February 19, 2000

"Trips Of The Mind"

Spending the day at home, I'll be satisfied with mental trips today. There's trips of memory, and I'd like to think of the beautiful Canyon Lake we recently visited. I'll not forget the feel of the cool lake breezes on my cheeks. We visited twice. The first time just Laura and I went. The second time, Glen and Mother, Julia and Serena joined us. It was a little chilly for Julia, but she enjoyed the beauty nonetheless. We had a picnic afterwards. Today's picture is from that second trip.

Along with trips of memory, there's the odd ones our minds take us on if we let them lead us. I've been visiting 'the space' again. Here's a snippet from a few days ago:

But it was not at the opening of the door that you felt the fear. It was in the quiet waves rushing.

Seems to me this one's about being afraid of fear. I've been like that. It's not so much a specific thing I'm afraid of, but the anticipatory anxiety that precedes it. Once I'm through that 'door', I do fine.

This one's a little weird.

And I have come this far, Sixteen months now, and I have come this far. If I could know then what I know now.

There's that irritating reference to SIXTEEN again. Before it was sixteen moons, now it's sixteen months. I don't know what it means.

The following is a bit more interesting. I could 'hear' these two people talking, almost.

EMBRACE, AT LAST You should have come sooner. Yeah, I know I should have. Why didn't you? I don't know. It doesn't matter, You're here now. Do you want to start over, now? Yes, now. I'd waited so long, and I was so lonely. I know. AND SO, A LEAP INTO NEWNESS. . .

I like this one.

February 20, 2000

"In Great Company"

My horoscope for today says:

Action is a watchword. Get out and boogie--dancing, visiting friends, wining and dining, etc. Socialize and live it up.

9:00am - I do feel social today. I've just found my words hanging out in Metajournals (Note of June 2001: Well, it WAS a great place, but it folded). Yes, the article I obliquely referred to a while back has appeared. I was asked if I'd write an article on the biggest mistake I'd made, so that others may learn from it. I'm in great company, for Catherine and Saundra also have good advice for new journallers.

9:00pm - SOCIALIZE, we indeed did. Serena and Richard came over this afternoon. We sat outside in the windy but warm air and discussed all manner of subjects. The evolution of computers was a big topic. "Remember when we had this gigantic box that we were so impressed with, for it had all of 65K to work with?" Laura, Julia and Richard's computer experience goes way back into the seventies and early eighties. Laura introduced me to computers in 1986, when we first met. "What would I ever want with one of THOSE??", I asked, truly puzzled. Laura made me eat those words about two months later, after I learned how easy it was to write letters to the folks back home. It wasn't just simple animated and tinny sounding Christmas carols, and shoot the asteroid games. Laura's fed those words to me so many times since that I have grown weary of chewing, like overworked gum. But we laugh about it.

We discussed the beauties of the mountains here. The Triad spent a year in the Catalina mountains, north of Tucson. Richard and Serena spent a few years enjoying the vast Superstition vistas in Apache Junction. Living in the mountains allowed us to see rain differently. We were often in the clouds, but many rainbows blessed us, especially in the late summer monsoons.

It was a peaceful time. The wind, however, was not so peaceful. It turned rough, and sent our trash cans rolling. Too much chasing, we finally put them behind the fence. It kicked up a bit of dust, and visibility was poor. When Serena and Richard left, the wind might have been a factor in sending her to the ground. Her right knee took quite a bashing. After some time resting here, she began to walk a little better, but she'll be stiff and swollen for awhile.

Laura wasted no time in getting the new computer set up with Everquest. She guided me into the barbarian world of Halas, with my shaman Brigantia. With freckles and strawberry blonde hair like me in real life, but all painted with blue wode and in red tartans, I am. But I did some serious bashing on gnoll pups and skeltons, and even took on a spider, with Laura's help. We had some ACTION, indeed.

Julia even got into the action, with a wood elf druid. It does feel like you're entering a magical plane, where all these characters, propelled by real live humans, interact.

Earlier, while Laura was downloading the latest patch for Everquest, I even had time for a poem:

Freedom Is Just That Easy How then, the bright unleaving? When what elemental forces could bind you? Just then, you think you could fly. But the bright unleaving is not without gravity. You will return. Yet the earth is not too hard. It gently claims its own. Bird-wing - thoughts that can lift high, and is yours, you shall fly, through the layered levels of sky, each a passage of time, piloted on pure wing-thought. It's as easy as that. Lift and raise and off, Flap and settle and lower. Freedom is just that easy. JAL, 2-20-2000

I like it.

February 22, 2000

"Singing With The Heroes"

I have an unusual perspective, as I listen to bass Bryn Terfel sing Handel arias. So many of the lyrics can be related to the world of hero game playing.

(Harapha, from Dettingen Te Deum) Honour and arms scorn such a foe, Though I could end thee at a blow; Poor victory, to conquer thee, Or glory in thy overthrow! Vanquish a slave that is half slain: So mean a triumph I disdain.

There's no honor in killing slaves, but, oh, in killing, an ORC PAWN, that has been partially finished off by your partner, and who would have killed the both of you, that's great victory.

(Demetrius, from Queen of Egypt) Yes, among the stumps of trees and twisted roots my faith will shine out. No, not even death itself will extinguish my ardour.

