April 5, 2003 - A
"Doing What We Must"
We humans are strange creatures. Strange things fascinate us. Thus it was, when Julia and I came home last night from seeing The Pianist, I could not sleep and got involved in lengthy web surfing.
Strange, the sites I saw. In one of the Yahoo groups, we are discussing the possible reality of vampires. If you are not new to my pages, you know I have created a fictional reality for them. But there are humans who claim to be vampires. Some even claim a virus has made changes within them and caused them to need to feed on blood.
While I wouldn't deny them their 'need for feed', as long as it's done safely and among consenting adults, I remain skeptical. We humans have a great capacity to convince ourselves of a great many outlandish things. Still, I never shut the door on possibility.
They might wish to claim me. One of the types I found described 'ages only one year for every three years' of standard human aging. When I was twenty eight, to my great humiliation I passed for a twelve year old. Now that I am forty four, I am never carded for alcohol purchase, but everyone expresses astonishment that I have indeed spent this many years within this corporal body. I do not myself 'feel old'. I am surprised when others my age describe themselves thusly. The morning joint stiffness is not enough to convince me of the 'old feeling'.
Link to picture just at age forty four
I also have low blood pressure and 'run cool', other characteristics the site listed. However, I don't have 'greater strength' and I don't think consumption of blood would help my immune system.
But we humans dream. How we dream.
We do what we must to get by. Now I wish to discuss that marvelous movie I saw last night. I love Adrian Brody. ''The Pianist'' was based on the real autobiography of Wladyslaw Szpilman, a Polish Jewish pianist who really experienced those horrible things in the 1940's.
I cried when the bombs fell, when the people were randomly shot. These things really happened, ARE really happening TODAY. My breath grows shallow and I must remember to breathe.
But Szpilman survived, through luck, aid from others, and his own wisdom and strong will. He survived to eighty eight years, dying in the year 2000.
Again, the 'will to live' triumphs. How many times does it not? There, too, are many ugly stories. But without it, there can be no chance of survival.
Bad times, even the very horrendously worst of them, do pass. Once again, art and life conspire to teach me that.
WORDS I 'HEARD' THE MUSE SAY:
How poignant, your soft dream. It never ends, running as background, even when you are not aware. But you dream, you dream and you never stop.
I hope you never stop.
April 5, 2003 - B
"Reflections"
Today, one of our amusements was dining out at Monarch's Rest, which is across from our favorite theater in which we saw last night's marvelous film. Julia and I both got fish and chips. The batter which surrounds the fish must be made with the special beers they brew, for it has a special flavor. With the potato soup and bread sticks I'd had as a first course, I couldn't finish my fries, and took them home with me in a box to eat later.
I'd taken my camera with me. To my surprise, there was only room for one picture on the floppy disk I had inside it. But one was all I needed:
April 5, 2003 - C
"Much Too Much Moving"
You dear readers may not believe I've lived forty four years. But I have the chronology to prove it. Just answering the Friday Five (okay, it's MY SATURDAY FIVE) proves I've been around that long. For I've moved and moved and moved and moved. Augh!
1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?
AGES 1 to 3: Little house on ? Anyway, it was little.
AGES 3 to 12: Brick bungalow in Joliet. Mom and Dad still together. But DIVORCE changes everything.
AGES 12 to 25: Gramma's house.
AGES 25 to 28: Studio apartment in old style house across from a high school. Clanging bells and what not often.
AGES 28 to 28: Small trailer in Phoenix trailer park. Living with LAURA now.
AGES 28 to 32: Same small trailer, now moved to Tucson trailer park.
AGES 32 to 32: Roughly guessing about ages here. Two weeks in an apartment in Tempe, Arizona. Laura forgot Phoenix-area pollution really spreads and bothers her.
AGES 32 to 34: Two bedroom apartment made of stucco and chicken coop wire in Tucson, Arizona.
AGES 34 to 35: Small but sunny condo in southwest Tucson. Had nice atrium.
AGES 35 to 36: Lovely double wide trailer northwest of Tucson. Lovely view of Catalina mountains.
AGES 36 to 41: Slightly smaller double wide trailer in Armpit, Arizona. Alternately called 'Casa Grande'.
AGES 41 to 42: Single wide trailer in Armpit, Arizona.
