August 26, 2004

"Some Novelty"
8:09pm

I at last got through the 'Luck' book. I did not know at the outset what this book held for me. At some points I grew frustrated with Rescher's complex phrasing but I held out onto the end, confident this book would not have been recommended if there were not worthy insights within. However, I was nearly through this book before seeing its applications to my life in any way than a superficial way. Then I had an epiphany about what is 'Luck' and how I define 'Darkness', and I realized these two things are quite similar. LUCK is the realm of the Dark unknown, all potential, chaotic, chancy and unpredictable. When I embrace Darkness, I embrace Luck and all its variables. I embrace the vast ranges of possibility, which to me enriches life greatly. Rescher expresses this so well on page 192:

"It is the element of openness- of uncertainty - that gives our human present its savor and endows our envisioned future with a suspenseful interest. The factors of contingency and impredictability play a central and definitive part here."

He further elaborates on page 193:

"Even at the price of falling victim to chance and haphazard, we yearn for novelty and innovation- for a liberation from an inevitability programmed by the settled determinations of the past."

To greater or lesser degree, most people have such yearnings. Proceeding from the wide generalization to the narrow particularization, Julia felt a desire for the novelty of a new hair style and got a perm. I wanted to capture it in its new state, and made quick efforts with the camera:

I tried to get a decent picture in the gentle sunset light, but was a little late for best results. Nevertheless, I want to show the side view.

This 'novelty' has lifted Julia's spirits. She indeed possesses a Grecian loveliness and this hairstyle helps to bring that out.

Turning to other matters currently Grecian, the Summer Olympics are almost over. We would have watched more of it, were it not for the non-existent TV. Still, I catch the highlights from the TV at work. The NBC TODAY show has been aired from Greece, and I've been watching the browning of Katie Couric as she cheerfully illustrates many aspects. At 47, she even did a cartwheel on the gymnastics floor. I cannot explain my inability for this feat by way of thick middle and weak joints, for I could not do one when I was seventeen!

So far the medal count is:

Medals Table: Rank  Country Total 1 USA 28 31 24 83 2 CHN 25 17 12 54 3 AUS 16 11 15 42 4 RUS 15 19 23 57 5 JPN 15 9 10 34 6 GER 10 11 14 35

I went to the Athens2004 offical website and got a close look at those medals, newly designed since 1928. Nike, the goddess of victory, boldly swooshes down feet-first from the heavens, and delivers the laurel in the Panathinaikos stadium, where the first modern Olympics were held in 1896. On the coin's back, the ancient Olympic origins are honored in a quote of Pindar’s eighth Olympic Ode, in ancient Greek writing. Julia was able to eke some of the meaning out from the medal photo, but we needed a translation to know the full meaning: "O Mother of Gleaming Crowns of Contest, Olympia, Queen of Truth."

Both lucky and fortunate the wearers of those pendants must feel. And talented, too. I am in awe of their skills. Thinking of the figure skaters who especially thrill me, I must wait 532 days until the Winter Olympics February 10-26, 2006, which will be held in Torino, Italy.

That's quite a lot of time yet. I will let it unfold gradually, and await the small marvels of each day.

Returning again to my recent reading, there is one more Rescher quote I will share:

"The veil of ignorance leaves room for hope, and the destruction of hope is the worst of evils."

So uncertainty can ellicit nervousness, but because the future has not yet been played out, we can always respond with hope. I choose hope.

August 27, 2004

"Certainly Uncertain"
9:15pm

"The initiate begins by limiting his media imput, and by looking for media which challenge his existing thinking. Thus, the liberal buys a conservative newspaper, the paranormal buff looks for the Skeptical Inquirer, and so forth."

Pg 4, Uncle Setnakt's Essential Guide to the Left Hand Path

The memory of reading this came to me when another seeker spoke of the mystic who broadens his outlook by trying on a skeptical viewpoint. Rather a bit of the mystic myself, I thought I'd try it. I have a pile of highly recommended books that I'd bought recently. However, by perusing our library, I found one that is also acclaimed, but one that I'd never buy for my own self. However, our late Laura, avowed skeptic, did. And so our library has Carl Sagan's Demon Haunted World: Science As A Candle in the Dark. As I picked up the book, I saw where Laura had affixed sticky papers to certain pages she'd underlined. It is a pleasant reminder of Laura, which enhances my reading process.

I am finding the book very readable. Sagan has a lively, engaging style of writing. I am up to page thirty nine and suspect I'll have a rewarding sojourn within it. I find a strange parallel to the last book I read. Rescher spoke of people's desire for certainty, and how too much indulgence of this disables a fuller experience of life. Sagan, too, speaks of people's desire for certainty and how this drives some to certain religions which purport absolute certainty. Those are the RHP ones which command unquestioning followers, who by consequence possess a limited experience of life.

