September 12, 2004

"Worth Remembering"
7:12am

I woke up groggy, vaguely awake of a recent dream, but unable to identify any of its elements. I also woke with a sinus headache and the return of 'the monthly', two things which often arrive within days of each other. I've noticed a peculiar thing I do which worsens the pain. I don't know why I tend to do this, but perhaps it is a recoil action. I tend to tighten the muscles around my eyes, particularly the right eye. I saw it in the mirror. My right eye appears much smaller when I do this. But it only makes the pain worse, as the tightened muscles seems to close tighter on the sinus passages, inhibiting the necessary draining. However, I have a cue which reminds me not to do this. I silently say, ''Ah-h-h-h!'' and in response my eye muscles relax and the pain eases. I will admit I have to remind myself often, though. Yet it's enough that I can often get through a sinus flare up without medication.

Responding to any sort of stress by tensing up is 'natural'. Fortunately, we have two less stressors than we did. We have a much improved car AND A TV THAT WORKS! When the deliveryman pushed the switch and a picture resulted, I was nearly in shock. We've missed watching the Sunday morning show on CBS. Today it plays. I enjoyed the segment on Seurat's famous painting, Afternoon on the Grand Jatte. Contrary to the spontaneous approach of the Impressionists, he took two years to create this huge painting, and made many preliminary studies. As I saw it on the TV screen, I recalled when I saw it up close and personal at Chicago's Art Institute.

Another segment featured various memorials of those who died in attack on America three years ago from yesterday. Yesterday, videos made by New Yorkers that day brought fresh tears to my eyes. I'm not sure why, perhaps to counter sadness with something joyful, Julia's employer chose last night to have a special dinner for the employees. The huge pieces of steak was cooked to perfection.

That was a yummy treat, and I still have Friday's left over ravioli yet to eat. So I will have a tasty lunch.

Yesterday, I had only a piece of bread and some cheese for lunch, anticipating the large evening meal. Both Julia and dressed up for the event, and even I decided to put myself in the way of the camera eye:

Crop of a larger picture...

I placed it with the other pictures of me. I am amused that the last picture placed there over a year ago also features me wearing that same blouse!

I also added to Julia's photo gallery. Yesterday's result has a sort of Renaissance compositional effect, so I didn't crop the background:

Smaller version of the larger picture...

Yesterday a rather productive day, I also spent the morning learning something new. The new CDs I recently bought came with an anti piracy warning, complete with an emblem bearing the U.S. eagle. I've never copied CDs for others. I can't say it was merely because I hadn't yet learned the technology. Back in my high school and college days, I spent many hours making special compilation cassettes, picking favorite songs from various albums to make a new mix. But I never copied an entire album so someone would not have to buy their own.

I'd not done anything like that in years, because cassette sound quality is now inferior and unacceptable, compared to that of CDs. However our new computer has music CD recording ability. But it took some time to figure it out. I learned it can't done the same way as creating a data CD, but only through the Windows Media Player and its 'music library'. It was kind of complicated until I figured it out and I admit I cursed a lot! I have to rank the track selections by a five star system, and take special care to get the order right. Order is fifty percent of what makes a complilation disk as one song leads to the next in mood and tempo. But I triumphed and succeeded in making a seventeen song 'international' mix, with Middle Eastern, Celtic and light opera songs blending perfectly.

I'm amazed by the perfect sound quality. In the old days those crappy homemade cassettes could never compare to an official recording.

Any day in which I learn something new has not been wasted. Sometimes it's not easy, as I challenge the stasis encouraged by laziness and timidity. But it's worth it.

One of today's morning news segments highlighted Rowan Tynen, an Irish tenor and doctor who moved to New York a few years back. He certainly has met the challenges life has given him. His legs had to be amputated at the knees, yet he still has pursued many athletic goals, including competing in horse races with those not so challenged. Not surprisingly, he also finds time to serve as a motivational speaker. Tynen exhorts his audience:

"The biggest risk in life is not taking risks itself."

So true and it's worth remembering.

September 14, 2004

"I Almost Remember"
12:45am

I went to bed early, 5:30pm, right after I brought Julia home. I was tired. I woke at 8:30pm with two dreams, certain I'd remember them. I got up long enough to have something to drink and went back to bed.

I awake again around 12:40am, with the same two dreams and a sense of urgency to remember them. As I awake, I'm sure they're engraved firmly, but when fully awake, I forget them.

