April 6, 2000
"Happy Surprises"
Laura came back from a shopping trip yesterday all full of smiles and a twinkle in her eye. She had a couple of surprises for me. One was an electric can opener. I've been finding the manual ones too difficult to operate, and would bring cans of tuna and such to her to open. What would I do, were no one at home? That's no longer a problem. There weren't just practical gifts. Knowing my love of birds, she got me a hummingbird feeder. We got the feeder put together and the red, sweet smelling nectar put in it. I didn't see it with my own eye, but Laura saw one hummingbird check it out briefly. Maybe he will tell his friends.
She had another surprise for me today. We were bound and determined to get our exercise in, as we've been missing it lately. However, she suggested walking at Boyce-Thompson Southwestern Arboretum. The high trail had been off limits since the fall storms tore apart the bridge. But it's open again. They made a detour from the old bridge to a low, flat bridge a little farther up the stream.
We both found the high trail, with its ascending and descending steps, a little more difficult than we'd remembered. The 'mountain clumbers' at the fitness center aren't quite like the real thing. We've promised to make weekly trips to the arboretum for exercise. The scenic nature and all its photo opportunities are beneficial for the soul, as well.
I hoped to get good pictures of irises and tulips, but they are already starting to wilt. The pansies were perkier, and they caught my camera eye, though.
April 7, 2000
"Joy Of Laughter"
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."I treasure the laughter between dear friends.----Victor Borge, on Laughter
Serena came over with her little point and shooter camera, wanting photos of Laura and her, Laura and I, and Julia, Laura and I. That, of course, brought out the digital camera. I caught Serena laughing and Laura with a big grin. Of course I had to save this natural, unposed shot.
April 10, 2000
"No Expectations"
''Go someplace you've never been, taking provisions and your journal, but no expectations.''Those words leapt out at me today, from another's journal. Apparently this is the advice of an author who exhorts her readers to let intuition lead their path. All the life that lays before me is someplace I've never been. I can, with imagination, try to figure out what that place will be like. But I have no way of knowing. Proof of that is if you asked me ten years ago to imagine the next ten years, I would have never even come close to the myriad of adventures Laura and I have had together. If you had asked me ten years before that, when I was twenty one, I was fearful my future would be a lonely and loveless one. No matter where I am at in life's journey, I've tended to fear what lies ahead. Never mind those horrors have seldom come to pass. Yet at every crossroad, I've quivered just the same.
But all that lays before me is somewhere I've never been. I can take my provisions and my journal, but I'll leave any expectations behind. They'll not serve me anyway. Intuition will guide me day by day. I'll let that be my light over the months to come.
On a more mundane level, concerning those provisions, I'm trying a diet without sugar. I've been told sugar might aggravate my joint problems. I've only gone one and a half days with out sugar, and so it's too soon to say if this will be successful. However I do seem to feel somewhat less achy.
April 12, 2000
"Fun With Words"
last night's Scrabble game beginning. . .
Sometimes when Laura and I are in Norrath, we meet Laura's son Anton, as his wood elf bard Taranus. We met Anton again last night, however, in person for a change. Anton and his wife Cynthia came over last night, and we played Scrabble. It had been ages since we sat around a table for Scrabble. Laura suggested the rule that whoever had the first turn should have a five letter word. At first the game looked in LIMBO, for no one had such a word, until the turn revolved to me. I BEGAN the game. It was FUNNY, for several turns afterwards, we kept getting five letter words. What had we BEGAT? We took the RISKS, and we were able to FLOUT the chances this would not happen. Certainly, the chances were AIRY. But we STOOD our ground, and most of the early words were five letters long.
Would you like to know who won? I was able to use up all my letters, and with the addition of everyone else's letter values, I won!
April 13, 2000
"You Should Only Lose Yourself So Far"
Fantasy can enliven a really boring life. But you have to be careful how you do it. While I was on the long roads to the arboretum today, I enjoyed the relatively uncluttered path. I could imagine myself to be anyone, even that beautiful androgyne I fancy at times. I could even imagine the car to be a Mercedes-Benz, rather than a Chevy Cavalier. But I'd better not have imagined myself anywhere but behind the wheel of some car. The road had better be that one I was travelling. You should only lose yourself so far.
Losing ourselves is often a world wide occupation. There's people who must LIVE on Everquest. Anytime of the day I happen to be playing, if I check the list of who's on, certain names always crop up. An 'Acidnose' is always there. Maybe he chose his name for a reason. Propped up by crack, he never sleeps.
Who knows what his real three dimensional world is like. I can envision overflowing sinks, trash bins and dirty laundry baskets. What matter the mundane world if one has attained 39th level in wizardry? Some people really take this to extremes. Some have even taken to paying real, hard three dimensional cash for pixelated treasures in Everquest! The creators of EQ have declared this illegal, of course.
But rebels are defying Sony's decree, and sales of virtual weapons and magic amulets were booming on eBay today. More than 1,000 sellers were listing such otherworldly goods as fishbone earrings and magic capes for prices up to $1,400. On Friday, a "killer Wizard," received a top bid of $1,375, and bidders had driven up the price of a "Cloak of Flames" to $1,125.Someone plunked down over a thousand dollars of real money for an imaginary item! Can you conceive of spending roughly the monthly wage of the average U.S. worker on an imaginary item? This is blending fantasy with reality entirely too much!(From http://news.cnet.com/, via http://www.everlore.com/.)