There we were, last night in the Elven forests, with its trees and stumps of trees, and death didn't extinguish our ardour. Why? For with or without the Trumpet, the Dead shall be raised incorruptible (from Messiah) . Yes, I might have to go hunt for my old corpse, to recover my belongings and cash, but, raise, we do.

Raise, we do, to seek our Revenge on those beasts who so disturbed us.

( from Alexander's Feast) Revenge, revenge, Timotheus cries; See the Furies arise! See the snakes that they rear, How they hiss in their hair, And the sparkle that flash in their eyes!

I wonder if I named a character Timotheus, and went about saying in the comment bar, visible to all players in my region of Everquest, '' Revenge, revenge'', if anyone would understand the reference?

I may yet do so.

 

February 26, 2000

"In The Long Haul"

Laura and I celebrated thirteen years together yesterday. Laura tells the tale of our first February 25th in her autobiography. We've traveled a lot of miles since then. As the words in one of the cards I gave her yesterday said (accompanied by pictures of two cute hippopotami) ''We've had our smiles, we've had our laughs, we've even had some tears...We've not seen eye to eye at times throughout our married years- - We had some luck, both good and bad (With one thing or another)- - But always, the best thing of all is that we've had each other!''

Laura's card was prefaced by these words of her own:

My life with you has been the best years of my life and that would not have been true except that it has been lived with you. You are the most remarkable woman I have ever known and it is a privilege to love you and be loved by you.

A poem accompanied her words:

I Will Always Love You by Gigi Plaza Nothing stays the same. Sunrise becomes sunset; Morning turns into night; An angry storm can turn Into a gentle breeze; A tiny seed can become a Towering tree; A lowly caterpillar Transforms into a Colorful butterfly; A child grows into a man. Life goes on. Seasons change. Circumstances change. People change. But I know That I will always love you No matter what happens Or whatever changes That will take place in our lives.

New love has the delicious effervescence of newness. Each day wells up with wonder at the beloved.

Here's my words from those days.

3:39 AM April 1, 1987

My life begins at 10:15 AM, when Laura gets off that plane today! Oh, not that I had not life before, but now I shall have it more abundantly. This, no mere dream of two weeks past, to vanish as quickly as it appeared. Now our reality begins. Now our lives are truly entwined, never to unravel again. The unraveling of her departure has not destroyed the skein, the yarn with which we are knit together. And so together we come, never to part again. Oh, heavenly yarn!

6:19 AM April 2, 1987

Laura is at last here. Really and truly here! I feel like we are two kids who have finally passed some karmic test, and so now are allowed to fully have each other. Oh, I do have her! And she has me!

Those memories are immensely precious to me. Not that we haven't had our early trials, right from the beginning. But our love has proved stronger than each of them. That's all that counts, in the long haul. People may come and go, ever searching, never finding the love they hope for, in every corner, in every space. But in all their circles, they should learn instead to stay in place for the love that's lost, for what they yearn for will come to them only when their hearts are open. Nothing more than this. And to sustain that love, once it's found, they need a mighty faith to pull it through. That's what I had back then, to pull against that which could have torn us asunder back then, and that's what I've had now. Love needs faith to endure, if what you have to start is true.

And what we've had from the beginning, is true. That's all that counts, in the long haul.

If, in your heart, you know it's true, then follow your dreams. We've been lucky, but it's a luck we forged ourselves. If love has not found you, don't give up hope. First find the love within yourself. Get to know that person you will without a doubt spend the rest of your life with. That's you. Get to know and love that unique person. From that first love, all else flows. This is a truth that will never leave you. It counts, it adds, it grows. You can bank on it, in the short haul, in the long haul, always.

 

February 27, 2000

"One Does What One Can"

I woke early this morning with thoughts of a long discussion on gender, but no sooner than I called up my files, the thoughts have evaporated like the bubbles in my 7-up. Pffffft! Perhaps another subject will come to me. I'd taken some pictures of a charming bird that serenaded us from his high perch, while we sat outside on the porch yesterday. They are small and fuzzy pictures, pitiful really, compared to these critter pictures by Steve of Late Night Snacks.

       

Still, I want to remember that songbird, and these photos will have to do. One does what one can.

I went into a new region of Norrath yesterday, with a new character. One forest I've nicknamed "The Toxic Forest" (actually Toxxulia forest) is quite intimidating. Pitch black by night, and only a little brighter by day, the monsters there are also more intimating. All my level one wizard could do there was kill a few snakes. Laura's level two paladin saved my hide several times.

My other wizard, now nearly level five, had a much easier time of it in the Elven forest of Greater Faydark. He's real pretty, too.

Giannissi, beautiful AND deadly!

I DO like my sorceror elves. In Might and Magic VII, I have a wizard named Gianna. The photo under that link shows him with a dagger. That was his previous incarnation. He now, like Giannissi, wields a staff. Wizards can get to master level with the staff, whereas only expert level can be obtained with a dagger.

Still, I didn't hog the phone line entirely yesterday, in playing Everquest. I let Julia have it for a few hours, while I played around with Picture Publisher. It'd been a while since I felt the call of a mandala.

© JAL