April 24, 2001 - A

"Mystery Solved!"

      
'recycled' flowers from last year, just 'cause they're pretty!

I awoke reluctantly to a sunny afternoon, reluctantly, for I wanted more sleep. I was stumbling about in the kitchen, trying to prepare lunch, before my return to work. The phone rang, and I tried not to sound sleepy when I answered. You never know who it might be. I was surprised to hear Julia's voice. She was having a bit of crisis at work. Her computers, which access the mainframe in Florence, were down. She couldn't even call the recorder's office in Florence to tell them her problem. So she was muddling along as best as she could, assigning 'rough clock times' to documents, unable to process them further. Was I able to reach them, she wondered.

No, I only got a consistent busy signal. Alas, when we tried to call Julia back, her line was busy as well. Something definately was strange.

When I arrived at work later that afternoon, MORE strangeness awaited me. No credit nor debit cards could be used at the gas pumps. The ATM machine was down. No one could even buy lottery tickets. Only credit cards could go through for purchases, and that, only after a lengthy pause while lines were busy. The customers were not surprised to learn of the problems, for they'd encountered them earlier in the day. One young woman said she'd tried to reach her grandmother in Coolidge all day without success. WHAT had happened to turn our worlds upside down?

An hour or so later, we found out. A young dark haired man in an orange vest came in with a sheepish guilty look. He confessed he was the one responsible for shutting down communications through out several towns. He was careful to tell us it wasn't ENTIRELY his fault. No, he'd been given the WRONG location for those phone lines, so it wasn't ENTIRELY HIS fault when the fiber optic cable got cut. He did, however, assure us they were working on it, and we would have phone lines by morning.

A few minutes later, a tall older man, also wearing an orange vest, came in and bought a dozen or so large GATORADE drinks. He looked as though he was the boss in charge, and was no doubt buying them for his team of thirsty workers. They would have to work hard to repair the damage.

Now it is the morning, and yes, we have contact once again!

 

April 24, 2001 - B

"Puppies!"


These two alert and eager puppies are calling Laura 'Momma' now

Remember earlier, when I spoke of possible puppy pictures? Well, I got the camera out this morning, and thought I'd better get snapping, as these adorable little beasties have been growing fast. Just since they arrived last Thursday night, they've gotten bigger. This is good, this is what puppies do. Laura's just delighted with these two offspring of one of Anton and Cynthia's dogs.

We've yet to find them permanent names. They were originally named Gizmo and Oreo. See, they were first thought to be 'boy' puppies, on account of their big 'clits'. Some KNOBS they are, and the confusion understandable, but an expert soon set Anton and Cynthia right on this. We started with Nimba and Ninja. Then for a day they were Flora and Fauna. Right now they're Cookie and Gizzy.

Laura likes cats okay, but she REALLY goes ga ga over puppies. These two will certainly be pampered pooches.

 

April 25, 2001 - B

"Ways To Cope"

I complained bitterly about having a sinus headache on my day off. Leave it to Fate to solve that problem. No, the sinus headache didn't go away. You guessed it, it was no longer my day off.

While at work, trying to be somewhat more lively than just a warm body, I scanned the newspaper headlines. "Communications disrupted", was the top story. ''...A contractor was making a 200 foot tunnel under a canan along Arizona 287 about two miles east of Interstate 10, est of Casa Grande'' when the fiber optics cable got cut. I hadn't considered all the implications of this the other day. ''Not only home and commercial users were affected. Police and fire communications were disrupted.'' Only the main local number and police radio worked. The 911 calls were ''rerouted to the Ak-Chin Indian Community and deputies were called by radio . . .'' This went on for twelve hours, as the location of the cut cable made repairs much more difficult and time consuming. Fortunately, ''...there were no reports this morning of emergencies not handled''.

Leave it to one little snip to make us realize how dependant we are on such technology. Fortunately though everyone was flexible and we found ways to cope.

And how did I fare at work last night? Oh, it started gruesome, all right. The head banger was in full force. But strangely, keeping my mind off the headache made it more bearable. No, I wasn't a fount of energy, but just sitting there, with nothing to focus on but how much you hurt, makes it hurt that much more worse. True, that saying that you give power to what you focus upon. I don't want to give power to each and every ache and pain. That's the surest path to being a miserable old lady some day. When I first became aware of having arthritis, it did a number on my mind. Each time a joint yelled with pain, it was like a shock. I'd never experienced anything like that before. I had to learn that giving into the pain wasn't the answer. Naturally, with reason, one has to acknowledge true changes. There'll be no lifting of 50 pound weights, mind you, but one can't win just by laying down and giving up. Perhaps this is all just part of 'growing old gracefully', or some such poppycock. I'm making notes on this, so I remember this when I really do get 'old' and 'creaky'.

Anyhow, the headache lessened its severity as my shift progressed. I was certain I'd go home and sleep the sleep of 'the righteous', but oddly, I've not felt sleepy yet.

I came home, to find a happy Julia begging for pictures. ''Aren't I as least as cute as the puppies?'' I could hardly say no to such a request:


Julia, cuter than any puppy!

