"The Near Troubles and the Far Troubles", "Sixty Reasons I Love Laura"
The Near Troubles
The Far Troubles
That's hard to imagine. Forty miles north of here, and I'm just into the edges of Phoenix. Forty miles south, and I'm still fairly far from Tucson. The foreign country of Mexico seems rather near, yet it's 130 miles away. Forty miles is next door. Julia travels nearly thirty miles just to get to work.
Forty miles is close!
For another perspective on the war, see John Bailey's Bad times(April 7 ). He was a young boy when World War II was going on. He first saw refugees being pushed about on film, then later in person, as they came to Britain, seeking shelter. "The refugees are walking once more."
Only the bit of news I read yesterday perplexed me greatly. The refugees aren't marching anymore!
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(AP)"Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border crossings today, preventing ethnic Albanians
from leaving as the wave of refugees approached the half-million mark " "After forcing more than 400,000 refugees out to neighboring countries, Yugoslav authorities closed the main exit route on Wednesday without explanation, forcing tens of thousands of people back toward the burned villages they had been escaping from." |
I read this out loud to Laura. "What can that mean? It makes no sense!" Laura, who has an imagination more able to conceive of such horrors, said, "They'll likely exterminate them all!
Reading more news of the war, I learned that those who made it outside the Yugoslavian borders haven't finished their trek. About 75,000 will be deported to half a dozen countries outside the Balkans. Yet they're the lucky ones. Those forced to stay in Kosovo, do indeed, face worse things:
(AP)"Western officials including Germany's defense minister, Rudolf Scharping, and Britain's International Development Secretary Clare Short have voiced fears that the refugees were being forced back into Kosovo for use as human shields against NATO air attacks. "
Closer to home, Christopher Aaron only had a hour and a half of life. His lungs had not developed sufficiently to be able to breath. The other twin, still in womb, may be in an unbroken ambiotic sac. If they can keep him inside for as long as ten days, they hope that lung strengthening drugs will enable him to be viable.
I wrote a little piece about my feelings regarding this a couple of days ago. I waited until now to post it, because the doctor had a tiny shred of optimism that a miracle could occur. I didn't want to jinx that precious miracle. So I let the words sit only in the hard disk of my computer until . . . Now.
Farewell, dear sweet potentialities, Christopher and Sean. You were not meant to be. Farewell.
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lay on the floor of my life. I look down at my bare toes. Fragilities Casualties Yet I'll dare to go dancing, no high heel stepping, just plain pulse driven reels. Yet I feel remembered muscles springing into nimble movement - this will carry me.
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We had an outing to Tombstone. I'll likely do a page on it, but now I'll leave you with sights of the world's largest rosebush, which is in Tombstone. It's a white Lady Banksia whose original root came over from Scotland in 1885. From a single trunk it spreads over an arbor that covers over 8,00 square feet. Each spring it's covered with millions of tiny white blossoms. Laura had me pose with it to give an idea of its size.
Roses From the Worlds Largest Rosebush
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I got quite a sunburn from our adventures yesterday. Because Tombstone is nearly 5000 feet elevation, the sun's rays are more intense than in Casa Grande's more moderate 1500 feet elevation. Every time we go there, I get burnt, but I never seem to remember. Long sleeves and a hat would have been useful. For part of the entertainment, we sit outside on wooden bleachers, while stunt men perform tricks. It's fun, but the sun beats down heavy.
Today was also a full day. We had a pleasant gathering this afternoon. Glen and Mother, the three of us, Shayna, Helina, Serena and Richard had lively conversation. You could tell who were the computer wizards, as we talked about computer related things. Glen is working on creating a 'vector drawing program', and enthusiastically told us about it. We're also getting to know Shayna real well. She's got a quick mind and wit. Earlier, she cut a tip off one of our aloe vera stalks, and yes, the juice from it was cooling and healing to my burn.
