September 16, 2001
"Heroes Like These"
American flag made up of 10000 people
The image, which was caught by an Arizona Daily Star photographer in an helicopter, will be placed on billboards and postcards as an emblem of our unity and strength.
And we are heroes. The amazing efforts of the firefighters and police, as they dug through the rumble, looking for one more life to save shall not be forgotten. Some gave up their lives while trying to save others. And the rampage on America last Tuesday could have been even worse. We heard of a fourth plane that crashed in a field near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Laura and I mentioned to each other that no doubt, the pilot had crashed it there, rather than doing more damage. And indeed, this was so. The White House had been slated to be hit, but by this time, the passengers on this plane knew what was going on. THEY, as well as the pilot, rose up against the hijackers, and kept that from happening.
It is the efforts of heroes like these that will inspire me and give me hope.
September 17, 2001
"A Heroine Like This"
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September 19, 2001
"Paranoia Rises Easily"
I did finally call her yesterday, when we got home. She was surprised that it took so long for me to get the letter, and then I reminded her that it was sent out the day before the trajedy, and planes were not flying for several days.
Grateful, she was, to hear my voice. Danny, my half brother, who was raised with his father, called my Mother several times during Tuesday. ''Turn the TV on, you will not believe what you are seeing!'' But, alas, her TV wasn't working, and she could only get the news via radio. ''Had I taped the CNN scenes of the second plane hitting the towers, and the towers collapsing?'' No, of course, we hadn't. Now that her TV is fixed, the aftermath coverage is all she's heard about on CNN, having cable.
She spoke of being weary of listening to it all day, now. I said that I just visit Starnet once a day, and check the headlines to see if there's anything new.
But we can't do that today. Our web provider has been down since yesterday afternoon. We heard from Danice that Dreamhost, our site host, has also been down. Paranoid mind that I have, I immediately suspect some terrorist plot against the web. The 'Code Red' hackers did it with far less malicious intent than these terrorists, who's to say it couldn't be them?
But paranoia rises easily during times like these. There's a new etching in the toilet paper dispenser at work. A reversed pentacle is amidst '666 is real', '666' having satanic implications, mark of 'the beast', if I recall correctly. People's minds get weird under such strain. However, sadly, paranoia of a most sickening and twisted kind has arisen. One headline read ''Some turn anger on innocent Muslims'', and the story told how ''Muslims and people of Middle Eastern heritage were increasingly being hounded by an angry public looking for someone to blame. '' Harassing phone calls, telling them to 'get out of the country' are only the least of it. ''In Fair Haven, Mich., the windows of Mazen Mislmanion's family service station were shot up by vandals Wednesday night.''
Not far north of here, an even more tragic thing happened. In Mesa, ''A man was being questioned by police Sunday in connection with the shooting death of a gas station owner, an Indian immigrant who was a Sikh.'' ''Sikhs are not Muslims, but Sikh men wear turbans and because of their appearance have been mistaken for Muslims. ''
I feel sorry for the Arab-American community. They are Americans, just as we are, and this hatred is so senseless. Even of the Arabs over in the Arabian countries, those at fault are only a tiny minority of the people there. Most just want to live their lives in peace.
It is the radical fundamental Islam branch that are at fault. Always, the mindset of the fundamentalist is a dangerous one. And what of our own 'dirty dozen', the fundamentalists here of the Christian ilk? They've been out spewing hatred, as well. ''God Gave U.S. 'What We Deserve,' Falwell Says'', said one headline of Jerry Falwell, a fundamentalist leader here.
''Then Falwell broadened his blast to include the federal courts and others who he said were "throwing God out of the public square." He added: "The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen.' "That assinine jerk is blaming people like ME for the terrorist attacks! Sadly, I fear too many share his views. Just yesterday at work, some customers, a couple of older ladies, were saying we got attacked ''because we as a nation, have 'abandoned God' '' Let's not forget, to those Islam fundamentalists, the Christian diety is the devil. Whether or not we've 'abandoned' a diety they believe to be false at best could hardly be the reason. It is more likely because we've befriended Israel, and they want the lands that Israel occupies for themselves.
