August 15, 2003

" 'Current' Events"

I am happy full with 'Black Forest' mix of chocolate ice cream, cherry pie filling and cut-up brownies. Whoever at Coldstone Creamery came up with THAT recipe was a genius. Well, at least in matters of FOOD. My nails and hands have been well attended to, with that delightful massage I look forward to all week, and good company, too.

It is Friday. Oh, I rejoice so! My web project yesterday evening was setting aside an area for my doodles. Some of them that I've done through out the years are odd in a most interesting way.

I did a rather intriguing one last night. I was feeling what I call 'Charlie Energy', which is my inner 'Wild Child'. Readers of that Other journal of mine will know who THAT is! You've seen portraits of him here first as the 'gardener of the night-blooming flowers' and later as 'Prince Charming.'

Remember This Fellow?

     

For reasons too complicated to explain HERE, he's my inner 'wild child'. Yes, he does represent the masculine energies within myself, underneath my shy, reserved exterior! Anyway, last night I was enjoying the sensuous feelings he evokes, when I was inspired to doodle him.

Charlie, Profiled

I got all done, and noticed his hand position. He looked like his hand was outstretched in the left handed mousing position I prefer. So I sketched a monitor and mouse under his hand.

Julia walked by after the doodle was done, and said, ''Oh, you've drawn a picture of yourself at the computer!'' I have to admit this is the view of me she sees the most, as I am often seated just so, with left hand outstretched, eyes all greedy for the grab.

And the luxurious billowing hair does disguise the body frame! Notice how his hair has been growing in each successive picture?

And 'CHARLIE' is very much an aspect of my personality, so in that doodle gallery, I label it thusly:

Me, Profiled

But this entry will be about more than just the growth of Charlie's HAIR. I'm not so self-absorbed as that. For instance, I am aware of current events. And, oh do we ever have CURRENT events! Or I should say the LACK of CURRENT is the non-event that's causing a lot of 'events' from southeastern Canada down through northeastern USA, and spreading across to the midwest as far as Ohio and Michigan. It's the 'largest blackout in U.S. history'. Sixty million homes in the United States and Canada have been affected. I don't know if there have been worse blackouts in countries abroad. Our news sources tend to have rather myopic eyes. It WOULD give us a bit of perspective as a reference point.

Anyway, it's OUR worst ever. They are still trying to find the initial cause, which shot through the eastern power grid, disabling it for two days. Cleveland, Ohio also had a WATER crisis, as well. These poor people, who could go nowhere to escape the heat, did not even have the comfort of a cool tub of water in which to soak and read books.

How dependent we all are upon Electricity! Ancient Gods are laughing. Upgrades will be made in the system to lessen the likelihood of another such occurrance. One radio reporter said it has been difficult because we do not fully understand what Electricity IS. The Mystery laughs!

Electricity

Some of us mortals who use this Power will no doubt be putting great study towards it, however.

August 17, 2003

"Let There Be Laughter"

I must admit the poem I wrote today was more than a little inspired by the words of another poet-journaller, John Bailey. Just the other day, he was having a conversation with his mate:

"How many books are you reading now?" Graham asked. "Only seven. Eight if you count Harry Potter." "No wonder you're confused, then." "Don't be silly. I'm always confused. I don't need books to confuse me." "True." "Besides, confusion is the new clarity, seems to me. All part of the pursuit of the obscure." "Don't you get all poetic at me. You know I don't do poetry." "Sensible chap. It's all a load of rubbish, anyway."