AGES 43 to 44: 'One bedroom apartment with 'den'' in Yuma, Arizona.
WHEW! I DON'T WANNA MOVE NO MORE!
2. Which was your favorite and why?
For the general house itself, I liked the condo. It had an atrium and sky lights, so it was always bright and sunny. Not only that, it had TWO toilets! One of the toilets had a sliding door. This was a great convenience when I cleaned the kitty litter box, for I could shut the bathroom door and open the door to the outside, assuring adequate ventilation. The nice atrium also gave the cat some outdoor time safely, too.
For the environment, I liked the big double wide with the lovely view of the Catalina mountains. It really was an awesome view.
For the actual city in which said abode actually exists, I like where we are at now.
3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?
STRESSFUL, STRESSFUL, STRESSFUL!!!
You need proof? How about my tale of the last move? Babbling like an idiot and bawling like a baby isn't enough proof?
4. What's more important, location or price?
Location. I don't want to be out in the sticks. Then, price.
5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?
This may sound odd. I've seen a great many residences of our friends and family through out the years. A great many are impressive. But the thing I lust after the most is ceramic floor tile.
One of our aquaintenances has this in her fancy house with the nice view of the mountains. I don't care about the size of the house, its many rooms, its pool, its large patio and yard. What I lust after is that lovely brown ceramic floor tile.
You see, in this apartment here, we have carpet which we have not vacummed in months. Neither of us have the inclination or energy to do it. There's always more interesting things to do. And it accumulates thread, crumbs and HAIR like you can't imagine. Well, maybe you can imagine. I shed an AWFUL lot of hair. Small hair balls of strawberry blonde hair lay everywhere.
What can I say? We're not slobs. I've seen slobs in the distant past. We remove the trash regularily. The kitchen floor even gets swabbed once in a while because food crud gathers there.
But it is of a cheap sort of tile. I'm sure we could do much better if lovely ceramic tile graced this entire place.
See! All the grandious palaces we could wish for, and I lust after TILE!
April 6, 2003 - A
"Blood Fascination"
Certainly, it is a beginning here, Sunday morning, and our plans are yet undecided. I, impressed with today's expressions of blood fascination, sought looking after ancient expressions of blood fascination.
The ancient Taurobolium, defined as The ritual sacrifice of a bull in early Greek and Roman mystery cults, such as Mithraism or Magna Mater is one example. It involves the idea that one can be purified by blood. The one who would be purified for priesthood descends into a pit or trench under which a framework holds a bull whose chest is hacked with blows from a spear.
In Hymns, X, 1028-40, Prudentius, a Christian, (thus his obvious revulsion) describes it thusly:
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Here, as is ordained, the beast is to be slain, and they pierce its breast with a sacred spear; the gaping wound emits a wave of hot blood, and the smoking river flows into the woven structure beneath it and surges wide.
Then by the many paths of the thousand openings in the lattice the falling shower rains down a foul dew, which the priest buried within catches, putting his shameful head under all the drops, defiled both in his clothing and in all his body.
Yea, he throws back his face, he puts his cheeks in the way of the blood, he puts under it his ears and lips, he interposes his nostrils, he washes his very eyes with the fluid, nor does he even spare his throat but moistens his tongue, until he actually drinks the dark gore.
Afterwards, the flamens draw the corpse, stiffening now that the blood has gone forth, off the lattice, and the pontiff, horrible in appearance, comes forth, and shows his wet head, his beard heavy with blood, his dripping fillet and sodden garments.
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Another translation, found elsewhere, is worded thusly: ''The victim is removed, the cover taken off, and the ‘the pontiff, dreadful to see’ is extracted from the pit. He is hailed ‘with the idea’ that vile blood...has purified him while he was hidden in these shameful depths.’
So here we have an ancient blood drinker, full of faith in the blood's ability to work magic.
Prudentius was appalled by this ritual, and indeed, the Christians cleaned it up a bit. In the rite of communion, many believe the wine is turned into the magical blood of Jesus Christ. So then, Christians become SYMBOLIC blood drinkers, if nothing else.
The real science of what our blood does is magical enough in itself. The average human contains five liters of blood. This blood contains red blood cells which carry oxygen from the lungs to all the cells of the body. It is important that fresh blood from the aorta goes directly to the brain, because the brain needs oxygen constantly otherwise we get irreversible damage. Another important organ for the blood to pass through is the lung. Here waste carbon dioxide is replaced with fresh oxygen.
