February 26, 2002
"Full Moon Of Sorts"
I fidget in the chair, and nothing comes. Ah, frustrating! What was it that nudged me out of bed, made me think something was there? Now, only a vague gray fuzziness fills my head.
But I am content. I play with a small mirror on the computer desk. Why Laura has left it there, I don't know, but I am fascinated with its reflections. It captures the black-on-white text of the 'Note Pad' editor, as it lies just below the monitor. It seems to make a 'literary full moon', contrasted against its dark surrounding.
I reach for the camera, of course. I'm still not able to think of anything significant to say, but I am happy with my picture.
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March 2, 2002 - A
"Quietly Magical"
Now, the moon has begun to wane and appears this dark morning as an off-shape oval, bulging at one side roundly still, yet still asserting its brightness.
Magical things still abound, found if sought. We watched a quietly magical film last night. HEARTS IN ATLANTIS is about a very magical summer in a young boys life. It begins with the middle-aged Bobby, returning to the now gray and boarded up house he used to live in when he was a boy, with his widowed mother. Returning to this past scene recalls the memory of that special summer, his eleventh summer, when a mysterious man moved into the upstairs of that boarding house. He becomes a father figure to Bobby, who has only vague memories of his own father, who died when he was five. What memories he did have of him were layered over by his self-absorbed, bitter mother.
He craved a bike, like most kids do, but chances of getting it looked hopeless. Ted, the new boarder, offers him a chance to earn some money. He will earn a dollar each week for reading the paper to him, for Ted's eyes aren't so good. But the job has an additional task: Bobby is to keep an eye out for the 'low men', dangerous people who are pursuing him. Odd, he thinks that, but Bobby plays along. He, however, learns a lot from Ted. As the last summer of Bobby's childhood draws to a close, Ted gives him a new understanding of his father, and the possibilities of life and love, before events overtake them all. That's when he learns the threat Ted feared was not an illusion. But, that too, is a learning experience for the young boy, as he calls up depths courage and forgiveness he didn't know was in him.
And for the adult Bobby, revisiting his childhood home and the memories of a summer long gone, a chance encounter completes the circle of his journey back in time.
It was 'just a story', one that originated in a book by Stephen King, but real life is often like that. These are the best kinds of films. I enjoy the escapist fantasy well enough, but something magical that REALLY COULD HAPPEN is the best, most satisfying kind. Okay, the film had elements that might not likely happen in real life, but the general gist is what I'm aiming at. Returning to real life, we are given better focus to those gifts in our own life.
The film is superbly filmed. Each moment, if a still were made of it, would be a pleasing photograph. Light and shadow and composition are used to marvelous effect. Anthony Hopkins is perfect for the mysterious gentleman's role, and the child Bobby and adult Bobby are both believable.
Even Laura, who was skeptical at first, and began the movie watching from the sidelines, while playing a computer game, shut down the game, and joined Julia and I on the couch, was also drawn into the movie. This movie is a treasure.
March 2, 2002 - B
"Ocean To Ocean Bridge"
view from just past the ocean to ocean bridge
Anyway, the bridge re-opened this week after a renovation. It had been closed since 1988, so it was quite the celebration once it was officially re-opened. I learned that 600 people gathered on the bridge Thursday, as it was formally dedicated. Neither Laura, nor Julia nor I went, so I read about it in the news. But we did visit it in person today. Laura let me off before the bridge so I could walk across the foot path. That's OUR RED CAR in the picture showing the view from Yuma to Quechan Indian territory.
Laura had a good day today, after a full night's sleep. She experimented with a new sleep aid the doctor prescribed. 'Ambien' seems quite effective in dealing with the night time coughing. She used to wake up for a hour or two, before going back to sleep. Last night, she coughed a few times, rolled over and went right back to sleep.
She played six games of chess at the chess club meeting today, losing two and winning four. Three was enough for me. Julia, who's not feeling so great, folded after two games.
Earlier, we finally got a board under the bed with the sprung springs. It will be nice to sleep in a bed without the slumpy 'hole'. And we got an inexpensive screen door, which the apartment handy man will install. It's a conventional 36 by 80 inch size, you know. Remember Laura's door making experience?.