Later in the evening I relaxed by redesigning the main page for ATTWT. I got bored of the grayish green background and decided it needed freshening. Hoping for a peaceful feeling, I used purplish blue tones. I also added a link to this journal and included the date of the latest entry. It will make it easier for readers if they don't have to load the whole chapter each time, only to find there is nothing new.
Now I need to get around to making that CAST page . . .
The new background for ATTWT
Have I been influenced by my freckles??
My international music experience is complete now. My CD collection contains mostly artists from other regions. Earlier, while sewing, I listened to Ireland's The Corrs "Talk On Corners". I also heard Andrea Bocelli's Sogno, his latest . He's Italian. But now we've upgraded our radio experience to include international radio stations. We've got the Realplayer Plus installed on MY computer, as well as Laura's. Radio Sunshine and later Radio Argovia from Switzerland is entertaining me as I type. I like the cheerful pop tunes, many of which are in English. I forget it's coming from Switzerland, until they interrupt for speaking.
When I pick a station, the player takes a while while 'buffering' to load up enough sound 'packets' to ensure enough are in reserve, while new 'packets' come in. This way, the listener recieves an uninterrupted 'stream' of music. It seems similar to when I sit down to 'channel' my muse. I gather pen and paper and quiet myself until the 'data flow' begins. Having been reminded of this process, I thought it good time to tune into inner self.
"Visit With Muse"
Now is peace, relax
4-12-99
How far can you go with a question?
4-12-99
HEAVY THOUGHTS
"And what is this mystery?"
4-12-99
and drop those fevered shoulders.
Time's hold is loose.
The miles lead on without stopping.
You alone decide when
you can't walk any farther.
"You've not hands for it."
"I drop it first chance I get."
"But that's all right.
You weren't meant to carry it all by yourself."
Eating Crow
She got it to work. But I noticed strange things, such as Netscape's bookmark file was shredded. Only the title remained. Lazy me just used Internet Explorer last night. This morning more odd problems came up. The mouse froze in 'hourglass' mode while trying to call Windows Explorer. An odd message came up when I tried the "ALT - CONTROL -DELETE -ENTER" command. "NOT ENOUGH RESOURCES" was its gist. I'd strained the computers capacities with that program upload. It took so long because it was searching for available space to put it. Some things got written over. Laura had told me earlier she was going to delete some mega-meg hogging programs first, so there would be room for the Real Audio player. But I forgot that the computer was already loaded to the 'gunwails', and forged ahead while she was out picking Julia up from work.
I got the bookmark file off of the other computer, and hopefully we're in good shape, after the space releasing deletion, and a scan and defrag. Laura showed me more wonderful things about the poor maligned DOS system, as well. I learned, for instance, it has a file editing program of its own. Maybe she's right when she says Windows is just DOS made simple for 'dummies'. Bleah, CROW tastes awful!
EATING crow is awful, but CROWING is fun!
Crowing!
Happy Birthday, Laura!
Sixty Reasons I Love Laura
1. Her smile2. Her bright eyes
3. Her zest for life
4. Her playfulness
5. Her rich imagination
6. Her sense of humor
7. Her passion
8. Her creativity
9. Her sensuality
10.Her initiative
11.Her 'joie de vivre'
12.Her spontaneity
13.Her love for animals
14.Her love for children and babies
15.Her cooking
16.Her courage
17.Her cuddlyness
18.Her large gentle hands
19.Her caress
20.Her full body hugs
21.Her kiss
22.Her backrubs
23.Her love for me
24.Her ability to see deep into me
25.Her appreciation of the things I do
26.Her ability to know what to say and do when I need comforting
27.Her encouraging me to 'fight back' when I was so timid in our early days
28.Her sense of justice
29.Her ability to make me feel secure
30.Her encouragement of all my creative efforts
31.Her ability to inspire me
32.Her deep concern for everyone she loves
33.Her foresight
34.Her unique insights into problems
35.Her adventurous nature
36.Her always active mind
37.Her sentimentality
38.Her romantic nature
39.Her willingness to admit an error
40.Her outgoing nature
41.Her understanding of my passion
42.Her ability to give honest criticism when I ask
43.Her understanding when I disagree, and go ahead with my original idea
44.Her ability to compromise
45.Her willingness to try new things
46.Her ability to change her mind
47.Her sense of style
48.Her wit
49.Her love of life
50.Her love of nature
51.Her appreciation of my enthusiasm, even if she doesn't share that particular enthusiasm
52.Her joy in being loved
53.Her ability to take a stand
54.Her flexibility
55.Her ability to get over being angry
56.Her belief in herself
57.Her belief in me
58.Her energy
59.Her determination
60.Her love for her family
61.Her sense of community
62.Her sense of fair play
63.Her being fully present to the moment
64.Her generous nature
65.Her radiance that proceeds from every cell of her being
Gee, I might love her a little, huh?
