January 26, 2004

"Gods And Generals"
5:46am

I feel kicked in the head. Surely, I've been kicked in the head. I'm so tired, for I went to bed at 1:00am, and I had no nap prior. But I got my picture done. A group discussion or two has inspired me. After seeing so many pics of Egyptian God SET envisioned as frightening devil, bad-arse juvenile delinquent, or at the opposite extreme, cuddly furry fluff ball, I decided to see what I could manage. I hope there's some Power and Dignity in that pic, awesome, but not 'evil'.

Anyway, that's what I was aiming for. Julia watched a four hour long movie called Gods and Generals yesterday about the war between the South and the North. I gave it a chance to capture me, but found it tediously exhausting. Besides I saw too much of the realities of war already yesterday morning. The program at the Unitarian/Universalist gathering showed pictures of people in Nicaragua twenty years ago and then in the present. There were so many little kids missing limbs, due to Contra conflicts and getting blown up by landmines. That is the reality of war, and I didn't have the stomach to bother with any more of it.

I made good use of the time and got my taxes done. Between the federal refund and the state pay back, I will be ahead some 233 bucks. Not enough to go buy a new computer with, but not chump change, either.

Then I took a bath and finally that movie was done. While Julia went to bring back the videos and mail the tax returns, I called my mother. It had been a month since the last call, so it was overdue. She's still under a hundred pounds. Five foot six, and under a hundred pounds! She says people come up to her and ask her how much she weighs. It took her back, for she wasn't expecting it.

She's trying to get some weight back. She didn't lose it on purpose and hopes to be back to 115 pounds before summer, when she cannot hide under layers of disquising clothes. No, I do not take after my mother in this regard. I told her she could have a good fifty off of me, but she didn't want that much!

Meanwhile, she watches C-Span and is rooting for 'four star General' Clark to win the primaries. Slob that I am, I haven't even checked out any of the abundant material on the candidates that I am sure is out there in webland. February 3rd, day of Arizona's primary, is getting closer. I'll get around to it.

At least I finally got around to making a Set picture. Busy with the Gods, ain't got time for the Generals. Can't do everything. Not if one hopes to get any sleep at all.

I'll be nodding off this afternoon, for sure.

January 28, 2004

"Fascinating"
10:15pm

See the pretty new day divider? My Egyptian Designs CD-ROM arrived the other day, with 372 different copyright-free designs. Not that that would matter, for I always change them so drastically from the originals. I've made two pictures from it already. The other is designed to look good on the other journal's purple background:

Can you imagine, it's 10:26pm and I haven't even looked at my email or discussion groups yet! And some of those discussions are getting to be so fascinating.

But we did have a nice visit with our friend Carli and her kids this evening. Her young ten year old son gave each of us a backrub. He has quite the gift for that. He's such an intelligent young boy.

January 29, 2004

"Tiny Holes Of Illumination"
9:18pm

Things being what they are, today is a day of contrasts. This morning, oh so groggy and slow. This evening, quite revivified and renewed. I shall resolve to get more than four hours of sleep tonight. I've had a good start with a two hour nap.

The morning was a mish mash of craziness. Julia made one pun that is almost worth recording, ''Why did the chicken cross the road half way? She wanted to lay it on the line.''

This morning, lost in black fabric comprising a coat. Lost, hopelessly lost. I stared at the blackness punctured by tiny holes of illumination, eyelets through which I could see beyond, and my thread encased the raw edges slowly, as if mesmerized.

Slowly, yes slowly, which the boss noticed. It broke my peaceful reverie, as I had to kick myself in gear. I really, truly avow I will get at least eight hours of sleep tonight.

It is so amusing, the message in the bottle cap of my mango SOBE drink today. Imagine the voice of that little kid from The Sixth Sense as he says, ''I see dead people,'' when you read the following:

I SEE LIZARDS

Not so unusual, that. Of course you have to know where to look and be in the right place to find them:

I saw this lizard...

and then...

Leapin' Lizards, It's Leapin' Wizards!!!

On this day of tiny amusements and large amazements, some of which I may tell you about on another day, I conclude this entry and will talk with you again soon.

(It's 11:14pm, and I've really, really got to get some sleep!)

February 1, 2004

"Productive In Spite Of"
8:52pm

I was very productive today inspite of a sinus headache. I think one of the best things I could learn is how to focus my mind so that I can reduce the pain of them. I've taken so much pseudoephredrine lately, I, well, I don't know what all that will do.

I just get over the coughing, coughing, coughing and then I get this. I notice by the calendar, I'm due soon for the monthly. That always wrecks my immune system.