One is vaguely wrapping myself in some kind of dress. Could it be a Roman 'palla'? The other features the Egyptian hieroglyph for 'mouth', an oval with pointed corners. Why do I keep dreaming this?

Supposedly we had bought Julia sufficient fabric for this palla when we first moved to Yuma. Julia swears she remembers a light beige fabric. I almost remember it too, except that in this tiny apartment I cannot find it. I haven't yet examined every storage place, so perhaps it is in some bin.

And the 'mouth' character would be brought about by my slow reading of 'Decoding Egyptian Hieroglyphs'. The book is due back September 21st, and I am halfway through it. I may make the deadline.

One passage within that book I wish to remember:

"The lotus had an important symbolic role in religious life. The blue lotus, which opens with the first rays of the sun, and the white lotus, which opens only at night, were associated with the sun and moon, and the opposing forces of light and dark...The lotus became a symbol of rebirth after death" and is "also linked to fertility and was a sexual symbol."

Once again, I find a referance to 'night blooming flowers'...

Hunger for truth, let it drive you wild. Lost child in the Garden, which flower blooms for you? Scent intoxicating, liberating, these are the night-blooming flowers. Thus, few see them. Keep awake. JAL, 4 - 30 - 03

September 15, 2004

"Soft Comfort"
11:55pm

Tuesday evening, we stopped at the Java Oasis for treats. I got a strawberry/chocolate smoothie that was yummy, Julia a hot 'Triple X' coffee drink and we read the paper. Luckily, I learned the next day Mervin's was having a sale. Forty percent off all 'High Sierra' brand nightwear drew me like a magnet for it was time to replace my tattered nightgowns. Nearly two years ago, I bought four nightgowns, but I favored two of them more than the others, thus they wore out sooner. This time all four are of the favored style, so maybe this time I'll get four years wear, as I did with the purchase in 1998.

(Journaling allows such a precise dating of seemingly insignificant things such as the purchase of flannel nightgowns.)

After a long soak in the tub, the new flannel feels luxurious next to my skin.

September 18, 2004

"Much Deliberation"
9:42am

Oh, the indecision! If I go to a store physically, I never spend this much time deliberating. I tried to go to the store. Our local Sears carries some Lands' End products, so I had hopes they'd have a fleece vest. I admit I already have one in light blue, but let's say it fits so well, well, really I'd rather it not fit so well! However, the local store has fleece jackets, so I tested the size in those. I really should have gotten the XL the first time.

Meanwhile, the deliberation over colors! I put my small picture next to the color samples. I am a 'spring' and look best in warm, clear tones. The dark orange the vest comes in is a perfect example of warm and clear. But this color is also visually expansive. I do not want to look like 'the Great Pumpkin'!

After much deliberation, I decided that 'Balsam Green' retains enough of 'clear' and 'warm' in its greenness, so come cool weather, I will be keeping warm in green.

Earlier this week, I deliberated on deeper subjects, and after further deliberation, placed one such result in those pages essentially ME.

September 19, 2004 A

"I Love The Weekend"
5:22am

So these are the days and what I've been thinking about:
Yes, it's a RAMBLE!

Thursday,on the morning radio show, Bob and Sheri spoke of Martha Stewart and how she's going to prison. She badly wants to get this experience behind her, and that is so understandable because anticipation of a dreaded thing is often so much worse than the thing itself.

Although the thing itself may be bad enough. They had callers-in respond about their prison experiences. Most said they got a lot of reading done. Five months shut up in a caged place, reading indeed is the most practical use of one's time. I'd get a lot of the books I've bought, and hope to buy, read. As a side note, I report I've finally finished the Egyptian hieroglyph book and sent for a copy of our own. Julia wanted our own copy of a book about Star Names so that's on our way.

I can't recognise it in the sky, but I will pick Alpha Draconis for my favorite. And Venus. Laura used to have me look at the night sky and show me the brightest thing in the sky, which isn't a star but a planet. It's in the sky, it counts. And Zuben Eschamali, which is supposed to be my Libra star, an emerald star, that is of 'good fortune', Julia told me about that one.

My mind is on a ramble this morning. You like that, don't you? If you're reading this, I assume you do. With so much to engage one's mind on the web, no one stays long on a boring page.

