February 16, 2003 - B

"A Good Philosophy"

Julia and I woke up near eight o'clock, feeling lazy. I felt lazy for I'd been up between two and five, having fun with those pictures. But Sunday is a day I can always take a nap later, should I weary mid-day.

So up we got, finally after a few weeks of missing it, to the Unitarian Universalist meeting. I'm glad we did. The speaker spoke on the Tao, and was very interesting. Being a teacher by weekday, he passed out papers for us to read, and used the chalk board. He explained there are two aspects to Tao, one being the religious side, with its festivals and traditions, and one being the PHILOSOPHICAL side. He spoke on its philosophical side.

One of the Taoist poems in the handouts especially spoke to me:

To talk little is natural. High winds do not last all morning. Heavy rain does not last all day. Why is this? Heaven and earth! If heaven and earth cannot make things   How is it possible for man? He who follows the Tao Is at one with the Tao. He who is virteous Experiences Virtue. He who loses the way Is lost. When you are at one with the Tao, The Tao welcomes you. When you are at one with Virtue, The Virtue is always there. When you are at one with loss, The loss is experienced willingly. He who does not trust enough Will not be trusted. # 23 from the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tsu, trans. Gia-fu Feng and Jane English

''To talk little is natural,'' this is a relief to my naturally shy soul. ''High winds do not last all morning, Heavy rain does not last all day.'' This is comforting, for it tells me whatever current troubles one has, they will pass.

''Why is this? Heaven and earth!'' Why is this? Because it is in the nature of things, the yin with the yang, everything is in balance.

The next few lines are fairly self-evident. Then the next lines tugged at my heart, ''When you are at one with loss, The loss is experienced willingly.'' What is the difference between being 'at one' with loss, and NOT being 'at one'? Right after Laura passed away, I was NOT 'at one' with this loss. It tore at me. Later, I was able to find richness in the sorrow, for although nothing could ever bring her back, ''It is not love that has died.''

The grief is easier to take if we experience it 'willingly'. Often, loss is something over which we have no control. To fight it only makes its endurance more difficult. As our teacher, whose name I do not know, explained Tao is about FLOW, understanding it to be 'natural law', the 'watercourse of nature', that which 'happens of itself'. Quite often, we get where we want to be by 'swimming with the current'. This is especially true in matters over which we have no control.

And finally, ''He who does not trust enough Will not be trusted'' tells me to TRUST that FLOW, that the currents of life happen for a reason. The bad things will pass. The good will return. Opening my heart to TRUST will enable others to find confidence in me, as well, for they will sense a grounded nature. Stability of temperment engenders stability of temperment.

There was a reading out of the hymnal about how to have peace. It starts, ''If there is to be peace in the world,'' and goes to increasingly smaller entities, until it ends with ''There must be peace in one's heart.'' So there it is, we cannot control the world, but we can have peace in our hearts, and from that, all else begins.

So as I look to the world, and the worrisome events we can neither control nor predict, I will endeavor to 'take one day at a time', and learn a peaceful trust. It is a good philosophy.

February 17, 2003

"Writing And Dreaming"

When I'm writing I don't dream much; it's like the dreaming gets used in the writing. --Ursula K. LeGuin

That was the writer's daily quote for today. The list-owner confirmed this with her experience. But it doesn't ring true to mine.

I woke with a rather vivid dream this morning. I'd been playing one of my stories characters in my dreams. But he was doing something NOT true to his character. He was doing something another of my more rascally characters would do.

See, 'in real book life' his 'brother' Sebby went after a flirtation on the web. He does that. But not stable, sturdy Michael. He wouldn't do such a thing.

Michael

So WHY was he on the web, posing as a 17 year old high school student, I don't know. He later met the girl with whom he was flirting. It was in the high school cafeteria. A wall of windows was on one side, but the two of them sat at a long table far away from the windows and the bright sunlight streaming through them. All was appropriately deliciously exciting and breathtaking. Michael was thrilled to be having such an adventure. But then the air around them changed. He wasn't sure how, but she figured out he wasn't being truthful. Could it be he just didn't pass well for a 21st century high school student?

Perhaps it was a lack of knowledge regarding certain phrases, popular cultural icons, even daily aspects of going to a large public school, and such things that must have given him away. ''You're not a seventeen year old high school student, ARE YOU?'' Michael blushed, as he admitted, ''Uh, I was uh, sorta HOME-SCHOOLED!''