The poet takes himself not serious. Let not confusion hinder us. I, who pursue 'the obscure' with great tenacity, finding the Mystery a great lure, cheerfully admit to confusion and inspire to just such levity myself:

When to the humoring of certain Deities we would turn our own amusement, a sense of balance must keep all in scale. Can we think ourselves too tall, and topple as we approach the Fine Gift? Nevertheless, lessons abound for those thirsty to learn. What does it avail, all the Fine Gold, if we lose our own sense of humor? Scratch the over-reaching if we cannot laugh at day's end. Deities, too, will smile. We will bring to life a happy abandon if with ease we can say, ''Yes, this does please, it makes me laugh - who cares if others think I daft?'' JAL, 8 - 17 - 03

The point of it all is, if you aren't having fun, maybe what you've been pursuing isn't working for you. Try something else. Everything is 'rubbish' to someone else. But that rejected pile of 'rubbish' may yield gold to another perspective searcher. Levity, levity, let's have laughter! One may be rich in money, but poor in spirit he is, if he lacks a sense of humor.

I know what I'd rather put in my banks.

Okay, it's next to all those books, musical recordings, crystals and other items of amusement. But these material things have value only because they bring us joy.

Let there be laughter!

August 20, 2003

"Things To Be Saved From A Day"

Yesterday didn't possess much to write about. It was ordinary and tedious for most of it. A soreness invaded my throat, my eyes felt sticky, and they still do this morning. I felt peckish, peevish and peaked.

Yet there are a few things I want to reclaim from the day. After an unspectacular work day for both of us, I wanted to do some small thing of diversion. I didn't want to just head home. So we went to one of our favorite coffee shops, and we each ordered a 'raspberry safari', which is expresso, chocolate yogurt and raspberry juice topped with whipped cream, and a poppyseed bagel toasted and covered with cream cheese.

This began the day's turn around. I always like the restaurant ambience, the busy purposefulness of the workers, the peoples' excitement anticipating a tasty treat, their animated exchanges giving a rise to the energy in the air - it all lifts my mood, and last evening was no exception. The tasty food lifted my mood as well, and we headed home.

A stop at the post office to relieve an overstuffed box revealed upsetting news for Julia. She'd been first told she would have to wait a year to qualify for health insurance, then a health card arrived in the mail. She had been quite joyful, and I did not let my suspicions then dampen her spirit. Alas, my suspicions have proved correct. The insurance agency has now sent a letter rendering the card useless until next July, the year after being hired full time, as she'd been told earlier. The decision making part of the 'business' simply hadn't caught up with the card-printing part of the 'business'.

I was trying to soften her disappointment as we pulled into the nearby filling station for gas. We were not quite yet to the quarter-point, but there's been such a trial in Phoenix as a leaky gas line is making the delivery of gas to that region very difficult. They can only get it by truck, hence very few stations have gas, and those that do change doubly inflated prices and the waits are very long. The opportunistic stations here are raising their gas prices in anticipation of trouble here.

So, before scarcity and even higher prices hit us, I thought it wise to fill up. The previous time, we waited until the 'nervous point'. At one eighth full, according to the falsely reading register, we may instead be empty. We'd waited until the one eighth full point. In these uncertain times, I certainly didn't want to be anywhere travelling 'nervous'.

While at the gas station, a happy surprise greeted us. Our friend Carli also pulled in for gas, with her big van full of kids. Her new baby is growing well, and Carli's infection is gone. The hugs were delightful. She asked did I want to hold her baby, and noting the concrete below me, I felt oddly nervous, lest I drop the wee one. But she was fascinating to behold. It's amazing the way baby's toes stretch. All five tiny toes spread out wide. We adults lose that ability some where along the way.

The babies innocence is precious. She has such a pure energy, and is already beginning to show intelligence. She has her own 'language' of sounds to indicate hunger, one soft and one more loud and demanding, and Mama's breast is easily found.

These are the things to save a day, a hug from a good friend and the spreading of baby's toes. A day can never be bad on which one has experienced these.

August 21, 2003

"Past the Peak Of The Peaked"

The worst of the bug has passed. Yesterday evening I felt the worst, with legions of aches through out my body and crapped up lungs. The lungs feel clearer this evening, and just the ordinary aches remain. So I rejoice for that.

Soon, creativity will be blooming again. I should be fully well in time for the weekend, crossing my fingers.

