?

Seb softly offered his own grief. It had been some two hundred years since he'd held his dying Ursula in his arms, and the pain was no less acute. He did not know then that earlier action on his part could have kept her with him. He watched helplessly while she became aged and grew increasingly sick, while he did not age.

He did not understand. He didn't know why he kept his smooth face of twenty two years, when everyone else around him decayed. He understood nothing, not his cravings for blood, not the way the world was in general. He only knew 'the comfort of the moment' helped.

And so he was always driven to find loving comfort, and give loving comfort. He lived for just such comfort as he could give Jonny, and would not ever be otherwise.

Thus it was, he poured all of his loving into each kiss and caress that soothed Jonny. Jonny was puzzled that he found himself wishing he were dead. Seb was able to educate him, ''Survivor's guilt. You watched your friends die, and don't feel worthy to have survived. On some level, you don't understand why you have survived. The biology of the thing can be explained, 'dutiful blood bits', but the emotional understanding? It's a great shock you've been through. I will be beside you each moment I can. We all will.''

Jonny let the tears flow while he pondered 'survivor's guilt'. Yes, he felt unworthy. He was not better than Susan. He'd only experienced a lucky accident. If he'd have never met his new family, well there's no telling what his future would have been. His father would have died in any case, as he had been quite sick. But what sort of 'foster' family would he have had?

He was grateful he'd found the wise and well lived family he did. It was merely chance they were blood drinkers. 'Merely chance'? Was it all 'merely chance'? Or was there a plan? Were there outside forces guiding the events of his life? Was he meant to experience the trajedies he had?

Maybe he was meant to help people in some way. He didn't know how. His shyness had always been a great barrier. He wanted to be open to the 'outside forces' if they indeed did exist. There had to be a reason HE was selected for this immortality. 'Remember me', Susan had cried. He'd promised her he would. Perhaps in some some way, he could help the poor fragile beings of this earth have more significance. He didn't want Susan's death to be in vain.

Jonny had no idea of how he would do this, he just knew he'd be alert to every hint that would guide him. And he cried some more while he clung tight to Sebby. Sebby was certainly helpful. Sebby was bringing him comfort. The pain would be much worse without Sebby's patient love.

Sebby knew this, as well, and felt fulfilled to the very edges of his toe nails. It was what he existed for. Whether it had been short-lived comfort, as it had been all his transient years, or now the comfort he could give to his stable and permanent family, this ability of his had alone made him feel alive as no other.

Jonny felt new and painful. He was 'new and painful' for a lot of reasons. He would be patient. He would learn wisdom. For now, he was grateful to be the receiver. And he felt satisfied with his vow. Guilt and despair ebbed in the face of growing hope.

Jonny kissed Sebastian, enjoying the tingly way his lips felt. He looked into Sebby's happy smiling eyes, and knew Seb was also grateful for love. Jonny kissed him again with great reverance.

He felt raw and innocent, but knew this to be a precious thing, too. He'd let himself be the humble student. And he kissed Sebby again, taking time for a playful lick of Sebby's long nose.

Seb just purred and smiled. He was the happy Sebby puppy once more. Jonny then rubbed Sebby's belly, as if he were a puppy, which made both of them laugh.

Go to Chapter 26, Crazy Vivian
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