Encouraged her probings were getting somewhere, she then demanded of the small man, ''Tell me, just what have you presented as yourself that's actually TRUE?'' After a moment's hesitation, he admitted, ''Ugh, my name IS Michael, and I'm a guy . . .''

The girl exclaimed with triumph, ''I THOUGHT SO! So HOW OLD are you?'' He squirms and hesitates some more, ''Age doesn't really matter, you know . . .''

But she had the cute gray eyed guy on the rack, she knows it, and demands, ''Come on, OUT with it.'' A faint hint of panic was discernable in his voice, as he puts his hand to his forehead, ''Let me think, I have to do some math here. I'm not good at math . . .''

He blushes as he confessed after some calculations, ''Um, would you believe 234 years old?'' And then he added in quick, clipped words, ''We met on an e-mail list for vampires. You can't fault me for that. Remember that!''

The young woman was NOT satisfied. ''So WHY did you lie to me?'' Squirming miserably, he admitted, ''I didn't think anyone would believe the real truth!''

Before she had a chance to respond, Michael found himself abruptly transported to a soft bed and it was already daylight.

Then a haze came over him, and his consciousness ebbed, to be taken over by that of a sleepy middle-aged mortal woman.

No, this little episode WON'T become part of the new book. But it does make an amusing tale, none the less. So WHY was Michael doing this? Who knows? My dreams are just strange this way. And they haven't gotten any less strange through the years of more frequent writing. Not any MORE strange, though, either, I report with some measure of satisfaction.

February 19, 2003

"WE DID IT!"

''P1'' is the main power supply feed

I joyfully announce our ailing computer is working! It must indeed have been the ''power supply unit'', for we've replaced it and now it is working. NO 'blue screens of death', NO spontaneous rebooting, just perfect operation for only seventy five dollars!

We did have to order the part through the Compaq parts store, so it was a little more costly than the generic models. I am so proud of us! I did research, confirming what a friend of ours thought and locating the online store, and Julia did the actual hands-on work!

I am so proud of us!

February 20, 2003

"A Fun Survey"

1. [Spell your name backwards] Naoj
2. [Where do you live?] Yuma, Arizona
3. [Describe yourself in 4 words]: Dreamer, poet, lover, reader
4. [Who is your worst enemy?]: 'Fear itself', or more properly, FEAR of FEAR
5. [If you could have any animal for a pet what would it be] possibly colorful birds. I like birds, to draw them.
 . . .  . . .  . . .  . . .

6. [What is the latest you've ever stayed up]: I'm not very good at going without sleep.
7. [Ever been to Belgium?]: no
8. [What's your favorite coin?] I have one that looks like Alfred E. Neumann, one with a tribal God with a huge 'member', one with the Chinese 'year of the dog' (because I was born in 'year of the dog'), and several Czech coins. ALL of those!

DESCRIBE YOUR
9. [Wallet]: A little thing I can carry in my pocket, one pocket for debit card, and store cards, and two for paper and coin money.
10. [Brush]: Natural Bristle Brush, Made In Germany
11. [Toothbrush]: Blue, with fancy rubber handle
12. [Jewelry worn daily]: six rings= (left to right: gold pinkie, Celtic wedding ring, jade Black hills gold ring my Mother gave me, gold ring with hearts my Mother gave me, garnet and opal ring that used to be my Gramma's, silver amethyst pinkie ring)
five earrings= (two sets of gold hoops and one stud that varies, right now a garnet)
several necklaces= (purple flourite crystal close to neck that used to be Julia's, light jade and amethyst pendent my Mother gave me, and one that varies, usually the Celtic piece my Mother gave me)

Celtic pendant

13. [Pillow cover]Maroon and Green pillowcase
14. [Blanket]: forest green vellux
15. [Coffee cup] one of a large collection of stainless steel 'steaming pitchers' in varying sizes. I LOVE the lightweight durable things!

16. [Sunglasses]: ancient prescription pair
17. [Underwear]: Cotton slips, always cotton slips
18. [Shoes]: Birkenstocks with ankle strap

19. [Handbag]: rarely carry, too heavy
20. [Favorite top]: any of a variety of loose and colorful cotton shirts
21. [Favorite pants]: prefer cotton skirts, long and full
22. [Cologne/Perfume:] None
23. [CD in stereo right now]: It isn't playing. I think it's Earl Klugh, Midnight in San Juan
24. [Tattoos]: None
25. [Piercings]: five in ear lobes
26. [Wearing] baggy flannel nightgown
27. [Hair]: light golden brown, to middle of back
28. [Makeup]: none

