April 26, 2000

"Small Changes"

This has been a day of small changes. The computer Julia and I use to play Everquest has been situated directly in front of the big evaporative cooler. It gets really cold sitting there. Laura doesn't mind the chill. So we switched her computer and the game computer. Somehow it feels like I have a new computer, even though it's the same old one.

Laura suggested I create a new Everquest character to join the ones she and Julia have in another continent within Norrath. I chose one of the Erudite race for the advanced intellectual skills, so needed by those who live by their spells. Zzarian first began life as a magician. I'd gotten him to level four, but wasn't happy with the magician's lot. They conjure pets to aid them in their battles. Only this requires special reagents and commands. It was just too complicated. I prefer the simple 'fry 'em dead' approach of the wizard. So I gave Laura's character Charo Zzarian's possessions, and had him reborn as a wizard.

Not to be outdone, Serena surprised us with a new hairstyle. It's quite flattering. Laura begged me to get the camera. I took the best picture, and changed the background.

 

April 27, 2000

"Healthy Helpers"

We took to the arboretum trail again today, this time with that new cane Laura bought me. I have to say that this cane, adjusted properly to my height, made a great deal of difference in my ascents and descents. I'm getting past that attitude of regarding it as a symbol of disability. It is, instead, a means to greater mobility.

(A whisper from the future me: if you haven't read my comments from the future regarding the arthritis, they're at the bottom of this entry. I would soon discover I was 'able to perform ordinary daily activities.' Still, in any case, in transversing the ups and down of a nature trail, the cane is a good idea. Back, now, to the 'present', I leave you.)

Being in a beautiful scenic nature spot is nourishing to my soul, as well. I didn't take my camera this time, so I could be better absorbed in the experience, instead of looking everywhere to see what would make a good shot. The fragrance of white blossoms caressed my nostrils. I saw a long tailed gray squirrel scamper about, along with several active lizards who were enjoying the sunshine. We took our time, and Laura faired better. Last time trying to hurry caused some heart complaints later in the day. It was delightful finding resting spots in the shade, and drinking in the vistas.

Afterwards, we stopped at the A & W in Florence. Times past, we would have gotten a 'black cow', root beer with a dollop of ice cream. Both of us avoiding sugar, I bought us unsweetened tea instead. But I did indulge in a bacon double cheeseburger. It was very satisfying. It's been strange. Since I've quit sugar, I've not been as hungry as I used to be. I eat less, yet I'm more satisfied. And I'm losing weight. I'm finding I have more of a waistline, to my delight. Also my PMS symptoms, both PRE and POST, have been greatly relieved. I hardly had any cramping, and the sinus headache that always follows the end of the 'monthly' simply didn't happen. I don't miss sugar, so long as I don't think about Dove dark chocolate. It's a drug, that stuff is. Not keeping sugar products in the house is helping Laura stick to her diet, as well.

So these changes are all beneficial. Some long time habits are beneficial, as well. I missed writing in the journal for a few days there. Both Laura and I had had a rough Monday. I needed those days to 'veg' out. But how joyful I was when something inspired me yesterday. I love having this way-marker to remember life's paths by. It helps me clarify my thoughts, and I love sharing them with you all. This, too, is beneficial to heart and soul. There's lots of things for which to be grateful.

 

April 28, 2000

"Marking Time"

This has been a marking time kind of day. Julia's been having bad shoulder pain, so her boss told her to take today off and see her doctor. Her doctor sent her for X-rays at the hospital, as she had no idea what's causing it. It's quite delibating, though. They took lots of pictures, so hopefully soon we'll know. She's on muscle relaxers and pain killers, which are at least softening the symptoms.

Laura's not feeling too well, either. She caught a flu bug, so she's laying low. Perhaps it's the stress of the house verdict. No, VDP isn't going to settle out of court. We will face a lengthy, drawn out, nasty court battle over the house.

We'd like to distract ourselves by playing Everquest. No such luck. I had terrible 'dancing mouse pointer' syndrome. It took several minutes just to loot a stupid rat corpse. Only one cure for that - scan and defrag the computer. It must have been in really bad shape. The defrag is taking hours! Did I ever mention I'm not a patient person!

I'm not.

 

April 29, 2000

"Perhaps Something Glistening"

pile of rocks, one with glistening pyrite center

Out of the hardness, perhaps something glistening can be found. . .

 

April 30, 2000

"Seeking The Softness"

Markings in dry clay disappear, Only when the clay is soft again. Scars upon the self disappear Only when one becomes soft within. Deng Ming-Dao

So how does one learn this softness, this suppleness that bends, rather than breaks?

If this softness is not the only way, how would I know it? But stiffness does not become. Stiff though the body may be, one can always have suppleness of soul. There one may learn an agility that grows with the advancing years. Still in this moment now, I think on this. Only resistence is hard. I will let each day take me where it may. I'll have strength for that.