April 15, 2000
"What's Done Is Done"
"Things without remedy, should be without regard; what is done, is done."This quote spoke to me with an odd sort of comfort. I've been preparing things for the changes in my life these days. Yesterday I arranged with the phone company to have the business phone line changed into a residential line. Come April 28th, those hoping for alterations will be met with an 'out of service' message. This afternoon, I filled out a necessary form, detailing the progress of the arthritis. It is now with a sense of relief I face these things. What's done is done. I sigh now, but the sigh lets loose a tight tension I've held tautly wrapped around myself, a tension that did not serve me, and no longer claims me.----William Shakespeare
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With that goal of simplifying my life, I've made my links page the home page for the browser, as the bookmarks page has become a snarl of confusion. Now my favorites will be easy to find. There's two new ones added, Maggie Turner's Page By Page, and Beverly Sykes Journal and Other Pages. I really enjoy all the many talented minds I've met through the web.
April 18, 2000
"What Unimagined Worlds"
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Hold now the glimmering thing,
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April 18, 2000
"Tranquil Scene"
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I captured this view on our walk last Thursday. Really, I must make a page about the arboretum, as I have so many photos of it already up on the web. Someday. . .
April 19, 2000
"Superior?"
A couple of years ago we rented U-Turn, a film starring Sean Penn, Jennifer Lopez, and Nick Nolte. It's set in Superior, Arizona. Bobby Cooper (Sean Penn) is is carrying a bag full of money to Vegas to pay off some Russian mobsters when his car breaks down off a U-turn in this 'hick' town. Yes, he's not a nice guy. Nobody in this movie is a nice guy. They all attempt to use others, and their plans backfire, big time. It's a depressing movie. If there are real people like these characters, I sure wouldn't want to meet them.
Superior, Arizona, however, is a real town. In fact, it's just up the road a few miles from Boyce Thompson Southwestern Arboretum, of which you faithful readers have seen so many pictures. . This movie was filmed in Superior, but the town was nothing like the real Superior, Arizona. Laura, Julia and I laughed at the stereotypes of the desert. We saw more vultures, animal head skeltons and rattlesnakes in this one movie than Arizona probably has in the whole state. ''Just the thing to generate tourism,'' we joked. ''Yes, this'll scare away all the rampant growth our state has been seeing.'' In every scene, we were made aware of just how hot, dusty and sweaty everyone was.
The set designers re-facaded a ghost town section of Superior for the film - made, of course, to look just as hardscrabble as possible. Nothing is real about their depiction of Superior, Arizona, except for one billboard! Yes, the billboard of the blue eyed Jesus is real. Here it is, folks:
BLUE eyed Jesus!
April 20, 2000
"How I Don't Like Admitting It"
Handing me a black handled silver cane, Laura told me, ''Take this thing and marry yourself to it! I never want to see you without it.'' Grudgingly, I took it and adjusted the height according to the diagram in the accompanying booklet. 'Invacare' was the brand. 'Inva' probably stands for 'invalid', I mournfully thought. Still, I must admit the thing does help me get out of chairs easier. Yes, I know I need it.
But oh, how I don't like admitting it. The next step in the process of qualifying for disability occurred today. I was fitfully nervous contemplating the phone interview. I tried to distract myself with busyness, and was just ending a project when the phone rang, fifteen minutes earlier than the scheduled time. I wasn't quite prepared. This man didn't have the gentle tone the first man did. His manner was one of a hard nosed objectivism. I could almost hear his thoughts, ''All day long, I listen to all these people, and most of 'em are just lazy slackers hoping for easy money.'' ''PROVE IT, LADY!'' Still the verdict of the doctor are the final proof he needs, so even if I had been more eloquent, it wouldn't have helped.
I'll be sent another application and was given a list of things I need to send them. The process is moving along, and that is good.
And I put a small blue bow on the ugly cane to beautify it a little.
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It's 'future me' bursting in again. If you haven't read my other future comments, they're at the bottom of this entry. How could Laura not think otherwise? She'd listened to an AWFUL lot of whining from me. She, who faces different health challenges, couldn't understand what was going on any better than I. All that she could think, is that SHE, with heart disease and emphysema, could lift those big water bottles, etc, with no joint complaints. However, she's been facing the challenges from her own conditions all her life. She basically couldn't step into MY body and know what was going on. It was a process I had to go through and understand.
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April 21, 2000
"The Wind"
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Lid of cup. propelled by wind, fast wheel.
What leaf-time
Not just small, The wind changes all.
revised 4-22-00
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April 22, 2000
"Outside, Wondering"
My thoughts on the day before Easter are filled with the family I left behind in Illinois. They, strict fundamentalists, will be reverently worshipping tomorrow, along with many others of varying degrees of strictness. In the eyes of that family, I am the stray black sheep. I'm listening to Sarah McLachlan ''Fumbling Towards Ecstacy'', while I wonder:
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Standing at the altar of confusion,
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The music has stopped, but after penning this poem, these words and their melody linger in my mind:
'Mary', by Sarah McLachlan. . .
''. . .I would be the last to know,
and I would be the last to let it show,
and I would be the last to go . . .''