February 12, 2002

"'Feel Good' Is Good"

''So, Joan, what's so good about mysticism?'' Laura has me cornered. There is no escape, no side-stepping, no changing the subject. I cannot offer any perfumed words. Besides they are all ''trite wordings, lazy fall back to phrases and terms usurped by others and forever thus corrupted'' anyway. So that wouldn't do. Stripped of all vain pretensions, I can only answer with the first thing that comes to my mind: ''I like the feel-good high!

I do not know what Laura will make of that unvarnished admission. Surprised, I am, when she replies, ''That is valid.'' Perhaps the bare honesty took her off guard. She then added, ''Just so you know the methods used to obtain it are all myths . . .'' Not sure of ALL the methods, myself, I remain quiet. It may all come down to chemical changes in the brain. I've had many varying states of 'ecstatic contemplation', from the peaceful feeling of being 'at one with the universe', to soaring Kundalini. Yeah, it's probably all varying chemical changes in the brain. So, for that matter, are organisms, another type of 'feel good high', and everyone knows with what regularity the vast majority of humanity persues them. Aye, and the animals, as well, for that matter. Those bonobo monkeys, for instance, certainly have their 'stress relieving' fun often!

Now, whether animals ever feel a mystical sense of transcendation, I don't know. They don't make religions, so likely not. It was probably among humanity's first commercial endeavors, once some aggressive sort got the idea profit could be made off of spreading the experience.

'Feel good' is good. But, yes, of course, reason must ever remain at the head, discerning and delineating truth from fancy. That's another thing I suspect the 'lower' animals are without. Or we'd see hoards of them gathered together, growling out and debating philosophy and all those 'high blown' matters. No, they just growl about other things.

 

February 13, 2002

"'Feel Bad' Is Bad"

I feel bad. I feel very bad. I feel like the right side of my head is about to be sheared in two by a dull blade slowly. It's that time of the month. The time of the month after 'the time of the month', when I get an extra curse: The bleeping bloody sinus headache. It's a three day affair, it is. I'm on day two, and so I anticipate one more crappy day.

I'm a good soldier, I am. I go to work and manage to last the day. Let me tell you, I watched the clock. By the time four o'clock came, I felt I deserved a purple heart. Okay, that's hyperbole.

Well, maybe just a dinky little purple heart?

Not dinky enough, eh?

Oh well.

I'm not going any smaller.

 

February 15, 2002

"'Flower Studies"

close-ups of flowers Laura gave Julia and I they smell good, too

 

February 17, 2002

"On A Sunday Afternoon"

''Keep True to the Dreams of your youth'', my fortune cookie advised me. What were/are the dreams of my youth, and am I pointed there? It's good food for thought. Surely dreams have always seduced me, with the whisper whisper of their passions. Ah, 'greatness' in this or that, some such plum to feast on, DREAM about . . .

. . . such RICH food that, and yet what keeps it from being 'fatty' for the soul? All the work it will take to bring about such a thing, IF such a thing should happen. Or what else am I doing on a Sunday afternoon?

Laura naps, after a rough breathing night. Julia waits patiently for her turn at the computer. RICH food, our BODIES have indeed had. I've experienced SUSHI for the first time. The artfully designed small packages are quite tasty. But, no, I did not add the hot green sauce braver souls add. I did experience by accident, the schezwhan pepper. Ow, the red thing is no ordinary pepper. Searing hotness, soberizing hotness, if one had imbibed, such moist eyed hotness . . .

. . . and they tell me that green sauce is even worse. No, plain old salsa will do in steaminess for me. Still, the array of rich food, chicken in every variety of preparation, lovely fresh fried round puffy sweet donuts, that before-mentioned sushi, lobster rolls, small eclairs, dessert rolls . . .

Aye, is it any wonder the zipper of my skirt has been loosened at the moment for 'comfort'?

Still, it was fun, and we've discovered another lovely restaurant in Yuma.

 

February 20, 2002

"Take Each Day As It Comes"

The southwestern deserts are heating up. As I walked along the path to the car at the end of the work day, I was surprised to feel a little more determination of heat in that sun I felt upon my bare arms. Read it and weep, those of you in northern climes. Yes, not even the end of February and I'm in SHORT SLEEVES already!

Is it 'spring fever'? Everyone I talk to is tired. I'm tired. Are you tired, too? But some of us are worse than just tired. Laura's health struggles continue. The doctor has her quadrupling those little white diuretic pills, to see if that will get the swelling out of her feet and ankles and allow her to breathe easier. She's fearful she's not long for this world. Yes, she's been fearful of that often. Only this time, the fear is deeper. SOME miserable day, her fears will come true, of course. I just hope that miserable day is a long way off, yet.

Meanwhile, we take each day as it comes. Laura's managed to lose some weight, which is sure to help. We just take each day as it comes, and try to enjoy whatever time remains, however long it is.

That's really all you can do, you know? If you don't know, you should know. Whatever philosophies and isms one embraces or doesn't, it all comes down to that. It doesn't take a sage to tell you that. I'm telling you, and I'm probably not a sage. Probably. ''Won't rule it out entirely, though . . .'', she thinks, grinning.