Having typed that phrase, I wondered, via Google, what its origins are. English Longbowmen in the Battle of Agincourt in 1415 were so skilled they could toss 1,000 arrows a second. However, if captured by the enemy, their index finger and middle finger of the right hand would be cut off, rendering them useless in battle. Crossing them is a reminder that the warrior still has them, so hope is not lost.

My hope is not lost for a good weekend.

August 25, 2003

"Not Wasting The Moment"

It is again Monday. Around and around, the days cycle and Monday is here again. I have a dread of Monday. This probably feeds the tiredness I experience each Monday, and makes it worse than it need be.

I am planning on practicing the best of my deep breathing and muscle relaxations to make me as relaxed and alert as possible. I don't want to waste energy on fretting. I will guard against 'negative' timbres in the 'vibe pool', but I certainly don't want to be creating my own 'negative vibes'. Attitude creates our reality, it really does.

So I am here, hoping for a good Monday. And how was that much-anticipated weekend? How I waste the moment, ever anticipating some not here yet future abstraction! I was still getting over the bug through most of it. Julia and I did not go out much. When she bent over and pulled a muscle in her back Saturday morning trying to do the wash, I felt bad, for then her weekend was 'hosed', too.

But the wash got done. I finished it up. Early Sunday morning, we went and got the six three-gallon bottles of purified water, necessary to making the boatloads of tea we drink all week. The essentials got done. We talked alot, Julia and I, good conversations they were, spanning the universe in depth and complexity.

It managed to be a good weekend despite our frailties of flesh. And now I am in the moment of 'now', anticipating the first day of work. I don't want to be a slave to the concept of the 'Monday Blues'.

It is only I that can change this undesirable mindset. Today is the day I shall work on it. Interesting things are in the offing for the local Unitarian/Universalist group. A minister is coming, which will liven things up. He seems to have a passion for life, and intrigues the mind of 'rebel' me.

That is no small accomplishment, if you've been reading my 'radical' thoughts! I'm going to quote a quote he gave in a sample sermon that was printed and mailed out:

''Here we are, you and I, and the millions of people and animals about us: the innumerable atoms which make up our bodies, blown as it were by mysterious processes together, so that there has happend, just now, for every one of us, the wonder of wonders, we have come to life. And here we stand, with our senses, our keen intellects, our infinite desires, our nerves quivering to the touch of joy or pain, beacons of brief fire, burning between two unexplored eternities. What are we to make of this wonder while it is still ours?''

--- George Meredith

What are we to make of this wonder? I don't want to be wasting it on self-created depressing, self-defeating thoughts. I will enjoy the 'now', and not attempt to arch out of the present to some never-land which never comes. Each moment is a chance to practice our evolution.

And now I will turn my thoughts, which have been inward, outward. I wish for you, my readers, the best possible 'now'. 'Onward and upwards' for all of us!

Last evening's sunset

August 26, 2003

"Aggressively Heated"

The horoscope for today says ''Mars opposite Venus'' is the biggest activity of the planets. Indeed Mars is big in astronomy news, as well as horoscope news. It's big for a limited rare time as not since 60,000 years, have we ever had such a good look at it. It is closest to Earth right now, and outshines everything else in the night sky except the Moon and the planet Venus, and is visible most of the night.

It looks even to my poor eyesight like an intensely bright reddish-orange star. But 'star' it is not. Mars will not make another 'neighborly' visit this close until 2287. I leave to any future incarnations of myself THAT viewing.

The talk was going on one of my discussion groups regarding is this nearness of Mars effecting anyone's behavior? The planet is said to represent our 'masculine' characteristics of drive, aggression, better modulated as 'assertiveness', and passion. I see a bit more of that these days. 'Road rage', with other drivers honking at me if I hesitate a second 'too much', seems more apparent.

Also,people seemed more irritable at work. I had to check myself not to pass the snippishness onto the customers. Of course, skeptics can well reply that other factors are the cause, not the looming relative nearness of a planet. The HEAT is enough to bring the 'road rage' out, and overwork makes for irritability. More help is needed cleaner-side.