But it's just the kind of paranoid bullsh*t that thrives in times like this.
May the voices of reason and compassion speak louder than these harsh, dissonant voices of hate.
September 20, 2001
"Wolf Dreams"
Laura's Father created this wolf howling at the moon, out of a sheet of copper
The residents of the Pacific Northwest town of Wolf Lake, have something unusual about them: they are "shape-shifters" who can transform themselves into WOLVES. At the end of the show, Sherman Blackstone (Graham Greene), who alone knows the ancient lore of Wolf Lake, is teaching his young students. ''It's about the survival of the pack, everything is about the survival of the pack.'' Worried, they are, for humans are beginning to discover the odd things about this town.
To say we're hooked is an understatement. For one thing, wolves have long held a fascination for the triad. Julia had a dream prior to meeting Laura and I:
". . .I recall a powerful January dream . . . I'm standing on the threshold by a doorway. The space is misty white. Two figures approach from the shadows, large silver-white wolves, one a little smaller. They are my shamanic teachers to appear soon in the next phase of life. The elder one comes directly to me, placing her huge paws upon my shoulders. Her grey-blue Athena eyes gaze intently into mine as she kisses my lips and chews playfully on my tongue. Fear dissolves in tasting the wisdom of this powerful and charming pair of wild creatures, entreating me to follow . . ."We were her "spirit guide(s) for the next initiation!" Since joining together, we often make the sign of the wolf, and howl together.
Laura's son Anton also identifies with the wolf, naming some of his role playing characters Taranus Woulfe.
Being of a 'wolf-minded' clan certainly added to the impact of the TV show Wolf Lake had on me, but I did not expect it to cause wolf dreams. But wolf dreams, I had.
I am in a huge forest, shape shifter, part time wolf, part time human-appearing male with a waist-long mane of black hair (always got to have the HAIR), with my girlfriend. We are in my small cabin. My girlfriend has a big job in the big city, and I am telling her that to be with me, she has to give up the big city life and all that wealth. Shapeshifter wolfie me doesn't belong in the city. Will my love be enough for her? Will she leave her old lifestyle behind?Of course, I did not find out what my beloved' intentions were, for I woke up.
Ah-h-O-o-O-o-W-w-W-w-W-W!
September 22, 2001
"Reason To Smile"
Happy 'Wolfie'!
I still cry at odd, unexpected times. I was making the online journal rounds the other day, going through my bookmarks, when I came to The Daily Epiphany, by Bill Chance. He updates in large sets of entries, and hadn't sent anything new up since the 7th of September. ''In Time For Hedwig'' is a happy entry about a fun movie he'd seen called 'Hedwig And The Angry Inch'. For some reason, I burst out bawling. It was like his site was frozen in time, back in the world before, that simpler, more innocent carefree world, which will never be with us again. Of course, when all this war-stuff is over, it will be again like that. But when will that be? How long will we have to wait? And how many MORE people will die in the meantime?
And at work last night, the radio played Bette Midler's rendition of 'The Wind Beneath My Wings' There I am, at work, in the back room, I burst out into tears at the line ''I just don't understand what all this fighting is for''. Get it together, I had to, for the next moment, I heard the bell ring, and a customer had entered.