There has got to be a better way. I remember many years ago reading a Sybil Leek book in which she bragged that she never got headaches and any half way skilled witch never would. Pfft! I do notice, however, if I relax the muscles behind my eyes, it helps.

Yes, I know other people would be running to the doctor now. Even if I were on a health care plan, I would be reluctant. It seems to me there ought to be some trick I can do. We were talking yesterday at the small gathering of pagans about the power of the mind. Well, it's just another thing to schedule for the Xeper. That's a 'to-do' list a mile long.

Well, I have NO EXCUSE to be bored, do I?

I've had some amazing illuminations lately. Just amazing! A dream I had last night sent me researching and I've learned marvelous things about The Dragon And The Phoenix.

A dream! Can you imagine it? I 'receive a packet in the mail from an outfit called Phoenix Rising back in 1984, and transport to 2004!' Dreams are quite awesome that way. I put that one, as well as one six months prior, in my Dream Journal.

I feel jazzed and confident. In spite of headache, which seems to be lifting now, I'm as A-OKAY as I could want. This pleases me muchly!

And now for another one of those silly lids. It's almost worth it to drink the drinks just to get the caps.

Not everyone can be a member of THIS fine institution!

The Fraternal Order Of Lizards

Oooh! Ahhh! And now that it's 11:20pm, I really must be shoveling off to bed! Good night, you charming readers, all! Ta Ta!

February 3, 2004

"Two Three Four"
8:39pm

I noticed today was '020304' when I saved this morning's entry. ''I went fishing and met a fish too big to catch,'' moaned this morning's entry. I was NOT feeling optimistic this morning.

Well, I'll give that 'fish' another chance another day. I'll give it a good long try, in fact, before I throw in the fishing reel, and declare it hopeless.

No, 'tis my way, I won't elaborate on the particulars of this slippery fish. I think maybe . . .

. . . oh, I got distracted by Julia's phone conversation with her brother, and forgot what I was going to say.

Oh! The movie we saw tonight, it was fabulous! I cried buckets to Under The Tuscan Sun. It is SO romantic, the scenery is so beautiful, the characters so beautiful . . . I love the character played by Lindsay Duncan, who always wore hats and was the epitome of sensuous elegance. From the first we see this lady, caressing her face with a small furry critter, then half naked except for feather boa posing for an artist, and later flouncing around in that fountain, o--o-oh-h-hh, what a delight she was!

'Never forget your childhood innocence', she advised the heartbroken writer. Yes, it's true so many people DO forget their childhood innocence and make of their lives the most joyless dour existence. At least they behave that way. And one would think they would know better. A gathering of fundamentalist spinsters couldn't be more uptight, than some of the gatherings I've been to.

But perhaps that was just my initial impression. When one is in an entirely new environment, one must learn the mores. When in Rome, do as the Romans . . .

Oh, but better this night to think more specifically of Tuscany, with its charming villas, and fragrant fields of vividly colored flowers, and . . .

February 6, 2004

"Julia Dreams Of Laura"
6:20am

Julia reported that upon waking, she remembered a dream in which Laura appeared. Laura was happy, looking good, having lost some weight, and she hugged Julia. There was a distinct Laura presence, but it was just as if no time had gone by at all.

That's the sense I get from 'the Mystery', on why we have so few Laura sightings. She never had a good sense of time in real life and now absent from body, she still doesn't. Why she appeared to Julia and not to me, is because Julia is the one in need of re-assurance more than I. I am finding the universe is opening up to me with surprise and wonder every day. The magick which with her spirit was filled exists on a plane where the daring and willing can find it.

Laura's appearance in Julia's dream only underlines what I sense: if Laura WERE to walk in to our living room this moment, she would tell me herself that she is well pleased of me. She had said before she passed, because I knew her so well, that I would be able to know in any situation how she would react and what she'd say. As I look at the image of her smiling face that I've placed in my sacred space, I feel her love and pride in me almost as if she were to tell me while housed in a human body, and with human vocal chords.

February 7, 2004

"Yuma Arts Center Opening"
4:45pm

First to listen and watch, then to record. The day began with some magickal ponderings, in between dozing and then later arising earlyish for the day. At nine o'clock Julia came in, ''If you want to go the the Yuma Arts Center opening, you need to get up now.''

We stopped at the post office first, where I was expecting the arrival of some new reading material. Not to worry, I have other reading material to study. I printed it off the web, and Julia might have an actual chance at the computer tonight. I was so impatient last night, as she spent some time on the web.