My efforts at deep breathing and relaxation are proving beneficial. There's no conflict in this, for 'Inner wild child' and 'inner parent' both like the effects. However, diet management is so much harder, as 'wild child' and 'parent' do not at all agree about portion restriction. My efforts in this are weaker, with all the inner conflicts.

So in these 'aggressively heated' times, I cool that conflict by simply trying not to stuff myself to oblivion. Pouting 'inner child' only makes this season that much hotter.

Not happy at all . . .

August 28, 2003

"A Good Finish To A Bad Day"

'Charlie', see picture above, is smiling now. He and me have been very well fed. But, oh, the day did not begin so well. The air at work this morning was filled with chaotic energy. It was difficult to keep a clear head. Workers next door at the laundry were moving old vending machines out, and moving new vending machines in. This alone caused quite a tempest. Of course, customers kept coming. A perfectionistic unhappy one griped in a rather hostile manner. Fortunately, we don't get very many of those. I fear I am not up to his standards. He will keep complaining that something is 1/16th of an inch off, no matter how I adjust his garment. Consider that one millimeter for those of you who use THAT system.

Then another came, his coat was still too large. Later, I remembered he'd specifically asked for it to be made loose. And another came, needing an emergency fix. But neither his coat nor pants could be salvaged. He'd outgrown his ten year old items. Then another came, also with unsalvagable items. All were sent to the clothing store to get new items.

I sent one poor man back THREE TIMES before he had right fitting pants. Fortunately, he was patient with the process.

It was just that kind of day, CRAZY! I kept practicing deep breathing. I am so empathic, I absorb all this chaos like a sponge and really must work to keep a level head. By noon, things settled down to an ordinary hum, for which I was greatly relieved.

By four o'clock, however, I was more than ready to 'vaminos' as they say. We take turns sweeping the floor, so I set down the coat of which I was quite weary, and grabbed the broom.

All the way to get Julia, I thought, ''We MUST do something to relieve the tediousness of the day!'' Julia heartily agreed, as her day had been similarly chaotic, and we went to Outback steakhouse. This place has something of the ambience of the old Monarch's Rest. It has a casual, yet nice atmosphere.

While dining, I drank in the energy of the place. Our young waitress exuded energy. I guess one must, to do that sort of job. She walked so briskly and efficiently, I admire that sort of industry.

I observed, too, those near us who were also dining. I did not see the faces of the ones behind us. One lady did all the talking. She was, from her vocal quality, in her thirties or forties. The main accomplishment of this yuppie's life was buying a home. Through out the entire meal, she did nothing but talk about the various features of her home. Her aura gave off the crisp vibes of a professional woman. Okay, she's monied and has no doubt an impressive job.

But I was not impressed. All I could think of was, ''Okay, you have a house. Big deal. Now what do you DO in that house? Do you have a LIFE?'' Though I suppose I should be more generous. She may have just bought the house, which would merit some devotion to the topic.

The vibes emanated by the threesome to the left of us were far more interesting. All three looked like heavy metal rock enthusiasts. For those of you reading this in a different century than the 21st, they weren't into galena, or pyrite, but MUSIC. (Though, they COULD have been rock hounds, as well.) There was a salt and pepper haired man in his fifties, and two people in their twenties. The blonde woman met all the typical standards of beauty preferred by young rockers. The dark haired young man, however, gave off the most interesting vibes. I could detect something pleasantly DARK to them.

I found myself curious about their history, and how they came to be dining in a Yuma restaurant. They just didn't seem 'local'. Neither did Miss yuppie lady. She kept mentioning places in Tucson. Perhaps that's where her new home lies.

All this atmospheric feed, along with fried mushrooms, barbecued chicken and pork ribs, shared by both Julia and I, too. She added a couple of rather tasty margaritas to her system, which I tested. Julia smiled frequently in a mellow fashion, needing the relaxation as badly as I did. We have dined richly.