May 24, 2000

"Through The Day With Poems"

While Laura and I play Everquest, there is quite a bit of down time, as our characters need to meditate when their mana, the substance that allows them to cast spells, rebuilds. I thought I'd make use of this time, and do some meditating of my own, to see if any poems were lurking.

Early this morning, my thoughts were still of heat:

Oh, this longness of heat - days and days of it stretch before me like a steaming curtain, heavy and thick. It will not open soon.

By noon, I was growing tired of the game, and wanted to spend some intimate time with Laura:

Sever now, those blind connections. With what do they hold you? Never more than the fleeting moment, then gone, so much unseen dust.

After we spent a couple of delightful hours, another poem surprised me.

Shimmering peace now, sweet and delicious contentment. All is bliss. Now is the moment of joy.

 

May 25, 2000

"Stars More Quiet"

This poem came to me early this morning, long before Laura suggested a walk at the arboretum. This particular flower seen there seems to suggest a star, but the poem is oddly evocative of many images. It's strange, but I like it.

*    *    * Warm the sapphire longing, What opalescent pearls. Gleam in the hidden light. There are stars more quiet. JAL, 5-25-00   *    *    *

 

May 27, 2000

"Ask An Expert"

Yesterday was rather a bit of a blue funk day to me. I got a reply in the mail from the doctor's office. My hand and wrist X-rays were 'normal'. ''What the f*ck does THAT mean? How come the arthritis doesn't show up? Or does it mean I am in only the early stages, BEFORE it shows up on X-rays?'' A sizeable wave of fear rolled over me. Just what sort of PAIN am I in for later, if this is only the early stages?

Then we wondered if osteoarthritis doesn't show up on X-rays, because maybe cartilage doesn't show up on X-rays, and what they were testing for was possible bone spurs. I left a message with the doctor's answering machine. They called in a prescription for Relafen, which is an anti-inflammatory. But I must wait until Tuesday to make another appointment with the doctor to learn what the test results portend.

Until then, I wait for the Expert info.

from the 'future', February 6, 2002, to be exact The 'expert info' did indeed come. Yes, I am only in the 'early stages', gratefully. I still don't know how bad the pain will get when I really AM disabled. But I do know the coping stategy will be the same: FEEL THE PAIN AND DO IT ANYWAY. It's the only way to battle the thing. Eventually, one learns to ignore the little pains. The big pains will be faced the same way.

One bit of amusement came our way yesterday. In one of her e-mail lists, Julia got a copy of an actual letter to Dr. Laura, the rather shrewish advice counselor known for her rigid views. She howled with laughter and read it out loud to us. ''Oh forward to me, I begged.'' I wanted to share it with you, my journal readers. However, our Laura, eager to pass the laughter, forwarded it to a friend, who took it one step better, as he ANSWERED the letter. So here, then is Dr Chooch ably filling in for Dr. Laura:

Still, we were able to buy fresh cod fish, which made delicious tacos for the visit with Serena and Richard (AKA 'Chooch') later today. The fragrance from a display of nectarines called to me, and I ate two on the way home.

I am devouring yet another nectarine this very minute. 'Badness' is being measured in different ways, since I no longer eat sugar. But I've lost fifteen pounds. By a medical calculation I found in a Reader's Digest a few years back, I have now reached the weight at which I am no longer obese. I have a waist, after all. Yesterday, while walking the whole circumferance of Arizona Mills mall with Laura and Julia, I noticed all the small clothing being presented behind the wide store windows. In the past, I might have felt bad, knowing I'd not ever likely fit into such petite garments. I didn't yesterday. I don't measure myself by fashion's standards anymore. I have a waist. I'm lighter on my feet than I used to be. That's cause enough for celebration.

Not only did we have a good time with our friends today, tomorrow Laura's Mother and Glen are having a barbecue. They bought a special gas fired barbecue just for the occasion. (And, of course, future events.) Steaks are on the menu. We are doing the holiday weekend right.

Now, Laura, as Sanomy (now Sanomy Assushunamir *, at 20th level, she's got a surname!), is power leveling Julia's wizard Sosipatra, in Everquest. As Julia doesn't get to play much, most of the weekend game time is being devoted to this.

I, however, have a new little character which I've gotten to level five the hard way. He's not had any special assistance. But he's a plucky, cheerful bloodthirsty little fellow, who takes his 'deaths' in stride. Bantus is a height- challenged Gnome, who comes to about knee level to a High Elf. Yes, he's bloodthirsty, all right. He smiles with glee as his special spells suck the life right out of the monsters and into him. And if you call him an 'evil' necromancer, he'll just tell you the popular definations of 'good' and 'evil' are all wrong. Yes, he's quite a contrast to my noble Razhann!

*The name Assushunamir has special significance!

 

May 29, 2000

"Midnight Shivers"

And no, I wasn't watching a creepy movie. What was I watching? I was watching Roswell. Oh, yeah, in which the brown haired teenaged waitress gets shot in the midsection. Duh. Of course, she gets healed by the hand touch of an alien. And, I, of course, NEEDED to have that gallbladder gone, for my health. Ahhhh, there could be a connection. Anyhow it was much too much weirdness to just take laying down.

