What Lies Beyond

Expansive Thoughts, Crystalline Dreams, and Amazing Feats

Joan Ann Lansberry

January 31, 1999

Sunrise, ©JAL,12-30-98. . .

"I inhale great draughts of space, The east and west are mine, and the north and the south are mine. I am larger, better than I thought, I did not know I held so much goodness." Walt Whitman, Song of the Open Road

These concepts nourish me. In the desert winter of my soul, I need expansive thoughts. For even here in the land of the sun, the days are shorter, and we spend too much time only in the dark cave of our houses with their covered windows. I crave the light. I was feeling blue yesterday. Laura said "Go outside and sit with me while I shoot arrows." In the afternoon, it was warm enough, and the sunlight seemed to soothe my melancholy spirit.

February 4, 1999

The clouds are full of unspent rain. I can feel it in the chill of the air. I'm waiting in the car while Laura makes copies at Office Max. I finally took care of that irritating business license fee and learned why everything has been so disorganised at City Hall. They never sent the yearly bill, nor did they return my phone call when I inquired yesterday. The City Hall is in the process of moving to the old High School on Florence Blvd. It must seem strange for those that attended that school to now go there for City Hall matters. It's an attractive older building (perhaps pic to follow) that should be perserved and put to use.

That minor annoyance done with, perhaps next week I'll attend to finishing the taxes. I know I'll feel so much better when they're done.

Now I wait and watch small brown birds perch on the Office Max sign. Maybe they're plain and maybe they leave thin whitish drippings of refuse streaming down the large red block letters here and there, but I enjoy them none the less.

Two pidgeons gently groom each other

Pidgeons, too, are humble birds. But Julia tells me they are related to the cherished 'love birds', only being gray rather than pristine white. These two pidgeons at the Phoenix Zoo were unafraid of humans and mingled among us while we sat at benches resting and observing the spider monkeys on their island across the way, the Sunday before last.

February 8, 1999

(This is no great poem, I admit. But it's the CONCEPTS here that are important. If I can do daily what it expresses, I'll be a happier human.)

I can relax, let go - there will be time for all I need. Flow like the river, it just goes, does not force speed - I allow myself this, deep breathing to the farthest reachs of my being. I unclench my fists, allow myself my tears, I breathe and breathe and breathe myself into newness, loosening, losing burdens no longer mine. I drop them to infinate space, lighter, I face the day, lighter, I face me, smiling. JAL, 2-7-99

How many times have I let this little voice within nag me: "You're too slow! You didn't get enough done!" Over and over it picks at me. All it does is make me feel bad. This taskmaster does nothing to increase my productivity. One would quit under such a boss. One would just up and quit. Yet I've allowed this voice rail at me while I sheepishly go about my chores. We watched "The Horse Whisperer" yesterday. A mother brought her hurting horse and daughter to this man skilled in bringing out the best in horses. Part of his magic was patience. I need patience with myself. I allow myself that. I release this taskmaster and send her on her way. "Be gone with you! " I tell it in firm tones. I'll have to shoo this villian away often, I suspect. But soon, we will learn. In whatever time it takes, we will learn.

February 12, 1999

Rhodochrosite 'egg', (actual size) © JAL 1999

I'm not one to believe crystals have magical properties, but when I saw this 'egg' at the Gem and Mineral show today, it cast an enchanting spell over me. Perhaps it's the egg shape. It seems to symbolizes things about to be hatched, to come into being.

February 13, 1999

Should we go Friday or Saturday to the 45th annual gem and mineral show sponsored by the Tucson Gem and Mineral Society? That was the question. I thought it might be less crowded Friday. Also the crystals would be one less day picked through. Laura dropped me off at the Tucson Convention Center a little before ten o'clock. She had things she wanted to do. So I bought my $5.50 ticket and went to wait with the others crowded in front of the door. They didn't open until precisely 10:00 o'clock. Once opened, we rockhounds poured in like an ocean of people. I made a direct beeline to "Pala International", the tourmaline source. While waiting, I'd looked on the map to find their exact location. The expensive tourmalines were all behind glass. The wealthy or vastly indebted would lay out up to 5000 bucks for the finer pieces. For those of smaller budgets, there were four flat trays of tourmalines, organised left to right on a table from most pricey (35$ each) to least (5$each). I moved them aside to open the right hand lower corner for the ones I was deciding from. Finally I was down to the last two, and laid out my cash.

My small minerals safely put into my deep pocket,( which I'd designed purposefully deep) it was onto the museum displays. I stood first at a display of treasures from Mexico. The most eye catching was an emerald ring worth over one million dollars. One of the ladies standing with me said she wished she had a ring like it. I took a small notebook out of my left pocket and wrote down the information engraved on the small plates, after I took its picture. Then I proceeded down the rows of the large glass boxes. School children were pouring in by the busloads. Their teachers directed them to these displays as well. At the Gold 'Dragon', one smiling bright eyed boy asked, Is that GOLD?". "Yes, it is," I answered. "I bet that's expensive!", he said as his eyes widened. " I'm sure it is." I can't imagine how expensive a nearly eight inch chunk of artfully formed by nature 100% gold piece would be. Maybe there's a reason they weren't telling us.

The kids enthusiasm was delightful. They oohed and ahhed at nearly everything. My CAMERA recieved almost as much attention as the mineral displays. Adults even asked me about it. It stands out, for I don't place it to my eyes, as with the usual 35mm cameras. The digital camera has a 1 1/2 by 2inch (3.8 by 5.1cm) view screen that allows me to see just what the picture will be like. "Wow!, Cool Camera!, " they'd acclaim. Several adults knew it was digital and asked how it worked, was I happy with it, did it make good prints.

The kids noticed that I was taking notes. At one colorful display of large minerals, I wasn't the only one scribbling away. Two middle aged men, with professorial airs, were also writing away. It was their task to rank these minerals for awards.

All prize winners in my book. . .

However the most breathtaking piece had to be a deep red tourmaline well over a foot high. Even the adults gasped in awe at this beauty.

Not all of the displays were extravagant. A calcite helicite with several curving branches all intertwined was pleasing in a quieter way.

It's rare you find something that combines TWO of your passions, but when I saw this exquisite bird carved of minerals, my camera had to nab that .

"The Peruvian Tradition"

The museum displays all viewed, and pics taken of the best, I set off for a decent dark amethyst for my mother, who had asked me to send her one. En route, I saw a small tray of danburite, a sparkly clear crystal that I knew she'd like, so I picked the biggest and shiniest. After the amethyst was selected, I took some more photos of the showstoppers to ensure I'd have a good one. It's rare, but I have had a corrupted file the computer couldn't read. I didn't want to take a chance.

By that time, it was quarter to one, and I wanted to be outside waiting for Laura in plenty of time. If I wasn't there when she drove by, she'd go park and I'd have to walk a long way to find her. After three hours, I'd done enough walking.

February 16, 1999

"Celtic Four"

A symbol of good fortune, the four distinctive interlocking circles of this design also stand for the seasons. The double lines around the edge symbolize friendship or love between two people who are separate, yet together.

So said the pamplet I picked up yesterday at "Uncommon Adornments", one of the vendors at the Renaissance Faire yesterday. The small accompanying picture shows the pendant my Mother had given me for my birthday in November. I wonder if she knew of this symbolism? I like the part about people who are separate, yet together. She, there in Illinois, and I, here in Arizona, are separate physically, but not psychically.

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