Add to the day's activity a tasty meal at the Mandarin Palace, and you have the ingredients for a good day. It would have been even better if Julia felt better. Maybe tomorrow . . .
March 3, 2002
"Daring An Airing"
 Training The Eye
You think what you want to. Happiness doesn't come cheap. No, it is not free. But what does it cost? What do you think? That's what it costs. Examine your thoughts. See what they are, for where your thoughts are, there will be your focus. It takes time to train the eye, but the vision can be improved. When you see what is possible, then you will know the joy.
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March 6, 2002
"Chew Carefully"
I tasted blood, as I tried to remain as calm as possible, while the shock-pain waves came over me. What a way to start the work day!
A day later, and the tongue is still sore.
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Truth is simple, but Illusion makes it infinitely
intricate. The person is rare who possesses an insatiable longing for Truth;
the rest allow Illusion to bind them ever more and more.
Meher Baba |
That was the words of wisdom I found today. I'd written a poem a few days ago, and wondered if its good qualities were illusionary. Did the mixing of metaphors, the light vs dark, and the meal, work? I wasn't sure. I'm still not sure. But, I'm going to air the thing, anyway.
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The soft light leads to a cheerier truth, when what in the harsh light bleaches, and the shadows obscure. The soft light gently probes. But we need all, the grays, whites, blacks, oranges, greens, pinks . . . All the startling or non-startling colors. Say what you think. The full stomach is not all. Thirst for the thirst for truth. Taste the truths that you may know them. Shade the light only if necessary, too blinding the truth. Maybe gentle relevation will help. Slow, the light, but thorough. But wiser those who yield. Easy truth will not become hard truth. Tough to chew, that hard truth. But we need it too. Chew well, you searchers of truth.
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I think this poem could have problems. I've not yet aired it to the examination of sterner light (ei, LAURA has not seen it yet! Smile!) But I think there's some merit in it, too. What would she say? Can the 'slow light' be 'thorough'? Maybe the shaded light yields only soft truths? Maybe it DOESN'T lead to brighter truths? (The second line originally said 'leads to a brighter truth'. I changed 'brighter' to 'cheerier', to clarify.)
later today . . .
On route to work, Laura asked me what the entry was that I was working on. I told her it was a poem I was reluctant to show her. I quoted the questionable snippets, as best as I could remember them. Sure enough, she affirmed ''Soft truth never leads to hard truth.'' But I SAID that, 'Easy truth will not become hard truth'. However, Laura defined soft truth as being religion and mysticism, and hard truth being death is final and no Gods will take your hand at the end.
So while at work I pondered my own definitions of soft and hard truths. Soft truths are easy, comfortable, restful. Hard truths involve hard lessons. They take WORK to master. Death being final might be part of them. I could not see any easy bridge from one type to the other. That would have to be an external element. Reason just possibly might be it.
still later today . . .
''There ARE no soft truths, there are ONLY hard truths. It's simple,'' Laura declared, after hearing this poem. I think Laura and I are defining 'soft truths' differently. I don't mean superstitions, illusions, and crap like that. I mean stuff like having good self-esteem, enjoying sensuous comforts, having fun, being good to yourself and things like that. I still like some of the metaphors in this poem. I envision the person submerged in easy truth reclining on a soft bed, in the shade, eating soft pudding. The hard truth person has their sleeves rolled up, toiling in the sun, sweating. They've had tough meat and bran flakes for their meal. The body needs both rest and work. And so does the spirit.
Having quoted my definitions to Laura, she is satisfied with the clarifications, and even likes it. But, whew, this poem took a lot of chewing.
March 8, 2002
"Spontaneous Fun"
A strange sight greeted our eyes, as we made our way towards the restaurant. One lone man plopped down two folding chairs in the grass along side of Fourth Avenue. ''What's he doing THAT for?'', Laura asked. ''Maybe he's waiting for some one at the Taco Bell?, I guessed. But why would he wait outside? This was not a lone occurrance. As we drove further north along Fourth Avenue, headed towards Old Town, we saw more people parked in clusters along side of the road.
All the way towards Old Town, groups of people sat on curbs, in folding chairs, wheelchairs, and whatever else was handy. At last, we parked near Monarch's Rest, and got out to cross the street, where still more people gathered. I asked one what was going on, a parade?