 

May 2, 2000

"No Sense To Be Made Of It"

Poor Julia was hurting worse and worse in the shoulder. She'd taken Friday off, and saw a 'doctor' in Casa Grande. This not fully licensed doctorette sent her for X-rays, but possibly couldn't interpret them. The muscle relaxant she'd prescribed wasn't doing a thing. So we decided enough was enough. We called our good doctor down in Tucson, and headed down there. Julia most likely has bursitis in her shoulder. The best thing is anti-inflamatories, especially a potent form of Naproxen. The 'quackette' had told her not to take Naproxen. The muscle relaxant, while it didn't hurt, didn't help, either. We'd been warned about the lack of dependable doctors in this small town when we moved here. The warnings were right.

Anyway, Julia's starting to mend. She went to work today, and no doubt is having a long day of it.

Max, the dog, has broken my concentration with his barking. What was I trying so hard to think of?

No Sense To Be Made Of It

To open the flow, what do I need to do to make the words right? Pitiful dribbles and all, so much thoughts and I'm not good at sorting them. Maybe playing games has too much asborbed my mind. Would I still be playing now, if the connection hadn't been thready? Well, that's the way it is. Plug up your brain and nothing can get through. What did you think would happen? Surely you know you can't know what you're thinking if you don't tke the time to listen. It's always too easy to escape elsewhere.

The road back isn't instantaneous, it takes some time getting your focus back.

So, on this weird day of discussing the crazy things people do with Laura and her mother, I've been wondering how they can be pushed that way. Maybe some things just are. This is the way life is. You get what you get. Maybe it's fair and maybe it isn't. You just have to deal with the hand you're given.

In nations thousand of miles away, people are starving. In nations thousands of miles away, they hunger not only for food, but for justice. They would be grateful for what we complain of. They are there, and we are here.

And you are here, and I have left this message for you. And what sort of thing is this to leave before you, half cooked bits of stringyness, indigestable perhaps? All while ancient children are crying for the mother's breast which is dry. On this day, so many miles away.

 

May 3, 2000

"Overboard?"

Have we gone overboard? Ever since the new upgrade to Everquest, Ruins of Kunark was initiated, we've been having problems with online connectivity. The phasing in and out, and dropping entirely has been mostly on the older computer. Perhaps the old one just couldn't handle it. After much cursing, we summoned our resources and did something so extravagant, it boggles our minds, even. We went and got a near twin to the newer computer. By frugality, we even managed to have enough to do it cash. Of course, this month will be tight. But we did it, and now the new newbie sits downloading the game's patch files.

Was it necessary, though? Oh sure, this one will run nice and smooth, but was it necessary? It may have been another event that happened at the same time as the Kunark upgrade. We changed our phone lines at that time. Ever since, the one line has been troubled with line noise, off and on. LINE NOISE could have been causing those problems.

Still, this one will be so much faster, and it will allow 3-D sound realism, as well. Not to mention, the old computer has a unique quirk of spontaneously powering itself off on occasion. It also has an unreliable ON button. Maybe it's better off being stored as a back up computer. We need to tell ourselves that, you know.

 

May 4, 2000

"Incommunicado"

The phone line has not been repaired. Oh, the man came and tried, but now it's worse. It's out more than it's on. The repairman will be back sometime today. Julia called with rather surprising news, as well. It seems there is a virus out so bad that Pinal county offices have shut down all their computers until they get an antidote. If a piece of mail comes to you with I love you in the title, it isn't from your honey. Don't open it, just trash it immediately.

I've been trying to get the new computer set up. Picture Publisher and the ancient, but favored Hotdog web editor are up, but I've been having problems with Netscape. It seems the disk we got from Azstarnet automatically wants to attach us to calling long distance to Tucson, where that ISP is housed. These auto-wizard things are more trouble than they're worth. We may be stuck with Internet Explorer on this particular computer. I haven't yet begun to try putting Eudora mailer up. I might as well try, since I can't even seem to surf the web without getting disconnected.

I'm a bit frustrated.

About a half hour later. . .

The telephone repairman is out there again doing things. Eudora is up, although I won't be certain if I've got it right until I can send and recieve e-mail.

 

May 5, 2000

"Moving Fast, Now"

The repairman put in a new phone line wire, and now the phone works great. This, combined with the speed of the new computer, makes Everquest run perfectly smooth.

And, yes, the Eudora works as well. I'm happy. I've heard the saying 'At first you have to crawl before you can learn to walk'. Well, before, I was barely crawling.

It's hard to remember back to when I was an infant, literally barely crawling. That was a FEW years ago. I needed my birth certificate for some proof of age, and looking at it, anyone can tell it is a 40+ year old document. The paper has turned yellow with the years.

