Moving from the matters here at home, to those out in the larger world, much ado has been caused in the online journal community by the discovery that one of the early journallers was not at all who she portrayed in her journal. She was a he engaged in a social experiment! Now that the news is out, many are angry, having felt deceived. This person began their diary in June of 1996 and made their exit in November of 1997, long before I was even aware of the journalling community. Yet, having started the Open Pages webring, and later, managing the diary-l e-mail list, this person has done a lot for the community. Still, the act of deception brings a new doubt to people's minds. How many of us are truly trying to give an honest portrayal of our lives? I like to think my intuitional attenna would pick up on the bull shit factor. I like to think that those people I've come to know through their journals are who they portray. Their writing certainly feels real. How would I feel were I to learn one wasn't? I suspect I might feel stung, and more than a little disillusioned.

I've always held it a sort of odd comfort that surely my journal would be considered authentic. I mean, who would make this life up? Yet, once, when Laura made an effort to publish her autobiography in the paper media, she was told it was simply unbelievable. No one could have lived a life like that. So who knows what people think.

June 1, 1999

"Thoughts and Musings"

I examined Laura's picks from Blockbuster's yesterday afternoon. You've Got Mail, a romantic comedy, looked like a fun flick. But Meet Joe Black required two cassettes, being nearly three hours long. That was the one for our evening's entertainment, as the holiday afforded an earlier start to it. This movie begins with Bill Parrish, an extremely wealthy man who is having a heart attack. He keeps hearing a voice calling to him. The voice is that of death, who will give him some more time in exchange for showing him around the living. Death wants to take 'a holiday'. Death borrows a body, and Parrish has this visitor as a constant companion. He, of course, can't let anyone know his true identity, so thus Joe Black is born. While sojourning Death learns a lot about life. In one scene, an old ailing Jamaican woman knows his true identity and tells him, "You get lonely, we get lonely here. All you can do is take a few beautiful images with you". Beautiful images do come his way, before he returns to his tasks.

Tears flowed abundantly last night. I let loose the most, howling at one point. I thought of wished for immortality and the desire to leave the world 'beautiful images'. At one point the old man gave his daughter a 'goodbye' speech that sounded so much like things Laura has told me when her heart is giving her notice of mortality. I cried for that. I cried for all the beautiful vulnerability of life. I cried for I love it so much, and am so grateful to have known love. And I want to keep on knowing love. I'd like to create a legacy born of love that lives on after I can't. Yes, all high blown ethereal presumptious goals possibly. But still, the sort of dreams that inspire me. While I am embued with them, I am the weightless dreamer floating in the heavenly realms. Sometimes I just like to get high.

And earlier this morning, I came across something inspiring while hitting the random link on another new journallers webring that I'm probably sure would not have me. One of their requirements are

("... clarity of style, visual impact through unique layout and design choices that reflect the journaler's personality. Design must work as an enhancement to the written word, not a detraction from it. The touchstones of Amalgam journal style are elegance, simplicity, sensibility and intuitive structure. ")

Geeze, as grandeloquent as my dreams are, I don't think this here Weighty Matters is 'elegant'. I've got awfully basic design here. It just gets the job done. It probably doesn't detract, but it doesn't enhance, either. What you got here, folks, is "raw bits". I've got a few polished juicy bits, served up in the poetry pages I'm proud of, and a few good drawings, but this journal ain't 'elegant'. Still, that random link led to a quote I nabbed off of someone's very, yes, elegant page.

"The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure."

--Mikhail Baryshnikov

One thing I DO have here (and elsewhere) is immense pleasure. So that gives me some comfort. I hope you find it pleasureable as well.

Yours, the dreadfully inelegant

Guess who is just relaxing today? I'm not doing any serious work. Instead, I'm just playing around with a fun test I found on Carol's journal. Apparently it began here and is spreading through the journals. Another test result. Fun is good.

Q: What vegetable do you most resemble?
A.An oddly shaped gourd, perhaps.

Q: If you could change one physical feature what would it be?
A. Longer legs. I have a nice long trunk, but very very short legs.

Q: Describe yourself in one word.
A. Thinker

Q: What is your greatest attribute?
A. The ability to really appreciate the good things in life.

Q: What character trait do you most detest in others?
A. Inability to admit they could be wrong.

Q: Whom do you envy and why?
A. I'm not sure I really envy anyone. I envy the non-achy joints I had when I was young, but the years have brought so much to make up for it.

Q: How would your friends characterize you: moody, happy-go-lucky, pensive, withdrawn or stupendously wonderful?
A. Possibly each of those, depending on my mood that day!

Q: In a sentence describe the philosophy by which you live.
A. The ability to enjoy is the greatest wealth.

Q: Into what TV family would you like to have been born?
A. Possibly Alex Keaton's family. They always seemed like neat people.

