April 12, 2005 A

"Analyzing the Drawing"
6:35am

Floating, alone in peaceful reverie...

I took some time to come up with the illustration for Illustration Friday's theme of 'Alone'.

At first, I thought this:
"If I were to illustrate 'alone', how would I do it? I think of that scared teenager, with ideas that seemed foreign to what everyone else was thinking... yeah, that was ALONE, thinking no one else could ever think thoughts like those. Me hiding books, yet still with this shred of hope, thinking if this or that author thought and wrote X, then maybe I wasn't so alone..."

Then the next day I thought:
"I was thinking again about that Friday Illo theme, 'Alone'. Okay, I'm not going to do it as 'lonliness', for aloneness doesn't imply lonliness. . . . [I would rather] think about 'aloneness' as one's uniqueness in solitary reflection, as a good thing.

Maybe an idea of a person sitting on a big rock, alone in nature, enjoying her own thoughts might be more suitable. Yes, I like that idea."

Then last night, I thought I'd just play to see what would happen. I let the 'subconscious' guide me, just to see what would happen with the theme of 'alone'. It's fascinating that I can do that, give the subconscious a subject and see what comes up.

I like the peaceful feeling it has. That's what I'd hoped to convey, that being alone can be pleasant.

There's some symbology in this drawing, for the subconscious mind thinks in symbols. It's obvious (I think) that the floating lady used the floating planet ball as a springboard. This represents using Objective Universe as a springboard for our reflections in solitude. The fact that there is another planet ball falling shows someone else did the same earlier, with their 'Objective Universe'. Also it shows each person has their own perception of what makes up the objective universe.

Does this explanation help in your understanding, or does it just confuse? In any case, this was my route to the results.

April 12, 2005 B

"Dissecting a Drawing"
11:00pm

Actually, BISECTING...
      

I stood before the mirror and got the result at left. Then Julia thought it might be interesting if I bisect it thusly. She thought it might show different personalities within myself. Does it? Or do the two variations just look weird?

April 14, 2005

"Grateful Remembrances"
11:47pm

A really nice artist's blog:
http://www.trevorromain.com/blog/

This journaller really has 'heart'. it's a joy to read him.

My heart really went ping! when he told the tale of the art supplies he found, which he'd meant to send to his dad, now dead for six years. Oh, we all have regrets towards the dead, don't we? It's not been five months since my Mother died, and today's the anniverary of Laura's death:

Roses in Remembrance
       

Today is Laura's birthday. She would have been sixty six today.

Laura! She could have such a temper. When she got mad, everyone around her knew it. But she also had so much zest for life. She was always thinking of fun things for us to do. She'd think nothing of spontaneously hopping in the car and taking a trip somewhere. I loved those trips. I think she liked the car environment, as it seemed we could really talk, enclosed in that car, headed somewhere. She didn't mind driving long distances. She had a restless spirit and had to keep moving. Maybe that's why her stay on earth was so short, she had to keep moving.

I am so grateful for the fifteen years I was able to spend with her.

April 16, 2005

"Balance, Revisited"
5:41am

"The striving is the important bit." *

Except when 'the striving' is NOT the important bit.

Seeking a clue to my recent tummy turmoils, I thought I'd visit 'InnerSpace' and see what Deep Self had to say:

Ah, drop now the pretense, loosen tight shoulders, we're not 'going anywhere', stop rowing. What cute pretensions would have you think otherwise? Breathe - You're only here for the moment. Breathe larger, loosen those tight wing-shoulders of yours. Breathe! Stop trying to accomplish everything at once. Breathe! What is the pretense to be avoided? That you need to know everything, MUST know everything, and that everything must be done by you. Breathe!

And while I received this, I had not one burp or acid reflux. Also, when I typed it on the computer, reliving the meaning, only calm stomach.

I've been stressing lately and although the tummy troubles was kicked off by a bad case of MSG poisoning, stress hasn't let the system really heal.

I think the sense of 'we're not going anywhere' doesn't refer to any travel plans, but in the sense of anywhere I go, there I am, and therefore not to 'strive', but to fully enjoy the moment.

Also, I've been so busy lately, I haven't had time to check in with Deep Self, and so I've been missing this Wisdom that only I can give myself. I've been as one dying of thirst, while beside the great lake.

That needs to stop. I've been literally forgetting to breath, or exhale. Maybe that's where the burping comes from. I don't fully exhale, so it collects in the gut.

So again I am realizing the path of duality, striving and not-striving. May I have the wisdom to know when each is required and the agility and flexibility to go from one to the other.

How do I remain agile? By remembering the balance point is within Myself.

THE BALANCE POINT: Always, ever, only, essentially the balance point: Return to the center and leave behind striving and not-striving.

(The earlier quote: * Phil Hine, Walking Between the Worlds: Techniques of Modern Shamanism, Vol. 1)