May 11, 2005

"Treading Water?"
8:48pm

an 'automatic' drawing...

'Treading water' occurs when the swimmer doesn't move in any specific direction. But is this bird leaving behind her fixed position and about to take flight?

May 14, 2005

"Feed Me!"
10:48am

an 'automatic' drawing for the for the Friday Illustration theme of Nourishment

The hungry plant reachs its tentacle roots out to grab every bit of nourishment she can. Julia took one look at my original uncolored sketch and said, "Oh, it's Audrey!" (From Little Shop of Horrors). Yes, that is one healthy and greedy little plant. I love the way in the original black and white movie, Audrey intones in a loud deep voice, "FEED ME!"

May 15, 2005

"Adventure"
6:35pm

This was the card I drew from the OSHO Zen Tarot deck last Thursday when I was feeling uncertain. This was the card which represented myself. It signifies "Adventure".

This is the meaning of the card:

"Zen says truth has nothing to do with authority, truth has nothing to do with tradition, truth has nothing to do with the past - truth is a radical, personal realization. You have to come to it. Knowledge is certain; the search for personal knowing is very, very hazardous. Nobody can guarantee it. If you ask me if I can guarantee anything, I say I cannot guarantee you anything. I can only guarantee danger, that much is certain. I can only guarantee you a long adventure with every possibility of going astray and never reaching the goal. But one thing is certain: the very search will help you to grow. I can guarantee only growth. Danger will be there, sacrifice will be there; you will be moving every day into the unknown, into the uncharted, and there will be no map to follow, no guide to follow. Yes, there are millions of dangers and you can go astray and you can get lost, but that is the only way one grows. Insecurity is the only way to grow, to face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow. Osho Dang Dang Doko Dang Chapter 7" Osho Zen Website Commentary: When we are truly in a spirit of adventure, we are moving just like this child. Full of trust, out of the darkness of the forest into the rainbow of the light, we go step by step, drawn by our sense of wonder into the unknown. Adventure really has nothing to do with plans and maps and programs and organization. The Page of Rainbows represents a quality that can come to us anywhere - at home or in the office, in the wilderness or in the city, in a creative project or in our relationships with others. Whenever we move into the new and unknown with the trusting spirit of a child, innocent and open and vulnerable, even the smallest things of life can become the greatest adventures.

To me, they're not interpreting the card quite right. The child holds her own source of rainbow making light, and she's about to enter the dark, unknown forest. Also, "plans and maps and programs and organization" certainly may allay that feeling of insecurity by enabling us to be prepared. But that's not when the adventure begins. The adventure begins when our sense of wonder overcomes our fear of the unknown. That sense of wonder, born of the Gift of Set, will draw us into the unknown. And then we find ourselves off on an adventure.

9:10pm
An interesting translation:

(Original)
Great is the Might of Set, greater still He through us!

(Translation)
Grande es el Poderío de Set, más grande aún Él a través de nosotros!!!!

I'm not sure if the Spanish requires more exclamation points. It is cool to see phrases now becoming familiar to me appearing in unfamiliar languages.

(I have also XEPER spelled in Runes.)

May 16, 2005

"Chomp!"
11:09pm

May 21, 2005

"The Heat is Rising"
8:43am

Heat, the season of heat has begun, with 'Excessive heat warning in effect'. I am grateful for air conditioning. Not even nine o'clock, it is already hot. but I am washed and dressed and the car is loaded with water bottles. We must do things either early or late. After the bottles are filled, then we will go to Staples, and buy more floppy disks. Can you tell I am preparing for a picture taking bonanza?

I am 'recycling' for the Friday Illo:

©JAL, Marlin and Dory on the quest to find Nemo . . .

This is an illo from a couple of years ago, right after seeing Finding Nemo. But it serves as a illo for the Friday Illustration theme of Aquatic as well.

When I saw the Blue Planet DVDs, exquisite images of blue tangs (Dory is a blue tang) and every other type of marine life, some never before filmed, captivated me. There is such a rich diversity of life there in the depths of the seas.

I am not the only only to 'recycle' this week. Wally Torta has an entirely cool "Creature From the Black Lagoon".

Oh, and to share more artwork with you, I've learned of another cool artist here in Yuma, through the exhibit he has at the public library. He even has drawings of rather magical seamstresses. I've sewn on some pretty odd things through out the years, but never snowflakes!

I am so glad I got my lovely brass statues when I did, for Sacred Source is no longer making them in brass. They are now using something called 'cold cast bronze'. This is fake bronze, composed of mostly resin with some bronze powder in it to give an appearance of brass. But this is not nearly as durable as 'hot cast bronze', which is the real deal.

I'm going to sign off now, for the heat is rising.

3:48pm

With 108 °F (42 °C), we have surpassed our record high in 2000. We went out in the morning and filled seven water bottles and I bought handcream, luggage tags, disks and even one disposible camera. Later, I scrubbed both the kitchen and bathroom floors, and napped a bit. After waking feeling somewhat refreshed, I watched the DVD that came with the DNA testing kit. On it, there is a movie, 'Journey of Man' that nicely compliments 'The Real Eve' that we saw Mother's Day weekend. On this movie, the researcher Spencer Wells traces the genetic line via the Y chromosome, which only males possess. But females trace their DNA through their mother's mitochrondrial DNA line.