However:

"...the history of science -by far the most successful claim to knowledge accessible to humans- teaches us that the most we can hope for is successive improvement in our understanding, learning from our mistakes, an asymptotic approach to the Universe, but with the proviso that absolute certainty will always elude us."

Pg 28, Demon Haunted World

In addition to appreciating the general uncertainty of life, I can also approach my spiritual/mystical/metaphysical understandings with the same proviso. I can attain a greater clarity, but this is kept in perspective by knowing a greater still clarity awaits. This approach is only possible if I am keenly on the path of initiation, and examining each epiphany with a view to ferreting out any possible weaknesses.

August 28, 2004

"Certainly UnLucky"
1:14pm

So we have waited the week as patiently as possible without TV. The same two men came again, bearing a rectangular TV that looks just like the one they'd brought last week. They tried to make it go on. We saw a little power light and heard a little tinkling chime, but no picture and no sound after that. A salesman even came here, and he cannot figure it out, except to say they'd had a whole shipment of Toshibas be bad. This is a Samsung. He guessed bad handling with the pallets caused them to be broken. We are waiting for a call regarding an appointment with a technician.

Both Julia and I are a bit unhappy about this. My huge order of clothing from Lands End arrived. I am unhappy. The skirts I ordered for Julia and I are not as I'd envisioned. The description was bias cut cotton with a bit of spandex. I assumed it would be a WOVEN fabric. I do not care for a flimsy knit, but flimsy knit is what we got. It isn't too horrible, but I really prefer a more substantial woven fabric.

Other flukes regarding the order are more my own fault. I'd thought I'd ordered a brown V-neck vest, but a brown V-neck sweater arrived. Apparently when making the order I clicked on the wrong item by mistake. It is a nice sweater. I'm sure I can make good use of it. But I had in mind a vest. The outerwear vest I'd ordered fits perfectly. Too perfectly. It shows the complete bulge of my belly! I prefer this region be swathed in loose folds to hide its complete roundness. I wonder if a different size would have been more flattering. But if I am cold, perhaps I will not be vain about such matters and zip it up, bulge revelation or no.

We are waiting for a call. Waiting, waiting, waiting. I am trying to not let this result in a full scale rage. Just this morning I was reading of that aspect of ourselves Don Webb calls the Medial self, which is the daily thought-mill and transient emotions. We CAN change the focus of our thoughts, thus elliciting happiness and becoming more the masters of our emotions. So I am endeavoring not to become angry.

The call has now come. Unfortunately, the technician can only come on weekdays. That means one of us has to take off work. Julia agreed to a Monday morning appointment, but then realized she is already taking all of Thursday off for a morning doctor appointment. So she called back and asked to change the technician visit to a Thursday afternoon appointment. Alas, the saleslady has to call us back. So we are still waiting for a call. I am taking a deep breath. I am relaxing my muscles. I am taking another deep breath. I am relaxing my muscles . . . Sigh! Deep, long sigh!

August 29, 2004

"Understanding Where You Can"
9:19pm

Set - Colored Pencil Drawing

Set loves the ladies! That's what J. Sainte Fare Garnot, one French scholar said. Actually, he said of Set, "Grand amateur des femmes..." One might expect the French to detect such things. He said a few other things, but my French isn't good enough to decipher them. Just as well, I suspect they aren't flattering. One German scholar gave a description, 'Zerstuckeler', which was translated as 'instigator of confusion'. The author of Seth, God of Confusion would say that. I'm confused. Are you confused? TeVelde didn't give translations of those scholars he quoted. But I do understand "Grand amateur des femmes..."

You take your understanding where you can. I had a rough time understanding the end of Manchurian Candidate. They tied up so many loose ends so quickly, my head was left reeling. It took discussing it with Julia to figure out what really happened. Honest, I would have been willing to sit there another half hour to have it set out more clearly. Other than that, it was a good film, truly scary. Some scary movies aren't really, because they're so outlandish such a thing could never happen. Whereas this one leaves you wondering if at some point in time, technology could become so advanced such a thing could be possible. All the other aspects felt so grittly, awfully real.

I had a hard time shaking the after movie creepies. A good meal of tandori chicken and spinach dish (Palak Paneer) and a nap made everything right. Then I was in a mood to draw. See, I saw another artist's effort at a Set drawing, and that inspired me. I could tell the artist has the same statue I have, and used it as a model. So I did the same. I also brought up some side views of horse, donkey and rabbit heads to try and make the drawing more realistic. I'm pleased with it. I can imagine him doing tender things with that snout! Well, because you know he 'loves the ladies'. Blush!

Eh, what can I say? I sometimes have a lively imagination. Before I introduce any more 'confusion', I bid you 'Adieu' until next time. Au revoir!

