"Serene Sunrise"
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Forward..."Do you remember, Joan, back when we couldn't fall asleep spooned together if my hand was on your breast?", Laura asked me. I had to strain to vaguely recollect just how ticklish I used to be. "Yes, I've come a long way since then."
June 6, 2000
"These Changes We Celebrate"
Indeed, I have. Today, I've been led to look backwards in time. Four years ago we'd just moved to Casa Grande. I had one more week to finish up at my job in Tucson, and the final Desert Voices concert of that season. So I spent the last week alone at the old house. I was rarely there, as I was either at work or choir practice, so I didn't have much time to be lonely.
We'd made major changes in our lives. Not only had we decided to leave Tucson, a new person was joining our family. We didn't know much about Helina, except that s/he seemed incredibly generous. It was all rather scary. Laura, however, was confident, and assured us all would go well.
No journal entries mark that period, but I remember most of the details quite clearly. The concert was triumphant. If that one had to be the last one, then it was the very best. We all sang with pride and exuberance, if not always with perfect tonal quality. On the Sunday afternoon, after the final performance, I gathered up the last few things from the house in Tucson, said my goodbyes to the tall Catalina mountain seen through that home's windows, and headed up the highway north to Casa Grande.
Three years ago, I do have a record of that time. I'd just assembled a package of small gifts and journal printouts for my Mother. I was missing her, as I thought of her. She had had a dream about me, which she told me of over the telephone. The three of us, along with Helina, had come to visit her. However, an argument ensued, and I ended up weeping hysterically. My mother woke up with 'a funny feeling', and needed to find out how I was. "Is everything going alright? You're not being overpowered, are you? I mean, it's three against one!" She'd not ever had this sort of nightmare before. SOMEthing had raised her intuitive hackles.
I assured her everything was fine, and ascribed it all to a Mother's worry. They do, you know. I spoke, three years ago of how well the three of us fit together. I then added:
"That we would expand our home and hearts to include a fourth person is also something I could never have imagined. Helina fits very well into our home life. Curiously enough, as a Virgo, she completes the wheel of elements with earth. Usually quiet and shy, she has created a rich interior world of her own. The fantasy has an amazing depth to it, so we gifted her car with the bumper sticker "Reality is for those who lack imagination". Her Idyllia tales on the web offer a view into that world. She is grateful for the opportunity to express her feminine side among loving friends and has paid us back with incredible generosity."Two years ago, CHANGES were again the theme of my life at the time. Helina moved out, to start a new life with Shayna:
"Helina has found her own special love and will be beginning a new life with Shayna. They seem meant for each other. Both are inclined to a rich inner fantasy life and their worlds come together and merge with ease. In the beginning of June, they will move into a place of their own near here. Helina's three cats will meet the animal kingdom of Shayna's twenty-four felines, as well! "All looked rosy for them. But things were soon very different ONE year ago. Shayna left Helina and came to live with us. All of her CATS came, too.
One of the furry fleet
Perhaps CHANGES are my whole life's theme. Not only were they occurring everywhere around me, my own interior head space was getting renovations. I had quite an epiphany. I hinted at it in WEIGHTY MATTERS, but told the indepth story in A TALE TOLD WITH TIME. Boundaries were "falling away" as I learned to give all of myself in surrender to my partner in love.
I notice one thing, however, was still the same. I'd been thinking of my Mother, certain she would call that day. She did:: "My Mother was quite lonesome for me. So we had a warm visit through the phone lines."
It's nice to know SOME things still remain the same! Oh, yes, and about that CHANGE thing? THAT seems to remain the same, too. Through all the years, since we first met Shayna, we've been gradually coming to know her mother, Serena, better and better. We've gotten closer and closer. Since Shayna's tragic death in December, we've turned to each other for strength and support. It's proving to be a solid thing, the like of which families are made. so we are giving her a special ring to celebrate that unity. Out of sadness, there can sometimes bloom joy.
When it does, we embrace it for what it is, and water it carefully, so that it may grow.
And so, Laura's and my cradled remembrance, as we cuddled earlier today. Out of barreness, can rise growth long held dormant. These changes we celebrate.
Over three years of these mysterious semi-revelations of mayhem, merriment and misery, and are you more confused than not? I can't know, from this side. What is revealed through the semi-transparent screen? Just silouetted shadows that come and go?
June 8, 2000
"I Don't Know Any Better Than You"
Well, perhaps I will shine a light behind some of the hazy images and their lines will become more distinct. Yet they can't be any clearer to you than to me. Maybe it's my eyesight, but however I strain, this stuff is fuzzy to me, too.
As hard as I strain, I just can't tell what the future will bring - not a clue. We just got back from visiting the lawyer and .. .. ..