At first, I thought this strange, for I look very little like my mother:

She was very thin and long of face. I resemble my paternal grandmother more strongly:

We are square of face, rectangular of body, sturdy of bones, and freckled, I think it is the Swedish genes coming to the fore. We each at one time had red hair as well.

Yet, when I place my mother's face and my maternal grandmother's face next to mine, each of us captured in our forties, although I don't resemble my mother, I do seem to very much resemble my maternal grandmother:

I look forward to learning more about my deep ancestral roots.

May 24, 2005

"Firming Up"
6:34am

My plans are firming up for the week. I will be having quite the adventure, and I will reveal more later.

Sunday, we saw Revenge of the Sith. We went to the earliest showing at 9:30am, and there were no lines. We got our favorite seats easily. I cannot imagine waiting in line for hours to have an experience which is no different than the one I had without waiting.

I have mixed feelings about this film. If you are longtime readers of this journal, you know which trilogy has captured me completely. The Lord of the Rings episodes are full of so much heart, that in comparison Star Wars seems mechanical. But then if Lucas, the author, equates passions with 'true evil', then how else can they not? Anakin turns evil for his attachment to Padme. I really don't like the whole implied morality in this one, in which people must be 'selfless', and if one embraces their passions they will turn destructive and ultimately anti-life. It doesn't follow!

Also, there was so much special effects that they ultimately distracted from the total effect. I did, however, like that lizard critter Obi-Wan rode upon. I wouldn't mind travelling like that.

I will be using more conventional means of travel this coming week. Though I will admit some are unfamiliar to me now as riding a lizard beast. I will tell much when I return.

4:38pm

During the early morning, I thought more about the Star Wars films and its implications. Of course attachments and passions can become so strong rationality is lost. Of course there is the phrase 'crime of passion', which refers to a destructive action was done in anger. I don't want to be so naively optimistic that I overlook these possibilities.

However this view of the world is a skewed one:

The Jedi Code

There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.

At best it fails to acknowledge the realities of life and at worst it implies much more. I do not want to live in a world without any emotion or passion.

11:28pm

Of course, some emotions are unpleasant. Fear and anger can be especially troubling. But the way to maintain one's balance isn't through attempting to eliminate these emotions. I find this particular insight rather helpful:

Excerpt: All Emotion is From Thinking: "Despite severe emotional difficulties, a Vietnamese monk, Venerable Khippa-Panno, was able to attain insight with Dipa Ma's encouragement. In 1969, he had gone on a retreat during which, for five days, he was unable to stop laughing and crying. His teacher, deciding he had gone mad, told him to stop the retreat and return home. When Dipa Ma heard this, she invited him to practice with her...

For a whole month, I (Ven.Kihippa) practiced at her house. She advised me, "You will overcome this difficulty. If everything is noted, all your emotional difficulties will disappear. When you feel happy, don't get involved with the happiness. And when you feel sad, don't get involved with it. Whatever comes, don't worry. Just be aware of it."

On a later retreat, when I felt the craziness come, I remembered her words. I had so much difficulty with the emotions that I wanted to leave the retreat, but I remembered her faith in me, and her saying, "Your practice is good. Just note everything, and you will overcome the difficulty." With this knowledge of her confidence in me, my concentration got deeper.

Soon I came to see that all emotion was from thinking, nothing more. I found that once I knew how to observe the thoughts that led to the emotions, I could overcome them. And then I came to see that all thoughts were about the past or the future, so I started to live only in the present, and I developed more and more mindfulness... I had no thoughts for a period of time, just mindfulness, and then all my emotional difficulties passed away. Just like that!

-Dipa Ma: The Life & Legacy of a Buddhist Master (Amy Schmidt)

There are a couple of things I want to amend. The initiate's manic laughter wasn't a state that I'd call happiness, for it clearly troubled him. Also, I would correct the last paragraph to say "all worries are about the past or the future". Thoughts themselves can be about anything. By changing our focus, we change what we think about. And then the emotions follow. 'Just being aware of' of a troubling emotion, puts us 'back to the center', back to the viewpoint of the Self who is doing the observing. This again is a change of focus. So ever in the emotion/thinking cyclical influencing process, it is always a matter of FOCUS.

Remembering that emotions follow thoughts empowers us, as I did in this little meditation I wrote last July from a combination of an excerpt from the Frame Rites and my own meditation:

"My thoughts are made strong by my will."      Breathe deeply.           "Return to the Center". "My feelings are made strong by my will."      Breathe deeply.           "Return to the Center". "My world is made strong by my will."      Breathe deeply.           "Return to the Center". The Frame Rites are in Don Webb's Seven Faces of Darkness

By "Return to the Center", I mean turn the focus inward towards one's Essential Self, and let drop the things that would distract us. Returning to the Center, I gather strength. And then I know happiness.