WHAT/WHO (is/are)
29. [In my mouth]:lingering aftertaste of croissants with melted cheese and sausage
30. [In my head]: This survey
31. [Wishing]: And wondering where my next novel is going
32. [After this]: Get dressed and go to work
33. [Talking to]: Julia, while I fill out this survey
34. [Eating:] finished breakfast
35. [Do you like candles]: yes
36. [Do you like hot wax]: Is this a kinky question? No!
37. [Do you like incense]: yes
38. [Do you like the taste of blood]: not especially, were I an immortal bloodsucker who needed blood for sustainance, I suspect it could be fairly tasty. But I'm not, so not particularily.
39. [Fetishes]: favorite crystals I like to carry in my pocket
40. [If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason?]:None, I'm peaceable.
41. [Person you wish you could be with right now]: Would enjoy 'one more day' with Laura who passed on July of 2002
42. [What/Who is next to you]: Julia is behind me, sitting on the bed
43. [What do you want done with your body when you die]: I don't care about the physical body, what ever my loved ones wish, though I prefer cremation. I say PRESERVE THE WEBSITE! That's what matters!
44. [Do you believe in love]: Very Much So
45. [Do you believe in soulmates]: Yes
46. [Do you believe in love at first sight]: It's possible
47. [Do you believe in Heaven]: I dunno
48. [Do you believe in forgiveness]: yes
49. [Do you believe in God] The 'force', Divine Essence, but I don't really name it, though many named identities can be metaphors for various aspects of the Divine Essence (ie, Kwan Yin to recognize the compassionate side within the Divine Essence around us and within ourselves)
50. [What's something that you wish people would understand]: How to just 'live and let live'.
51. [What's something you wish you could understand better]: World politics
52. [What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow]: TOMORROW? ANY DAY? Always keeping my ear open for creative inspiration, through out the variety of tasks I must do.

February 23, 2003 - A

"Sick Again"

Much enthusiasm gone flat, I am sick again. The tummy bug that's been circulating has recirculated around to me.

Not all, the computer we were so certain was fixed, is back in an unreachable state. I should have made a back up yesterday morning, when it worked so fine.

February 23, 2003 - B

"Norah's Night"

Night time crickets serenade after the louder musicians of the Grammy Awards performed tonight. I slept off and on all day, so weariness is not yet with me. But the ever-present queasiness is being soothed by sips of 7-Up, yes that clear liquid in the green can much advertised by the silly bug-eyed black man tonight. Who wants mountain stream water when bears piss in it?

At any rate, it does soothe my tummy. Last Friday, after hearing the subtlely elegant and lustrous voice of NORAH JONES on the oldies station, with a different song than her single, I was determined to have the album. On each of its songs, her silky voice does not disappoint.

Tonight's Grammies, in its forty-fifth year, SAME as I, did not disappoint, either. NORAH cleaned up! I was ecstatic, as award after award went to her: Best pop album, best single of the year, best song of the year, best engineered album, best album of the year, and best new artist, SIX went to her and her teams' lovely efforts.

I whooped it up, while a tired Julia grew more tired. I hope she doesn't succumb to the bug.

It was good to see the 'oldies but goodies' that I remember from my youth performing, too: a nearly bald, but smiling James Taylor, and a still powerful Bruce Springsteen singing of how he's 'lost track of how far' he's gone in THE RISING. The BEE GEES, too, were given special honor, now down to two brothers, having lost one. Their music began in the 60's before I had any pop consciousness. The two remaining brothers vowed to keep the harmony alive. It's good to know some endure, and endure well.

I won't forget Harvey Fierstein as a large fushsia 'pinata', making a cute presenting 'couple' with Rod Stewart. (Blame Robin Williams, who won the ward for comedy album, for the pinata remark!

I don't know who the 'Foo Fighters' are, but I don't think one of their members, a young blond boy wearing a dazed and drugged expression, does either. Fortunately, the mute button worked great on all the noisy rap.

In the short memorial segment, brief honor was given to those who'd passed on last year. I was surprised to learn DEREK BELL of the Chieftains is no longer with us.

Fortunately, through out the years, he, along with his group, have many many records, and his talents are perserved. I like that one gray bearded man, someone powerful in the recording industry, spoke of the importance of music's power to soothe and give comfort in troubling times. Some of the singers wore peace symbols, and one had a banner saying ''NO WAR'' Meanwhile, the world waits to see what happens in Iraq.

But while we wait, we shall have music.

© Joan Lansberry