'Midnight At The Oasis', the man in the wheelchair, with an oxygen tank strapped to its back, replied. Antique cars would soon parade by. ''Oh-h-h!''
Not much was happening, yet, though. We went into Monarch's Rest, where I would have the feast that was 'owed' me. (Laura and Julia, along with Laura's Mother and son James who had been visiting, were there earlier today while I was at work.) An excellent way to start the weekend, it was. I devoured all of a luscious Mediterranean pizza, except for one slice and the crusts, which Laura and Julia ate. I devoured the largest part of a chocolate torti cake, as well. It was heavenly, all of it. Laura urged me to hurry up and finish my iced tea. I did, and as we exited, I learned the reason for the speed: the best part of the antique car parade was just beginning!
While seeing all sorts of refurbished oldies, including some from my high school days (the seventies), I could not help but think of my Mother, and how much she would have enjoyed the display. She would have gotten so excited, calling out the type of engine, and other specs each had. She knows all those things.
There were some of the earliest cars. There were plenty that I recalled seeing when I was a young girl, with the upsloping back fins. There was a yellow Mustang that reminded me of the first car I ever owned, a light blue Ford Maverick. The 1976 Mustangs and the Mavericks had almost identical body shapes, except the Mustang was two door and the Maverick was four door.
In lieu of the pic with my and my Maverick, here's the basic Maverick/Mustang/Comet shape
But the Corvette we saw tonight was white. The driver and passenger were dressed in clothes of the early sixties, to add to the flavor of the night.
As we walked to our current-era red car, we all had smiles on our faces. This unexpected spontaneous fun was so nice!
March 9, 2002
"Evaluating A Test"
1. What's the best compliment you could receive?So how was I ranked?Out of the seven choices, I chose You're always so cheerful!. It goes with the various lessons I've been working on, as expressed in this recent poem, Training The Eye.
Why not the others?
'You're so smart!' - I did nothing to earn any smartness I have. I was just born with it.
'You're so nice! ' - I'm not always 'nice'.
'You're so fashionable!' - Pffftt! I'm awfully dowdy and out of fashion, hah!
'You're so unique!' - I might be unique, but this seems neither as virtue nor un-virtue.
'You're so fun!' - Usually too shy to qualify for this. It takes a spontaneous initiator, which my Laura often is.
'You're so froody!' - Huh?
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2. What do you do in your spare time (or what would you do)?
I chose Read and think a lot. I enjoy reading, on line journals and things to inspire deep thought, and I think a lot, the thoughts which often go in my journal, such as these thoughts today!
Why not the others?
'It doesn't matter, just so long as I enjoy it.' - This does demonstrate a flexibility, which I admire.
'Help disadvantaged children.' - I am so not this inclined to 'good works'. Is it laziness, or selfishness or??? I don't, that's all.
'Talk on the phone to my many friends.' - I don't do much talking on the phone. I don't even call my Mother as often as i should.
'Whatever I feel like doing. What do you care?' - Snippy, snippy, snippy. Pfft!
'Go to an amusement park.' - I'd rather go to a museum or zoo than an amusement park, which I wouldn't find all that amusing.
'Hitch rides on flying saucers' - Huh?
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3. What's the biggest problem with society?
This is a good question, and deserves a serious answer. I chose 'Cruelty'. That's the worst thing. It causes unjust governments to do the awful things they do, on the larger scale. On the smaller scale, cruelty begets more cruelity, until the whole world is not a very nice place.
Why not the others?
'Ignorance' - This ranks as the second worst problem. But individuals, if they are not oppressed by cruelty, can motivate themselves to do something about it.
'Sadness' - A bummer indeed, for most this passes, though there are those who have serious health problems such as depression. Again, living in non-cruel conditions, and being able to receive medical help for it, is the best cure.
'Weirdos, dorks, and geeks.' - What a superficial, stupid answer. Could anyone BE that superficial?
'A lack of originality' - While originality is partially responsible for many helpful innovations to society, it isn't the MOST helpful thing.