September 2, 2004

"Ready For The Weekend"
5:39am

I am rising early. We are to take the car in for repairs. All nervous such adventures, seeming to be the providence of Luck as we do not know whether we will get a good technician. And then later Julia has a dental appointment, and still later an appointment with a technician regarding the second non-working TV.

I had such vivid dreams this morning. One in which I was back at Gramma's house, but I'm fairly certain I was my current age. I'd dressed in turtleneck and long sleeved shirt, and then declared it much too hot to wear that. I then changed into something else, but it was an odd sort of feminine blouse, white with navy trim, but one that only a gramma would like and I did not feel comfortable in it, but had no time to search for another garment.

This is such a hit and miss crap entry. But I felt like I wanted to record these items. There was another dream of me in a big city, with tall buildings and strange elevators, going for a job interview. I tested well for a different sort of job. I remember a young blondish woman asking me, ''What makes you so sure you can't do this kind of work?''

Those elevators were really odd. They had a glass door and a tiered floor. I was all set to ascend, when a man pushing someone in a wheel chair wanted on. From my upper tier, I opened the door for him and his friend.

If there's any significance to those dreams, I don't know. I just record them.

Note of September 6, 2004
I'm not sure of the impetus for the 'at Gramma's house dream', but I do know of it regarding the elevator dream. The motel in which I stayed for my San Francisco sojourn had an elevator. Also, the nearby Burger King to which I walked for a couple of meals featured a large glass window through which I enjoyed watching the people pass by. My table at which I sat was on a raised platform, and the sensory imput from this experience entered into this dream.

This curious icon is an Ancient Egyptian symbol called the djed. Does it resemble a tall building? (They also appear without the arms.) I've been trying to find out its hidden meaning. They are giving its significance to Osirus, but even the Osirians admit "Although the god Osiris is not attested by name until the Fifth Dynasty Pyramid Texts", these Djed pillars were "found in a First Dynasty tomb at Helwan".

When the column has arms, it's said to symbolize Khnum, one of "the oldest gods in Egypt dating to Predynastic times and texts of all periods state that Khnum was the 'builder' of Gods and Men."

The djed's general associations are the spinal column, kingship, stability and regenerative powers.

Anyway, this curious icon found in a book on hieroglyphs got me curious.

It's 6:12am, time to get ready early for car adventure. I will take a shuttle to work.

6:50pm

That same shuttle picked me up from work and took Julia and I to the repair shop. They weren't able to finish all the required repairs, as some parts have to arrive from Los Angeles. The price tag was pricy, but it was for a variety of tasks we'd long been needing attended to, so it will be good to have it all finished Tuesday. The electrical technician declared our outlet good and sound and the TV bad and no sound. Before the third TV is brought, they will test it to make sure it is working.

With or without a TV, I will be very glad for the long weekend to arrive.

September 3, 2004

"Greatly Pleased"
11:09pm

After Julia and I had an ice cream treat, the promise of a sale got us headed towards shopping. I may be more glad than Julia is about her new shoes. I saw Birkenstocks at Dillards, and thought to have them look for Julia's size. They had a pair that will do nicely, same style I wear with the ankle strap, so now she has newness head and toe. Then I led the way through the jungle of clothes like a predator, bent on catching her prey.

Two shirts caught my eye. I'd had hopes they'd be on sale, for the ad mentioned those brands, but, alas, the sale items were 'next to the wall' and these were new merchandise. I really like the blouses and went ahead anyway. Being 'undertall' as Garfield says, I had to shorten the sleeves. Eager to have perfectly fitting blouses, I spent the evening fixing them.

You can tell from the photo above, one is a red, white and blue stripe, and the other is a darker red Scottish type plaid cut on the bias. There is a Scottish rampant lion embroidered on the back yoke, which is a cool touch. For the price I paid, it should have cool touches. 'Inner Child' is greatly pleased and I will enjoy wearing my extravagant purchases.

September 6, 2004

"In The Roman Style"
8:27pm

The long weekend draws to a close. We have greatly enjoyed it, and I have done some productive things. In addition to altering those blouses, I finally made an attempt to understand and produce a Roman dress for Julia. It is plain yet and will require some decorative trim at the neck and maybe hem, but the dress or, tunica, itself is done. In my research I learned the reason there are no patterns for such a dress is that it is simply two rectangles sewn together.

The one style is elbow to elbow wide and to the ankles. For Julia, on 45in wide fabric, cutting off 7 inches to leave 37 inches works well. Her shoulder to foot measure is 64in, so 4 yards of fabric is plenty sufficient and allows for poor cutting at the ends. So often, fabrics are not cut on the grainline, and the result is wasted fabric. The remainder strip is useful, as well. I cut two rectangles of it 24 inches long, for sleeve extensions, and the rest is hemmed into a sash for the waist. Her neck opening is 14 1/2 inches long, giving an opening plenty sufficient to clear her 24inch head and hair, but not be too large to fall off her 15 1/4 in shoulders. I made gathering tunnels at the shoulder and sleeve seams, so the tied cord makes a bow at the end of sleeve. The ancients were known to sometimes not even close this with stitching, allowing many brooches to hold it together at intervals. That doesn't seem secure and comfy. (If I have the 54in wide fabric to work with, I will use 40in across as the dimension, and make sleeve extensions long as possible.)

