January 2, 2004

"Progression Of A Mood"
11:55pm

I arise with back pain. It's quite severe, but I did lounge lazily all evening on the sofa, so my back records not the hours slept, but the hours spent horizontal. I hope it stretches out soon.

I had a good day yesterday. An event almost unprecedented, Julia had to work and I didn't. I decided I would make good the day by working on those dresses for which she's waited so long. I got two dresses cut out, plus a blouse cut out for me of remaining fabric. All have that simple neckline and sleeves which merely extend out from the shoulders.

I got almost through with the maroon floral dress, then a lack of 3/8 or 1/2 inch (13mm) elastic prevented my progress. One quarter inch wide would not be strong enough to gather in the waist. So the rest of the evening I relaxed.

I also made good the day by listening to all the rock and pop music Julia can't stand. I confess I played the music rather loudly, as well. I do not think the neighbors were home.

Something about the first album, Fleetwood Mac's SAY YOU WILL put me in a sad mood. Or maybe I was in a sad mood to begin with. The tears didn't stop the progress with the fabric, however. I began wondering 'What's the World Coming To'. ''I don't say what they want, I don't do what they say,'' so maybe I'm not 'popular'. Progressing from the personal into the global, a sad song about weapons and 'half-closed eyes and unconscious death' made me further wonder 'what's the world coming to'.

I'm alone now With my thoughts How we could make it How we could get out . . .

So went the lyrics of the third song. There were little snippets here and there in all the songs that evoked the weepies. Ordinarily this album doesn't have that effect, so maybe I was just in a mood to have a good cry. Some times we need that.

By the time I've gotten into Queen's GREATEST HITS III album, however, my mood was lifting. The first song, 'The Show Must Go On' fit right in with my mood progression:

The show must go on The show must go on, yeah Inside my heart is breaking My make-up may be flaking But my smile still stays on  . . .

I thought of all the times at work when in a similarly foul mood, I kept my face plain and held it all in.

The bouncy tune of 'Under Pressure' amused me:

Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking Can't we give ourselves one more chance  . . .

'Middle aged crazy' or not, I relaxed.

I smiled with 'Las Palabras De Amor (The Words Of Love)':

Speak any tongue but for God's sake we need Las palabras de amor  . . .

Through out most days, I hear a lot of 'palabras', and happy ones are nice.

Queen's 'Driven By You' speaks briefly of 'Inner children lost their way'

I had been rather weepy, but my rather 'princely' inner child smiled big at the following lyrics:

Here we are, born to be kings We're the princes of the universe Here we belong, fighting to survive In a world with the darkest powers, heh And here we are, we're the princes of the universe . . . . . .  No man could understand My power is in my own hand Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, people talk about you People say you've had your day I'm a man that will go far Fly the moon and reach for the stars With my sword and head held high Got to pass the test first time - yeah I know that people talk about me - I hear it every day But I can prove them wrong 'cos I'm right first time  . . .

By this song, all traces of the blues had left. Whatever had had me down, would not defeat me. I would triumph.

When the following bouncy and bright Ace of Base song came up, it was 4:30pm. I interrupted dress progress to get up and dance to these lyrics:

You can do what you want just seize the day What you're doing tomorrow's gonna come your way Don't you ever consider giving up You will find, oooh It's a beautiful Life, ah hoo It's a beautiful Life, ah hoo It's a beautiful Life, ah hoo  . . .

I played the song again, and danced myself into a huge breakout sweat, affirming with all of my will that 'beautiful life'.

I sat back down, resumed sewing and let the sweat dry off.

Having made good progress with Julia's dress, I smiled at this song, C'est La Vie (Always 21)

I am as young as I'm feeling I'm always 21, I am always 21 C'est la vie, c'est la vie, c'est la vie . . . . . . Life is good for you, always 21 You are always 21 Always, always, always Life is good for you you are always 21  . . .

Okay, it's slightly off, my inner child is 22. 'Charlie' didn't want any age restrictions, and 22 is just half the real age I was when I recognised his existence. (Not ever to be an 'old fogey', my inner parent will hence always be 44.) I smiled, envisioning myself at 88, playing this song, still always 22.

By the time Julia came home from work the 'Junior Vasquex mix' of Beautiful Life was on, and, albeit with volume much lowered, I sang to Julia:

It's a beautiful Life, ah hoo It's a beautiful Life, ah hoo It's a beautiful Life, ah hoo  . . .