'Boredom' - Oh, good grief, not another dumb answer. In a non-oppressive society, there are plenty of opportunities to find interests. Just go and motivate yourself. Sheesh!
'Bad poetry' - Huh?
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4. What's your motto?
'There's always time to learn more' impresses me. Learning for me encompasses not only mental challenges, but spiritual ones as well, however, so it is really a broad thing.
Why not the others?
'Smile and be happy!' - Sometimes, you just DON'T feel like smiling.
'Help people and spread goodwill to all.' - A worthy goal, it's just not mine.
'Follow all the latest trends.' - Stupid answer, 'and jump off a cliff, if you see the trendy doing so???'. Stupid!
'Be yourself.' - Not bad answer. I try to be genuine and not put on an act. But the one I chose has broader implications.
'Enjoy your life and have fun!' - Not bad answer. But what about those times when life isn't fun?
'Don't panic!' - Not bad answer. Keeping a clear head in crises is important, but there's so much more to life.
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5. What would you never leave home without?
'Does it matter?' won my vote. The most important things are the intangibles, what you carry in your heart and mind. Physical things aren't that important.
Why not the others?
'A good book' - I do most of my reading on the computer. Whilst I am 'addicted' to the web, I don't have a portable computer, and besides it wouldn't be healthy to be THAT addicted!
'A smile' - Sometimes I don't friggin' feel like smiling, got that?
'Spare change to give to any homeless people you might run across.' - Wow, any one who answers thusly is really a philantrophist. Is there anyone really that way? More power to them, if there are.
'Your makeup' - I don't wear makeup. The honesty of my bare, naked face, now in its forty-third year possessing a few wrinkles is enough for me.
'Tickets to the concert you've been dying to see' - Concerts these days are awfully damned expensive!
'Your towel - Huh? Expecting to make a mess, huh?
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6. What best describes you?
I assume we're going for consistancy here. So I chose 'Intelligent, smart, and perceptive', because, no matter what mood I'm in, I'm usually that. Usually. We won't talk about the times I get lost, or reck floppy disk buttons, etc.
Why not the others?
'Happy, cheerful, and optimistic' - Oh, to always have that even frame of mind. I don't, though.
'Kind, merciful, loving' - Oh, to always have that even frame of mind. I don't, though.
'Trendy, cool, stylish' - Who gives a sh*t? I'm NOT stylish.
'Unique, different, distinctive' - Sometimes I am so quiet and shy, I quite blend into the wallpaper, and then I'm not very distinctive, am I?
'Fun-loving, funny, playful' - Oh, to always have that even frame of mind. I don't, though.
'Amazingly together, yet amazingly lost' - Sometimes, sometimes . . .
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7. What's the worst thing in the world?
Good question, I thought 'Being merciless' the worst. Cruel people and cruel political regimes are the worst. They can create A LOT of damage.
Why not the others?
'Not knowing the answer' - Frustrating at worst, it might motivate you to do some serious research.
'Being sad' - If you're sad enough, this can be true.
'Being uncool' - I'm rather 'uncool'. I've survived, and well.
'Being like everyone else' - It's not really possible. You can only be a bad actor.
'Having nothing to do' - Get off yer ass and motivate yourself!
'Having your planet demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass' - Uh, that would definitely qualify as a major bummer. However, it's not very LIKELY to happen, is it? Is it?
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8. What kind of person makes the best kind of friend?
Hm, so many good choices here. It's hard to narrow them down. I finally chose 'Someone who is fun to be around', because to be that, they would possess all the other qualities, as well.
Why not the others?
'Someone who you can have intellectual conversations with' - There's more to friendship than intellectual conversations.
'Someone who can always make you smile' - That's a good quality, indeed.
'Someone who is amazingly kind - That's a good quality, indeed.
'Someone who is trendy and popular - That's NOT a good quality, INDEED!
'Someone who doesn't follow convention - That's a good quality, indeed.
'Someone from Betelgeuse - I've never met anyone from Betelgeuse. I have no idea what they'd be like, if they would actually, in fact, exist. They COULD be interesting, though. On the other hand, they might be as boring as a Borg, though.
'My meaning of life is INTELLIGENCE. I am very smart and perceptive'
I like to think so!
What is YOUR 'meaning of life?'