But, oh how many more pictures can the web site take, I fretted. We've just about used up our alloted space. I didn't want to 'cope' by stripping stuff off the site. So I did some research. As soon as it's approved, we'll soon have 30 megs to move into, with a possibility of more with advance payment. And, for as long as the Triad's been out in webspace, we've certainly waited long enough for a vaunted domain name. A family discussion this morning, and "AZTRIAD", shall be ours, as soon as it's paid for. It's a simple enough name that reflects the site as containing the works of three people (in a 'triad', of course), and reflecting our Arizona roots. So that will work well. We can keep the 'gallae' indexes up, as they've been in use a long while, however. Just imagine that, you'll be able to find us at http://www.aztriad.com/ soon! Doesn't that sound nifty!

 

April 29, 2001

"Beer Run"

It seemed an ordinary enough Saturday night at the convenience store. Maybe it was a little slower than usual. Maybe there was a strange energy in the air. Or perhaps that is just in recollection that the night seemed strange.

It all happened so quickly. I was focusing on the oddness of a teenager covering his eyes with the visor of his baseball cap, was he of low self-esteem?, when next I knew he and his tall, thin friend were hauling big boxes of beer out the door, four big boxes with mostly red coloration.

Then it was a scramble to remember details so I could tell police. Fortunately, a customer was able to provide some of the missing details.

The night then settled back into the routineness of a slow Sunday morning. Yet, in the new day, I feel a small need to vent:

Slouchy youths in baseball caps, visor covering your eyes, right you are to cover your eyes. You cannot look anyone in the eyes. Is this how your life of crime begins? Sharing seventy bucks worth of stolen booze with a friend? Is this how it begins? Is that nasty cigarette butt flavored juice gonna make you smart? Dumb you are, and dumber you'll become.

And where's your parents on such a night? Is you Dad off, drinking some of that same stinky rot gut with his buddies? Is he too stupered to know what you're doing? If he sobers up, does he care?

Or does he think you're his perfect little angel? Or has he believed you worthless, and you're living up to his expectations? Your life begins here, kids . . .

''I want to make you understand, we're talking about a lifetime plan . . ,'' the radio singer interjects.

Is this your plan for life, kids? You want to be an old man in jail, pondering a wasted life, if you have enough brain cells left to be able to ponder?

Your life begins here, kids . . .

 

April 30, 2001

"It's Green And It's Bean"

It's surprising how everyone's taste buds differ. I read an article in Discover a few months ago in which it was proven there is a wide variance in how people perceive the taste of food. Those with high sensitivity have more taste buds in their tongues than those with less sensitivity. I must tend to higher sensitivity, for strongly flavored things such as coffee, and, as you may have gathered from yesterday's entry, beer, do not appeal to me.

I don't require a lot of seasonings to enjoy food. Mildly flavored things, such as potatoes, are somehow comforting. Still, I like to experiment with new flavors as much as anyone.

Julia made an unusual purchase this weekend when she and Laura were in Tucson. The co-op offered fresh soybeans, which she couldn't resist. They seem rather like peas in a pod, though the pods are shorter and rather tough. I'm certain Julia cooked them to instructions, but I can't imagine anyone finding the pods themselves edible. The inner beans, however, are very delicious. They remind me of a cross between peas and peanuts in both taste and texture.

I couldn't stop eating the slightly chewy beans, until I'd emptied a large bowl which had been at least halfway full before I began. But I felt more deeply satisfied afterwards, than when eating ordinary beans. Perhaps soybeans are as high in protein as they say they are. Whatever, that this particular food item is actually a healthy treat did not detract from the fun of the experiment.

 

May 2, 2001

"Briefly . . ."

Just a brief note to say I've at least got the index pages to Out On A Limb and to The Metro'on up on the new site! These two indexes work now, for all the files point to their current locations. As files are added to the new site, the reference points will be changed. Thus, it will be slow, but seamless.

As a matter of fact, you're here on the new pages already, and you didn't even know it! Painless, wasn't that? The link from the familiarly located Weighty Matters index took you here, just like that!

 

May 3, 2001

"WORK, It Does"

Oh, the new pages are a-gathering, they are! The latest is a set of Canyon Lake pictures I rescued from storage on a free server. My, but the inch-wide banner on the top sure distracted from those pictures. What a lovely day it was, that trip out on the water with Laura. And the day we went with a whole crowd of us, too. But it was cold that second trip. Yes, maybe the nice water pictures, tranquil and serene, will make up for my having a lack of a real entry.

But I've been busy, you understand. Renaming and ftp-ing, and checking. Happy busy, though. I must admit the passing of time, and the aging of products. Two for the web are no longer serviceable. An ancient 1994 'Hot Dog' web editor, never mind, I do everything in Note Pad nowadays anyway, has gone the way of the hot dogs that have stayed too long on the rolling grills at a convenience store. They shrivel and get nasty cracks in them. You can't make an html file extension name with that by now shriveled program. Any file that already has an html file extension name is truncated to a ~filenam.htm, as the program considers the filename 'too long'. Well, back in the 'stone age' days of the web, it was. Also, a 'too old to be cute' FTP program has been replaced by a 'cute' FTP that can handle the rigors of the new site. I don't care whether it's 'cute', or not, WORK it does, and that's what matters.