All the rest of the evening, she smiled and looked so happy. I felt radiantly happy, too.

And now, with the finishing of my tale, the sore back which implored me rise from bed has eased and I am happy once again.

January 3, 2004

"Ping Pong Photos"
2:02am

Well I was searching for elastic, I did come across two old photos of Laura and I that I decided to preserve.

This was on the porch of the 'Azalea' house.
I wish I were that slim now . . .

Here is Laura, exhibiting her energetic and dynamic qualities

January 5, 2004

"Why Whine?"
9:16pm

Resolution: 800x600

I have not done much regarding the traditional making of resolutions at year's beginning.

Julia coughs and does not feel well. I wish she felt better. I wish I felt better. I wish you felt better. The cold makes me feel achy all over. I wore my coat at work. Gratefully, it is warm at home.

I am in a mood to whine. Why do I whine on stage for all to see? Wouldn't it be better to stuff this someplace private? No, there it would just rot and fester without airing. Can I do better than idle wishes? Maybe this shall be my new year's resolution. I get one after all.

It's time to stuff the 'if onlys', 'why nots' and other useless thoughts.

January 6, 2004

"Desert Island Discs 2004"
4:55pm

When we have a mind that needs distracting, mental games are good to play. Today I decided to play 'Desert Island Discs'. The scenario is you are marooned on some remote island. You are allowed only ten musical CDs to have with you. Which ones will they be?

Some of you might be saying, 'Forget the discs, let me have Jack Sparrow and that full chest of rum!' But this island may not be in the Carribean and . . .

. . . the sexy person, fiction come to life or whoever, may not be there. You do get the discs, so be choosy. The rescue boat may be a while in coming. And you do know how when you're waiting for something, time magically stretches exponentially. You're going to be playing these dang discs FOREVER, so choose carefully.

That's the scenario. I chose them while at work, and quickly jotted titles down, so I had only my memory to scour.

I have thrice before played this game here in webland, back in 1997, in 1999 and in 2001. In two of the games, however, I only allowed five discs. Only five would be much too draconian.

When I'm done with the recital, we'll see how many are repeats. The year I chose it earlier will appear after the choice, with a link to that listing.

1. Spanish Dances, Selections from Luz Y Norte, Lucas de Ribaya, Madrid 1677, played by THE HARP CONSORT, directed by Andrew Lawrence King

This is a favorite of both Julia and I. I may start the island sojourn enjoying the scenario and fresh salt tinged air. These spritely and cheerful tunes are just the thing by which to savor the environment.

2. The Book Of Secrets, by Loreena McKennett

This is probably my most played album of all time. I just never tire of it. Well, maybe after four weeks on a deserted island with nothing but it and nine other discs, I might. You know how impatience and frustration can sour one.

3. A Rainbow Path, Kay Gardner

With all that impatience and frustration, my chakras are going to need soothing. All of me may need soothing, and this is just the music to do it.

4. Get Out, Capercaillie (1997)

After not very long, I may be screaming on that island, 'I want to GET OUT', but Karen Matheson's gorgeous vocals will tide me over quite nicely. Until I realize how tired I am of raw fish and leaves for dinner.

5. The Andrew Lloyd Webber Collection, Sarah Brightman

Nobody can sensuously caress a lyric like Sarah. The tunes mostly from operettas will help to ease the pain of not being able to see those Broadway shows I love so much. (Wot? I can't see those in Real Life? You know how deprivation and frustration are, from each one I can create ten new discontents.)

6. 'Gladiator' soundtrack, music by Hans Zimmer and Lisa Gerrard.

If I want to escape that defeating attitude, this powerful music has the magical properties to do it. I can take that frustration, and instead make of it ten new lessons for growth.

7. Live Wizardry, Silly Wizard (1999), (2001)

Learning from frustration is 'live wizardry' in action. These happy tunes will either help me to remember happier times or imagine myself there at that live concert. There are so many favorites on this one, I know it's been tucked into my deserted island package before.

8. Ancient Airs and Dances, Resphigi, (with the Trittico Botticelliano thrown in), Orchestre De Chambre De Lausanne, directed by Jesus Lopez-Cobos

Serene, spitely, these tunes will serve to cheer, so long as I don't remember how sick I am of raw fish.

9. Wondrous Love: A World Folk Song Collection, Chanticleer

The men in this choir can really sing. They can go down low, with vibrations that tickle so nicely, or sing high as a soprano with great delicacy and grace. They bring music to enchant me from all over the globe. It will enchant, whether I am in the high humid island or low arid desert.