Anyway, I record the data, so when I make her another, I know where to find it and don't have to figure it all out again. There is yet another element, the palla, which is a voluminous piece of fabric which the ancients wrapped all sorts of ways. I am trying to find how to measure for one, and four pages through Google links, can only find that it is at least 5ft wide by 9ft long. I remember Laura found instructions on how to measure for one and we wrote down what dimensions, but as that was over two years ago, of course it is lost. For some reason, owing to Julia's tallness, I seem to vaguely recall nearly 10ft as the length.

There's the metric measures, 300-350cm by 150cm, plus how to drape it.

That translates to 9-11 1/2ft by 60 inches. So I must seek the wider width fabric and figure ten or eleven yards sufficient for a fairly tall Julia. In ancient times, this garment did not need hemming, as it was woven to the dimensions needed. Sewing needles then were coarse and produced inelegant results, so stitching was quite often avoided. However, today, the narrow rolled hem is neat enough. Those who strive for an exact replica stress no machine stitching on hem edges, only on seams which are unseen. We are not that exacting.

September 10, 2004

"I Can't Sleep"
3:03am

I cannot sleep, I cannot sleep. I went to bed early, hoping to rest up for another day of early rising to deal with car matters, and then I woke around 1:30am and have been awake since. My mind is too busy. I tried earlier to read. I have an interesting book from the library about Egyptian history and hieroglyphics. (It is from this book that I made the line drawing of the djed pillar.) Other books I own, so there is no deadline on getting them finished.

But it is terrible, my mind wanders! I cannot get through one paragraph without rereading it several times for all the stops and starts. What good will it do me, this ceaseless repetition of old bits of conversation, emotional ruminations on this and that, things that produce anger and upset? How can I let these matters go?

A phrase returns to me, a phrase of wisdom that Deep Self brings to me, "Return to the Center!" Let go 'the ten thousand things rising'. There will be risings and uprisings and they can happen without me. I shall 'return to the center', and try to know a calm quiet.

If this fails, tomorrow is Saturday, and I can catch up on sleep then. Pfft! Too late now, I'll catch up on sleep then.

Good rest to you, dear traveller through these my thoughts!

September 11, 2004

"Fairly Pleasing"
3:45am

I rise early, 3:40am, but it being the weekend, there is no worry, for whenever I weary, I can just go back to bed. Last night was special, a fine start to the weekend. The shuttle from the car repair place came early, and I'd just barely finished the last pair of needed pants, but had no time to hang them on a hanger.

I only took time to turn off the iron, pee and grab my stuff. The car handles so much better now with fixed brakes, power steering attended to and new front tires. It almost feels like a different car. Julia's concerns about the tires had not been ill founded, as the front ones had become rotted they were so old. So that is one matter resolved to satisfaction.

I had time to kill before getting Julia, so I made good use of it via a trip to Hastings. I found the soundtrack to DeLovely in used version, and I hope it is not too scratched. I gambled on another soundtrack, simply because I had a good feel about it. I recognized some of the performers and thought Vanity Fair might be fairly pleasing. It was. If that movie is showing this weekend, we will see it tomorrow.

Not today, for today is already booked. ANOTHER TV is supposed to arrive, and I hope my angry words to the young woman at Sears had some effect. I tried to convey my great displeasure with a month of no TV on account of two duds in a row. It is not the business of that woman to actually CARE, I suppose. Some regard their jobs as wearisome matters to give as little effort to as possible, and I hope she is not one of those. Meanwhile, they may actually TEST the TV before they bring it, and by the afternoon, we MAY have a working TV.

Last night, I was in the mood for Italian, so we went to Old Town and the Villa On The Main. It had been some time since we'd been there. We were well entertained by a man we'd met earlier. The waiter, Danny, used to sing opera professionally and even sang a bit for us in a well rounded baritone. (Maybe he's actually a tenor, but the tone seemed lower than theirs.) He'd met many internationally famous singers, including Pavarotti and Bocelli. He told us how Pavarotti hugged everyone he met and Bocelli, who is blind, stroked his face and held his hand. I wondered why such a talented man was stuck here in Yuma, but learned concerns for his Mama have brought him here for a sojourn before he returns back to singing, which may be back to Santa Fe or to San Diego.

And I was well fed. I couldn't began to finish my sampler, so I have lunch already waiting in the refrigerator. I think I was full after the clam chowder, which was quite substantial. I did finish the luscious lasagna, however.