After our day out, I was tired and needed to nap and Julia joined me. She is still sleeping. I arise now with my thoughts to record the day. The Yuma Arts Center is the newly renovated Yuma Historic Theatre and the newly created Art Center Museum. Live performances are being held all day today.

The first began with a group of five youngsters in rainbow colored shirts, dancing to music. It was music whose lyrics I did not care for, what little I understood of them, but the children did possess enthusiasm, and they finished their performance with an energetic split by the girl in red shirt.

Then a solo teen dancer danced to I Hope You Dance, by Lee Ann Womack. I like this song. Two of my entries speak of this song, one in April 2001 and one in March 2003.

. . .''I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens, Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance....I hope you dance . . .'' Mark D. Sanders, Tia Sillers

The young girl/woman whirled and twirled gracefully and my spirit danced with her. The 'faith' the song speaks of is in terms of always being open to the Divine, however we define it. I hope the graceful dancer finds the strength to keep on dancing through out her life.

Then there were belly dancers in the vestibule. The women were of all ages and all shapes. A slender black woman whose gold spangled costume contrasted nicely with the darkness of her skin danced with the middle aged and tastefully tattooed, those on the far side of middle aged, full figured like an ancient goddess, and those quite senior, thin and spry. Jewels of the Desert, they are called.

Laura would have fit right in!

Then we wandered around the spacious center. Upstairs, there was David Baron demonstrating his skill with chain link craftsmanship. He'd made a heavy medieval type shirt and hood of chain mail, in addition to small projects such as bracelets and earrings. I was quite impressive with the tightly coiled rings in one bracelet, which I believe he called of Byzantine style.

Then there was the Embroiders Guild next door to him. The Yuma chapter of this needlework organization which originated in England, began in 1958, the year I was born. The many delicate examples pleased my eye, but I most liked a vivid sunset done all in the tiny version of needlepoint, which I think is called crosspoint. The canvas through which the thread is placed in diagonal stitches can be of tiny holes, larger grid openings for thicker thread, and all the way to modern plastic canvas, which allows a thick yarn to be diagonally-stitched.

Downstairs, the large museums invite one in visually through creative architectural details. One display featured the art of Roger Blakeley, City of Yuma Parks Development Manager. He has never formally studied art, except for one class in high school. But he discovered if he gave up watching TV at night, he could have three to four hours to devote to painting. He has a large painting of sunflowers that is very eyecatching and colorful, in addition to many other styles. I am impressed at his natural untaught talent.

In the neighboring room nearest the street, art by Yuma area children of School District #1 was displayed. One by a fourteen year old features an orange yin/yang sign all ablaze hovering over an even blue grid. The technique is flawless, I wish I could remember the young artist's name. I am amazed not only at the level of skill, but the CONCEPT which the artist was illustrating. Not many fourteen year olds are going to be exploring the meanings of order vs chaos.

The larger gallery featured the art of Suzanne Klotz whose fascinating assemblages of all manner of objects and loose hanging canvas paintings impressed me greatly with her genius.

As her statement says, ''The creative process and product have the power to elevate consciousness, encourage investigation of truth and assist in the advancement of a unified world society.''

My consciousness definitely felt elevated looking at her imaginative and evocative creations.

I feel such a putz when I see such fully developed massive bodies of work. But then I remind myself not to be too discouraged, for I am splitting my creative efforts between the literary and visual. AND I have a 40 hour a week job, as well. I press on, ever hopeful of the next inspiration.

We had fully made the rounds of most of the center's areas, except for the Courtyard. Guitarists and Violinists AKA 'Fiddlers' were out there, but the brightly illuminated area did not offer much shade.

So we decided it was time to move on and answer the call of the stomach. Making as rapid as a dash as I could across the way, from the center to Villa On The Main, I passed once again that annoying preacher shouting his booming message. I scrowled and growled in passing, and was amazed when reaching the sidewalk outside the restaurant and one of the preacher's cohorts tried to offer me a pamphlet. ''No!'' was all I said, however.

Fortunately the Villa has good insulation, and we did not hear the man's ravings.

The meal of steak sandwich with peppers was tastefully and subtley seasoned, and I left happily full.

Then I was off on a quest. I felt the Mystery calling me to a fine department store. I did not find the object of the original quest there, but did find a new medium blue denim skirt, split at the bottom with patchworked flowers at that border. Julia found a red lined jacket, with which she is pleased.

And then on the hunt. I found the quest item, in quadruplicate(!), and now that is safely stashed. I may speak more of this at the Marking of my Path pages.

But I have written enough for one day. Perhaps a bit of reading calls me now.