Boredom! That makes me think of my original thought, and how would I get through five months of prison time. I'd sure hate to end up as some mean dyke's supposed darling. I'd sure hate to end up as everyone's target for whatever animosities, or game they might play. I'd try to give out strong vibes of 'I'm here to mind my own business', and be 'the lone wolf'. I'd sure not want to show weakness. In any other environment, that can be a sign of strength, as one is not burdened with shame over those weaknesses. But in a prison environment, that would be just one wedge they'd have to use over you.

One would have to keep one's sensitivities to oneself in such an environment. Just how tough edged of a display one could present would be up to the individual and how well they could act the deception. However, I read recently of another more useful skill. Some aspire to the mythical vampyric skills, invisibility among them. If no one is aware of your presence, to them it is as though you are not there at all. I'd work on that skill!

I don't envy Martha Stewart, her wealth or her power, OR her prison sentence. I suspect she'll learn a lot during her five month stint.

My mind has been busy these past few days. Yesterday, I finally got around to seeing that movie about Hitler. Wow! Was that educational! 'The Hidden Mirror' uses actual quotes of the man, to better show his real mindset. It is amazing how during his reign, no one opposed him. I guess those who did just quietly left Germany, and I understand many Jews and others in his targeted groups who could see what was coming down did just that.

Watching it, I was fairly creeped out. Julia wanted to discuss current politics, and I was in no mood for it. I wanted to change my mental focus, so I suggested we listen to music. However, Julia's choice of Haydn did not seem mood altering enough, so I put my 'International Mix' CD in the stereo, and that enabled me to gradually lose the creepy mood.

Last night, the local Mensans had a games night. This is one thing Julia is spearheading. She put out a contact notice in the Phoenix Mensa magazine and fortunately, a few are here in this hot town of Yuma. I never had my brain stretched so many ways as I did last night. We played several types of games. One, Boggle, is one with which I was familiar, Laura, Julia and I having played it many times. I used to be 'queen of the three letter words', while Laura would have fewer, but much longer words and thus win. It was good to 'warm-up' on a familiar game last night. Then we tried two games new to me, and it was unique feeling my brain getting stretched in so many ways.

I do exercise my brain in writing, but that generally uses only one type of brain muscle. And the 'automatic' writing doesn't seem to use any brain muscle at all, for I seem only to take dictation.

They are planning on having more of these games nights, so that is cool. The guy who hosted it last night has an entire room dedicated to an Oriental theme. I love all the various dragons he has, on gold trimmed plates, lavender jade sculptures, resin sculptures...

It might inspire me to add to my dragon collection! There's one of iron at an museum replica site that calls to me. Online shopping, how I love it!

Now today is Sunday, and I have one more day to myself. Oh, how I love the weekends!

September 19, 2004 B

"IT IS COOL!"
10:56pm

I sing and do the great happy dance! It is COOL! All this week it is supposed to be double digit highs and lows in the sixties. The windows are open, the breeze is blowing! Merciful temperatures have again returned to Yuma!

September 20, 2004

"Drunken Neighbors"
10:10pm

The sounds of the noisy drunken neighbors come through the walls which are not thin. I grew irritated at their loud screaming and laughing. A boiling hatred began to well up within me. It was disturbing my reading. I was reading wise words, words of deep insight I can use to help me grow and learn, and these drunken partiers were disturbing my concentration. How dare they!

However, as I read the following words, I soon changed my focus:

"...Crowley drew the idea that classifying everything as pleasant and unpleasant means you have a lot of unpleasant things in your life."

-----Don Webb, from a book soon to be published

I realized I was wasting my energy in hating the neighbor's loudness. With a deep breath, I let it go, and found myself able to again concentrate on my reading. I feel much more peaceful, and know that the power to enact this change lies within me.

Ever, I am always learning. Xepera Xeper Xeperu

(after note:)
Nearly eleven o'clock, the drunken neighbors are still at it. I smell their pizza. I feel like going around to them and saying since I have to listen to their racket, will they kindly share their pizza? What do you think they'd say? Grin!

September 21, 2004

"Scarab Pendant II"
6:00pm

You may remember me referring to 'Scarab Pendant I', last year:

Nearly as big as my index finger!

Possibly I didn't understand how long 5cm would be, or the picture on the page looked really small. This just gave me an excuse to buy another, in a more petite size:

     
Gold with Lapis Lazuli

I also have arriving an iron dragon sculpture, a sterling Viking snake pin, and a scarab brooch in 'goldtone' with a blue 'gem'. Yes, I've been busy with the online shopping, but I think I will keep my debit card in its case for a while now. For a little while, anyway!.