I seem to have made a mistake. I scribbled so far and wide, I took up both numbers five and six with it. There are only nine! Que malo! I shall be just that much more frustrated on that island. But wait! Nine is a magical number. It's supposed to stand for 'Will'. With will power, I might learn to better cope on that desert island. Why, maybe I could even figure out how to COOK my fish!

Care to take a stab at this game? Want to email me your results?

. . . . . . . . . "Desert City Joan"

January 8, 2004 A

"A Progression Of Bugs"
6:08am

Poor Julia had to stay home from work Tuesday. But today, she's at last feeling some better and reported feeling 'almost human'. Now I seem to be struggling with the bug, as my chest feels scratchy and my eyes feel sticky and watery. And I feel achy all over. Fortunately, it is Thursday, so if the worst of its effects arrive, they may arrive on the weekend.

Meanwhile, there is little eloquence this morning, just a recording of our physical states. Yesterday I dealt with my mental state, in a little bit of self analysis. Shy is me, no use wondering why, shy is me. It's okay, it's cool, I ain't no fool. I'm fine, maybe even divine. I'll get by, shy me, by and by. Bye.

Cough! Hack! Cough!

Cough! Hack! Cough! (Julia's echo)

You stay well, okay!

January 8, 2004 B

"A Progression Of Fantasy"
6:14pm

There's no doubt I'm one achy babe today. I got through the work day by indulging in luscious fantasies of being a Queen pampered by many happy and willing servants. While I was at it, I made Julia a queen too, but I think she prefers the title of Empress, so I let her be an Empress. Oh, the set of twin ebony Nubians, so muscular, strong and of abundant energy to massage our backs so thoroughly, then the lovely set of fair ladies in white Grecian dresses, with flowers in their hair to lead us to the huge bubbling bath, and how gently and thoroughly they washed us.

And then to the indoor pool, no direct sun to harm our alabaster skin, for a good round of exercise. Next, excellant and varied seafood exquisitely prepared for us, with sumptious desserts to follow. And then to nap on the warmest and cuddliest bed, with gentle breezes faintly tinged with salt air entering the large screened windows.

When we rise at sundown, we have a wide choice of amusements. Shall we have the chamber orchestra perform again? Or shall one of those nice singers, Bocelli or Groban, sing a song they've written especially in honor of our charms? Or will our servant folk escort us on an outing to a public play or dance? The choices are vast.

After a night time nap, we could attend to our individual interests. I could write at a beautifully carved table, computer almost disquised, and make my drawings at a matching easel. Julia could read or study as she wished.

And then back again for another session at the massage tables, the days cycle to continue thusly. Oh, wouldn't such a life be delightful!

January 10, 2004

"Just Resting"
5:37am

The battle with the bugs wages on. This weekend will be mostly devoted to rest. Yesterday, a long blue pill helped, so this morning I have taken another. They are for sinus relief, but they seem to dry up regular flu symptoms as well. Yes, this one came with a fever. My forehead was hot for a couple of days. It is back to normal this morning, so that's progress.

This made me laugh!

You were probably laughed at by all the 'popular' kids. But don't worry, we understand why you got lost in a fantasy world and we are viciously beating those responsible for your insecurity. Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz.

Speaking of fantasy worlds, I want those lovely massage therapists I fantasized the other day. Yes! They could double as my security guards, too. Yes!

January 11, 2004

"Maybe Slowly"
7:56pm

Oh, the coughing! My diaphram hurts so much. I try NOT to cough . . .

The singular impression of illness forces itself on me with much too much awarness. I would try to shove it out of my mind, and am sometimes distracted. There's been good conversations on web groups, that's been pleasant. I got my new picture printed out. I learned the Walgreens Kodak machine can not use images in the .gif format. So we drove, actually JULIA drove, as I felt too peaked, all the way back home and I saved it in the .jpg format, which takes 227K for full quality (no compression) image, as opposed to 41K for the .gif format.

But it's worth it. But then I couldn't find the sticky adhesive backs to attach the hanging hooks, so I still do not have my picture up. Something told me I should have bought more sticky back hooks. The wall on which I want it to hang is brick. I won't be putting any nails into THAT!

Oh, I ache. I complain. I whine. I grow weary of being sick. What can I learn from this, I ask myself? It is that lesson I need to seek, in any case. Patience, yes, once again Patience, this thing I am maybe slowly growing in.