 

February 23, 2002

"A Joy To Behold"

Friday night, a night for relaxing and letting go of the cares of the day, we three turned our eyes to the TV screen. It was 'exhibition skating' at the Olympics. All those who had won medals gave special performances. Unjudged this time, already having won, they skated with a looseness. MOST of them did. Michelle Kwan's routine to 'Fields Of Gold' was very fluid, but also emotional. Fluid tears ran down her cheeks, as she made her elegant moves. Another time at the Olympics, and she still had not captured the Gold. But the crowd let her know they were still behind her, so the tears were not all sad.

In 1998, she was beat out by an American teenager. This year, same story, but by a different teenager. Sarah Hughes had not expected to win, so she ''had a liberating absence of pressure. 'I really had nothing to lose,' she said. 'I thought there was no way in the world I could win ¼ so I went out and just let it go.' ''(From the LA Times)

Let it go, she did . . .

Sara, in flight. . .

That seems to be a good method for success. Being a gold medal winner, Sara had two performances for the exhibition. One, a sparkly, sparkles aided by the sparkly 'diamonds' on her black unitard, and spritely rendition to various songs from the musical ''Fosse'', and another, to ''You’ll Never Walk Alone'', a tribute to the victims of the Sept. 11 attacks. Sara, a New Yorker herself, skated with deep feeling on this piece. The shining faith in and love for her fellow citizens was a joy to behold. Her face glowed with angelic purity.

But the most unusual display was that by the skating pairs pairs. That's not a typo. It was ruled the Canadian Sale and Pelletier should also be given gold medals, because of judging misconduct, instead of the silvers they won on the night of the pairs long program. So they skated along side the Russian Sikharulidze and Berezhnaya.

When I say they skated along side of, I mean, they REALLY skated alongside of! I'll not forget the death spiral the two couples did, nestled aside each other, the two men side by side as they spiraled the two ladies, also side by side, as they were spun around, parallel and low to the ice!

At the end of the exhibition, the top five in each category skated to a song called 'Light The Fire Within'. Each skater, as they circled around the large ice stage, smiled and waved goodbye to the audience, and to the 2002 Olympics.

What a joy it is, the breathtaking beautiful ability of these artisans on ice! For their incandescent moment, that beauty outshines the ugliness in the world. I thank them for their gift.

 

February 23, 2002 - B

"Everyone Has Their Price"

''It's about purity and second chances,'', the play writer tries to explain to the team that is making a film in a small town out of his play. Thus, the gist of 'STATE AND MAIN', a movie by David Mamet.

The other movie, that sort of had that same theme, too. 'The Brotherhood II: The Young Warlocks', however, wasn't the mentally satisfying meal the first was. It was rather more like Cheetos or Pork Rinds. Some people like that stuff. We watched it. Each film had the innocent guy struggling to make sense of it all. And, by movie's end, he gets the girl, too.

Okay, the similarity ends there. 'Warlocks' brings Satanism to life in a private school for rich kids. The new kid in school lures three unpopular kids and promises them 'everything they've ever desired'. However, he is really the devil in disquise. Okay, the devil's seduction of the three young men (are they SUPPOSED to represent TEENAGERS?), is vaguely interesting in the beginning. But then they discover getting 'everything they've ever desired' requires a few things. All they have to do is break each and every one of the 'ten commandments'. Yup, that does include murder. Semi innocent kid doesn't go that far, gratefully, and he IS able to bring the devil AKA suave persuader down. Okay for pork-rind mental food, but still the innocent's two friends never have to deal with the fact they stabbed two people they hated while under the devil's influence. 'The devil made me do it' is sufficient excuse. For the sake of the cheesy movie, it is, anyway.

Now, the OTHER movie, that offered much more than just pretty faces. It had HUMOR, for one. It had truly intriguing characters. I really LIKED the writer, the bookshop owner, and the rest were odd in INTERESTING ways. 'Everyone has their price' is done much more fascinatingly so than an old trite theme. The innocent guy gets the girl, too. And nobody dies. I give it two thumbs up, if I include Julia's thumbs, that makes four thumbs.

 

February 24, 2002

"Poetry Of Shadows"

After going to the Unitarian Universalist meeting, we had time to kill before going to the Chinese restaurant. We don't battle the crowds at the most popular buffet, for we've found a place we like better. However, it doesn't open until eleven o'clock. So we went to Barnes and Nobles, and I had a good time reading books for free. Frugal, I am, that way. I enjoyed scanning the adventures of a woman who joined a Buddhist monastary for awhile, in ''First You Shave Your Head''. I sampled bits and pieces of thought, much like my taste buds would later sample bits and pieces of food.

The following nugget shown out, and I jotted it down:

In pure mindfulness, everything is poetry.

- Haju Sunim
via First You Shave Your Head, by Geri Larkin

I like the sentiment. It doesn't say the bad parts of life are good, for poetry can be sad, too. It's just having your eye open for the artfulness of life.

Earlier, while waiting for the meeting to start, I was impressed with the 'poetry' the shadows of the tree made on the white canvas of the church wall. Fortunately, I had the camera with me:

The above picture has had its color maps tweaked, but I rather like the orange sky. It has a neat otherworldly effect. I placed the very-much-in-this-world version in the photo album.  

February 25, 2002

"Happy Fifteenth!"

Today is a very special day for Laura and I. We have made the milestone of fifteen years together. View my email card to her.