Happy Birthday, Sweetie!
~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~
All under the excuse of celebrating Laura's birthday, I have had a huge piece german chocolate cake, a mug of ginger ale, a mug of 7-up and more recently today, a gigantic piece of blueberry pie (We cut the thing into quarters. One eighth of it has 360 calories. I had a quarter of it.), with an amazingly huge mountain of vanilla ice cream (Dreyers, the GOOD stuff!. If that wasn't enough, I finished the day off with ANOTHER piece of german chocolate cake!
As you can no doubt imagine, I'm just reeling after I ate that much sweet stuff! I can hardly type straight. We celebrated Laura's birthday REAL good. Yeah, I really think I'm akin to 'drunk' now. Hic! Yeas, I kin hardly type atall. I ain't had that much sugar all on one day in i can't remember how long. No sirree. Hic!
I think I can sober myself up to tell you about my latest project. I assembled my most favorite journal entries, the ones most representative of what I'm about, and put links to 'em on a page. I called it "The Essential Joan". I kinda of like it. New readers won't have to wade through over 2 1/2 years of writing to find 'em. Yep, they're good, if I do say so myself....Hic!
I don't do a 'diet'. This process of logging every thing that enters the stomach is only to gain a sort of mindfulness about what I eat. Granted, sometimes it serves as a deterent. One morning I'd eaten one ice cream bar for breakfast. My taste buds were crying out for another. I thought, "No, I don't want to admit to eating TWO of the things!" So I waited a bit and the urge passed. But on the whole, I pretty much just devour what ever I want. The log will remind me of insufficient fluid intake or not enough vegetable consumption. And I try to balance a binge out the next day.
But I don't do a 'diet'. I'm reminded how every diet I've ever undergone resulted in gaining all the weight back, plus ten! Those ten pounds, over and over, have added up. I see the math here. Keep those cycles up, and I'll double my weight by the time my age is doubled. No thanks. So I don't do 'diets'. I understand that for some, diets work. I'm not one of them. If I had been blessed, like my thin mother, I'd still have my college weight. She insists it's not easy for her, though. She checks the scale every day, and if her weight goes up a couple of pounds, she cuts back for a couple of days. Oh well. I just hope to stem the tide of increasing poundage.
Today I should eat very, very light.
Laura and Julia were playing Doom last night, so I was using the 'little' computer. It does a strange but neat thing when switching from program to program. All the colors on the screen will change. Sometimes the results are cool. I liked what it did to my twin roses. I thought I might duplicate the effects by playing with the picture. So I took it to my trusty ancient (circa 1993) Picture Publisher (Someday I'll learn that Adobe Illustrator!), and inverted the color. It didn't look anything like the rose I'd seen earlier, which had speckles of red in all the green areas, and yellowish roses. Rather, it became a negative of itself. Then I played with the color maps, toning down the dark values. Then I gave it a wash or two of cyan. I like the results.
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One productive thing, I have a new ATTWT entry and Section up! You can see the odd rose blooming there as well.