What Lies Beyond, Part Four
The Mystery Remains
Joan Ann Lansberry
May 6, 1998
JAL, 7-3-98
May 6, 1998
JAL, 7-3-98
A greenish blue hummingbird much like this one visited the orange-red flowers of our aloe plant yesterday. Julia saw it first and called me to the dining room window to see it. Yet another vision of heaven-sent winged beauty has blessed us.
While surfing the web yesterday, I discovered a work of art that
moved me immensely. I vaguely remember a small black and white
photo of the funerary monument of Marius
Gratidus Libanus and his wife, in the Gardner's "History of
Art" that is the classic textbook for beginning students of art
history. But it didn't impress me then. Perhaps I needed the
experiences of my adult life to be able to appreciate the depth
in this work of art. I understand every emotion this couple is
feeling for Laura, Julia and I have had these emotions. When
Laura's heart is hurting her, she feels fragile and frightened.
The portent of what that great pain means brings a kind of
terror. Julia and I have held Laura when she is having these
times of crisis, and worried just as Marius' wife worried.
The artist, whose name may not have been recorded, has done
better than any in more recent times to capture this intimacy of
a couple going through sickness. Laura and Julia had an unique
observation of this piece as well. They wonder if the wife might
have been a gender variant. Consider her physical proportions to
those of her husband. Her hands, neck and shoulders are just as
large as his. They sat for their portrait. She is as tall in
the trunk as he is. Was this just a convention of the artist?
All of the females Michelangelo portrayed appeared to be
masculine, except for their breasts. Or was this consummate
artist, so skilled in capturing every nuance of this couple's
utter humanity, telling something else about her reality? The
mystery remains.
Butterfly,
JAL, 5-10-98
Yesterday was Mother's Day. An article in Starnet said that
Mother's Day celebrations go back to the celebrations of the
Great Mother, or Magna Mater (Cybele). The day did indeed
have a sense of innate festivity, welling up from the lore encoded
deeply into our inherited cells. Anton and Cynthia took Laura
out to eat for Mother's Day, and Julia and I went along too. It
seemed all of Casa Grande was dining at the Golden Corral. They
were all dressed in their finery, and I enjoyed seeing everyone
in their multi-colored raiment. This, too, in a culture which
has the T-shirt and shorts as its national uniform made the day
more special. I didn't know any of those people, yet it seemed
we were celebrating together.
I visited the dentist for the final work of the crown and seven
fillings I required. Whoever coined the phrase "Put your money
where your mouth is," must have had people like me in mind.
Unlike Julia, forty-five, who has never even had one tiny
filling. While waiting in the chair, calming myself before the
arrival of the dentist, I observed the tree that is visible from
the window I faced. Its form was remarkable. I could see the
lines of a person in it, with arms outstretched and hair an
immense wild curling glory. To remember "The Spirit of the Tree", I captured her
in a drawing.
A transsexual whose stage name is Dana International won the
Eurovision Song festival. This isn't an event which ordinarily
inspires much interest here in the states. But many of our
e-mail friends from abroad have been sending us happy messages of
rejoicing. The Arizona Daily Star even featured an article about
Dana, who is from Israel. Her victory caused controversy for the
strict religious minority found her an embarrassment to the
country. I did some web research on her, whose real name is
Sharon Cohen. One of the pages were of an interview with her.
The interviewer asked her what her motto was:
Fortune cookie oracle says:
The last one to catch the stomach flu that has ravaged through us
all, I am starting to feel better. I was well enough to join
Laura and Julia on our long-planned lunch at Lucky's Chinese
restaurant to meet some friends we met through the web. We had
easy conversation with Ken, Sharon and Heather, who are down from
Phoenix for the Sci-Fi convention here in Casa Grande.
Afterwards we saw the art show connected with the
LepreCon24. We were given ballots to vote on the various
types of art. I elected two of Betty M. Mott's pieces, for her
ability to capture the essence of her portraits, done of
characters from various movies. One of the transvestite Frank N.
Furter embodied a transcendent "beautiful sadness." And another
of the actor Kenneth Branagh portraying a King gave me the
feeling I was not looking at a painting, but directly into the
man's soul, via his deep blue eyes.
Perhaps the muse will soon inspire ME!
An e-mail message that made me smile!:
---Carmen
What intense seduction! Romance, flowers, the Marquis di Romagna
knew how to do it right. The daughter of the wealthiest senator
couldn't have been seduced any better. Gradual, then one night
Georgio tells him, "You have a voice which should not die. I
can't imagine you growing old, your voice turning crackly and
then one day....", trailing off.
Growing old was a problem. Angelo hadn't been very good with
saving his money. Too much elegant clothes, and baubles. The
thought of getting old, penniless and no longer attractive to
attentive men was dreadful. Angelo confessed, "I fear it,
when I get old. I don't even want to think about it. Let's
forget that and live for now, in the glorious now," taking a
big swallow of some expensive wine. "But you don't have to
die!", insisted Georgio. Angelo only laughed. The wine was
starting to make him tipsy. "You're being silly!"
"If you could live forever and never grow old, wouldn't you
want to? Just imagine it were possible!" Caught up in the
'fantasy' Angelo, dreamed, "Oh, to not grow old and never die,
wonderful" Georgio passionately kissed him. "Oh you
exquisite creature, I want you forever!" The kissing grew
more and more passionate, necking. "Oh, you're sucking SO
hard! Not so...." Chomp! Angelo felt as though he were
losing all his will, all his identity even. He was just aware of
being. Wonderful to just be... Losing awareness, so
peaceful...letting it happen, sweet surrender....
Next morning....how long had he been passed out? Time seemed
strange. Awareness strange. Angelo felt alien to himself.
Neither pleasant nor unpleasant, just different. I decided to
just lay there. It seemed my old life was but a distance memory.
"I shall never again sing on stage..." Why is that? I must give
word to Rodrigo and cancel tonight's concert. I don't feel quite
myself. I do hope Georgio will return tonight. Somehow I knew
he was responsible for the changes. "Damned man! All men
are just the same. Find me cute and fascinating, play with me for
a while and then impart some sort of payment." Somehow I
knew this was more than the usual find me so attractive at night,
in private quarters, and then deny any knowledge of me publicly.
I hated the spineless ones. Find me a toy and then run home to
the "respectable" wife. I'd so hoped the count would be
different. I'd forgive anything if only he would be
different.
Drifting in and out of sleep...damn that light shining through
the curtain. Wasn't the shade drawn tightly enough? Why did the
thought of going over to it to check seem dreadful, as if the
very light would burn. When will Georgio come? Oh, he'd better
come tonight....
...And thus began Angelo's new life....
May 10, 1998
Tiny messenger
Wears her bright spots
Weightlessly
As she dances.May 11, 1998
May 12, 1998
May 13, 1998
"From one of my songs, that Ehud Manor wrote,:
"What the eyes see now
isn't always the truth.
The old riddle is unsolved
and the visible is unexposed.
so ever expect surprises
You're in the wonder-world like everyone
and everyone can be wrong, man,
you are just a part of the 'crying game.'"
May 16, 1998
Cheer up - Good days ahead!
May 18, 1998
After seeing your photos, you all look like beautiful
fertility goddesses. (Like me)
May 19, 1998
Plaything of a rich vampire.
And thus begins the character I have invented for
"Vampire: The Masquerade", a role-playing game that Laura,
Julia, Anton, Cynthia and James are playing. What fun to let the
sort of idle fantasies that occupy my mind at quiet times before
slumber come to life!
Continue Forward in Time...
"What Lies Beyond" Index, Book Two of the Journal
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