Q: If you were to come back as an animal, vegetable or mineral, what would you choose?
A. Definately an animal. Possibly a well cared for house dog that just gets to nap and laze around all day. Or a well-cared for house cat that just gets to nap and laze around all day. Either, so long as the humans feed and pet me a lot. But humans are technically animals as well, so I think I'd chose a human, of course, who gets born in an caring home in an well developed and liberal country with lots of cultural opportunities.

Q: What profession intrigues you?
A. The job of drawing cartoons for an outfit like Disney. It seems like fun work.

Q: If you could completely change your style, what would you choose?
A.I'd think I'd just stay the way I am. I'm comfortable with it.

Q: Who is your favorite fictional character?
A. I like that wise cracking genie Robin Williams plays in Aladdin.

Q: What animal is most like you?
A. A dog. Curiously enough, that's my Chinese horoscope sign.

Q: In what novel would you most like to have lived?
A. Can't think of any.

Q: What super-power would you most like to have?
A. The ability to transport myself anywhere on earth. I'd travel everywhere and be home in time for supper!

Q: When in history would you most like to have been born?
A. I really like the age in which I am. The past had some nasty things going for it in various periods.

Q: What is the greatest invention of the twentieth century?
A. The internet

Q: Describe your perfect day.
A. A day in which I write a poem or draw/illustrate something, topped off with fun, frolic and relaxation. Oh, yeah, and lots of good food!

Q: When are you most at ease?
A. At home with friends and family

Q: What becomes a Canadian legend most?
A. I suppose whatever is big enough news to reach the states and around the world. It's kind of quiet up north, generally. I like their coin designs, but they're not 'legendary'.

Q: What is your greatest regret?
A. That dumb and mean thing I wrote about C.______ in junior high.

Q: Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
A. I'll be sixty. I hope to be fairly mobile, with a good body of creative work accomplished. I hope to be financially secure. I hope to have many dear friends.

Q: For what do you most want to be remembered?
A. That I bring to life love, joy and humor.

June 2, 1999

"Prices, High and Low"

Old English shilling coin - larger than actual size to show detail

Laura and I went out for some much needed alone time. We usually go shopping, and today was no exception. I finally got fabric for the black and brown skirts Julia's been wanting me to make for months now. She likes them nearly ankle length, and as she's nearly five foot eleven, they can never be found ready made. Even so, the fabric wasn't cheap, being sixty bucks. The prices of things today, gads, it's just awful. The absolute worst deal was on three cases to hold cassettes. Laura bought them for Shayna's cassette collection, her own boxes being a little cat damaged. I don't think Laura looked at the price. Eighteen bucks a piece for a simple cheap ass piece of molded plastic that couldn't have cost the manufacturer more than a dollar a piece to make! The clerk commiserated and agreed, saying the ink on the accompanying needless tree wasting box probably cost the manufacturer more.

My faith in humanity would have been torn a little if it weren't counterbalanced by the good coin deal I got. I saw a sign advertising coins for sale, so we stopped and investigated the shop. They had a bin of loose world coins, five for a dollar. Even Laura had fun rummaging through it. I found a 1965 English two shilling, a 1989 English five pence, a 1995 English penny, a slightly worn 1968 Australian ten cent piece, a small 1965 Malagasy two franc (one side with a flower, the other with a steer head) and an odd two franc from a country of unknown origin - one side with a pentagram, squiggly writing and the words EMPIRE MAROC CHERIFIEN. But the best deal was a pure silver 1958 Ben Franklin half dollar for only $2.50. All those coins cost only $3.60! I showed Julia my finds, and she said the silver content of the half dollar alone was worth way more than that.

June 3, 1999 "Gray Brain Haze" I was in a foggy mental mood a good part of this day. It wasn't until after an afternoon bath that my brain cells clarified a bit. Julia played old Italian Early Renaissance music in the evening. Before going to bed early, it was easy to drift off in a reverie, imagining us in an ancient Roman Metro'on, being that day's enclaves of sensuous, deep minded 'weirdos'. What is the romance that people attach to the past? Someday, the future will look back on our age with romance. The timeless fun of it all will endure. As I took notes on what I ate today, I visited that space within to see if there's any poem progress: Here is the hollow place of resting, Nothing now but quiet.

June 4, 1999

"Gentle Air"

A H H H H ! It's an unusually cool afternoon for a June desert day. Not even 80F (26C), the fresh, gentle air seems soothing. I breathe it in deeply . . . . . . D E E P LY

June 5, 1999

"Something ELEGANT"

Julia received a lovely book from a foreign correspondant yesterday. It gives an idea of what the holdings are at a Gallo Roman museum in Lyon, France. The image of a goddess called to me, and I worked with the scanned image to bring out its beauty. It wanted a quiet place in A Tale Told With Time. Section Twenty Eight has a very ELEGANT beginning. I CAN do elegant. I hadn't done an entry for ATTWT since May 10, 1999. I'm glad at least to have something new for it.

Go Forward...
Go Back to Archives...
Go Back to Beginning Page...
Go to Index of Joan's pages...