"Pilgrimage to Mecca is a Trip to Oneself"
July 17, 2004

Julia keen to learn of what is 'Inside Mecca', selected this DVD at the library. I was only idly curious about a strange world far away. But as is the way of many things, from it I've learned things. I watched the National Geographic DVD on 'Inside Mecca'. The Moslems go on this pilgrimage to Mecca. The narrator asserts 'all religions have their center, their sacred place to which those of that religion are drawn to go'. I asked myself, where, then is the Setian sacred place? The answer returned to me, "I know, it is in my heart, it is in each of us, for we each are our own Temple of Set, and no physical journey is needed but that to one's center." The journey of the looking back, the Book of Life project in which I daily have looked back on a past year of life, has become for me a sort of Mecca. The Moslems go to see the Kaba, this thing to which they ascribe sacred qualities. And switching languages, but who knows, some essential root is the same?, the KA and the BA are within us(*). The narrator asserts that no one going on this pilgrimage can return unchanged. This pilgrimage through my years has brought many an understanding, I have been changed by the experience.

Afterwards, Julia and I discussed history and the failure of the current times to learn from the history of the past. We are all just voyagers here. Presidents and Kings make their wars, seemingly heedless of past wars. All civilizations come and go. The greatness that was once Egypt, Greece, and Rome has faded, and so to, will the United States, but they are not seeing the impermanence of all things.

So with the macro history, also it is with the micro history. My life is rise and fall, first this great joy, then this great sorrow. All like that, it cycles constantly. But who without an extensive look back can see the overall picture? All we know is the sorrow of the moment. No sorrow has ever been like this one, it is so total, it sweeps over us with a totality. And then rises strength and joy. No joy has ever been like this one, it is so total, it sweeps over us with a totality.

But then that joy is soon interrupted by sorrow. And on and on the cycle goes. Yet the sorrow is not merely 'the hell' of the moment. It becomes a refining fire, for from this pain comes much wisdom. Many epiphanies occur, and if we do not write them down, so that we may learn from them in recollection later, they go to the gray vague space of the sleeping.

But we are not as those who sleep. We seek the prodding into wakefulness and know from it the better fruits come. However, I would not know this without the look backwards. Each painful period in my life has been followed by a time of great creativity. Thus several poems survive as record of this:

An excerpt from one of my poems:

The untested life will not train us, will not force us to learn just how strong we really are. 8-13-99

And another:

And won't I find the fierce strength within me? Time and time again, it has been like this. I am frail and quivering and thought overwhelmed. But something comes - grace? and I go on. 9-14-00

But without the look backwards, I forget this, I forget it time and time again. The writing at its beginning had its service: "Writing allows one to order her thoughts, so that all things fall to right proportion, neither minimized or magnified. In this sacred space, I face myself and learn my hidden angles." 11-10-98

But then it is forgotten, and I learn the same lessons over and over again. Maybe there is a slight refinement each time. Yet as I noted in this excerpt:

'Coming into Being' is an inch by inch process. Only when we look back, do we know the distance travelled. 1-11-04

So without the conscious effort, progress is slow. We become 'more ourselves', but only slowly. What to do with the knowledge now of both the impermance and the permanence. What doesn't change in the face of all this impermance, that's what we embrace, " Only You remain, that part of you within which Watches. Everything else is of the earth and will pass away." as the parable at the Trident of Shiva website says.

In the look back, I see that everything I am now has had its seeds in the earliest days of my consciousness. The seeds simply sprout to grow bigger and bigger harvests as the years go back. But they are always from the same plant. It is the same harvest, only there is an increase in the richness of bounty.

At one time, I thought I was finding Xeper attractive only because missing the magickal person in my life who had died, I needed to become my own magickal person. I was wrong. I have always been a magickal person. It is that within me that enabled me to see the magick within my late spouse and also within the Xeper concept itself.

If the voice is not in you, you will not hear it. Is it a voice from the past? You know it. Seek that which is clear and true. Listen, seek diligently, apply yourself, the vision will come true. 2-8-01

So then voices from the past, whether our own or those of others centuries past, mean little if we cannot hear them. Without the gate of perception open, we hear nothing, we see nothing. But we are our own gate of perception. There it is again, the return to self that is the hallmark of our philosophy which focuses on the self. If it is not 'within us' to begin with, we will not find it, will not hear it, and certainly can find no wisdom therein to apply. All from ourselves it begins. The Mecca, the 'holy place' is within. Pack lightly for the journey and seek within. You'll be surprised at all the colorfully illuminated milestones along the way.

From Within But it was not at the moment of uninterrupted bliss that the path became clear. It was in the blinding realization my eyes were inside me. I could see in the darkness, I could hear past the silence, touch what gray-edged mysteries lay beyond the summit of forgetfulness. There is no path, you are already here. One hand is staying the wheel, the other is waving home. Recognition comes from within. 3-10-00

Aletheia, let us find the wisdom and not forget.

~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~

Xepera Xeper Xeperu:

''I Have Come Into Being, and by the Process of my Coming Into Being, the Process of Coming Into Being is Established.''

*
KA = Egyptian word for 'ideal of perfection'
BA = Egyptian concept of 'soul'

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