. .. .. we don't know any more than we did before. Helina doesn't like our offer of giving him 1/3 of the house value, but won't specify a percentage he likes better. So the lawyer is going to try again and see it Helina will agree to an impartial judge (not now involved with the case) to hear and give his verdict, so we will have a likely idea of the outcome.
Who knows what will happen? And what is wrong with poor Julia? Her shoulder, elbow and hand pain continues. She describes it as feeling as though her muscles have become too short for the bone and are pulling on the joints. She also has alarmingly swollen hands and ankles. To look at her, there's no evidence of bone at the ankle, and her knuckles actually dimple in, while the puffiness raises up around them. So we went to the doctor yesterday, who had told us to return if there was no relief. He curtly asked her how she was, and when she replied, ''Worse'', he coldly said ''I can do nothing for you. The nurse will give you the number of a neurologist.'' For this we drove 75 miles, to wait over a half hour, and he didn't even spend a minute with her! Later, after lunch and another 75 miles home, we were told the neurologist couldn't see Julia until AUGUST!
August! So I got our medical books out, and studied them. Possibly the muscle pain is due to a reaction from her cholesterol medicine, Zocar. Her extreme swelling may be due to all the painkillers she's been taking.
So she's quit all her medicines to see if they are the cause. It's not uncommon that they'll cure one symptom and create two new ones. Relafen is like that for me. The arthritis pain is greatly reduced, but at the expense of upsetting the digestive system and my sleep at night. I've even noticed with ibuprofin, I will often thrash wildly back and forth at night. Relafen is even worse.
Will the medical system ever improve? I don't know. Should my words survive to another century, perhaps the much wiser future generations will shake their heads at the stupidity.
I should hope so anyway.
June 9, 2000
"Information Is A Wonderful Thing"
'INFORMATION' booth at Arizona Mills Mall. . .The catchy tune of Marc Anthony's ''I Need To Know'' first grabbed when I was at the movie theater with Laura and Julia, waiting for the movie to begin. It bounces with a vibrant passion, as he begs ''Girl, you gotta let me know / Which way to go / Cause I need to know . . ." as he hopes she chooses him. When the musician's name was given, I made a note of it, should I see an album later. I did, later at Bookman's, and gave a slightly used CD a trial listen. Marc ennunciates very well as his smooth voice leads the listener through a great variety of songs. There is a certain resemblence to Celine Dion, and I noted a number of his songs are produced by those that do hers.
INFORMATION is a wonderful thing. The web, of course, has opened up the world for anyone with a computer and a phone line. But all the traditional sources are no less worthy. All of the prescriptions at Walgreens come with a flyer of info attached to the bag concerning possible drug reactions, and other facts. When Julia first began Zocar, I'd noted the caution of 'possible muscle pain' with some alarm. Julia has never had particularily strong muscles. So I made a mental note of it, and filed it away. Fortunately that notation came in handy, as I later pulled it out of the dusty mental corners. When I checked our big red book of drug information, I saw that again. It was a hunch, and I could have been wrong. But quitting the medicine was worth a try.
Julia was waiting for me at the end of the work day with a smile on her face. She looked better than she has for ages. Not all the pain is gone, but enough has been relieved, we know Zocar has been the certain cause of her suffering. Yes, information is a wonderful thing.
''I'll get the bear, you get the scarab! Root it, back up!'' Laura's 'Thimby' (10th level ranger); shouts to Julia's 'Sosipatra'. There are many sounds of explosions, as Sosipatra nukes the scarab. I must do more with Giannissi, my own poor neglected wizard. He's been left at level fifteen, while Razhann has zoomed ahead to eighteen and nearly halfway to nineteen. The bloodthirsty pair are two thirds of the way to level eight, in which a whole new group of dastardly devilish ways of monster torture are available.
June 10, 2000
"Sidelined"
But today, my troops sit on the sidelines. Julia is still making good progress with her muscle pain, and is happy to play the game. Not too long ago, she hurt too much for this.
Painfully stuffed sinuses have me temporarily sidelined, as well. I did some dishes, and wrote out the checks for some bills, but mostly I've just been napping. The kitchen floor needs scrubbing, but I can't summon the strength. Maybe I can manage a load or two of clothes. Maybe not.
The car is acting up again. If we run the air conditioning, the car dies when we stop or slow down very much. It will go in the shop again this Monday. I wonder how long they''ll need to have the car. Last time, it took over a week for them to fix it. We'll all be 'sidelined' and dependent on other people just to get Julia to work next week.
''Sit down and 'med' up!'' , Thimby orders Sosipatra. 'Medding' is the patient process of waiting while a mage's mana (the mysterious stuff that allows them to cast spells), builds up. Augh, I think I'll exercise a similar option, and lay down for some more shut-eye. Talk to you later . . .