On this day off, strangely my mind can't set it self off from work. In my dreams, I was stocking beer in the chilly cooler. I couldn't find what I was looking for in those tall towers of boxes of beer, with those oh-so-narrow passage ways, later I was sending money in small plastic tubes down the channels of the timed access safe, and doing various other mundane tasks. That's bad, DREAMING about work. Seems I should be paid for my dream-hours, I should.

 

May 5, 2001

"Going Forward By Going Backwards"

I tried to go to sleep. Gosh knows, I was weary enough after working all night. However I was too restless. After a bit of tossing and turning, I decided to get up and sit with pen and paper. Perhaps there was something waiting within me that needed to be heard:

Listen Deep

What now? This: how can you find the way if you're always seeking? Do you settle in on one thing, like a butterfly lands on a flower, flit, and then to the next? Or do you build strong roots that grow deep?

It was always this way. First you plant the seed, then you grow. No change happens overnight. The stars blink bright, but change slowly. There is a rhythm and a speed and it is yours, your own, your own cadence. The dance of someone else's beat may be too fast to follow. Listen down deep for your own. Stop trying to play 'catch up'. This is the way it has always been.

Far sighted thinking will tell you that. Clear, unobscured eyes trust their vision. How to clarify? Remove those obstacles which block your view. You know, the 'what ifs', 'should haves', 'could haves' and 'would haves'. They're hard to get around. Don't leave them lying there. Take the time to move them, even if they're heavy. Your speed will improve, if unimpeded. But remember, life is not a race. Take joy in the movement for the joy of movement, however fast or slow.

Life does not become you if you are always trying to go forward by going backward. Dance. Swing to your own beat. How did I say to find that beat? Listen deep within. You know it, just practice it. That is all.

With reflection, I could see how my chase-heavy days led to that message. I was glad I took the time to 'listen deep'.

Going forward by going backward? Some days it seems life is just a race to 'catch up'. It's been like that lately. Coming home from bringing Julia to work, just ahead to the trash collector's big white truck, I parked with the motor running. I screamed ''STOP, STOP,'' as I grabbed our trash bins, just barely in time.

I hadn't expected him so early. However, they are now on summer schedule. That mad dash set the tone for the morning.

For later that morning, preparing to pay bills, I had such a tormented search for my wallet. I went round and around our small house, searching for my light brown wallet. With each revolution, I grew more panicked. I kept revisiting where I'd been before. Finally, I begged Laura to help me, and she ceased 'Sanomy's' fights with the 'hill giants' long enough to give me aid.

''Retrace your steps!'' The last I remembered seeing the wallet was laying it down on the back of the car, a top two newspapers, while I helped Laura do something with the puppy. No one could have snuck in to our yard and grabbed it while my head was turned. I'd have heard them.

When Laura picked up the newspapers, after I brought them into the house, she didn't see the wallet on top. Had she seen it? ''On the kitchen table.''

I went to the kitchen table. It wasn't on the small shelf in the center. The only thing on the table itself was a small washrag. I lifted the washrag up.

You guessed it. Underneath the washrag, there sat my light brown wallet! By this time I'd grown quite frantic, contemplating calling the bank and credit card companies to de-activate my current cards and issue new ones, that I broke down and cried with sheer, utter relief.

Today, too, has not been without its frustrations. Coming home from night shift, you'd think I'd head my weary self to bed. But with Laura and Julia out visiting Anton, I wanted to update Laura's computer with all the new 'aztriad' files, since she wasn't using it.

However, every time I tried to copy files on to a floppy, they wouldn't copy. ''File can't be created,'' I was told. ''What the HELL does that mean?'' I went to Laura's computer and copied the set of Julia's Legacy Of The Divine Feminine onto it from the web.

THEN I took the floppy and tried to copy those files, gotten from the web, onto it.

STILL, no dice: ''File can't be created'' What was wrong with the file? Some of my other files COULD be copied and pasted onto that disk. Strange, what was the clue? Why would some work and not others?

I took the disk back to my computer, still puzzled with the message. What should I do? Scan the hard drive? Defrag?

At this point, Laura and Julia returned. As I often do when things go wrong, I was quite distraught. Was the floppy going out? Was there something wrong with the hard drive?

Laura sat down at the computer only a short while before coming to the solution. The disk, already filled with files I'd copied two days ago, was too full. I would have known that if the error message had been ''disk too full''. I didn't understand the message. Whatever space remained on the disk was too fragmented to create a file. The 'uncopyable' files copied just fine, when given an empty disk. Those files that had been previously capable of being copied were already ON the too-full disk, and thus, there was space for them.

It's amazing how complicated we can make things!

 

May 8, 2001

"Here, Now"

If here is not the still-point, then when?  
The backwards chase,
or the forwards chase -
it is all the same.
I will, of this leaving, be at peace.
Here, now: the still point.
Breathe and expand myself
beyond this point.
But the point is always the center-ing -
here, now; here, now.
Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.
Here, now.
Now, here.
Ah-h-h-h, here.

JAL, 5 - 8 - 01
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