While it is still out of the safety deposit box, I've scanned it. Being born slightly early, I was only 5 pounds and 14 ounces. I was eighteen inches long, and I had tiny feet and hands. My mother said strangers would come up to her and I, and coo, 'What a TINY baby!'

So new - not yet even crawling!

Here's the inking of my foot from my birth certificate. It was not quite three inches (75mm) long,

I have a grayscale version of it, as well, put with my baby picture.  

May 6, 2000

"Moving Slow, Now"

I've awakened this morning with sticky eyes. The white background of my web editor is hurting my eyes. I could be catching the bug that Laura has been fighting. She's over the bug, but bronchiatus still remains. She might still be able to fight it without antibiotics. Fortunately, we have doctor's appointments scheduled for this coming Monday, in case she can't.

Laura's looking quite peaked though. Julia's shoulder is still hurting. None of us did much yesterday. The computer shut down at Julia's work slowed things down quite a bit. The 'love bug' didn't strike us, however. But I understand others were busy with deletions.

Yes, it was 'one of those days'. I was even too tired to play Everquest. One thing I did summon the strength for was eating. I ate some tasty stuff yesterday. Breakfast was a small bowl of oatmeal. It left me hungry when I visited the Safeway to get Laura some chest ointment. I got a perfect avocado, not too soft and not too hard, and some salsa with roasted chilis and garlic. I was dreaming of lunch.

I've discovered that grated cheese on a flat corn tortilla can be melted in the microwave. It only takes a few seconds. From there, I added avocado pieces and the salsa. Lunch was very delicious.

Around 4:00, James showed up and asked if we wanted some pizza. Laura and I each had a piece of that. It was generously cheesed and sauced, so it was tasty. But one piece of pizza is never enough for supper. Laura told me to get salad makings after I picked Julia up from work.

Oh, what a salad it was: red leaf lettuce, green and orange peppers, sliced tomatoes, carrot bits, and SHRIMP! I finished mine off with two pieces of black rye liberally coated with cream cheese.

I'm hardly ever too tired to eat!

 

May 7, 2000

"Tempus Fugit"

Gather ye roses while ye may, Old time is still a-flying, And that same flower that smiles today Tomorrow will be dying. Robert Herrick, 1648 'To The Virgins To Make Much Of Time',

It's been a while since Herrick penned those words. So what has inspired me to seek out quotes on time?

As I was laying down, feeling the effects of the 'bug', I glanced upwards at the clock. I liked the perspective, as it seemed to suggest the Dominance of Time. With a little tweaking in Picture Publisher, I emphasized the clockface, with its hands that stay frozen only in still images.

We are all under the power of time. We have no choice but to live under its rules. We need not be unhappy subjects, though we still strain at ways to gain a bit of immortality. It's part of what makes us human. Here's one more quote to leave with you:

Time, whose tooth gnaws away everything else, is powerless against Truth.

Thomas H. Huxley, 1871
Administrative Nihilism

Truth, that is yet another 'holy grail' for which we strive.

Live long and prosper!

 

May 10, 2000

"Organ Recital"

Lively music is on the living room stereo. Usually I write in relative quiet, but I'm hoping the rhythm in the songs will spur my brain. By Monday, I was finally over the bug. Fortunate, that, for it was the day of the long anticipated doctor's appointment. Oh, my hands and wrists have been well photographed from their inner bony selves. Four views each of each wrist and hand. I couldn't make sense of the pale gray bony images, and asked the technician if arthritis showed up on them. She said she didn't have the expertise to interpret them. Her job was to simply make sure they were clear, so the diagnostician could see the details s/he will need.

They also took two small vials of blood for a Lupus test. Lupus is an immune system disorder that attacks the joints. Laura's Mother had a bad flare up of it when she gave birth to Laura's brother. It's in remission now, but still shows up in blood tests. The doctor said she'd call us only if there is something other than osteoarthritis going on.

Laura has special medicines for her bronchial infection that always seems to follow the flu. She's on the mend, though. Julia, well, Julia is worse in pain with her shoulder. She now walks crooked, with her right hip out further. We called in to tell the doctor she was still ailing, but haven't heard back. It's been so long with no improvement. We worry about her. The three of us, we're in such a shape. Sigh.

Boring, all this organ recital? Outside of worry for my loved ones, it's boring me. No juicy details of wild life here, lately. Gads, I am getting old.

Let's move on to something other than organs. Besides, I've never cared for organ music. It always seems stodgy and ploddy. Give me instead the bodhrán, congas, percussion, diembe, toms, bass drums, an-klong, and vocals of KILA in Tóg É Go Bog É, which I am listening to now. The little sticker on the jewel case describes this music as 'ACID CÉILÍ TRIBAL GROOVE - the future of Irish future'. It's refreshing and invigorating. I need invigoration, for I'm getting old. In the car, I set the radio to a 'Party Radio' station. All the newest hip tunes lift me out of my middle aged blahs. There's not an organ in any of those songs.