to look at them to eat them. 
('cookie' dots ©www.arttoday.com)
Feeling rather relaxed and peaceful, I sat down in a quiet place for a few moments of meditation:
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perception hard melting into blurred metamorphis, nothing you can quite get a grip on. But the soft edged elusive images will order themselves in time. I could stare long enough but I'll let them gradually fill in their borders and become the truth they were meant to be, in such time as they need.
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"Hmmmm. . . "
Laziness is seductive. I laid in bed next to Julia sipping tea, listening to her music. I glanced at the clock: 12:30pm. When the time is 12:34, at that magical time, then I'll put that load of clothes in the dryer.Go Forward...
12:34 . . .
12:38 But it felt so good laying there. The next mathematically significant time would be 12:48. The load could wait until then.
And it did. Laziness is a luxury we all should indulge in from time to time.
No words today, but I have a nifty mandala for you.
September 27, 1999
"Nifty Mandala"
Yes, I know, no SERIOUS artwork, but at least I did something!
Should you be craving more, I've done mandalas now and then over the past few years..
September 28, 1999
"Peaceful"
Silence. Peaceful silence. The sleeping muse lies suspended in between here and now. I rest with her. I will seek the quiet caverns of my soul, where the air is cool and still, go there and find peace. I will not hear the sounds of distress in the open market. I will be here, where it is soothingly dark. I will listen to the breath of my own soul. I will become the breath of my soul. Listening to the deep quiet, I think I can almost hear the stars move. Suspended in deep space, I rest and wait. This now is the season of my soul. Earth, moon and sun all have their cycles, and so do I. I will follow this magnetic pull that draws us all. So easy to follow, follow, follow. Round, around, abound. Now.
September 29, 1999
"Perhaps It's Something From Within"
When I was getting ready for bed, the reflection in the mirror appealed to me. That doesn't happen often. What was unusual about the image? My lower chin has zits, perhaps it's something from within. Everyone with a digital camera has held it at arm's length for a self portrait. I've had mine since December without succumbing to that temptation. Could the lens capture what was pleasing?
September 30, 1999
"Long Day"
Morning of listening to James Taylor's New Moonshine while working on blue chambray shirts. Twelve cuffs, twelve pockets, and six collar top halves await assemblage into the larger wholes. Afternoon nap with Laura, some battling tough Fire Hydras in Might and Magic VII, and then a visit with VDP, who wanted to apologize for an earlier episode. I wasn't rude. I didn't flee into the computer realms. I sat there like a lady and tried to make conversation, as feeble as my skills are at that. Laura and Shayna did carry the ball most the time, but I got a few weak vollies in. The evening wore on and on, and by its end, I collapsed wearily into the waiting bed. It was all I could do to last through the visit.
October 1, 1999
"I Have Come A Long Way"
BlKlstd is a new webring that doesn't want you if "You're fluffy, nice, giggly, sweet, congenial, prudish, shallow, popular, moralizing, or a perfectionist in each and every aspect of your action-packed celebrity infested life." Hmm-m, would they want me? Sure, I "make normal spelling and/or grammatical mistakes." and I "update more than once a week" and I sometimes"push the edges of disclosure". I've even probably "alienated" a few family members. But am I too 'fluffy' for this ring? Too 'sweet'? Too 'congenial'? Guess what, I don't care! For all I know, that could merit some points.
I'm just me. Maybe according to some people, I'm not challenging enough, or risqué enough. Laura often tells me a prudish sort of 'christian' morality has infused me because, for instance, I don't like offending people, or I don't like to be naked where strangers can see me naked. There's nothing wrong or 'sinful' about the naked human body, she tells me. I shouldn't rush to close the curtains. Okay, now we're closing them because we don't want thieves to see the big collection of ancient computers we have, etc. Before the house invasion, we just closed the curtains at night to humor me. Am I a prude? I'm not so squeamish that, as an example, if Laura's son James is over, and he catches me naked while washing up, I run in a panic and slam a door closed behind me. Okay, maybe twelve years ago, when Laura and I first got together, I used to.
But you have to take into consideration, I come from a family so prudish, they border on the bizarre. Can you imagine this, for instance? One evening when we were gathered at the dinner table for a holiday feast, I had to exit for the bathroom. One cousin asked where I was going. My reply that I was going to the bathroom left them all shuddering with horror. What did they expect me to say? I don't powder my nose, that would have been a lie.
Even young, sheltered, innocent me had seen enough of the world to be bewildered that night. Middle aged, and not so innocent me would do a good job of pissing them off now. While I don't like offending people, sometimes it's utterly unavoidable. It's a good thing I'm here in Arizona and they're there in Illinois. But, yes, there are still the residual influences from my upbringing. So if these here pages make you gag with my 'sweetness', you might be merciful and consider that I HAVE come a long way.
And then, go off and do your gagging, and find a page you DO like. Life's too short for anyone to be miserable.