For twenty five minutes yet, it's Monday, the 12th. I might come up with something in twenty five minutes. So how's the mind feed, these days? I'm just glad to be without sinus pain. The pain, oh, it was bad. Maybe once or twice a year I get these awful headaches. Well, that is done, but now I'm restless, possibly because I had so much sleep before. Sleepless, I sit here at the computer.
June 12, 2000
"Restless"
Fifteen minutes yet until midnight, am I settling into a tranquil, meditative sort of mind?
So what will I do when the massive torrents calm down, and I can hear the beating of my own heart? I breathe deeply, and let the tension ease out of my back and shoulders. I breathe again, and repeat the easing. Once more I can hear the quiet.
for now, the glaring volume,
volumes of it, speaks.
but if quieted, I might
hear it better.
There is more than just the roar of the cooler fan, the tick of the nearby clock on the wall, and another clock farther away, but of loud enough tick to be heard. I breathe again, deeply, and release tension. There is not so much this quiet, but the speaking of the thousand voices making an ocean of waves on my mind. Breath again, release. I let the waves wash over. Breathe again, release. What in this far place have I come so far to find? And why did it have to be far? It has been me who has traveled. Some things must always be returned to. Breathe, release. Breathe, release. Sands upon the shore. I am there. Washed away, that restlessness. I am the shore.
Breathe, release . . .
Breathe, release . . .
Breathe, release . . .
The tomato wasn't always popular. They first originated with the Incas, in South America. Later, Spanish monks cultivated it, even though it was not widely accepted by Europeans as an edible fruit. But it had its promoters. Thomas Jefferson was known to be a connoisseur of the tomato and worked to convince people of its virtue. In what might have been another clever promotional scheme, during the nineteenth century, the tomato was affectionately called the love apple, or in French, le pomme d'amour. However it got this romantic association, it certainly is popular now. It's now the most widely grown "vegetable" (technically, a fruit) in the United States. Not only farmers grow them, but many people with yards devote a portion to harvesting them. Our neighbor shares this passion, and gave us a big bag of tomatoes from his bounty the other day. Most were perfect, but nature had put designs on some. For some reason, this fascinated me.
June 14, 2000
"Tomato"
English=Tomato
French=tomate
Dutch=tomaat
German=Tomate
Danish=tomat
Spanish=tomate
Italian=pomodoro
Okay, cracking isn't supposed to happen. It occurs when there are fluctuations in the soil moisture. When the tomato begins to ripen, and the water supply to the plant is cut off, a cellophane-like wrapper around the outer surface of the tomato becomes thicker and more rigid. This protects it during and after harvest. But if water is restored, then the innards enlarge, but the thin wrapper doesn't, hence splitting.
Still, imperfections can be fascinating. John Bailey, one of my favorite online journallers, shared with us an odd tomato he discovered in a bag of tomatoes he'd bought. On the side, near the top, a large nose-shaped protuberance has grown out of it. Could they breed for this, and call it the Cyrano de Bergerac brand? He's noticed a trend from the bland 'perfection' of tomatoes bred for consistency, to those of increasing variety in size and shape, and better taste.
One new tomato favorite I've discovered is called a 'grape tomato'. About the size of a grape, I like to eat them by the dozen. They're extremely tasty and juicy, and unlike the larger 'cherry tomatoes', don't squirt all over your face when you bite into them. Tomatoes have evolved a long way since the Incas first grew them.
June 16, 2000
"Back In The Seventies Again"
When I was really in the seventies, fancy polyester and all. . .
(A Dream)
Strangely time warped, I am. What odd clothes my friends and I have! Our hair styles, everything, are from the nineteen-seventies. But it's not too bad, for my skin is also as it was in the seventies. Yes, I'm a gawky twenty year old again. We're in a large room, full of folding tables covered with white paper tablecloths. We're sitting on matching folding chairs. I gather we're at a wedding reception banquet. My friends think I'm cool, because I'm not judgemental, but I feel oddly shy. Maybe it's the formalness of the situation that makes me uneasy. We are, after all, gussied to the teeth, in the best seventies' polyester.
I blink, and the dinner is over. I'm up to my elbows, washing dishes after the banquet. My friends deeply appreciate my efforts and tell me to avoid Heber and Geber Crank, two extremely nerdy jerk brothers in their forties. I tell them I will, and prepare to leave. However, as I'm exiting the large room, I see two gray haired older ladies at one of the buffet tables, cleaning up after the reception dinner. I ask them if they need any help, and carry some items back to the refrigerator for them. Maybe I've already done enough to help out, but a little more couldn't hurt.
I wake up, startled to find myself in bed, with the brightening sky of a 5:30am summer morning, in the year 2000.
June 18, 2000
"Celebration Of Family"
The party's not here, the parties over at A Tale Told With Time! Come join us!