It takes one to two minutes for the blood to entirely circulate through out the human body. Along with oxygen, it also brings glucoses and hormones to the various organs in the body. Another vital function is carried out by the white blood cells, who act as soldiers to protect the system against invaders, in the form of germs.
This that we know now is 'magical' enough in its action. But imagine what early humans, who did not fully understand its purpose, thought of it. It is only natural they'd subscribe supernatural purposes to it. And don't we still, those who drink the blood, believing it will strengthen their immune systems? It may be all 'psychosomatic', their reaction of feeling
'very weak and prone to illness' and experiencing 'aches and pains' if they don't have the blood. But our immune systems are just that suggestible. Placebos would not work if they weren't. It is just the mystery of the mind that we can have that much control over it. Belief can make things happen within this delicate system.
Stress takes a terrible toll on the immune system. If a particular belief alleviates that stress, then beneficial results are seen. We humans, we do not fully understand what we are yet.
And so blood will always fascinate us, we will always wonder about its powers. Some will forever be convinced of more or extra. And oddly enough, our minds can make it so.
We humans, with our varied obsessions, are strange, but incredibly fascinating creatures, aren't we?
(I have now a reworking of this entry, into a short essay, linked at Vampiric Visions.
April 6, 2003 - B
"Spirited Away"
Massively powerful images, rich with color and unique detail, a haunting story with an understated moral, made a world into which Julia and I were SPIRITED AWAY this afternoon.
I went through the tunnel to the spirit-world with Chihiro. I roamed what seemed to be the deserted theme park, and felt shock and dismay as Chihiro watched her parents turn into pigs for eating the food left unattended in one restaurant.
Through out the rest of the movie, Chihiro does what she must to save her parents. Along the way, she does a great many helpful things. ''Don't you see? This is love...love,'' explains one character. It was only love that could break a spell Yubaba the greedy witch had cast. Chihiro has the promise of meeting the young handsome Haku again, who she'd helped escape death.
Afterwards, as Julia and I entered the vivid sun illuminated street outside the theater, we felt as though we'd went back through Chihiro's tunnel, to return to the world we'd left behind.
I needed a transition back to our little life at the apartment and felt in the mood for a walk, so we made the full round of the oval path at Smucker's Park. Everywhere, people sat, lounged in the shadows or played leaping and hopping and tossing sports with their friends, enjoying the cool breezy fresh air. It seemed so 'Sunday Afternoon At the Grand Jatte'. Three big buses had delivered people up from Mexico to enjoy the park. Here it is, only a few blocks away from us, and we should really take advantage of the lovely park more often.
Maybe we will.
April 8, 2003
"Curious, Indeed"
I found an advertisement in my email box for Emode's inkblot test. Having never taken an inkblot test, I was curious and followed the link. After answering all sorts of questions about the kissing bugs, bug eyed aliens, horned head wizards (possibly also aliens), floating and spinning circus performers, and penguin-like circus performers playing with yo-yos, it gave me my results:
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Joan, your unconscious mind is driven most by Peace.
You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.
You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.
Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.
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At the end of the brief analysis it adds: ''Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core.'' and for only $9.95 you can find out.
Maybe I am not that curious. Julia didn't see the bug eyed aliens when she took the test. She saw entirely different creatures in the inkblots. As might be predicted, her unconscious mind motivation is different than mind, and is most driven by CURIOUSITY. Still, she is not curious enough to pay the extra $9.95. She did try to save her test results, so that I could see them later, but due to the many pop-under boxes, she shut the wrong window by mistake.
I tried to sleuth it out, and went to the 'Temporary Internet Files'. No dice, although I did find each of the inkblots in our caching. Apparently, the results are given in something different than a standard html file so my attempts merely led me back to the 'enter test' page.
Although I did get this little 'curious' image that her test resulted brought up, so we have that much proof.
I had fun looking at those caching files. Could you have imagined we have files in it from October of 1999? That must be how old this particular computer is. One little oddity was from October 2001, right after '9-11'. Called 'peacedove', I took a look at it:
The little dove covered with the American symbols of the 'red, white and blue' might be seen as ironic or anachronistic by some now in this present age. 'Curious', indeed.
