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© Joan Ann Lansberry

''The Inspector''

The small, heavy set man with a round, plain face had only begun the job of farm inspector two weeks ago. Harold had found it interesting so far, travelling to farms and making sure all was done according to state regulations, for the public's safety.

The farm he was scheduled to visit this morning before dawn looked like none he'd seen before. Wide canopies led from building to building. The cows even had a covered free-ranging area. These farmers wanted to avoid the sun, apparently.

He found the first worker, an extremely thin and pale man with an emormous mane of flaming hair, naked except for a pair of blue shorts, and approached him about the inspection duties. No 'farmer's tan' on him, for sure, he wore a completely uniform shade of perfect paleness.

Harold lacked social restraints. He'd gotten to be age forty, still living at home with his mother, because he had no social graces whatsoever. He blurted out what ever entered his mind, and this was no way to impress the ladies. Thus it was he declared breathlessly, ''Oh my God, you don't look like a healthy farm boy. You look like a vampire!''

Seb laughed at the man's artless behavior, ''It breaks all the stereotypes of the debauched, worldly vampire, roaming the streets, looking for blood prey, or to seduce hapless mortals into preying on their own brothers and sisters. Or what used to be their own brothers and sisters!'' Seb uttered a wickedly worldly laughter, careful to avoid a show of fang teeth, however.

Harold was frightened beyond reason, and he began sweating profusely. Sebastian told him 'Michael' was the man to see, and pointed in the direction of a short man in a white shirt and black pants.

Michael was even shorter than Harold was, with eyes that looked scary, android and mechanical. Harold at first thought, ''Alien, he looks like an alien, with those intense eyes of his that fasten too tightly on you.'' But he'd been so spooked by Sebastian, he kept his mouth shut.

Michael, however, was aware of what the man thought, and kept his expression guarded. Harold demanded to see every aspect of the farm, to which Michael patiently led him, Michael had studied the regulation requirements very well, and had been diligent in training everyone to follow them. Cleanliness was maintained in every area. No dung was ever allowed to accumulate. All cattle had sufficient access to feeding trough space and fresh, clean drinking water. All the grain fed them met specifications. There was adequate space for the cattle to roam freely.

A special isolation area was established for any stock with infectious disease, but so far, it had not been used, since no animal had yet fallen sick. The overhead canopies kept the cattle from being exposed to the worst of Arizona extreme weather, namely the heat, which was intolerable to any mammal exposed to the sun for periods of any length. In the low desert, freezing temperatures were an extremely rare thing, so that was not a concern.

All cattle appeared bright, alert and in good health. (Michael had been careful to insure the private siphoning of blood did not harm them.) Hand washing and drying facilities were in the milk storage area. The milk was always stored at temperatures below 40 degrees Fahrenheit. Any pesticides were used carefully, in such a way to not contaminate the milk. Contingency procedures were in place for the loss of water and electricity. Michael never feared the inspector.

At last, one building remained, the one housing the generator replacing machine. Harold insisted on the building's door being opened. When he saw the refrigerator cooler inside, Michael assured him it had nothing to do with the farm. ''It houses some sort of computer equipment for a project of Goldie and Sonya,'' he explained truthfully.

How very convinced Harold would be of the alien connection if he should see the curious squiggly alien language on that machine. Harold looked frustrated, and Michael insisted that this area was not farm-related. ''It is kept out here, rather than in the house, to better keep it cool, and because it is a rather large piece of equipment.''

Harold gave up when he saw he was not going to get the cooler door opened for him. Even though these people were exceedlingly peculiar, all aspects of the farm were in rare perfect condition. He shrugged his shoulders and let it go.

Just then a very large mountain of a woman approached him and Michael. Goldie, clad in baggy sweats, did not look so regal as when dressed in her brocade robes. But she did announce her gender by wearing sweats of a deep pink hue. Goldie established eye contact with the man, and initiated a silent mind link. Wordlessly, she told him to relax, and he found himself breathing more slowly and deeply.

He smiled at the pretty lady, feeling oddly forgetful. He looked down at his clipboard and uttered, ''I guess my job is done here. I see you have a perfect score in everything. I'll be going now!'' And he lumbered back to his red pickup truck, still breathing in even, deep cadence.

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