July 24, 2005

"The View Outside"
6:53pm

I learned from another journaller, (No, I will not call them 'bloggers'), of the Every Day Matters Challenge. Number Eighteen is to "Draw the view from a window of your house, apartment, office, etc."

I found this a pleasing distraction from a mild sinus headache:

The big birds have learned how to get the 'nectar' out of the hummingbird feeders

Julia moved the feeder on the right back underneath the roof extension to try and keep the rain from getting into the feeder. It rains very seldom here, but when it does, it spoils the nectar.

Nevertheless, I did enjoy this morning's early rain and the chance to have the windows and door open.

July 28, 2005

"Anniversaries"
7:55pm

Julia reminded me this is the eleventh anniversary of when she came to Arizona. That is a happy anniversary, indeed. I then thought of a sad anniversary, the third since Laura had that fateful heart attack whose complications took her away from us. But she is always in our hearts and minds.

Naga Kanya has arrived, as Laura seems to look on

July 29, 2005

"Aging"
11:20pm

Aging is the theme for this week's Friday Illo. I first thought of the photo of my mother with the horribly reddened and knobby hands, so I used that. At first I felt like perhaps I was doing her dishonor to show the aging aspects so graphically in my illo. There is nothing that softens it. But that viewpoint comes from the larger view that aging is something to be denied. However, we do not deal with fears by denying them.

In this illo, the image of her younger self is now a memory. That self looks out into space, seemingly unaware of the future.

I wonder, did she have any idea at twenty four, just how fast fifty years would go by?

July 31, 2005

"Aging II"
5:14pm

I went to the local pagan gathering wishing I'd brought my sketchbook. I found it not a problem, for I just bought one. This is easy, when the gathering occurs in a bookstore/coffeeshop.

I was glad I did, for I'd been wanting to get a sketch of our friend Horst. Now the sketch I did today isn't very good. As I only had pen, I couldn't have a preliminary pencil sketch to get the proportions right. Some parts don't quite line up right. But hopefully I captured something of his essence:

Horst is in his eighties and has been all over the world. He and his wife Margo (with whom he has been married for 67 years) have had many interesting experiences. When I look at them, I think this is a good old age. They have many rich memories. Their lives are not filled with regrets.

So I don't want to think of aging as a depressing or scary thing. I want to think of 'now', and making the most of this 'now' now, because one who is old is simply one who has gathered a great many more 'now' moments.

August 1, 2005

"On Rare Occasions"
8:09pm

Lovely evening. I napped 'til time to get Julia, and woke just at 4:51pm, perfect timing to pee and run. On the way home, we went to the grocery store and got some necessary things and some treats. Oh, how lovely to eat blueberry pie and Dove chocolate chip cookies while watching a French movie called The Chorus. It's about a prefect at a terrible boarding school who forms a chorus, and the lives transformed by the music. Excellent!

Very special, it won some award, it should have won in the Oscars but at least it got nominated for something, 'best song' I think.

The lightning streaks across the sky. While out returning the video, the sky went nearly white with it. I thought, "Oooh, Set's putting on a show for us!"

The epiphany I had yesterday stays with me. I am examining myself to see what it is I truly desire. The things that come from the deep heart's core, it is only these to which can be infused the Set energy. Why did I not see it before?

All those failed workings, all those failed intentions. All things I thought I *should* want. It doesn't matter whether they are worthy goals or not. They are, if you really want them. Changing myself to really want them, the sparse diet (no pie!) and the exercise, (ooh, so much work!)? Life is too short.

I will let 'she who wants to look like a model' and 'she who wants to rebel against Gramma' have a rest. Both are the temporary selves of which Gurdjieff speaks. True Self doesn't give a fig about fashion, and what is a fashionable appearance. Not caring, I am freed of Gramma's pointing figure and "Shame! Shame!" I eat my pie and cookies with a smile, and while a doctor might say that wasn't a good supper, on rare occasions, it is a Very Good supper and nothing else will do!

So my heart is at peace tonight.

August 5, 2005

"Drink It All"
10:34pm

The Friday Illo theme this week is Empty. The first thing that came to mind was a 500x500 pixel black square. I decided to go with the second thing that came to mind:

©JAL

I did this picture by first taking a photo of my hand holding the Grail of Set, then enlarged that so I could sketch from it.

Looking at this image, I remember a poem I wrote in the Spring of 2002:

It All Lips to the potion of life, we will drink it all, deep, not one swallow wasted. What other way is there to live life? No tiny sips for me, I will drink it all. JAL, 3 - 20 - 02