So I'm up and sharing it with all of you. But then you know I'm kind of weird anyway.

Hmm-m-m, is it safe to go back in there, in the dark? Will the creepy thought manufacturer get me? Did I drink too much caffeinated tea? But it's there, it's there waiting for me. I can feel it.

How can I dismiss this and get some sleep? I'm started to get TIRED, you know.

 

May 30, 2000

"This Moment, Now"

Drink NOW. . . This Moment Now At last thought, the darkening grave - "No more now - not ever." Still with fine tuned adjustment is born the smallest hope. This moment now, the stellar hour - this, and no other. Know, then, its worthiness. All else is nothing. JAL, 5-30-00

 

May 31, 2000

"Playful Playmates"

Sylka . . . . . . . . . . . Bantus

He really is quite sentimental. Now, you may wonder how someone who has chosen what is called an 'evil' profession has such a soft heart. Okay, he isn't soft when killing the mobs. But he believes in his cause. To him, a wizard, for instance, does nothing but destroy. The necromancer, however, recycles the energy from the beastie, by drawing it into himself. Nothing is ever lost. Everything is recycled. Later on, at level eight, he even gets a heal spell. To do it, he must take from his own life energy to give to another person. Recognizing these 'exchanges of power' are what life is all about gives him greater powers. But trying to explain that to the hoity toity masses only gets him hoarse, as they turn away, deaf eared.

Well, of course, he believes in his cause!!! Razhann, the fierce cleric who is just as passionate, doesn't want to know about him. He's heard his brother Giannissi has been hanging around with the like of short little necros, and asks him"What's next? DARK Elves?" He just doesn't understand his brother sometimes.

(If you will notice, Sylka is left handed. This came about because I flipped her portrait so that the light source would seem to be coming from the same direction as it is in Bantus' picture. Laura didn't mind. She, herself is lefthanded.)

 

June 1, 2000

"Weightless Worries, But Haunting Still"

Time for reasonable things. How much is spent avoiding the heat, avoiding the lesson, avoiding the task? I feel so humble. I want to dig beneath this mountain of vague questions, gray space, idle emptyness and find the deeper clue. There is not one lesson that will teach itself to me unless I apply some effort. What is lacking is the discipline. I can't just be a lazy follower.

 

June 3, 2000 - A

"I'll Not Run Out Of It"

I'll Not Run Out Of It "The embarking of a new journey, and this is how ill-prepared you are?" How many times have I been the frail one? I would have counted, but numbers fail me. I begin, on small fingers, to mark, then toss the effort. And I wanted to be something more, always want to be something more. Humble is a light burden if it means you don't have to try. Still, with all the number tossing, I must set this thing down. There awaits something better, I would have measured myself with silver rulers, indeed, they are packed and ready. But maybe what I need is lighter yet. There is a thing called love - it packs infinately well, into whatever small space. This I can carry. This will serve well. Maybe it's the only thing that's needed. I'll bring it. I'll pass it around. I'll not run out of it. JAL, 6-3-00

 

June 3, 2000 - B

"Cups That Cheer"

Now stir the fire, and close the shutters fast, Let fall the curtains, wheel the sofa round, And, while the bubbling and loud-hissing urn Throws up a steamy column, and the cups, That cheer but not inebriate, wait on each, So let us us welcome peaceful evening in. William Cowper, (1731 -1800), from The Winter Evening

My night was rather sleepless, as you might have gathered from today's angsty poem, written in the early morning. But after getting that out of my system, and returning to bed for a couple of hours, I felt some renewed. It's Saturday, so Julia joined Laura and I on our Arizona Mills walk. Both Laura and Julia love those fancy flavored and sweetened coffees with the whipped cream on top, so after most of the two laps were done, they stopped at Gloria Jean's coffee shop. While that store may have excellant coffee, their tea is some wretched health drink. The knowing clerk had me sample it, for which I was grateful. I'd hate to waste a large glass of tea, and it would have gone to waste. But that wasn't a problem. A Paradise Bakery across the way has delicious iced tea and very good freshly baked blueberry bagels. They are especially tasty when toasted and lightly buttered. I just brought my tea and bagel to the coffee shop, and sat at a small round table with them.

Julia got curious about the displays of teas and fancy cups behind us. Her curiousity got me intrigued, as well. I saw this shiny, shapely mug, and my eyes gleamed to match it. I brought it shyly to our table, and sat it down, wondering what a nice mug of ice water or iced tea would taste like in it. It would surely taste better, wouldn't it? ''Will you favor this cup, and not get a new cup every time you get a mug of water?", Laura asked. Indeed, cups are often strewn everywhere about the house. The dishwasher is always half full with mugs, most of them only used for water. It's rather wasteful. But this cup is the prettiest I've had, so I will seek it out.

Laura and Julia also got new mugs. Julia chose a simple clear glass mug, because she likes to see the color of the tea as she drinks it. Laura chose a large heavy porcelain mug, in autumn colors, decorated with leaves. As soon as we got home, I washed them, so we could immediately fill them with our favorite beverage.

And, yes, the water is colder, and the tea is brisker in our new mugs!

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