When will it all end? How will it all end? These are the questions on everyone's minds. I search the news sites for the latest updates, struggling to comprehend it all. The clerics in Afghan voted that bin Laden should leave voluntarily. Why the Taliban government supports HIM - he has supported their reign with his wealth and influence. ''In recent years, bin Laden has provided significant support to the Taliban in their battle against the northern alliance.'' ''Independent observers also said they believed that the attack on Massoud [the opposition leader against the Taliban] was carried out by bin Laden's organization.'' (AP, via Starnet)
So maybe the Taliban couldn't control this poor country without bin Laden's assistance. They don't want to take that chance. So Afghan officials won't just turn him over to us. They, at the very least, insist there must be 'evidence'. One CBS news story said:
''U.S. officials are working on a report that would spell out in as much detail as possible their evidence that links last week's attacks to Osama bin Laden, reports CBS News Correspondent Jim Stewart. The report would be unclassified and presumably would be released sometime before the U.S. begins actual military operations against the terrorist leader.No hard evidence? Are we just going to go in shooting with NO HARD EVIDENCE? Bin Laden said his group didn't do it. Okay, he might (and probably is) just be a slimy lying bastard, and extremely good at covering his tracks. But don't you think we ought to research everything VERY carefully before we determine that is the case? No matter how long it takes, research it. And only ONCE WE'RE SURE, WITHOUT A SHRED OF DOUBT, only THEN, go in shooting?The problem is, officials admitted Friday, they still have no hard evidence making that connection.''
Meanwhile, I, like so many other Americans, AND INDEED, citizens of THE WORLD, wait for the future to unfold, endeavoring to be patient and hopeful that children everywhere will always have reason to smile.
September 25, 2001 - A
"Every Once In Awhile"
I had time to sit and think, while waiting. The radio station was on the 'news'. Would today's journal entry be yet another one about 'current events'? I decided I was in the mood for a ramble. Right now I don't know any more than you where this entry will end up.
Via the BBC, English accents told the world events this morning. One by one, the Middle Eastern countries are disclaiming the Taliban. Nobody likes them. Except bin Laden, of course. How convenient of them to claim bin Laden is missing. And does any body believe them?
Meanwhile, on Starnet, news is of the air force base in Tucson. Troops are being readied. Could there be any other conclusion?
An odd news item: people are getting 'patriotic' tattoos these days. Well, at least that beats the 'skill and crossbones' ugliness with which some festoon their flesh.
I've not yet seen any of these tattoos yet, on customers, but I'm surprised at the number of people wearing flag decorated T-shirts these days. At first, they pulled old ones from the bottom of their drawers, now new ones appear. It's amazing, the quickness of capitalism. Still, those profiting are only making something people want. It's okay.
Ah, work was a busy place last night. It was 'clean up' day, and there were three of us on duty. My tasks were to mainly man the cash register, but I did clean up my surrounding area. What a funny sight it was, though, looking across the store and seeing one of my petite co-workers on TOP of the tall diary case, scrubbing away with pail beside her! We really scoured that place, we did.
Every once in a while you got to do that.
And every once in a while, I got to ramble. This day's set is holding together better than some. That's good.
I'm good. Laura, she's not feeling so good today. She woke me up to bring Julia to work, as she was having heart pains. I worry about her. Julia's not feeling so good, either. Her right arm is now paining her like her left arm did, a year ago. Will she need more crushed disc removal surgery? I worry about her, too.
Meanwhile, we try to take care each day, You do the same, too. It's all we can do. Prayer may be said by some to be the refuge of the weak and helpless, but still, it makes me feel better. That's something, at least. So I pray. I think it helps some of us 'weaklings' be strong.
Good strength to all of you, dear readers, 'til we meet again, on these cyber-paths.
September 25, 2001 - B
"Moved To Mandala"
At work today, among various other deliveries today of Pepsi products, booze and other odds and ends, the magazine man came by with a new supply of fresh magazines. TIME magazine is really going for the news hungry public, and had four different magazines out. One of them featured a particularily obscene image on it. I declared ''Bin Laden was ugly enough as a two inch high image on the web, but he's REALLY ugly in 8 1/2 by 11 inch format!'' But then I thought about it. The top title read 'Bin Laden: Target'. And wouldn't he make a good target. I visualized myself throwing darts at the image. We have a few sets of darts at home, but I don't have very good aim. I could stick pins all over him, though. And then it hit me! Pin-laden Bin Laden! The smiles it gave me, anticipating this during work, and later, whilst sticking him, laughter, made the $3.95 cost of the magazine well worth it.
And you know, I just can't resist showing my 'art work' with you. You know that!
pin-laden bin Laden